Hey
Thinking about them tight nipples...
@open
As if I haven't heard that one a billion times before 😏
Hey, so glad you reached out!
Sorry about what happened last night.
Girls night, it gets rowdy, you know how it is. 😆
Which part are you sorry about?
Because I honestly didn't mind the heel throwing.
'Tis but a flesh wound.
Mostly the bar brawl and getting my lbd torn 😥
Also
Sorry about that... I was aiming for the guy BEHIND you, I swear!! 😔 Did it need any stitches?
Your what?
Nah no stitches. Might leave a sexy scar though.
Little black dress!
But I can get behind a sexy scar. 😘 Something tells me you might have a number of those already though.
Makes sense.... thought you were wearing red though...
maybe I was too drunk to notice. 😂
Yeah I do. You wanna see them?
Haha maybe you got the wrong number then!
Too late now, I'm coming over cause I want to see the scars~
Where do you live?
Downtown apartments. The ones above the movie theater.
Okay what
That is crazy
I literally live in the same building as you!!!
What? Seriously?
We could have gone home together
Totally!
Ah well
I had to make sure my girls got home safe but next time!
...or maybe we'll just not leave... ;)
What, stay there at the club?
I didn't take you for one of those bathroom types...
Not that it bothers me ;)
I meant stay home and avoid that whole mess buuut
Good to know you don't mind getting a little freaky ;)
Oh right
Staying at home can be good, too.
Avoid all the bar fights and drink minimums.
I've got plenty here.
Fights and drinks?
Or freaky good times?
...
Both? :P
I see three options
And I like all of them, sweetie ;)
has no idea he's talking to a man lmao
Uh oh! You sound like trouble! 😉
So what do you do for a living?
(Hehehe this is not going down the way he thinks it will!)
I'm a kind of mercenary or bounty hunter.
...huh. Did not expect that...
What do you bounty hunt? I didn't know mercenaries existed outside of video games
I'm like
A cop without a district
Hmm
Vigilante justice, is it?
Why? It sounds incredibly dangerous
Oh come on.
You thought dangerous was sexy last night
Hey don't get me wrong, I'm not lecturing or anything. You live your life the way you want
Just curious, that's all
Is life worth living if things aren't dangerous?
I think that depends on the person tbh
Or what you want to get out of life
Adrenaline ;)
Not justice? ;P
A little bit of vigilante justice, yeah.
Interesting...
Who's the most dangerous criminal you've caught?
I can't tell you that, sorry sweetheart. :)
Awww c'mon just one time? Or not THE most dangerous but deets on A dangerous criminal?
They're mostly creeps that basically suck people dry.
Eww! Like scammers?!
My grandma got tricked by one of those bastards one time!
Yeah.... something like that.
Then as far as I'm concerned, you're doing good work!
If you ever need help
I could help create distractions! >:) Lots of people say I'm super distracting as it is. Hehe
Oh you are, you are
You ain't lying ;)
You're pretty distracting yourself! <3
I'm kicking myself now that I didn't notice you around the place earlier
How have we never run into each other before?
I don't know! You'd think we would, this apartment building isn't even that big.
Maybe it just wasn't our time, until last night ☺
We both go out at night too right?
I think so?
That's kind of weird!
We must have just barely passed each other.
Well from now on, I'm keeping an eye out for you~
I got my eye on you too ;)
Omg you're adorable! Now I'm not sorry my shoe hit you hahaha
Adorable, huh? Not usually a word used for me. hahah
What words do people usually use for you?
Well I get ASSHOLE a lot.
What about you? Sexy is the first thing to come to mind. ;)
Aww that's not fair, you are SO not an asshole!
Me, I get annoying a lot
Loud
Rude
Bitchy...
Sexy sounds a lot better 😘 And I'd say the same for you but
Flirty is definitely also a contender haha! You go for it, don't you?
Eh I can be an asshole. You haven't known me long enough.
But I like to think I still got a good heart.
And as the kids say
YOLO
...
None of the kids say yolo anymore...
Boomer! 😆😋
I don't even know what that shit means
It means you should never
Ever
Ever ever
Say yolo 😂
I just went from sexy to dork
Didn't I?
Ahahaha pretty much!
But it's adorable. You're an adorable sexy dork 😘
There's that word again.
