We Are Bulletproof

They were both so, ugh! Why were men so dumb? They were going to screw up big time if they thought they would just be ghosts together. Plus, Luli didn't want the man to kill himself just to be with his lover! It must hurt, now, but if he only let time pass, it would hurt a little less with each day. He just... he just had to keep living. For himself! For Bohai!

Only, Bohai was all too happy to hear that his lover wanted to join him. Wisely, Luli didn't share this with Tyson. But Bohai was over the moon about it. His eyes shone with unshed tears and he reached for the arm that he couldn't touch, that his hand went right through, hand sliding to a hand he also couldn't touch.

She didn't know what to say in the face of that, though. If Tyson killed himself... If he killed himself to be with somebody who was already passed, who was tethered to the world in a different way... Sometimes when somebody killed themselves, they stayed behind because the world was cruel; most people who killed themselves couldn't stand this reality anymore and wanted to escape it. Tyson wouldn't want to be here; he just wanted to be with Bohai.

"You shouldn't be thinking about killing yourself. You should be..." She glanced at Bohai, who seemed not to like her much. "You should be thinking of how to help him move onto the next life so that when you do die, you'll be together. Because if you kill yourself and he's still here and you're not, he's going to be stuck here."

"Wh-what? No!"

Luli actually shot out of her chair, standing up and staring at Tyson in horror. It didn't help that he only had half the story. But when Tyson said he wouldn't make him wait, Bohai looked at him with adoration and he-he-he wanted him to do it! Luli swept her hands in an X in front of her.

"No, no! Don't!"

A waitress came over, concerned. "Is everything all right?"

Blushing, Luli quickly dropped back into her seat. "Of course! Everything's fine. Fine."

When the waitress finally left, Luli breathed in, hand on her chest. Jeez, her heart was beating way too fast, scared, as if Tyson was about to drop dead right in front of her. Leaning forward, she lowered her voice in case people were listening. It certainly felt like there were a lot of eyes on her now.

"You can't do that. Killing yourself won't work! There's no guarantee you'll come back a ghost and even if you do, the longer a spirit stays tethered to this world, the more warped they become! Trust me, you don't want that, either of you!"

She looked over at Bohai with a severe expression too.

Since she had been given the okay, Luli ordered all of her favorite things. There were egg rolls and the wonton soup and dumplings and of course, rice and some orange chicken and a couple of other things. Oh! And she added an iced tea to the list. Once her order had been taken, she clapped her hands together and looked over them at Tyson.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

There were no words for how hungry she got after channeling somebody's spirit. Even now, her stomach was rumbling, as if impatient for all that food she saw.

Bohai looked distressed and he was trying to touch Tyson. Biting her lip and looking downward at the table, Luli traced shapes on the old tabletop. It wasn't as if she didn't feel bad for the people who came to her for help. When people died suddenly or with too many hopes still left, they were anchored to this world. It was a kind of torture. Instead of passing on, like they should have, they were stuck here in a world where few could see or interact with them.

And even worse, when they were attached to a person. Because... well, one day Tyson would die and then what would become of Bohai? Luli knew; he would rot. His spirit would twist into something terrible. Into what they called a demon, a spirit gone bad. We should help him move on, she almost said but when she looked back up, she had a feeling that it wasn't the right time to say so. Tyson was in a bad place, too. He needed to reach an understanding before he could fully appreciate what she meant. Right now, he was still too sad, too hurt. He needed Bohai around, even if he was just a spirit that he couldn't even see or hear.

"He only wants to be with you," she said, because it was the simple way of conveying the way the ghost was looking at his lover. "That's why he's still here."

Bohai always loved sitting by the windows because it gave him something to talk about with Tyson. He could spend hours in a nice little cafe if they were by the window, where conversation turned organically from events in their lives to the things they observed outside the windows. Plus, he loved birds and he liked to watch them if there were trees close by. When he was a kid, he used to feed them, too, until he learned that was bad for the birds.

Luli sat down with a "Thank you," after Tyson politely pulled a chair out for her. Should she say any of what she just learned from Bohai? He was still with them, invisible to the one that mattered, but he had a lot to say to Luli, about window seats, about birds, about how he wished that she would just please let him borrow her body.

"Really? Anything I want?" Her eyes were like stars then. She knew just what she wanted to order; she wasn't kidding when she said it took a lot of food to get her energy back. Hopefully he wouldn't regret buying her the food but some part of her thought she should just take him up on it. After all, he did want her to channel his lover again, and she couldn't do it very long if she tried to be polite and eat like a prim girl.

When she looked up, she saw that Tyson was looking at the chair beside him. Was he aware that Bohai was there? Could he feel him? Maybe he had a little bit of the psychic ability in him, then! But he wasn't looking right at him, not the way Bohai was, who was watching Tyson like he had a lot to say to him. Luli felt the guilt eating at her again, even though she had every right to eject him from her body.

"He must care about you a lot," she said carefully. "To stick around this stubbornly."

"A little. But less fast food and more hometown food!"

It was located in the part of town they called Little Asia because of the pocket of Asians that had taken up residence within. It was a cool place to Luli, who enjoyed perusing the pretty shops and the various places to eat. Luli smiled as the hand that held hers tightened slightly and she swung their hands together.

"Okay! Ready? Run!"

