Only the lonely survive

[Ryland Ren]

Ugh. He shouldn't have had so much to drink the night before. His head was a pounding mess as he dragged himself out of bed and blearily stared blankly into space. With a terrible yawn, he leaned forward and held his head in his hands, curled up like that for who knew how long? Eventually, he shuffled into his bathroom to take care of business. Once he stepped out of a shower so hot that he probably could have boiled lobsters in it, he got to brushing his teeth and staring at his tired face in the smear he made in the fogged up glass.

Goodbye. He kept seeing it. Just like that. They were no more. For good. Every time they broke up, he thought it was forever. There were interim romances. Then they'd meet again and the spark couldn't be denied. But this time... this time, it felt pretty damn permanent. Things were different this time. Greggory Lennox. Somehow... he turned Aldon's heart. Ryland always thought he fully possessed it himself. That he would always have it, that nothing could change that. But this time... it felt real.

And it carved a hollow place in Ryland's heart. It desperately needed to be filled but he couldn't seem to find anything to fill it. There was college, there was the shelter--which he was getting ready to head out to right now--and there was... There was life outside of Aldon.

It just... didn't feel right. Knowing he loved somebody else, that was what kept tearing his heart back into tiny pieces. No matter how he tried to piece it back together, he fell all to pieces the moment he remembered how stubborn Aldon was about that. You can't love two people. He refused to believe in that. Because Ryland, he couldn't feel that way about other people, no matter how hard he tried to fool his heart.

Sighing, Ryland looked away from the mirror and forced himself to get dressed and head out. The drive out to the shelter was a quiet one. He didn't play any music and rolled down the window for some air. The smell of agriculture wafted into the car, a cross between cow dung and wet earth.

The shelter was up ahead, a chain link fence surrounding the area. He got out to open the gate.

"Hey~"

Ryland looked up to see a good-looking man standing nearby with a roguish grin. Ryland blinked. He didn't look like any of the other volunteers he'd been working with for the past couple of years. Slowly, Ryland pulled the gate open.

"Hi," he said shortly before getting back into his car and driving through the gate. Before he could get out, the man waved a hand.

"Go on up. I'll get the gate for you."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah! Go on!"

Ryland closed the car door and glanced back at the guy in his rearview mirror. He has a nice ass. What? He could notice things like that, couldn't he? Flicking his gaze away before he was caught looking, Ryland headed up the driveway so he could park alongside the other cars in the lot around back.

[Stefjan Auer]

Shiiiiiit.

Stef eased back in his chair and tilted it onto its spindly back legs. As it creaked and groaned alarmingly, he grinned cheekily at his probation officer who was sitting perched on the edge of a desk, arms folded and looking Severely Unamused. Unfazed, Stef blew a bubble and popped it with a satisfying SMACK.

God he hated waiting. They were in some office waiting for some other guy called Ryland to show up so that Stef could start shadowing him in this journey to rehabilitation. Pff. Yeah right. All this over a bag of jerky from the gas station.

"When's he getting here?" he asked again, not out of curiosity but because he knew it would annoy his probation officer. He also applied the heaviest accent he could muster up, just to be extra annoying, and was rewarded with an Unamused Stare.

"He should be here soon," said the shelter's coordinator, Susan, giving him a smile that was nice enough to warrant a smile in return. A little less of a sarcastic smile, more of an impish little-boy-in-trouble smile.

It wasn't long after that that Susan rose and got out of her office, having sighted someone. Stef watched her approaching somebody and speaking to him, and then leading him inside. Since there was only one chair in her office, and since Stef was currently lounging in it, she simply closed the door and returned to her own chair behind the narrow desk.

"This is Ryland Ren. He's one of our volunteers here, and I think he'd be an excellent role model to help Stefjan--"

"That's Stefjan," Stef interrupted, correcting her hideous North American accented pronunciation of his name. "Stef for short." He grinned at Ryland Ren. Damn. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad...