You really think so ? 😆
100% yes! Maybe you don't think so but take it from a complete stranger
You're adorable 😗 I could eat you up with a big ole spoon
You're softer than I thought.
I like it
Just because I brawl and throw shoes doesn't mean I'm not a lady
It means I'm a lady with good aim. 😂
And I like that you have a different side of you too. I like what you're about :)
I like the good aim.
I've got good aim, too
We should test that sometime. ;)
I know you don't mean that literally
You devilish flirt, you
But you should definitely take me out to the shooting range sometime
;)
Hahah like you need more practice
but sure
Maybe the practice is for you! Hehe ;P
To be around me
Or to kill me?
The first one
I can't kill you now, we've had a whole conversation!
Hahaha you'd be surprised how many would kill me because they had a whole conversation with me
THOSE people must have a very common affliction called
Bad taste 🙄
I agree
So
Where are you right now?
I am
home
Putting on my face and getting all pretty so I can come over and
dazzle~
you :lovebeam:
You don't have to put a face on for me
:) Too late!
And I know but I'm vain and it doesn't hurt to look good for a handsome guy
But what happens when the lights go out? ;)
Hahaha unless we're doing it in the dark, I'd still like to look good when we're having sex! ;P
Besides, I'm putting in the effort because I like you! It's a good thing, trust me.
All right all right
I'll put on my face too
😆 Put on your prettiest one!
Hahaha
Sure
How many faces do you even have, tough guy? 😂
I think just the one
To be fair, as long as it's a pretty face, you're doing okay. ;P And yours is very very pretty
We talking about the same person?
Adorable, pretty
I feel like you got me alllll wrong
Adorable is subjective, but I think you are
And as for pretty
...honey I wouldn't get glammed up for no troll! :P
You can be all those things AND a tough guy who takes down punks, there's no law saying you can't
Hey hey, I'm not saying that
I can be all of the above.
You keep sounding surprised, like nobody ever compliments you or something!
Well I'm not Quasimodo if that's what you mean
I did not mean that!
I meant that you don't seem to think anyone could see you as an adorable, funny, charming guy.
Because it's a little different from how most people perceive me
Why? Do you have a hard time letting people see the softer side of you?
No!
Maybe
I don't know
Well you're doing great with me
Maybe other people just aren't picking up on your better nature and only assume the worst!
Can't blame em
Pretty sure I'm only nice to pretty girls
What do you have against pretty guys? 😂
Nothing I guess.
Never really thought about it
Really now? 🤔
Pretty guys never occurred to you?
No?
Should they?
Maybe? Broaden your horizons and all that
It's not really about that, though, is it?
I mean, I got nothing against pretty guys.
I'm just not a guy into guys.
Hmm
Not even a little bit?
I don't think so
Why?
If you have gay friends or family or anything
They got nothing to worry about
Haha I didn't mean that, you're not that type of person
But
I'm pretty sure you don't want me to come over now.......
(Awkwarrrrrd)
What? Why not?
Were you a man once?
I know that's more common now
It doesn't bother me
...
I'm still a man honey
But I am hoping to transition eventually
And just fyi
You are such a sweetheart 💕
Oh
Did I get the wrong number?
But you did throw the heel...
No that was me, I threw it
That was really you?
Yes sir, I was that fine ass bitch
Well
AM that fine ass bitch
I'm fine in and out of drag 🌈
Shit
I'm sorry
I had no clue
I should be apologizing
I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner
I guess
It was just nice to be talked to like a
Regular person?
It's not easy being different in this town but I guess it's back to square one for me. Oh well 🤷♂️
You're really her though, huh?
Haha yes! I'll even come over and show you! 😆
Do it 😆
Will you still show me your sexy scars? 😉
Oh yeah
Haha
Any opportunity
It's only fair trade, after all! :spin:
What?
Hahaha
You show me sexy scars and I show you
Sexy lady me! 😆 fair exchange!
Oh! Haha
I thought you were hiding some sexy scars too
I have one scar but I'm not sure it's a sexy scar. I got it when some douchebag shoved me out of my seat on a bus, because "men should dress like men" 🙄
That's fucked
Sorry that happened to you
It's all right, I'm used to stuff like that
I kicked him in the left nut before I got off the bus though 😏
I have a gay brother and he gets some shit too
The world's still not ready for some things even though they've been here all along
Good for you though
Don't let those assholes get away with that shit
People just act out that way because they're uncomfortable with how different we are but at the heart of it, we're all human.
