We Are Bulletproof

"...I see."

Tyson knew nothing about how the afterlife worked, or about ghosts and their reasons for lingering. He thought simply, perhaps naively, that Bohai was only here because he was here. And if he died then couldn't they both move on? Couldn't they be together in the next life? In the afterlife? But Luli was suggesting that he could go and Bohai could be stuck here, in which case what else could keep Bohai here?

He would have to ask Bohai in person when he next took over the girl's body. Arguing with her was pointless; Tyson didn't want to upset her further or drive her away. She might run off on him, afraid to let him come into contact with Bohai in case he tried to go through with his plans. So he smiled reassuringly at her and nodded slowly.

"All right. We'll help him move on first. You should eat, don't let your food go cold."

He turned to the chair again and smiled softly at the air. At Bohai. Tyson knew that Bohai would understand what he was doing by placating Luli. Bohai could practically read his mind the second day they got together--that was how strong their bond was. And Bohai would know that Tyson would do anything--anything--to be with him.

Realistically Tyson knew that Luli couldn't stay with them forever. Realistically he knew that she had her own life to live, and that it was cruel and wrong to keep her around solely for the purpose of channeling Bohai. And... she wasn't Bohai. Even if Bohai's spirit entered her, he was merely borrowing her body. Their time together would always be cut short; they could never return to the way they were.

This temporary balm on his broken heart was a welcomed relief but it wasn't a cure. The only cure was to join Bohai. To be with him in eternity, the way they were meant to be. Tyson knew Bohai agreed because if their positions were reversed, he would want the same. But he didn't expect Luli to have such a violent reaction to his words--words not even meant for her, but for Bohai sitting beside him. Tyson looked up at her in astonishment. He was about to pull her back down when the waitress came over, and Luli reassured her and sent her away.

He listened to her whispers but his mind was already made up. Tyson didn't say anything for a while. He looked at the empty seat, at the place where Bohai used to be. He tried to imagine himself in a year without Bohai and there was just... nothing. Nothing came up. Nothing.

"If I go, he'll go with me," he said to Luli at last. "There wouldn't be anyone tethering him to this world then."

"I'll have another glass of tea, please," Tyson said when it came time for him to order, feeling even less hungry than he did when he first met Luli. His appetite wasn't there. He'd been growing thinner and thinner since Bohai passed away and people had grown concerned about him, but Tyson simply lost interest in the world around him. He didn't care for or about food, drink or entertainment. Life was dull and empty for him without Bohai.

The waitress didn't seem that concerned about the imbalance of their orders but Tyson suspected she thought Luli had ordered for both of them. She certainly seemed to have ordered half the menu. Tyson didn't mind; he offered to pay and told her she could have anything she wanted. Money was not an issue, not even for a disproportionately large meal for one person.

"Yes." Tyson kept looking at the empty chair, at the space where Bohai was. His hand on the seat curled in as though he could hold Bohai's hand but all he got was a fistful of air. "I know that's why he's here." Bohai promised to never leave him. He was keeping that promise, that was all. Tyson's smile barely curved his lips as he leaned closer to the empty chair, gazing at the space where Bohai's face might have been.

"I won't make you wait long, Bo..."

Bohai loved windows and he loved window seats, which meant that Tyson was forced to love the seat next to the window seat, both in cafes and on airplanes, on trains, on buses—any mode of transportation that had a window seat was off limits to him. He didn't mind much because he usually slept if they were traveling somewhere, and in cafes he liked to sit and listen. Tyson was a great listener, but a terrible conversationalist.

So he left the seat beside him free, the one right beside the rain-soaked window. It was really coming down out there; he could barely make out the shapes of cars and other buildings. People were running to get out of the deluge but luckily they had escaped it just in time. He nodded and managed a slight smile at Luli's enthusiasm—or disbelief—at his offer. "Yes. Whatever you want." Money was no object to Tyson, not anymore. Not when Bohai wasn't here to enjoy what money could offer them—trips abroad, good food and wine, creature comforts.