"Er... yes. I'm sorry, Stefjan... I think Ryland can help get him comfortable here. That is, only if you agree, Ry," she amended, looking at him hopefully.

[Ryland Ren]

"Ah..."

This wasn't exactly what he signed up for. Ryland had been volunteering at the shelter ever since he'd started college, figuring it would be good to have hands on knowledge (and insider knowledge) of how shelters worked around here. Plus, it helped him meet the animal and shifter population in the area. More than once now, Ryland had to bail out a shifter that accidentally got caught and stuck in the shelter.

Delinquents doing time here wasn't unusual but Ryland usually kept his distance. Even now, he was reluctant to have anything to do with this one, since he seemed more than a little cocky and rubbed Ryland the wrong way immediately. He frowned.

"I suppose so," he said, though his heart was heavy. He preferred working alone at the shelter when he was having a bad day. After a nasty break up and a hangover, it was ideal to just be alone with the animals, getting his tasks done and trying to feel more human than animal.

"I hope you're a fast learner," Ryland said, still with misgivings. The delinquent didn't look much like he cared to learn anything during his service.

[Stefjan Auer]

"Oh I am," Stef said smoothly as he rose gracefully from the chair in one fluid movement. He surged out of it and in the small space, that brought him right up close to Ry. His brows lifted ever so slightly as he murmured just loud enough for Ry to hear, "And I'm very eager to learn whatever you can teach me."

Somewhere off to the side, his probation officer rolled his eyes but made no comment. Stef's tone was a dead giveaway, if the words already weren't. He grinned at Ry--not quite wolfishly, but perilously close to it--and backed off before he got a palm to the chest--or worse.

"Wonderful! Thank you Ry. There's just some paperwork to sign here, and then off you go!" Susan sounded relieved and much more cheerful. As she and Stef's probation officer went over the boring paperwork--"Sign here, and here, and here. Initial here. Date here."--Stef let his attention wander. He walked over to the glass pane that separated Susan's office from the outside and peered at the kennels, the equipment neatly shelved away and at the other volunteers.

One of them caught Stef's eye immediately... but then he saw a flash of a wedding ring and made a sour face. Damn. Just his type, too. Stef turned to glance at Ry, his gaze sliding low and resting low. Even when he was caught, he didn't so much as blush or bat an eyelash.

[Ryland Ren]

Ryland immediately stepped back and away from the delinquent, sure that he was about to go for the throat but he still didn't escape the creepy murmuring. Side eyeing the probation officer and his rolling eyes, he found that he wasn't getting much in the way of sympathy around here. All he wanted was to go to his shelter "job" and relax with the animals. Instead, he was stuck with this... he didn't even know how to describe him.

He got to work on the paperwork and when he was finished with it, he found the new "volunteer" looking at him in a decidedly perverse manner. Ryland was somewhat accustomed to this--from the people he was dating--but he couldn't say he liked it coming from some young, cocky delinquent. Ryland's expression was impassive as he stared back, daring the kid to do something else.

"Let's go," he said shortly. He might have agreed to do this but community service types like this were his least favorite to work with. They weren't here because they wanted to be, they were here because they had to be. And that made a BIG difference on their work ethic.

"Today we're working outside with the big dogs," he said as he crossed the parking lot toward the big, gated kennels across the way. Even as they approached, dogs were greeting them with barks and leaps up against the fence. None of them sounded overly mean or aggressive. They were just curious and happy to see them. There was a gate they entered first before they came to the kennel area, to make sure the dogs were secure and didn't run out into the parking lot.

"They're going to jump on you," Ryland warned the delinquent as he opened the secondary, inner gate. "So be steady on your feet or you'll get trampled."