I'm not an alien just because I wear heels or a dress instead of loafers and slacks.
But I have to admit sometimes it's disheartening
And sometimes it makes you so mad that you just have to kick a man in the balls!
Even if you were an alien, what gives people the right to be angry about who you are?
Doesn't make any fucking sense honestly.
Never could understand that kinda thinking
Oh, if only everyone thought the way you did, the world might be a better place!
Yeah maybe
Maybe not
But there are way more important things to fight about
People getting weird about shit like clothes and sex is stupid
I can already tell, you're definitely one of the good ones
Would it be gauche to ask if your brother is single?
Since you're off the market... ;(
Yeah, he's single...
should I be setting you two up?
If he's even a tiny bit like you
YesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYES
Please! 🙏
With a cherry on top! 🍒
I mean
He's my brother so
Okay fine, I'll
arrange something
EEEEEEEEEE
Okay but while you do that, tell me about him!
How old is he? What's he like? Does he prefer strong-minded individuals?
Because I'm VERY opinionated... in case you couldn't tell already. ;P
And um
A picture wouldn't hurt either
All right all right
He's 24
He's... uh
very opinionated too.
He's kind of a brat, to be honest.
(http://hitpoints.org/we-are-bulletproof/gallery/2-080620170613.jpeg)
Oh my gawd he's so cute!
Look at that smile! Lord Jesus
And I see tattoos!
Tell him only good things about me!
Don't tell him the story about me kicking a random man in the balls!
Unless you think that'll impress him, in which case, DO tell him!
What's his name?
...
And why do you have a half-naked picture of your brother? Not judging, just curious
It might impress him 😆
His name's Emilio although he goes by Tomas sometimes.
Summer time! You don't chill with your bros?
I will be using both because they are equally cute~
I don't take half-naked pictures of my bros
...but most of my bros are chicks so my point may be moot?
He got the better name... baby of the family.
Come on
Don't make me feel weird about it :(
Aww, I'm just teasing you about the photo thing ;P
You know what? Maybe he's the spoiled baby and maybe he got the better name, but you
You are the most adorable one, no contest :smooch:
Third time
Must be the charm
Hahaha there's truth to those old sayings, don't knock them! 😋 But you are forever the cutest brother and you take that and hold on to it
Most people think I'm the mediocre brother. 😆
What the actual fuck
You're perfect!
Maybe when I'm set apart
No
🙅♂️
Wrong
You're like actually perfect and I'm literally dying inside over the fact that you're straight. Literally a piece of me has died Gael.
Literally.
Hey come on
Doesn't mean we can't be friends.
We're definitely friends!
But I'll still be perving on you.
Fair warning! 😋
We all do that, don't we?
Can't deny that!
And hey... if you ever change your mind... ;P
Did your brother say anything yet though?
Oh was I supposed to tell him right away?
Hold on a sec
NO WAIT
Is that too desperate? I don't want to come off desperate...
I don't know
How's it desperate?
He doesn't even know you exist yet
That's riiight...
Ooh you're hot AND smart!
Okay go ahead then. 😵
Do you know anything about pride?
Like the parades and shit?
I AM the parade bitch! 💃
The drag queens have a float every year! Why? Does he go?
Yeah he's going.
Does he
Want to be on the float?
You have a float?
Yes I do! I help make the float, then I get to ride the float and wave to the people~
He'd probably love to be on it....
Did I mention he's kind of a brat?
Yes... but I am too so we'd get along just fine! Hehe
Hey, what about you? Do you want to come with us and be on the float too?
Who me?
Haha nooo
I'm
More of a shadows person
Awww are you shy or something? ☺
What if we hide you?
In drag?? 😆
More like I'm not into being the center of attention
That's
Adorable! ☺
Okay okay you can support us from the shadows then!
Yeah... sure.
He wants a picture of you now...
Oh God wait a sec let me find an acceptable one
(30 min later)
OKAY HERE
attachment (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DwQpUuAX0AA5FI1.jpg)
You are pretty
Hang on, let me forward it to him.
