We Are Bulletproof

"...okay."

He could hardly say anything else. Devlin himself needed time to think, too. About what happened and what it meant. And of course, every single word Jung Su spoke would spin around in his head as he tried to make some sense of it. Reluctantly, he dropped his hand as Jung Su pulled away. It wasn't as if he had the power to make him stay, anyway.

He lowered his head as Jung Su touched the top of his head, like he did when he was trying to say without words that things were okay or that they'd be okay. It was usually reassuring but now Devlin was... worried. About what it all meant, about what Jung Su was thinking. I'm not mad. Devlin tried to make it as clear as he could, even if the rest of him was muddling through it all.

He peered up as Jung Su said he wasn't mad either. There was some relief in that tight ball in his chest at those words. They weren't mad at each other, then. Just... whatever was happening. It was kind of scary but then... pretty much anything Devlin went through could be categorized that way. Jung Su, though, he was brave and strong and tough. Whatever was going on, he would surely find the answers and the right way to... do whatever it was he was thinking about when he... when he kissed Devlin.

"...night."

Flinch.

He didn't know what he wanted Jung Su to say. But he didn't like the tone. Ever since he was young, harsh tones immediately spun him into a cycle of anxiety, waiting for the hand to cuff him over the ear or grab onto the back of his neck. There was no reason to feel that way with Jung Su or Mom but it was a leftover trait. Some things were so automatic that it was difficult not to react viscerally.

"Don't... I-I'm not... mad."

Honestly, he wasn't sure what he was. It took him time for these things; this was exactly why Devlin hated surprises. It took him time to process things and by the time he was finished processing, it seemed like the rest of the world had moved on. It made his interactions with others frustrating--both for him and for the other person.

"I'm not mad."

This at least, he knew, even if the rest had yet to be sorted out. The rest, he didn't know how but he would have to eventually weed his way through his thoughts and feelings on them. His smile was crooked--it was always crooked, like he never truly learned how to smile in all his life.

"What's the right way?"

"You--you keep saying that."

He was tired. He needed sleep. Devlin was tired, too. It really had been a long day, an emotional day. He didn't know what must have gone through Jung Su's mind. But he found him somehow. Maybe he looked for him all day when his joke didn't go over so well. Now that he looked back on it, Devlin was embarrassed he took a joke so seriously. But it wasn't the part about his stuff that stabbed him in the heart. It was the rape joke. Jung Su never went that far before.

Devlin had always been weird inside. For as long as he could remember. He was weird. He wasn't supposed to be who he was or what he was. And watching his mother die irreparably broke something inside forever. Even bringing her back with his magic was a terror, a horror in itself. Because bringing dead things back, they didn't come back right. And Devlin, he didn't know what he was doing.

He ran away from home and in that time, he got himself pushed into some dark situations. Devlin wasn't good at protecting himself. He didn't know how. And he was nervous--all the time. Scared, all the time. The rape comment brought up bad memories. It didn't happen but it almost did. It almost did.

Devlin tried to pull Jung Su back with the hand that held onto his arm, even though it was taut and it felt like Jung Su was a rubber band about to snap.

"I can't..."

"Um...

what?"

What was happening? One second, there was... a-a kiss an the next minute, Jung Su was swearing and standing up, like Devlin did something wrong. Did he do something wrong? His head sort of spun; he wasn't quite sure what to think. Growing up together, there was a point where their closeness bred a crush in Devlin's heart but it was pretty clear it was a silly little thing. They were basically brothers, kind of best friends. Both damaged in their own way.

Jung Su touched him a lot but that was just Jung Su being... Jung Su. He thought. He wasn't sure now what it all meant. Did he really just... kiss him? He started to look up but then a hand was on his head, like he was some puppy that needed consoling. His eyes moved, though, up to look at Jung Su who definitely was not looking at him.

"I... what?"

Things were moving too fast for him to properly catch up and Jung Su was just... retreating. Devlin reached out and tried to grasp at the hand that left his head. He felt especially twitchy now. Like all kinds of cylinders in his head were trying to fire at the same time. He shook his head like it might help. It never did.

"Wait."

Everything? Not what Devlin wanted to hear but pretty much what he was expecting to hear. Or not, he didn't know why Jung Su would just say it plainly like that. He usually just used his powers of deflection. Questions that were never answered because he found ways to dance around answering them. Devlin didn't even notice he was doing it until he was alone, reviewing whatever conversation they had.