[Stefjan Auer]

"O-kay!" Stef said good-naturedly as he followed after Ryland, unfazed by his thousand mile stare. Man, that was one angry guy. Or maybe not angry per se, but displeased. Stef thought that he was just grumpy, but there was something about him that his shifter senses picked up on. Or, maybe his shifter sixth sense; people said that about dogs, that they could sense emotions. Stef didn't know how much of it was true, but occasionally he had some type of insight that was ignored because he tended to act like an idiot.

Glad to be free of the glare of his probation officer--who muttered into his ear to BEHAVE as he went out--Stef stretched his arms over his head as they walked. It was a sunny day; the birds were singing, the grass was freshly mowed and there was just the right amount of breeze to fluff through his hair.

He paused at the kennels and let Ryland try to tell him how to be careful of dogs. Then he grinned, from ear to ear. "I know how to deal with dogs." Stef winked. "I'm like the dog whisperer."

Which was literally true.

As the first of the dogs bum-rushed him, he lowered himself to one knee and held out his arms. Then he was bowled over by a mob of dogs all clamoring to get a lick in. "Hey hey fellas!" Stef laughed as he rolled around with them like an overgrown puppy himself. "Take it easy!!"

Then with more urgency, "HEY those are my NUTS you're stepping on!!"

[Ryland Ren]

Ryland let out a soft laugh but turned his head away from the mess of dogs that collected around the CS kid. It was kind of cute, in a way. The kid laughing and acting like another one of the joyous dogs could also be endearing but really, what it did was lance a hole through Ry's heart after a moment. It just reminded him of... somebody else. Everything did and it wasn't fair. How long would this be a problem for him? Taking in a deep breath, he tried to school himself, to get ready to teach the kid what he needed to know.

"I warned you!" Ryland said, not giving him any sympathy for letting the dogs stomp him in the nuts. Still, it was kinda funny to the immature teenager that still lurked within. He didn't laugh. He took in another deep breath and then felt his phone going off.

He'd been texting Yoojin for a while, since before he even arrived at the shelter. But the texts were becoming more serious. And now he was becoming alarmed. Sticking the phone in his pocket after replying to Yoojin's latest text, he helped the kid get up and helped him over to the play yard. After explaining that it was used to play with and observe a dog's personality and how soon they could be placed up for adoption, he opened the gate and told Stefjan to try it with one of the dogs.

While the two interacted--all right, so Stefjan, as it turned out, WAS a natural at this--Ryland came back to his phone to more alarming texts. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He called Alva, heart in his throat. And the moment he heard how he sounded, he turned toward Stefjan, who seemed fine with the dog. Then back to Jose, one of the shelter workers. He waved Jose over and briefly explained everything to him. He knew he promised to work with Stefjan but this was an emergency situation.

Jose agreed to take over and Ryland took off at a sprint, heading down the mountain path so Yoojin could find him faster.

[Min Yoojin]

"ALVA! ALVA I'M COMING!"

Yoojin shrieked at the top of her lungs as she sprinted up the path, bypassing the mystified bait shop owner as she tore around the side of the tiny shack. She ran so hard that she swore she broke a heel, but she kept going and going and going until, totally disheveled and out of breath, she came across Alva.

Then she shrieked even louder as she fell upon him, checking him obsessively for injuries. "Oh Alva! Alva baby what happened?!" She cried as she cupped his face. He was deadly pale, almost like a little ghost. He was covered in blood but none of it seemed to be his.

"Yoojin?" Alva turned his unseeing eyes to her and blinked. Then he seemed to recognize her and he clutched her arms so hard that it hurt. Yoojin winced but let him hold on to her, babbling about brothels and blackouts and marks changing. Marks not being there, replaced by something else.

"Baby! Baby shhh it's okay. It's okay let's... get you to my car, okay? You're safe now, you're with me."

It broke her heart to see Alva like this. And it was ALL that witch's fault! Yoojin had no doubt that this was all his fault, and that Alva must have gotten caught up in whatever stupid hunt that witch was doing! If it killed her, she was going to keep Alva from seeing him ever again!