Awww thank you! What a sweetheart!
What'd he say? Does he like? 😬
Well he wants to meet you
And he wants to know how I know you...
That means he likes! I'm in!
Tell him
we met
through a mutual friend...
Which is technically true. Our mutual friend
the heels I flung at you
did facilitate this meeting
Haha....
that won't be enough for him
He's going to have fifty questions now
Then give me his number and I'll tell him myself! :P
Okay okay
/gives number
🤩 Thank you
Wonderful man
We'll invite you to the wedding
I'm
Flattered? 😆
Haha what else would you be?!
Annoyed my baby brother could get married before me
Awww baby no!
A special guy like you deserves a special lady. It's okay to wait!
Haha it's okay
It's kinda expected 😆
Is it because you live so dangerously~? Women have a hard time keeping up with your lifestyle?
More like the woman I would ask
Would say no
Whaaaaat
What kind of crazy woman would say no?!?
One who knows me enough
Oooo sounds interesting!
What kind of woman is she?
Bet she's the tough no nonsense type!
Oh, she is, believe me
And I can be kinda full of
nonsense
It sounds like you could balance each other out!
So do you think she's interested though? Is there a chance? Maybe she's playing hard to get. 😆
Sometimes I think she is
Sometimes I'm pretty sure it's my imagination
So you're saying there's a chance...
Who is it? If I know her I could put in a good word!
No!
No that will just make me look like a coward
Then tell me because I'm a curious snoop! 😂
No way, not if you're going to say shit to her
No! I swear I won't say anything!
C'mon we're pals now, I won't sell you out
Well
She's a cop
Oooh a cop! Does she Disapprove of your vigilantism? 😆
Of course she does
I think she wishes I would become a Legit cop
But I can't
It's all the red tape right? You can't get anything done if you're a cop!
But maybe she's worried you'll get hurt. Although I'm sure you can take care of yourself just fine.
You took that shoe to the face like a champ!
Yeah the red tape is part of it.
There's some tape the cops don't even know to put in place
And I know how to take a hit!
Not sure I should be proud of that....
One thing women don't always understand is that sometimes
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!
Although that is a very cryptic comment about the tape. Kinda see how she might be exasperated with you! Hahaha!
Just they think they know what's best for people but they don't.
Cops, that is.
Not women.
Speaking from experience I see 🤔
Well that attitude probably won't win her over, sadly. You need to charm her!
Hey, hey, I just said I DIDN'T mean women by that!
I know that! But you still do need to do something to get closer to her!
I'm working on it.
Aw c'mon let me help! I love meddling
I mean
I love helping people come together!
Well, I mean, I was thinking of having her help me with something
That way
She could see what I'm doing
And that it's not bad
Oh honey NO! It needs to be an intimate setting! Not... work!
... it's intimate.
Busting bad guys and punching out criminals is intimate? :\
No...
but long stakeouts are
Fair point but that leaves an awful lot up to chance!
What if you're getting hot and heavy and a bad guy comes??!
That could happen regardless!
What
Do bad guys burst through your bedroom regularly or something?!
It's
kind of a family curse
Your family curse is to be interrupted all the time??
I almost wish
Oh dear
This sounds like it has a whole Story behind it...!
Haha.... well that's probably because it does
But it's a story for another day
You're such a complex person!
That's people for you 😆
Oh you'd be surprised! Some people are depressingly one dimensional 😒
Yeah? I always thought those types were just hiding their layers better or something
Noooo no no, not everyone is an onion.
Some people are just
Well some people are like cardboard, they're flat and dull and they're all about one thing, usually something shallow.
That doesn't sound like a person then.
More like
a robot.
...what were we talking about again, that got us here?
Probably my story for another time?
OH RIGHT
Right and I said you were an onion with many layers
Hey
You should take your lady friend to one of our shows!
What shows?
Like drag shows?
Yeah! It's a fun atmosphere, no creeps to hit on her, so you can relax and show her a different side.
Show her another layer of you, aside from Work Guy! 😆
Yeah maybe
Not sure it's her scene
But it's not usually mine and 🤷♂️
Even better! Experience something new together!
BONDING! 💃
Ugh I don't even know her and I'm shipping you guys together 😆
You barely know me yet...