He didn't understand it. He tried, of course. Devlin was slow, they said. And maybe he was but that didn't make him a moron. It just meant it took him longer to make the same conclusions other people did. Sometimes, things had to be spelled out for him. Sometimes he didn't understand the difference between a sarcastic remark and a genuine one. It hurt his feelings. Jung Su was pretty good at that. He seemed to dislike doing it but he did it all the same.

But they both came from broken homes and families. It was only natural that they didn't know how to communicate. Even their mom, who tried, often threw her hands into the air and asked what she was going to do with the pair of them. She loved them though. The first couple of times she said things like that, it scared Devlin; he thought it was the end. That he was going to be kicked out and he wouldn't have a home--again.

It was just her manner, though. He learned it over time, just like he learned Jung Su's manner. He should have known it was a joke, even if it was mean one. About his stuff. It was even harder to differentiate between genuine words and sarcasm over the phone, over just words, text on a screen.

Devlin lowered his hand, fiddling with his own collar. The silence was deafening. Before he could break it with a question, though, Jung Su was snatching his face, turning it to face him. Eye to eye. Devlin was no good at this. Prolonged eye contact. It made him nervous. Like a wild dog, mom said. Skittish. Devlin felt like he was supposed to be understanding something about this, that there was some significance to Jung Su's words and the way he stared into his eyes like he was trying to communicate something without words. Devlin must be disappointing him; he didn't understand what was meant to be communicated.

"Jung--" he started, because really, between the silence and the staring, he was starting to feel antsy. But he was cut off. By lips. On his lips, unexpectedly. Suddenly. Devlin... was no good at this. He never kissed anybody before in his life. He was too weird; nobody liked him as a friend, let alone as anything else. After a moment, he turned his head away and then down, his hand automatically going to Jung Su's chest. He licked his lips, they were still... warm.

"Wh-what--?"

Jung Su was leagues beyond Devlin, more mature, much smarter, wiser. He knew things. Even if he danced around questions to do with himself, he had answers. Devlin wasn't blind, either. He saw Jung Su around people, knew he wasn't nearly as hopeless as Devlin was when it came to... this department. Jung Su might be a smart mouth but he was good-looking and that accounted for a lot.

"...about my stuff."

He said it like it was obvious. What else was Jung Su lying about to even ask that? Made it sound like he had a whole list of things he lied to Devlin about. Maybe he was thinking wrongly about that. His pessimism did lead him down similar paths in the past. Devlin brought his hand up to his mouth without really thinking about it, teeth fastening on the edge of his pointer fingernail.

HIs stuff was his stuff. It was really all he had to hang onto. Mom made him see a shrink who told him that the stuff was acting as a replacement for the things he lost in his young life. It made sense but Devlin didn't like it when the shrink went on to say that now he was using all his things to keep other people from getting close to him. That sounded like... he didn't know. An oxymoron. Devlin wanted to be close to people.

He wanted it. Back in that bus, he felt like he had a friend in that stranger who didn't know him. He didn't know about Devlin or any of his baggage. To that guy, Devlin was cool. To everybody who knew Devlin, it just felt like... everybody was watching him with hawk eyes. Like they were waiting for him to... like go unhinged or something.

"What are you lying about?" he asked finally, the real reason he'd nervously started to bite his fingernails. "Like what else...?" He side-eyed Jung Su.

Everything really did seem to be in place. Jung Su's cruel joke seemed to be just that--a joke. Devlin stopped checking everything over obsessively and he stood near the window, his fingers twirling the blind wand. HIs shoulder briefly twitched. Eyes. He didn't like what happened today but he was shit at expressing himself accurately.

Nobody really understood his hoarding tendencies, least of all Devlin himself. He just knew he had nothing of his own as a child and that translated to this frantic need to keep everything. Everything, even something as useless as a burrito wrapper from the time he and Jung Su went out and had burritos together. To him, it wasn't garbage. It was the memory of a night that wasn't pure chaos. A rare relaxed night out.

But he knew to mom and Jung Su, it all looked like garbage.

Devlin let go of the blind wand and edged over to his bed, dropping his ass down heavily onto it. His curled toes slid beneath the bed.

"Why did you lie?"

Once they were home, Devlin didn't really know what to do with himself. Climbed off the bike. Stood there and flinched before Jung Su's hand only ran through his tangle of hair. It wasn't as if Jung Su was in the habit of smacking him around, either. Devlin was still hyper-sensitive from the fight. Argument. Whatever it was that happened between them. A rift that felt miles wide.