Back in the car, with Alva all buckled up, she gripped the steering wheel tightly as she pulled away. The ride to the shelter was quiet; Yoojin didn't want to antagonize Alva or upset him by making him recount his horrific experiences. "Look, there's Ry! We've been worried about you, Alva."

"I'm sorry..." Alva strained against the window to look for Ry, and as Yoojin stopped to let him in, he burst into tears.

[Ryland Ren]

Nothing short of death could have stopped Ryland from meeting up with Alva, especially with the way Yoojin made things sound. And Alva himself... Ryland shivered, not sure why but definitely sure that something awful was happening. His heart beat nearly out of his chest as he saw the car pulling up and he wasted no time getting in. The moment he did, Alva seemed to break into pieces.

"Alva?" Ryland immediately wrapped his arms around him. He looked askance at Yoojin but he didn't know what she'd say. This might not be the time to discuss what happened. Right now, he felt more focused on the fact that Alva was falling to pieces.

Not to mention he definitely looked the worse for wear. What happened? He wanted to ask but he didn't want to drag Alva through things he wasn't yet ready to face. So he just held him and whispered "It's all right. Everything's going to be all right."

Actually, he didn't know that but he felt like he would fight to the death to make it so. He gently stroked Alva's hair back from his face. "You're safe with us."

[Alva Ren]

It was horrible.

Horrible.

First, finding out that he'd forgotten everyone he loved, and then the gaps in his memories and waking up in a desolate park at the edge of town, covered in someone's blood. Alva didn't know what happened; he didn't know where the blood came from, or who it came from.

What if someone out there was hurt?

What if they were dying right now, unable to call for help?

The sight of Ryland, so familiar and so dear, broke him. They were closer than close, more like brothers or twins than cousins. Ryland had been in his life for all of the most important moments and Alva had been in his, too. From birthdays to break-ups to finding and then losing the loves of their lives, they'd experienced it all together.

He clung to Ryland, gripping him hard, frightened of what may have happened. "I don't know what happened," he whispered as the hair was brushed away from his face. "I don't know--I can't remember anything! But... somebody was hurt. Somebody was hurt by me!" How could he ever forgive himself if he killed another person? Even with his absolute hatred of hunters and with his intense dislike of humans, Alva could never take a life.

"Hey... you don't know that! It could've been an accident." Yoojin said soothingly, but her voice sounded tight. "Let's--let's get back to Ry's place and get you into a hot shower, okay Alva?"

Alva buried his face into Ryland's shoulder again and didn't say another word.

[Ryland Ren]

The sight of all that blood was truly disturbing. Ryland couldn't imagine what must have happened for it to practically coat Alva. He definitely could use that shower and afterward, something like warm tea and a blanket to calm him. Plus, he would have Ryland and Yoojin there by his side, no matter what. Ryland and Alva were practically joined at the hip from the day they were born (albeit not on the same day but close enough).

While Yoojin drove, Ryland held Alva close, lightly stroking his back and letting him clutch onto him like he thought Ryland was going to vanish on him if he didn't hold on tightly enough. Ryland murmured a few more words of love and encouragement but in truth, he had no idea if it was all going to be okay or not.

Did Alva actually hurt somebody? An accident... Did he witness something that he blacked out? Ryland's eyes narrowed. Did that witch boyfriend of his have something to do with this? Nobody seemed to be able to contact the bastard. Ryland wanted to ask so badly but the words stuck to the back of his throat, unable to loosen in the worry he might drive Alva further into his state of shock.

So he just held him and soothed him until they got to his place and even then, he and Yoojin helped him to the apartment and Ryland started the hot water in the bath.

"Can you start some tea or something?" Ryland asked Yoojin. Not that she hadn't seen a naked man but Alva wanted some time alone with Alva. Just a few moments.