That's true but it's not going to stop me from doing it either!
Never thought making friends could be this easy again
What do you mean? You're a totally cool guy, who wouldn't want to be friends with you?!
No no
I mean when I was a kid it was so much easier.
When you get older it's weird
Really? You must've been a cute kid!
Maybe you grew out of that 😆
No but seriously i guess kids don't care much about rejection. Adults get hurt so much more. And then after a while you stop trying.
Kids just say hey we're friends now 😂
Adults always wonder what's motivating the other person
Ulterior motives
You meet a lot of bad people when you grow up. Kids don't think about taking advantage or about using someone.
But you know what? It's still worth the hurt if you can find one good person.
Like you! :)
Well it is nice to widen the friend circle
Been a while.
Awwww, same though!
Get ready~
for a lot more gay~
In your life~
And I thought Emilio was a handful
That just means more fun! More fun in your life!
And strange wingmen
Does Emilio know about your special lady friend? 😈
Not that she's
Special
Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh
Let me guess
He'll try to meddle, like I would? 😆
Something like that....
Then your brother and I may just be soul mates. Hahaha
But it's also because he loves you! And wants you to be happy
Well I guess I deserve it since I'm setting him up
Speaking of setting him up...
I
I haven't actually contacted him yet.
I'm suuuuuper nervous
for some reason!
I told him about you
He's expecting you
So if that's what makes you nervous...
Maybe a little...
I guess it's the build-up and the suspense!
And the fact that he's totally cute!
You really think he's interested?
He let me give you his number didn't he?
...true. Very true.
Okay. I'm going to text him.
And we'll discuss how to get you married and settled down with 2.5 kids.
Can't you find something more interesting to talk about?
No
This is literally what gay men do
Literally
Set straight people up?
Yaass
I'm pretty sure you're not gay if you don't like meddling and setting people up at least a LITTLE bit
haha is that an innately gay guy thing?
Definitely. As a gay man, I can confirm that I was born to meddle
Hahaha well I'm not gay but I think I was born to meddle, too.
Just
In other shit
You can be an honorary gay!
Haha
Okay
😏 I'll give you your secret gay badge when I see you
I'm finally getting a badge. Wait til she hears about this
Ahahahahaha! Omg
Now I actually need to make you a badge to show her.
Bet she'll think it's cute!
You think so?
YES!
It'll prove that not only are you a strong and independent man, you're also sensitive and an ally of the LGBTQ+ community! AND cute!
I mean if that doesn't win a girl's heart, what will?
True
If that doesn't work
I guess I'm fucked
and not in the good way
I guess if she doesn't reciprocate
It's time to become gay
😆 I don't think it works that way
Nah that's pretty much exactly how it works 😆
Trust me, I know what I'm talking about because
I'm suuuuuper gay 😏
Really? I thought it was a born thing.
Just go with it my dude. Don't fight the gays on this.
Am I fighting you guys? haha
Not fist-fighting of course! Goodness
We're only good at throwing shoes, not throwing down. ;P
I'd feel pretty bad punching you, ngl.
That's the first time anybody's ever said that to me...
What? Seriously?
Yeah...
Usually they want to punch me...
Like a LOT of people want to punch me, ngl
Why? Something I'm missing?
according to SOME people
I'm loud
Annoying
Way too opinionated
I won't quit
But I think I'm FABULOUS
I really hope you and my brother don't end up throwing shoes at each other.
Hypothetically speaking
Who do you think would win
In like a shoe throwing contest
Oh you, definitely. Hahaha
YESSSSSS
In case it wasn't obvious
I am extremely competitive
...probably why people want to punch me, to be fair...
Hahah what have I done
You may have inadvertently created a monster!
I'm pretty good at that
I don't mind being your little monster baby 😙
Try being my brother's monster
🤣
Oh believe me, I am more than enough of a monster for everyone~! But I don't want to get arrested by your lady friend so I'll stick to shoe throwing.
Hey
Don't do anything to my brother that would get you arrested
I mean I'm not going to take out an eye or anything...
Unless showing a man a good time is illegal now 😏
....
