We Are Bulletproof

It's on my record, and do you want to be associated with someone who ALMOST got convicted?

Well I think it makes me interesting

And anyway saving animals is not a crime, and even if it is, they never convicted me

I said accident!

No, nothing like that! I'm not a psycho

I just liberated some poor helpless animals that were going to be slaughtered for no good reason, just so Jonathan from upstate New York can have one $200 steak. 🙄

And then
Burned down a barn
BY ACCIDENT

Nothing, I'm just

Extremely passionate about advocating for animal rights!

Darling

No

If you introduce us, she's going to do a background check on me and see my record and that will not reflect well on you

It does!

Okay here's the game plan. You ask her out for a casual coffee, very casually

I go, sit nearby and pretend like I'm just a normal person also getting coffee, BUT secretly I'll be taking notes on this pretty lady

And we regroup after to work out a more elaborate plan to get a ring on her finger

Helped

You've been helped!

See I knew you had it in you!

Just took a little push to get you there, buddy. 😊

Who said I was going to stalk her?

OBVIOUSLY I was going to get myself arrested on a minor charge

This is serious business, we don't half ass anything

Because your dark little heart yearns for love, that's why you told me

Oh wow
I'm looking at her picture on the police website... which does not do her justice, I'm willing to bet
She's got that Severe Librarian Who Never Lets Her Hair Down look

I must see her in person
Secretly. Don't freak out.

...

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU EVEN HAVE A CUTE PET NAME FOR HER, THAT IS ADORABLE

Kill me, I don't care, someone had to say it

Also googling her now

Deal!

So
Give me a name, mister! I'm DYING over here!

(Luuuuuuuuuce)

I'll drop it for now
On the condition that when it's time for the wedding, you let me plan it

So just
let me help you