"...yeah."

What else could he say? He twitched slightly, moving away from Jung Su as he grabbed his bag and headed towards the apartment building, toward their home.

There was still a sense of dread that his things were going to be out of place, stolen, not where he left them. Devlin was very particular because of all the things he didn't have growing up. All the things that weren't his, all the things that weren't in their rightful places. So when his little hoard was threatened... he might have lost his mind a little. He bit his nails as he walked up to the door, then stopped to push his bag around so he could search for his keys.

When the door was unlocked, he entered and stopped to pull off his boots at the door, per their mother's orders. His toes curled in, like all of him tended to when they were vulnerable. He didn't even look at Jung Su before he headed for his room, heart in his throat, like he was going to find a dead body inside.

Like he was going to NOT hold on tightly. Devlin bit his lip as the bike set off. Given the thing was Jung Su's baby, Devlin didn't usually have a chance to ride on it. Something about brothers and their dirty fingerprints or whatever. Not that Devlin was still the kid that left fingerprints on everything but when it came to people who had been in his life the longest, it felt like some things would never change.

His hands were sweating, though. The speed was too much for him and he squeezed his eyes closed as the bike went faster and faster. Jung Su always seemed to ride like a literal bat out of hell. Watching it was bad enough. Being a part of it.... He felt like he was going to fly off and break his neck.

Huh?

Looking down, he saw that Jung Su had taken his hand at a stop light. Well. If Dev wanted to prove he was somehow a manly man capable of not being afraid of things, he failed. Anybody could tell by holding his hand that he'd been sweating the ride out.

And then the brief moment was over and the bike was off again. At least now that they were in the town proper, he wasn't speeding like a demonic possessed thing.

"...wh..."

The question softly vanished into nothing. There was no point in asking. Jung Su already made up his mind and he was way more stubborn than Devlin ever was. Devlin had his moments but really, he wasn't usually all that stubborn about things. Point: the fact that he got off the bus and was currently putting on a helmet to go back home with Jung Su. It had been most of the day that he lasted and here he was, still going back.

As he buckled the helmet into place, Devlin looked up at the bus full of people. A couple of others had left, too. Most of them decided to stay on board, though and continue their drive to Portland whenever the thick fog burned off.

"...yeah," he said finally. It was cold and he wasn't wearing anything other than a t-shirt under a light jacket and a pair of torn up jeans. Not exactly cold-weather clothes. After a moment of looking around in hesitation, Devlin climbed onto the bike.

"H-hey! He's not a creep."

Devlin slid out of his bus seat and looked back at Mark with an apologetic expression. What did he do to deserve any of that crap Jung Su was spewing at him, anyway? Nothing. Jung Su just always got weird as fuck about things when it came to Devlin and other people. Like he didn't trust Devlin to know what he was doing. Like he wasn't an adult. It was true that Devlin suffered from a severe injury to the head as a child but there was no real way of knowing how much of Devlin's peculiarities were caused by that since he'd been so young. But it didn't make him stupid. Mark wasn't a creep. He was nice, soft-spoken man who liked music.

Shrugging Jung Su's hand off his shoulder, Devlin edged out of the bus after another apology to Mark. At least he gave him his number before he was so unceremoniously dragged off by Jung Su. If he tried to give it to him with Jung Su present, he would probably rip it up before Mark could touch it. Waving slightly to Mark, Devlin turned away and left the bus behind, stepping onto the asphalt. The fog was thicker than he had seen it in a long time. His gaze found Jung Su's bike. No other transportation. Jung Su didn't let just anybody touch that thing. Devlin turned toward Jung Su in question.

Devlin couldn't help it; he ducked his head down to hide a smile as Mark told the other guy off. Not many people came to Devlin's rescue. If he was honest, most people just bullied him. High school was insufferable and it was part of the reason Devlin had no desire to continue school with a higher education. Besides, what the hell would he even study if he did? Devlin had no real ambitions to be anything that school could teach him to be. He was fine just being a handyman.

And he could be a handyman somewhere else. It didn't take anything but an application and a resume to be a handyman.

The guy who had been bothering them put up his hands and moved back, saying okay a couple of times before he found his seat, behind them a few rows. Devlin looked up at Mark, his smile a little crooked.

"Thanks."

What--
oh yeah

...I already work for her.

what part