We need a new topic
LOL don't want to imagine your brother having sex huh? 😂
Not on the top of my list, no
Then we won't show you our sex videos
Hehehehe
Okay now you're going too far
Whaaat? It's 2020, sex tapes are literally everywhere! And don't get me started on all the nudes floating around on the internet
Yeah just
Keep it to yourselves
😂 Omg are you
Old Fashioned?
What do you mean by old fashioned!
A prude, basically. A big old prude. 😜
I'm not a prude
Hehehe are you suuure?
Yeah
I'm not in your face or anything
But prude? No
Hmmm... I may need to see some proof of this.
For
Science
I'm not making a sex tape
But it's for science!
How the hell?
Don't question the methods my man, it's
SCIENCE
I think I'll just let you think I'm a prude
I'm just messing with you!
Whether or not you're a prude is between you and your lady friend anyway! 😝
I know
Well
I thought you were messing with me
SHE'S not a prude, is she?
I
Doubt it
😮 Have you guys never.....
Oh shut up
NO
WHAT
this is a TRAVESTY!
It might be unrequited or whatever
But
But the ship!
The ship?
The SHIP!
You guys are the otp!
The what?
Like OPP?
...
what's opp? :what:
Did you mean app, like for your phone?
Like
The music
You down with the OPP!
Wait let me google this
...
Hey that's not bad! Old school rap!
Yeah the OG stuff is where it's at. 😊
You know, this suits you somehow! I can see you blasting it down the street LOL
That's
That's because I do...
Bring me next time!! I want to cruise around with you!
I feel like you're not going to catch the eye of the right people that way haha
I'm not trying to catch anybody's eye, I want to cruise with my homie! 👊
Then let's do it.
I'll show you all the music you've been missing
I mean
I'm not a total caveman, I know good music
Cher
Madonna
Cindy Lauper
Not so much the old school rap, I have to admit
Better taste than my brother.
He's into all that Cardi B and shit
Don't get me wrong, I love a strong, fierce woman
In fact, I AM a strong, fierce woman
But you cannot beat that old school class and charm
And some of these modern day ladies
Yikes
Can you say
Train wreck?
My brother in one word.
Or two.
Whatever
Oh?
Tell me more...
Does train wreck not cover it?
I need
ALL the juicy details! Give em up mister!
Did I mention he's a musician?
The kind that comes with all the
you know
emotional baggage
I love him, he's my brother
But he can be a bit much
You did, and I slipped into groupie mode almost immediately 😆
BUT it sounds like he's been through some stuff... You don't just pick up emotional baggage at walmart! What happened? Bad ex? Several bad exes??
Yeah there's been some shitty exes.
He sure knows how to pick them
Uh oh
What kinds of guys has he dated before?
Am I scaring you off?
:((((
No, no, I've had my fair share of bad relationships too
It's just that having HAD bad relationships, I don't want to
Do more damage to both of us? You know what I mean?
Yeah that makes perfect sense.
I'm not sure how much he'd want me telling
But you know
The shit that goes on in music right
Drugs, booze and groupies, and not necessarily in that order?
And the fame-seeking hangers on of course. 🙁 People exploiting him and all that?
Yeah
All that shit
I thought it was cool too once
But when you get older and have more perspective
It's really a kind of hell trap
It can't be all bad, if he's still doing it, right?
Maybe your brother just needs someone to ground him
Yeah it's not allllll bad
He's just one of those people that gets sucked into stupid shit
And you can try to ground him
I tried but maybe I'm not grounded enough
In my experience there are 2 kinds of people that need grounding
The kind that needs a firm word
And the kind that needs a firm kick in the behind
I am very good at both, believe me! ;) And if he resists, I can and will throw a pair of heels at him!
Make sure they're heavy enough to keep him from floating off.
lame joke
Is this a boomer joke?
Fuck, I'm not that old!
How old ARE you anyway?
I'm 29!
Not ancient!
Ummmm
Yeah
Totally!
Totally not ancient
And yet you say it like
Yeah, you're ancient
No 29 is like the
Prime time of life!
I mean you're almost a whole decade older than me but
Totally not ancient, no way
Hell yeah I'm in the prime of life
...
But sometimes I feel ancient so
You're not totally wrong
Aww you just have an old soul in a
Hot young body :bellyrub:
You're not the first person to say that, oddly enough.
