Pick your poison

[Brayden Smith]

"...then I'm lucky I'm so pretty," Bray repeated humorously after he had his cheek patted like a good little boy. Most people would probably have been offended or hurt in the face of Jack's brutal honesty but it took a lot more to hurt Bray's feelings. Oddly, being hurt so much in the past had hardened him to these kinds of conversations. He wasn't, at any rate, thin-skinned.

He was a summer child, not a summer peach.

"Where are we going?"

He thought to ask as they were walking out; Bray cast a fearful look towards Jack's apartment. Marge didn't spring out to grope him in the ass or to put her hand down his trousers. Thank God. Bray found her attractive--and she was, she was almost like a female version of Jack but with less humor and more unfiltered rage--but he was also, at all times, slightly afraid for his life around her.

[Jack Ripley]

Look at him. Taking it in stride. Jack smiled proudly at him. See, that was his man. His boyfriend. That term really seemed to set Brayden aglow. He was going to have to remember that and use it to his advantage. Simple things really seemed to bring delight to Brayden. Fancy clothes and furniture didn't seem to have much of an effect on him. It was just the simple things, like their fingers intertwined and the word boyfriend and playing whimsical card games together.

Together being the key word. It didn't seem to matter what they were doing. When they were together, the chemistry and the attraction and the comfort was there. Eating lunch together at work, sitting next to each other in meetings, just passing by in the halls of the school. It was there. Jack felt it from the moment they locked eyes in the courtyard the day Jack moved in. But it took how long? Several months? Before they said anything more than the perfunctory greetings of passing neighbors, of co-workers.

"There's this adorable little cafe that I've heard only good things about. They serve brunch on weekends. And I thought it was aptly named, since it's called Birdy Bee Cafe." He smirked at that. B was his nickname for Brayden, of course. B. Bee. His little buzzing anxiety-filled bee. "Have you been?"

[Brayden Smith]

"Birdy Bee?" Bray laughed at such a cute-sounding name but shook his head to the question of whether or not he'd previously been there. Little cute cafes were always going up and down, popping up on street corners, nestled between antique shops and second-hand book stores. They didn't seem to last long, though; the people of Hazleton, for the most part, were down-home folks. The younger population definitely liked them, that Bray knew.

It was lucky that they lived in the heart of downtown, within walking distance of all the popular places. Bray didn't go to many of them but he passed them by. He peered in through windows and smiled sometimes at the happy people inside. Yet, he didn't feel as if he belonged with those people. They were colorful and vibrant and Bray was gray; he had one color palette apparently, while others had many.

But now he had Jack, and Jack was more than colorful enough for both of them. Bray looked admiringly at him as they walked, probably the least likely couple in the entire town. Beautiful Jack who stood out and dull Bray who sought to hide in the shadows... Yet they had chemistry. They found a way to look past their respective exteriors and to see and accept and love the person inside. There was something very touching about that, Bray thought.

"I think Mrs. Thompson is going to be very upset about this," he mused with a little soft laugh. "Us, I mean. I heard her trying to tell people that it was only a matter of time before you two became a couple."

[Jack Ripley]

Oh good. Brayden appreciated the name as well. It was cute. Almost sickeningly so, but it also sounded like a place that served cute little baked goods and interesting drinks. And who could say no to brunch? Brunch was possibly Jack's favorite meal of the day and he so rarely had a chance to do brunch anymore. It was in that odd time between breakfast and lunch. Which luckily for them, with all their adventures of the morning, was just perfect for today.

"Well, Mrs. Thompson could not be further from my type," Jack said facetiously, knowing full well that Brayden meant her son. "Awfully presumptuous of her to think I'd be attracted to her, by the way. Plus, she's married... although that hasn't really stopped me in the past..."

He side-eyed Brayden, wary of his reaction to that comment. Well... he had admitted to being a liar and a cheat. But... the idea of cheating on Brayden... just didn't seem possible. But maybe that was because they were still in that lovely honeymoon phase, where the other could do no wrong.

Jack opened up the gate that protected Sunrise and led Brayden out by the hand.

