So nice to see you [M]

[Ryland Ren]

Of course he remembered. How could he forget when Aldon constantly wanted him to do it? He swore Aldon liked it more than sex which was amusing and endearing at the same time. Did he ask his casual partners for this, too? He didn't ask; he didn't want to know the answer.

"I thought you were being facetious," he said distractedly. Maybe he did have the mind of a goldfish. But it was hard to take what Aldon said seriously sometimes because he buried his serious answers in a mountain of quips and half truths and flirtatious remarks. For all Ryland knew, Aldon had been referring to his body.

(That was honestly what Ryland took it for, anyway.)

"Huh?"

For a second, he thought Aldon was taking it back because of his purported memory loss but no. Aldon just wanted to put it on. Ryland turned his head and tilted it slightly to give Aldon access to his ear.

"What are you looking for, Aldon?" he asked the nearby pillow.

[Aldon Huang]

Gently Aldon removed Ryland's existing earring and set it by the bedside table, then returned to slot the new one through. "I'm looking for your ear," he said absently, absorbed in his task. Wouldn't want to hurt Ryland, after all. "Look, it's right here, I found it! I'm a genius!"

Something told him that wasn't what Ryland was asking, though. Disturbing questions such as these tended to crop up immediately after they were physically intimate, as though... As though for Ryland, physical and emotional intimacy went hand-in-hand. Not that it wasn't like that for Aldon, too, but he preferred to focus on one and completely ignore the other.

What was he looking for? That was an easy question and a hard question. Some would have said that Aldon already had what he wanted, that he was right there in front of him. Some might have thought that he didn't have It, whatever It was, since he kept drifting. Aldon didn't know either. He wanted Ryland... and he was afraid to want him. Maybe what he sought was courage--maybe he needed to find it within himself.

"There." He kissed the delicate outer shell of Ryland's exposed ear.

[Ryland Ren]

Ryland slightly furrowed his brow at the pillow, then slid his gaze sidelong toward Aldon, who didn't seem to even notice his chagrin. That wasn't what the question meant and he was pretty sure Aldon knew it.

"Hardly," he said in response to Aldon being a genius. It wasn't hard to locate his ear, especially when he offered it up the way he did. He wished he didn't feel so high one second with Aldon only to feel so thoroughly disappointed the next. Aldon was never going to change. People told him all the time it wasn't going to happen. So why did he keep putting himself through this?

He had somebody in his life who wasn't afraid of those words or the idea of commitment, somebody who wanted to call himself his boyfriend and didn't get all skittish at the idea of getting closer. At least, he thought he did. Now he wasn't so sure, since he'd kind of screwed up in the heat of the moment.

Dropping his head onto a pillow, Ryland looked over at Aldon. He had to stop himself from reaching up to touch the new earring. A lot of the things he wanted to say or talk about were pretty much off limits. As soon as he started, it drove Aldon away, like clockwork.

[Aldon Huang]

Suddenly, the air felt chillier--or was that just Ryland's disappointed look? Aldon knew almost immediately that he'd said something wrong. Or... rather that he didn't say the things that Ryland wanted him to say.

Slowly, he shifted closer, almost warily now like a dog that had just chewed up all the slippers and was desperately trying not to look guilty. Ryland wanted to Talk About Them. Aldon wanted to simply lay together in a tangle, letting their physical closeness speak for itself. Didn't Ryland know how he felt already? Why did he have to say the words? Couldn't they... just be, without slapping labels on each other like lover or boyfriend?

"Ry," he started, nuzzling into him. He scooted lower so that he could mash his face into Ryland's chest, holding him close with an arm and a leg both wound about him. Maybe if he couldn't see the disappointment, it didn't exist. "You're all mad now." His voice was muffled, accusatory. They didn't usually reach this phase until maybe two or three weeks after they made up. Somehow by giving him the earring, Aldon had accelerated the process.

"You didn't even tell me you like the earring..."

[Ryland Ren]

Mad wasn't the word for it. And he hated that Aldon somehow made him feel guilty for having feelings. Did Ryland just expect too much? He knew Aldon so he should have known where this was going to go. Pushing it into territory like this, he should have foreseen it all. Truthfully, he had only himself to blame for everything that happened from the moment Aldon popped back into his life.

He sighed and stroked Aldon's bright hair.

The earring. The earring shouldn't have been allowed on his person. It was there, though. He wondered if it was meant more as some kind of brand than a gift.

Shifting in the bed, he pulled the blankets up, as if by covering their nudity it would somehow erase the fact that they were in fact naked together. He half wanted to kick Aldon's ass out and half just wished he knew how to save face. Instead, he just covered his eyes with his free hand, frustrated.

He still didn't have anything else to say so after a moment, he turned away from Aldon, eyes half closing.

[Aldon Huang]

Still nothing. Aldon wasn't wiggling out of this one with a breezy quip or a well-timed exasperating remark. He sighed softly to himself as Ryland pulled the blankets over them, as though to cover the whole shameful affair. Even knowing that he had bitterly disappointed Ryland, that he could make everything all right with just one word--or, precisely, three words--he just... couldn't. Couldn't force them out.

It was too late, anyway--he told himself. It was too awkward. The moment had passed. Ryland was already disappointed and saying the words now would just seem like an attempt to humor him.

Aldon stayed where he was after Ryland turned his back to him, fidgeting with the blanket's edge. He swallowed. Part of him wanted to say it--scream it, force the words out just one time. It'd get easier after the first time, wasn't that how everything new was? With practice he could be saying it ten times a day. He could say it until Ryland tired of hearing it... if he could just break through the hurdle of the first time.

But he couldn't. Didn't. Say it.

Instead, he turned into Ryland and slid his arms around him, chest to back. Aldon closed his eyes, not to sleep but to block out the image of Ryland's back.