One new message

[Alva Ren]

Hi Rae, it's Alva. I tried calling a few times but I guess you're not by your phone right now so I'll leave this message for you...

Or you're still mad and you're ignoring my calls.

Rae, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped down your throat today on the bus. I know you were worried and looking out for me and... I should've told you about the curse. I was just...

I only told Ry because I was panicking but after that, I didn't tell anybody, not even my parents. I guess I didn't want people to know. I didn't want it to be a big deal and I didn't want to keep talking about it and thinking about it every time somebody brought it up. I...

*long pause*

I was really scared to say anything to anybody. Susumu said I touched the-the death curse and the mark on my arm getting darker meant that it was getting stronger. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to worry about me with everything else going on too and I thought I could handle it on my own. Didn't do a very good job of that, though, did I?

It's not that I don't trust you, Rae, but you know sometimes you can go overboard. But I still should've told you. I messed up... You shouldn't have to find out from somebody else. I was hoping that Susumu would have a cure before you found out...

He sort of does! The potion he gave me today made the mark lighter and I feel a lot better already! I even wanted to go to the harvest festival with you tonight but I guess it's already too late huh? It must be over by now.

*softly* Well, you never liked these things anyway.

*another pause*

Listen, Rae... about Susumu. I was... It's true that I was... that I'm... attracted to him. He's... he's a very handsome man and I was flattered that he was paying attention to me. God, that sounds so pathetic. I'm not--you know I'm not the kind of person who goes out of his way to get attention from other people, but I can't deny that... I liked it.

I did go to see him, to get the potion, and we went for a coffee afterwards, but nothing happened, Rae. The whole time I was with him, I was thinking about you and about our fight. I kept worrying about you and what you might be doing. I wanted to go find you half-way through but I didn't know where you'd gone and my chair's not as fast as your truck... It's only arm-powered, not horse-powered... *weak laugh*

You know I'd never do anything to jeopardize what we have, right Rae? I like Susumu but I don't love him. I don't love anyone except you. We've been together for so long that sometimes I guess I start taking you for granted but after today, I realized that I really...

I don't want anyone but you. I can't see myself with anybody else, Rae, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

You didn't mean it though, did you, about not coming back? I know you were upset and hurt today but you wouldn't just... *shuddery indrawn breath* Of course you didn't mean it.

Um...

Can we talk? I'll be home all evening, so whenever you have time, maybe you can stop by? Or if you can't tonight... Tomorrow? Please don't be mad, Rae. I know I screwed up and I'm so sorry I kept this from you. Please come see me.

I'll be waiting... I love you. ...bye.