"I've walked past it a couple times now," he said. "It's up two streets from the club where Marge works."

[Brayden Smith]

"Ah? Oh no I meant--" Bray trailed off as Jack went on to make it very obvious that he understood Bray's meaning--he meant Wyatt, not Mrs. Thompson herself--and chose to tease him about his poor wording. Well, both of them were unsuited to Jack, he thought, and when he caught the tail end of a glance from Jack, he gave Jack a Look of mild censure. She was married... and casually skipping over his own role in others' infidelities was no laughing matter.

That was all in the past, he knew; Jack shouldn't be tried for crimes he didn't commit against Bray. And Bray also understood that not everyone was a saint. As much good as he saw in Jack, he saw the vices too. The alcohol dependency, the substance abuse Jack alluded to in past conversations, cheating and lying--things he wanted to shield Bray from. Jack was black and white--a man with virtues that shone but also a dark, stained past.

Bray loved both sides of him, though. Knowing that Jack had cheated in the past didn't dissuade him from pursuing a relationship. Jack might cheat on him; he might lie and he might do real damage. But Bray hoped that he wouldn't. He wanted to start out with trust and respect and love, not suspicion and dread. Jack hadn't done anything, so why punish him for a crime he may or may not commit in the future?

"Why didn't you go in?" He pushed the gate closed behind them and started off down the street for Birdy Bee cafe. Bray didn't want to think about Jack being unfaithful; they only became a couple today! There was time to revisit past crimes and right now, Bray only wanted to enjoy the moment. Strolling along with his boyfriend, talking about the cute cafe they were going to visit for brunch, it all felt like a strange fever dream. But when he squeezed Jack's hand, he knew that he was awake.

[Jack Ripley]

"Hm?"

Why didn't he go in where? Did he mean the cafe? Jack made a slight hand gesture but he didn't have an answer for it. Why hadn't he gone inside? It wasn't as if he hadn't been hungry. But he'd walked past it several times without going inside, despite having marked it inwardly as a place he'd like to eventually visit.

"Maybe I was waiting to go with somebody special," he speculated aloud, then smiled mischievously. "Maybe it didn't have meaning until I got to know you."

After all, he could have eaten at any cafe but not every cafe had a cute pet name that coincided with the pet name he'd given his lover. His boyfriend. There was also the fact that this was a small town and Jack was still trying to find his place here. In his mind, he planned to be here for a long time. That was part of the reason he'd chosen a small town the likes he'd never lived in previously. And part of that was to push the past aside and to try and grow into something less monstrous and more... what he hoped was always inside of him, just waiting to find its way out.

But those first few months were lonely. Going to the various bars and clubs was fine and all. He met a few cute guys to sleep with, to keep him sane. But as he had told Brayden, he wasn't looking for a relationship. He just wanted... to fit himself into this two horse town, to nestle into it as if he'd always belonged. Which was a little impossible, given what a figure he cut amongst those in town. Even his co-workers talked about how he was some big city Harvard graduate.

"You've never been there either, so now it's the perfect place for us to make ours."

[Brayden Smith]

"You do always call me cute," Bray mused as he avoided a crack in the sidewalk that, under normal circumstances, he would have tripped on with comedic earnestness. Today, this time, he saw it and he stepped past it. Today, he was a new person--or at least he felt like a new person and maybe along with that personal growth came a new awareness of himself and his surroundings.

But--yes. The cafe was cute, by all accounts, and Jack called him cute. There was a Bee in the name; Brayden was 'B' to Jack. It was a funny little game of word association and maybe, just maybe, the time to visit that particular cafe wasn't right until Bray showed up. He liked the thought of that, somehow. Things clicked into place for them; it was like a puzzle with wide-scattered pieces suddenly, magically, self-assembling into a beautiful image.

Or it was coincidence but couldn't Bray just believe in something exquisite happening to him for once?