As he waved a waitress over to take Luli's order, he looked at the seat next to him again. Bohai had to be there. He wouldn't sit beside Luli, after all, not when Tyson was here. That knowledge was a small grain of comfort, at least. "He loves me." His reply was simple but that didn't take away from the truth of it. Bohai promised to be with him forever... but neither of them knew how brief forever could be. Tyson blinked hard for a moment just as their waitress returned to take their orders, looking expectantly at Luli first.

Dashing through the rain against the wind robbed Tyson of nearly all his breath; it felt a little like that first moment he met Bohai, with all the air escaping out of his lungs. That seemed like a lifetime ago, though. So much had happened between that fateful moment and now, as he tried to outrun a storm with Luli laughing by his side. Tyson didn't laugh; adrenaline ran through him but not exhilaration, because all of his laughter and all of his joy went with Bohai.

Inside the restaurant, he was enveloped in warmth and the familiar scents of Asian food. Diners chattered amongst themselves, adding to the busy atmosphere and contributing to the noise level. Tyson preferred to eat in quiet surroundings, but beggars couldn't exactly be choosers here. He was about to head off towards an empty table when Luli pointed to one by the window and Tyson stopped short.

"...he did. He... does." Bohai was here, he had to remember that. Bohai was with him. Tyson strode boldly over to the table by the window and pulled out a chair for Luli first, before seating himself. A kindly middle-aged waitress came over to hand them steaming cups of green tea and pushed menus before them. Tyson barely looked at his; he studied the empty seat beside him with faraway eyes, wondering if Bohai was there now, sitting beside him...

"Order anything you want," he said absently to Luli as he finally tore his gaze away from the chair. But under the table, he rested a hand on the edge of the seat.

"Luli..." He repeated her name softly under his breath to commit it to memory. Now he had a name and if he ever got separated from her, he knew who to look for. Good. As for his own name, well, obviously it was Tyson, and he half-smiled at the poke to the chest. Right where it felt the most hollow. "Yes, I'm Tyson. Liu." His name probably meant nothing to her—not unless she was an avid art fan—but hers meant everything to him.

As they walked, Tyson kept looking around, trying to see Bohai. Was he here? There? Was he beside Tyson? Briefly he reached out into the space beside his free hand, as though to reach for another hand, and then slowly he pulled it back. He couldn't touch Bohai, not unless he was in Luli's body, but... still. It still felt better to know that Bohai was there, beside him, watching over him.

"Hm? Panda Panda Palace? Is that anything like Panda Express?" He didn't know about these small-town Asian restaurants but he wasn't the one eating. The last thing he felt like doing was stuff his face. His thoughts were too preoccupied by Bohai and by what just happened with Luli. Tyson's hand around hers tightened slightly as he fought his way against the wind, which had picked up considerably.

"It sounds fine. I'll buy you anything you want. But I don't know where it is, so you'll have to lead the way." He pulled her closer as fat droplets began to fall. "Should we run for it?"

"All right." He held on to her hand and started walking towards the center of town, where there was sure to be restaurants and hotels--food and rest, she said. And then he could have Bohai back again. That seemed fair and although Tyson was already impatient, looking forward to speaking with his departed lover, he knew that he shouldn't push the girl too hard. If something happened to her, he might never speak to Bohai again...

"What's your name? Is there anything you want to eat in particular?" The wind picked up behind them, as though pushing them towards town. He tried to shield her as he walked; she was now the most precious thing in the world to him and he was going to make damn well sure nothing happened to her. Not even a cold, not so much as a sniffle.

"He's still here?"

Tyson's heart settled down a little, from a frantic drumbeat to a dull thump. He looked to the place where the girl indicated and then let go of her so that he too could touch the air where Bohai was. Did he touch him? Any part of him? Was Bohai standing right there?

She said he'd been following him... Bohai had been with him. For how long? What had he seen? Had he been there while Tyson grieved? Was he always there, beside him, while he traveled across the country, searching for someone—anyone—who could help him reconnect with his lover? Did he know how close Tyson had been to... joining him?