That you have a hot young body? 🤣
The old soul part mostly
They were thinking the hot body part 😏
Gotta keep working out
I don't wanna be one of those dudes with the dad bod
Something tells me that won't be an issue...
But also you know, you gotta keep fit for your special lady friend! You should just tell me her name now, so your brother and I can start planning for your wedding. ;P
I'd rather not...
Listen you
Do you know how much in advance you have to apply for a registry at any decent store?
The venue!
The guest list and seating arrangements!
The decor and flowers!
The personalized invitations!
The cake!
We need a decent head start here! Our reputations are on the line!
Now you're starting to sound like my abuela...
I mean all you have to do is show up in a tux and not throw up at the altar!
We planners have to do all the rest!
So cough it up buddy! The name. And measurements if you have them, wedding dresses are EXTREMELY hard to find.
Ooh or I could MAKE her a dress! It would be totally unique, no basic bitch department store dress for our girl!
Oh hell no
If I tell you who she is, she's going to show up at my door demanding why some random guy contacted her about getting married
You MUST give me more credit than that, come on. Do you think I'd just march up to her door and demand that she marry someone?
We just met! I don't know!
Tsk tsk tsk
You have so much to learn, young man. The gays don't work that way!
Then how would it work?
We're going to make her think it's all her idea. Then she'll be happy, you'll be happy, and I finally get to plan the wedding of your dreams.
What? No! I don't want to manipulate her!
Believe me, honey, a woman who doesn't want to get married wouldn't get married, so it's hardly manipulation.
Some women just
need a little nudge in the right direction
I think it's more realistic to date before talking about weddings...
Oh and how have things gone on that front, my dude? How many dates have you asked her on?
I've asked her!
She just
you know
has work to do
Mm
Work
And here you are refusing help
I do know how to ask a girl out you know
I'm going out on a limb here and saying that you do know how to ask girls out
Girls that you're only interested in sleeping with
While you keep yourself emotionally distant because in your heart you really want that one girl
But you don't know how to get into HER heart, even though you sense something between you two
I know
I'm good
Ouch.
So just
let me help you
Only if you drop this wedding thing
I'll drop it for now
On the condition that when it's time for the wedding, you let me plan it
I can deal with that
Deal!
So
Give me a name, mister! I'm DYING over here!
(Luuuuuuuuuce)
Her name is Luce
Uh
Lucia del Castillo
And if you say anything stupid, I'm coming for you
...
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU EVEN HAVE A CUTE PET NAME FOR HER, THAT IS ADORABLE
Kill me, I don't care, someone had to say it
Also googling her now
...
Why did I tell you
Because your dark little heart yearns for love, that's why you told me
Oh wow
I'm looking at her picture on the police website... which does not do her justice, I'm willing to bet
She's got that Severe Librarian Who Never Lets Her Hair Down look
I must see her in person
Secretly. Don't freak out.
Do
Not
Stalk
Her
Who said I was going to stalk her?
OBVIOUSLY I was going to get myself arrested on a minor charge
This is serious business, we don't half ass anything
What?!
NO
I can just ask her to meet up somewhere
Shit
See I knew you had it in you!
Just took a little push to get you there, buddy. 😊
I feel played
Helped
You've been helped!
If that's what makes you feel better about it.......
It does!
Okay here's the game plan. You ask her out for a casual coffee, very casually
I go, sit nearby and pretend like I'm just a normal person also getting coffee, BUT secretly I'll be taking notes on this pretty lady
And we regroup after to work out a more elaborate plan to get a ring on her finger
What
I meant I'd introduce you to her...
Darling
No
If you introduce us, she's going to do a background check on me and see my record and that will not reflect well on you
Why?
What have you done?
Nothing, I'm just
Extremely passionate about advocating for animal rights!
I don't even
What's that supposed to mean?
Did you break into a zoo or something?
No, nothing like that! I'm not a psycho
I just liberated some poor helpless animals that were going to be slaughtered for no good reason, just so Jonathan from upstate New York can have one $200 steak. 🙄
And then
Burned down a barn
BY ACCIDENT
Jesus
I said accident!
Come on dude
Well I think it makes me interesting
And anyway saving animals is not a crime, and even if it is, they never convicted me
If you've never been convicted then what's the problem?
It's on my record, and do you want to be associated with someone who ALMOST got convicted?