"So now we have two things? The cafe and the stars?" He glanced heavenward but there were no stars in sight--rightfully so, given that it was the daytime. Bray smiled at the sky; his heart was lifted and happiness enveloped him like a warm hug. "We should go up to the top of Eagle Ridge one night and see the stars from up there. Maybe... for our second date?" Since first date was brunch at Bray's namesake cafe... but he also thought that maybe the first date had already happened, that night they sat out there in the courtyard and looked up into the night sky together.

[Jack Ripley]

Jack smiled. He did call Brayden cute but it was impossible not to. Sometimes he was just stupid cute. Jack noticed it even before they were on actual speaking terms--the perfunctory greetings not withstanding. He noticed that Brayden always seemed to hunch into himself, as if he didn't want anybody to notice him and he always seemed surprised when somebody said something to him. He never seemed to interject himself into the co-workers' conversations. He seemed content enough to hover nearby and just listen.

Jack noticed, too, that when he came along and the co-workers flocked around him, that Brayden was watching them. And he was pretty sure even then that it was him being watched, not the co-workers. Unless Brayden had a crush on Mrs. Thompson and the others. But if Brayden wanted to say anything, he didn't. Again, he seemed content to just be close by, listening in on Jack's outrageous stories of his college days, of various schools he'd worked at when they asked. Jack knew how to tell a story and he never seemed to run out of them.

"We have a lot of things," Jack said. "And we'll make a lot more."

It made him feel good. Special. Oddly... grounded. There were always "things" with previous relationships. A favored restaurant, inside jokes, pet names. In that regard, this relationship was no different than any of Jack's relationships. In fact, he stepped right into it without missing a beat. He wondered if that bode well for them... or not.

"Why not tonight?" he asked. They could have everything. There was no reason to put the brakes on now. Jack had already decided and that meant he was here with both feet in. He grinned as he knocked his elbow against Brayden's arm. "You can show me all the constellations, since you're such an expert."

[Brayden Smith]

Bray had never really been the main character in his own story--his life's story. His was a bit part. Man walking by, or onlooker #5, someone adding to the overall background scenery but not important to the story. Non-essential. A lot of that was because he was uncomfortable in his own skin, unused to too much attention. Even now, when Jack looked at him for too long, he felt that prickle of embarrassment and shyness, wondering what Jack saw, what kept his eyes on Bray. And yet despite that, it made him feel like a star, for brief moments at a time. When they met in the hallways or passed by in the courtyard, he felt noticed.

He was unused to being someone's sole focus, too. Past lovers ran hot and cold, but were never like this. None of them came close to Jack and he had to wonder at his own incredible luck. Logic dictated that a man as beautifully polished as Jack must have a number of skeletons in his closet but Bray had seen his closet. It was filled to the brim with beautiful things.

"I'd like that," he said to seeing the stars that night, already envisioning a blanket stretched over the damp grass, and two people in love nestled together on top of it. Bray held that image for a long moment and then blinked a few times. It was a beautiful thought. He smiled at the nudge to his elbow and he nudged Jack back. "That's silly. You're the expert, since you came from up there." He pointed up. The heavens.

Jack really felt like an angel who came down to Earth. Cheesy, he knew, but again--so genuine. Nothing facetious about Bray's earnest admiration of Jack. But realizing how it sounded anyway, he laughed at himself and shook his head. "I'll point them all out but that might put you to sleep." There were major and minor constellations; he could sit there all night tracing them out. Maybe he would, if Jack humored him.

Up ahead, he thought he saw a cute yellow and black awning. "Is that it?" Bray sped up a little, excited to see the cafe Jack spoke so highly about. It was! The logo was cute--a birdy bee, as advertised. "Oh it's cute, you were right Jack," he said almost breathlessly as he paused in front of it. But then his eye fell to the menu inside and he winced. "Wow. That much for... a sandwich?" Yikes.

[Jack Ripley]

Jack laughed. "Says you and nobody else!"

If anything, Jack came from a pile of shit and struggled to rise out of it. Brayden didn't know that, though. They weren't at that point in their relationship where they talked about their childhoods. Or maybe Brayden was. Jack still didn't know how much he wanted to share on that front--not even aware that he'd already given a few unintentional clues while he was drunk.