[Alva Ren]

The ride to Ryland's apartment was mostly a dark blur, as Alva kept his head down, eyes closed. He couldn't even bear to look up. He didn't want to see his own reflection in the car window, with the rusty dark-brown smears all over him. Alva looked like he was covered in paint, probably, but he knew better. He still smelled the coppery tang; he reeked of it. Ryland's soft murmuring in his ear was reassuring, keeping the full-blown panic attack at bay, but anxiety clawed at the edges of his consciousness.

Once he was taken into the apartment and as he sat on the toilet, waiting for the hot water to fill the tub, he lightly rubbed his hands together. Just to have something to do. It was a nervous tic, too. Around and around, his hands slid over one another; he rocked forward slightly, staring blindly at the edge of the white tub.

"Oh! Yeah--tea! On it! Tea." Muttering distractedly to herself, Yoojin hastened out of the bathroom. She sent one more worried look over her shoulder on the way out but soon disappeared.

"Ry..." Alva looked up at him finally. The shock was wearing off but that only left his mind clearer, more susceptible to the terrible thoughts careening around in his head. "We have to call the police. I have to turn myself in if--if someone... something happened..."

[Ryland Ren]

Alva had definitely seen better days. There was something broken and fragile about his state right now. People probably thought that he was always that way but that wasn't true. Alva was strong. He was tough and he had one of the strongest minds that Ryland ever knew. Now, though, he was... He looked like he was somewhere else and it wasn't a good place. Ryland might have ventured to say he was in his own personal hell. Biting his lower lip, Ryland knelt down beside Alva.

"We don't have to do that yet," he said, although in truth he had zero intention of calling the police. Even if Alva had done something really bad... even if he killed somebody, there was no way Ryland was turning him in and he certainly wasn't going to let Alva turn himself in. The Alva he knew would never do something like this on purpose. It was like Yoojin said. An accident. That or something really sinister. Like... like that horrible witch controlling him! He made him into a zombie and forced him into this!

"Listen," Ryland said, sliding his hand over Alva's wringing hands. "We'll get you through this. But we don't know what happened yet, right? So there's no need to rush to conclusions. I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose."

He was about to say more when the sound of a phone interrupted his thoughts. Ryland went for his phone but it wasn't his ringtone.

"Is that yours?"

[Alva Ren]

"Not on purpose, Ry. Not on purpose! I wouldn't kill somebody, not even a hunter!"

Alva felt the sting behind his eyeballs again and quickly closed his eyes to force it all back. He wasn't a crybaby. He was the kind of person who dealt with loss and with personal tragedy dry-eyed and with determination to make it through. There was nothing wrong with shedding tears, but Alva didn't cry out of self-pity.

But these tears, they were scared tears. He was scared for himself, for the person he may have hurt, for his friends, his cousin. If Ryland or Yoojin were caught up in this nightmare because of him, he didn't think he could forgive himself. All they wanted was to support and help him and he couldn't let them come to any harm!

Before he could say anything, a phone went off, breaking him from his emotionally charged state. Alva's eyes snapped open. "It's mine," he said vaguely, reaching for his phone to see who it was. "I've been leaving Susu messages, maybe it's him..."

[Ryland Ren]

"I know." He knew. Alva would never harm somebody on purpose. At least... not that Ryland knew of. But then... he did decide to become a hunter-hunter with Susumu, didn't he? So was that what happened? He was used to fight some hunters? He murdered... humans? Alva did hate humans with a vengeance but Ryland never imagined he would hurt them. And Alva himself even said he wouldn't harm even a hunter... So... then... what? What happened?

It had to be that bastard witch! He was controlling Alva through that damned curse magic of his! Ryland narrowed his eyes just thinking about it.

The idea of him contacting Alva after what he did to him was almost enough to make him knock the phone right out of Alva's hands. He didn't. But he really wanted to, especially since Alva seemed almost yearning to hear from him. Frowning, Ryland tried to get a peek at the name of the contact.

"Who is it? Is it him?" Because if it was, he had a lot of explaining to do.