"Bohai?" Tyson stepped closer to the spot where Bohai was, only half listening to the girl now. She could channel him... sometimes. That was better than nothing, but it wasn't nearly enough for Tyson. He needed Bohai forever. They were supposed to be together for all their lives—this one, the next, the one after that...

"You can channel him again? He's not going away?" Finally he looked back at the girl, as though only just noticing her. Tyson reached down and took her hand, this time with a far less aggressive grip. He just wanted to hold on to her—to hold on to his chances at seeing Bohai again. "When? When can I talk to him again?"

"Is he still here?!" Tyson wasn't letting go. He wasn't letting go of her, if she was his last chance at being able to reunite with Bohai! Although he stopped shaking her around, he kept a hold of her and searched her desperately, trying to find any last hint that Bohai was inside. This was beyond his ability to understand but he knew that for a brief moment, Bohai had been there.

It didn't matter at all how that was possible. Tyson wasn't a superstitious person normally; he didn't believe in things like ghosts and goblins. Psychics were hacks that gullible people turned to and he used to laugh about it but... Now he was on the other side. Now he was the desperate one, searching for even the tiniest shred of hope.

"What happened to him? Where is he?!" Tyson looked up as though he could see something up in the air. Was Bohai nearby? Was he trying to get back into this girl's body, to talk to him again, to touch him and hold him and tell him that he loved him?

Just like that...

Just like that, in the blink of an eye, Bohai was gone. Tyson knew it because he knew Bohai's manner, his demeanor, even the way he held himself and once Bohai was gone, and the girl had come back, everything was different. He didn't let the girl go, though, despite her attempt to twist out of his grasp. He held on to her by the upper arms, gripping her tightly.

"No! Bring him back!" Wild-eyed and with that ugly desperation welling up inside, Tyson shook her as though he might somehow dislodge her and allow Bohai to slip back in. "Bring Bohai back! Bring him back, you have to bring him back! Bohai! Bohai!"

He could live with this—with her. Tyson was so relieved to have Bohai back that he didn't care if the body was different, as long as they could be together. Happiness wasn't dependent on appearances; Tyson fell in love with Bohai's free spirit, with his sense of humor, with the way that he made Tyson's life more complete in every single way. They were light and dark, yin and yang, two parts of a whole.

"I love you too," he mirrored, holding Bohai close. Part of him was afraid that Bohai would disappear again. Or, worse, that he would wake up to an empty bed and empty apartment, with all the echoes of their laughter haunting his nights and days. His fingers clenched around the girl's coat and he shut his eyes tight and prayed. Tyson prayed with everything he had to keep him, but...

"Bo? What is it?" He pulled back as Bohai began to mutter, alarm written in every line of his face. Tyson shook his head, frantic again. No no no... no he couldn't lose Bohai again! Not again! Clinging to his lover in desperation, Tyson breathed in sharply and erratically. "No please. Please stay. Please please don't go Bo. Don't go!"

He was ashamed to say that this was perhaps the first and only time he broke down like a baby in public. Tyson and emotional didn't belong in the same sentence together. Even when Bohai passed away, he went through the motions of burying him stone-faced. He didn't speak to a single person for nearly a month as he grieved, and the people around him who knew him left him alone to work through his emotions.

But this wasn't something he could 'work through' and come out on the other end feeling okay. The only thing that Tyson realized was that life was not worth living without Bohai. It was too much to have found his soul mate, then to have him ripped forcibly out of his life--and somehow 'be okay' with it. He wasn't okay with it and so, if this last-ditch effort hadn't panned out... Tyson was fully prepared to join Bohai, wherever he may be. It was better than living an entire lifetime without him.

He gazed down at Bohai--or the girl whose body Bohai inhabited--as hands came up to cup his face. The motion was familiar but everything else was so strange, knowing that behind that girl's face was his Bohai. "I know," he managed to whisper as he pulled Bohai back in close, lowering his head into the crook of the girl's neck. It was... foreign. He was used to holding a body as tall as he was, as strong and athletic. Now it felt like there was so little to hold, like the last few days of Bohai's short life when he began to waste away. Just... a tiny sliver of Bohai to grasp onto with desperate hands...