"And there's no nicer way to put me to sleep."

Hm. Actually... there were nicer ways to put him to sleep but it was top ten, he decided. Sitting under the naked sky with Brayden while his soft voice spoke of constellations in that over-eager way he did when he was enthusiastic about something... Jack could see that as a pleasant lullaby. It did his chaotic, torn up heart some good just thinking about it.

The adorable little cafe came upon them and Jack nodded as Brayden picked up speed to get a better look at the cafe. It was brand new, clean and cute, ready for business. Jack paused as Brayden appeared crestfallen and he peered through the window to see what had him wincing.

"Oh, that's nothing," he said. "I'm paying. I invited you, it's only fair. Besides, places like this charge so much because they use locally sourced ingredients. It's not a bad trade off, really. As they say, you get what you pay for."

And Jack was accustomed to nice things--and nice things cost money. He led Brayden inside. "Order anything you want."

[Brayden Smith]

"Do you think they have toast?" he asked Jack quietly as they walked inside. The person behind the counter was flipping through a magazine, but immediately shoved it away, out of sight, and beamed at them. He beamed. Bray stared. That smile was very bright and very white--sort of reminded him of a certain enigmatic, charismatic man standing, oh, less than a foot away.

"Welcome to Birdy Bee Cafe~!" He sang. "I'm Luka, let me know if anything catches your eye!" His glance fell approvingly over Jack, then somewhat slowly over Bray, who leaned closer to Jack as though Jack could help deflect some of the young man's interest in their clasped hands.

Honestly with those prices... toast would probably cost an arm and a leg, too. Bray scanned the menu again and meekly ordered the cheapest thing on it, not wanting to put a dent in Jack's wallet. He wasn't a cheap date himself, but he didn't feel right going up and having the most expensive thing when something cheaper also looked equally tasty.

"And a glass of lemon water, please," he added, before the young man's overly curious glance on him made him look away to one of the nearby empty tables. What was the look? The smile? He was still smiling--beaming--at them and Bray didn't know if it was normal for people to act like that.

[Jack Ripley]

Toast? Jack looked scandalized. They were going on their first date and Brayden wanted to ruin it by nibbling on toast? Then again... Jack recalled that Brayden had been drunker than... he'd ever been, from the looks of it. As if to comfort him, Jack gently rubbed Brayden's back. Poor, poor little lightweight. Jack winked--it was force of habit, okay?--at the pretty young man behind the counter.

Oho, something caught his eye, all right. But he kept that to himself. Even if it was harmless flirting, after admitting being a liar and a cheat directly to Brayden, he had a feeling that wouldn't go over very well.

"Well, I'm trying the weekend special," Jack said. It looked absolutely delicious. There were poached eggs over potatoes and green peppers, a honey glazed biscuit, and a side of fresh local fruit. "With orange juice for me. Thanks."

[Brayden Smith]

"Avocado toast and weekend special coming right up!" Luka their overly cheerful waiter turned to presumably make their food, while Bray slid into an empty seat at a table near the window.

He did see the wink and he noticed the smile growing brighter from the young man, and he didn't know quite what to think of that. There was no harm in a wink. No harm in a smile. Bray looked down at his hands clasped together, on top of the table, for a long moment. He started to say something but then thought--thought--thought--thought better of it and just smiled softly at his own insecurity.

"Ah. So. Is... there somewhere you want to go or something you want to do next weekend? We don't always have to do game night." He knew some of them bored Jack, who wasn't made to sit still for that long without some form of rebellion. And Bray didn't want to be selfish; he was very eager to please, also, now that they were together. It was his force of habit to try and cater to his partner's every need, while his own took a back-seat. He barely even noticed that he did it and quite honestly he was happy to, but people called him a doormat and easy to take advantage of, and he smiled it off--like he did that wink. Smiled and waved it all away as his own over-reaction.

Besides, Jack was paying for this lunch date and he was accompanying Bray up to Eagle Ridge. What things did Jack want to do purely for himself? Bray... thought maybe he could expand a little, too, if Jack could buckle down for hours of boring card games for him. He could try, at least, to be more like that bubbly, bright young man behind the counter, if that was what normally caught Jack's attention. Bray wasn't angsting over a thing like a wink; it was more like a learning opportunity in disguise.