I have a record too, you know.
Even more reason to not be associated with an almost criminal!
But I'm an almost criminal too... ?
So you want her to think all you do is hang out with criminals?!
Nononooo
No but
I don't think she thinks that
DO you hang around with criminal types?
Sometimes
We have a long way to go baby doll
We need to reform your image and get her to see you in a whole different light
She still doesn't want to date me
You asked her straight up to go out didn't you?
Yeah, so?
She said yes to pie.
Is she paying for her own pie?
Also nobody says no to pie, unless they're a serial killer.
Well technically, I said yes to pie...
And why does it matter who's paying?
She suggested pie?
Oh my God
We're in!!
What's happening now? What's she saying?
That it's not a date
Bitch please, it's totally a date
She just doesn't want to call it a date because that means it's official
Totally a date
We're in boys!
Whatever she says, go along with it. Let her have her way.
How can you be so sure?
Because this is exactly what I do when I'm into a guy but I'm not sure I want to be serious, but I'm still super into him.
Trust me.
We
Are
In
Really?
I hope you're right
Oh hell yeah, I thought this would be much harder!
She's totally into you.
I don't know.
I think she just
wants to be friends
Because she told you it's not a date? But is totally willing to just go out and have a meal with you after telling you that. This girl is conflicted, which is great for us.
Now the trick is to know that it's a date, but act like it's not.
Keep it cool and casual. Lull her into a false sense of security. Then before you know it, she'll be opening up to you and seeing you as more than a friend.
Works every time.
How do you know though?
You seem so damn sure
I don't know
How are you gonna marry a girl when you can't handle a non-date date with her?!
Are you like
Secretly freaking out right now? I feel like you are.
Maybe
Kinda
Our family isn't that lucky with this shit
Has your family ever had a fabulous and insightful
And most importantly sneaky ass gay man help you out?
Since Emilio is our only gay man and he's about as sneaky as a buffalo
No
Oh he's one of those gays! That's adorable! 😍
But the point is
I'm here now
And I am the best at what I do
Which is meddle and make couples happen
What kind is that? 😆
I still have my doubts but yeah
The kind that doesn't give us a bad name~
also how dare you
I got you a date and you repay me with doubt?!
Are you saying you give yourself a bad name?
I still don't think it's actually a date...
I do, more times than I can count!
And it's a date. Period.
Dates end with a kiss.
This is probably why she's not calling it a date, you silly silly man.
Kisses don't just magically happen, okay. You have to work for them. Set up the right moment, guide her along to the final destination. And then make it seem like it was alllll spontaneous.
You're not ready for it yet. Stick to pie. Maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Tops.
Okay I'm not some kind of aggressive creep
I don't just lunge at women with kissy lips
Don't you though, Gael?
Don't you?
No?
When did I do that?
I don't know I just wanted to play bad cop for a second 😆
Hey um
So I texted your brother and he's not responding...
Soooo...
Do you think he changed his mind?
What do you mean he's not responding?
He practically lives on his phone.
....
He's not texting me back either.
what the fuck
Oh maybe he's busy then
Or sleeping...? Even though it's like almost noon but musicians right?
He can't be asleep... He was just texting me earlier.
Oh...
Call your almost girlfriend and ask her to get some cops to check up on him!
Yeah
Yeah that's not a bad idea
Should I go too? Be your man on the street? Be a fly on the wall?
Go?
What?
I was just going to have her check in on him...
...
I want to see what they both look like
I showed you what Emilio looked like...
You are adorably clueless and I want you to stay this way forever
How am I clueless...
Pictures are what you want people to see. It's never the real you in person!
Oh right... yeah, that's true. Emilio says shit about angles...
Yas and you always take the photo on your pretty side!
For the record
Both of my sides are my pretty sides
I just take cool and goofy pics
Because you are the coolest AND the goofiest! :smooch: So adorable!
Hey I gotta go
Luce is picking me up
There's a fucking sinkhole
Casualties
I have to make sure he's not one of them
WHAT
I'm coming with you!
How? Where even are you?
I literally live 2 floors above you
I'm already downstairs!
Okay
Well I guess you're coming with then
A cop car just pulled up.
With a lady cop inside.
😈
That
would be her
/hurries to get to her first lmao