"...don't go..." His voice was a tremulous, barely-audible whisper. Words he wanted to say to Bohai in his last days, but couldn't because he knew that he had to be strong for both of them. Tyson held him tight, tight, tight... "Please don't go."

"B-Bo?" He could hardly get the word out—the sound caught in the back of his throat, choking him. It felt as if the world stopped for a moment and in that single terrifying moment, Tyson dared to hope.

Hope was why he was here. Weary and battered, with no more reason to maintain his own existence, Tyson had hoped that he could find Bohai here. Through the power of mediums, he thought that there could be a chance—a last chance. This was supposed to be his final attempt, before he...

He wanted to be with Bohai so badly that the desire overrode all else. Even if it meant being laid to rest beside him, at least they would be together then, for all of eternity. It meant an end to the suffering, an end to feeling as though he was hollow, a shell of the man he used to be.

The world blurred and the back of his sinuses were on fire. Tyson blinked to clear his eyes and felt the tickle of his tears sliding down his face, but he was too focused on the girl before him. She couldn't know those exact words. There was no way for anyone to know that those were the last words Tyson ever whispered to his lover before he succumbed to the illness that ravaged his once-strong body.

"Boh—" He couldn't even finish saying his name. Tyson fell onto him—somehow trapped or reborn in the body of a girl—and let out a noise like a wounded animal. He didn't even feel shame as his sobs shook his body, with the joy and relief and terrible, consuming sadness of having lost Bohai, and unexpectedly finding him again.

"What? No..."

Tyson stared at her. He stared and stared and stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying, trying not to give in to the impossible idea that this girl who spoke like Bohai could be him. He was dead. Bohai was dead. Tyson laid him to rest himself, he shed so many bitter tears over his grave...

But she said things that only Bohai could have known. Yet she wasn't him. She wasn't Bohai, she didn't look like him and Tyson couldn't believe that somehow his beloved muse, his life partner, could have been reborn in so short a time.

"You're. Bo?" He spoke jerkily as he reached out to touch her arm, as though he didn't believe that she was real. "No. Bohai is..." Tyson choked on the word. "Dead."

"One more bite. Come on, just one more bite, for me?"

Tyson brought the spoon up to Bohai's pale lips, smiling through the pain in his heart. Mango pudding was Bohai's favorite and Tyson had made this himself. His hand sported a painful burn mark but that was nothing on what his cracked heart was going through at the moment.

"One more bite and then I'll stop pestering you." He leaned in to kiss Bohai's cheek. It was cold, like ice. Tyson nudged the spoon closer to his lover's lips and held his breath as they opened. Once the spoon was taken away, Tyson's lips replaced it, nuzzling up against Bohai's in a soft, lingering kiss.

"I love you, ai xin," he whispered Bohai's pet name, holding back the swell of emotion inside. Tyson's hand cupped Bohai's cheek. Their foreheads touched. Bohai was his heart. His love. He could never lose him. Never, never. Without Bohai there was no Tyson.

"NO TY! BUGS ARE—IN OUR BED! THEY'VE INFESTED OUR HOUSE!"

Tyson stopped with his hand outstretched, the key extended and ready to unlock the front door of his home. He stared in disbelief at Bohai. "Bugs. Are in our bed?" He repeated incredulously as his brows lifted. All this week Bohai had been acting squirrely. He was secretive, jumpy, nervous and anxious and Tyson didn't know why he was so worked up.

"I'm pretty sure there are no bugs in the house, Bo," he continued slowly, as the key inched towards the door.

Tyson stared at the girl as a torrent of words came from her. Did she even breathe once during that whole speech? He laughed, but it was a confused and almost hysterical noise—not an amused sound.

"How—were you there?" Was she at the party? When he finally got Bohai out of the way—actually had to manhandle him to physically stop him from obstructing Tyson—and the door opened, and everyone shouted in his face... Was she one of them? He didn't remember her. There were lots of people there, sure, but he would have remembered this girl being there...

He finally stopped trying to get away from her. "How did you know... about the bugs?"