[Jack Ripley]

Jack followed Brayden to a spot near a window, sitting across from him. He noted the way Brayden's hands were sitting on the table, like a little kid in kindergarten waiting for snack time. Crossing his ankles together and kicking his feet beneath his chair, Jack reached out and slid a hand on top of those clasped hands.

Brayden had that over-thinking face on again. It didn't take a Harvard genius to understand why, either. Everything went swimmingly until that wink at the kid behind the counter. He wished Brayden didn't take it too seriously but he also couldn't ask Brayden to be anybody but himself. And some people didn't like it when their boyfriends flirted openly with other men in front of them. In fact, Jack would say probably 75% of the people he'd been in serious relationships with were the same way. And some of them didn't even start that way--it only happened when they became serious.

And he could see why. When a person was in love, they wanted the object of their affections to look only at them in a certain way. What Brayden didn't see was that Jack did only look at Brayden in a certain way. The winks, the flirting, that was pretty casual stuff. Admitting to being a cheater, admitting to being afraid of hurting him, looking at him with the softest gazes... Those things were reserved for Brayden. And well, maybe Marge, but she was a special case.

"I like game night," he said, because game night became date night and the last time that happened--last night--he got to see Brayden in the throes of ecstasy. He tasted him, from the top of the head to every last drop of his orgasm. Even if that... led to some odd things.

Jack rested his chin in his other hand, while the one atop Brayden's gently stroked and coddled him.

"Don't be jealous, B." He tugged at those clasped hands to pry one up, to bring it to his lips, to kiss those fingertips. "My boyfriend, my lover. That kid will never know me like you do."

[Brayden Smith]

Jealousy wasn't the exact word for what Bray felt in that moment, watching Jack openly flirting with the handsome young man behind the counter. It was more like... envy, he supposed. They were entirely different things. Jealousy meant he wanted Jack to look at no one else except for him, to command and capture all of Jack's attention—which he didn't. He had no intention of becoming so possessive. Besides which, Jack was his own person and he was accustomed to acting a certain way, which Bray saw every day in his interactions with students and peers at the college.

Envy, though, was far more complicated for Bray. He envied the young man for his ability to seem so free and generous with his smiles. He did beam and it made him seem that much more attractive. Bray wished he knew how to do that; how to come across that effortlessly confident and attractive to Jack, whom he wanted to impress with all of his heart. It wasn't that Jack flirted, and he became upset, it was that he saw something he wished he could do, but didn't know how or even where to begin.

He smiled down at the hand that slid overtop of his own clasped ones, warmed by Jack's reassuring and thoughtful gesture. Bray liked game night, too, because it allowed him to spend time alone with Jack, to steal his complete attention if only for a few hours, one night a week. He was also allowed to shine, as he had a natural if geeky affinity towards things like card games and board games, and strategy games in general. They had fun, too. Jack had fun even if he got a little antsy sometimes. Jack brought the fun, if anything, with his over-the-top reactions to losing rounds and his lively banter.

"I know." Bray's heart stuttered when Jack kissed his fingers. Such a loving gesture from such a loving man. That love was merely displayed in ways dissimilar to Bray's, in winks and half-hugs and pats on the butt (he saw those happen at the college to others, too!). Being overly friendly was who Jack was. Bray lowered his gaze. What Jack must think of him now, to have to openly reassure him that he was special and beloved and that his place was a vaunted one.

"I'm not jealous, Jack. It-it's just... I don't want to be boring. I want to be. Someone you can take out and not—be disappointed about the way I dress or how I act. I thought just now, if I could be more like-like him, maybe..." Bray trailed off with a small shrug. It was hard to communicate in so many words how he felt in that moment, to express his secret longings and desires, or how important it was for him to be someone that Jack could be proud of. Bray wanted to better himself for Jack, to be seen as someone worthy of holding that title of boyfriend, lover, partner.