She laughed a little as she led Tyson to the little restaurant with its lanterns and window painting of little roly-poly pandas. It was a cute little place but of course, the food was the real reason to eat there. They entered as quickly as possible but they were still pretty soaked from the savage storm that came out of nowhere outside. Meanwhile, the inside of the restaurant was bustling and warm. It seemed several others had taken refuge inside as well.

"Where do you want to sit?" Luli asked. Then: "Bohai says he wants to sit there."

She pointed to a table near a window. "He says he likes sitting by the windows?"

Oh! He was being so gentlemanly! Luli didn't think she was one that easily swooned but... he was a handsome, tall man and he looked just like a prince from a fairy tale! She wanted to smack herself on both cheeks to wake herself up from her weird dream. Besides... he wasn't just being nice to be nice. He had that past lover of his literally lingering behind them as they walked through the sudden storm that came out of nowhere.

"I'm Zhou Luli. You can just call me Luli!" And since he didn't really introduce himself, she gently poked him over the heart. "And you're Tyson, I know that much."

From his boyfriend, the one that was still lingering and watching their every move. It made things a little uncomfortable but it wasn't like it was new; Luli had been stalked by ghosts since she was a baby. Lucky for her, she had come from a family that knew what she was seeing and talking to. Otherwise, life could have been a lot rougher!

"Have you tried the Panda Panda Palace?" she asked eagerly. "The cooks there are old friends of my mom and they're really, really good! Wonton soup sounds perfect right now that it's raining. What do you think?"

The sound that came out of Bohai as his lover reached for him and his hand moved right through him... It almost didn't sound human. Like an animal, a hurt animal. It made Luli's heart wrench for him. This was the trouble with channeling spirits. It was impossible for her not to feel for them, especially once they'd made the bond of sharing a body. Luli lowered her head and listened to Tyson move closer to the ghost.

//Ty... I'm here! I'm right here! Just keep looking and you'll--I know you'll see me!//

Luli raised her hands up to her face. It was horrific. Why did they have to be separated? Even knowing she could help soothe it for a little while, in the end... one of them was dead and the other was alive. And the worst part was, even if Tyson tried to join him in the afterlife, there was no guarantee that he would. That was the worst part. They could be apart forever.

"Um, well," Luli said, lowering her hands, only to have Tyson take one of them. More gently this time, at least. "I just... I need to eat a lot to get my energy back up. And a good night's rest. I can try after that...?"

"Y-yes!"

She looked around, just as the man--Tyson--did. Could he see him? Tilting her head, she regarded the wild look in his eyes and how he never settled right onto Bohai, despite him standing perfectly still beside her. No, no, he couldn't see him. Disappointment shuddered through her and she could tell that it was partly a remnant of Bohai, too. He was disappointed. He was upset at not being able to be seen and experienced by his lover. Ex-lover. Hm. What did a person call that?

Luli gently brushed the air where Bohai stood, even if she could have pointed anywhere and the poor man would have believed her. Luli had never used her abilities to laugh at somebody, although she had seen her family cheat people... She wasn't really on board with that, either.

"He's still here. He's been following me for a while, looking for you. But listen, listen!" Before he went around asking her to let him in again, she had to be clear and put her foot down. "I can't keep channeling him for you. I mean... I can channel him for you... sometimes. But not... it's not something that's meant to happen for um... extended periods of time? It's tiring and it wears out the body!"

She reached up and grasped at her hair, self conscious. "My mother said it made her go grey early!"

They were both so mad at her!

No... Mad wasn't the word. They were both desperate. And sad. They were both really sad. And they wanted to be together but... but how was Luli supposed to help with that? She couldn't just be Bohai forever! She had her own life and she couldn't throw it all away to let that guy take over her body. Besides... she didn't think she could just give up her body like that. What would happen to her spirit?! It scared her and she tried in vain to get away from the man who held onto her, demanding that she bring back his lover.

"I--I can't!"

Which was maybe a little bit of a lie. He was still there, hovering close by, also demanding to use her body just a little longer. Pleading with her. But she... she couldn't!

"I can't!" she said again, trying to steady herself because the shaking was giving her an awful headache and truthfully making her feel a little sick. "Let go of me!"

"I... I... I'm trying," he said, furrowing the girl's brow as he concentrated on staying in the body. But he was still weak in spirit and the girl had a lot more experience dealing with belligerent spirits. After a moment, she successfully pushed him away and immediately, she tried to move away from the man called Tyson. Bohai, meanwhile, was left helplessly standing over them, watching as his beloved Tyson tried to hold onto him.

//No! NO! TY! Can you hear me?!// he called in vain. Luli shook her head, both as a response and also to shake off the remnants of Bohai's heavy, desperate emotions. That kind of emotion took a toll on her; she couldn't hold onto a spirit that long when they were feeling things so strongly. It ended up confusing her and that always ended with her pulling away. She had to; part of her was afraid she could lose her whole identity to a spirit that was stubborn and dedicated enough.

"I'm--I'm really sorry!" Luli said. "But I... I can't let him stay any longer."

"I won't."

He wouldn't. He wouldn't go anywhere. There were no plans to go anywhere. If he could stay at Ty's side for the rest of time, or for the rest of Ty's time before they could be truly reunited, then that was what he planned to do! He clung to Tyson, almost in disbelief. He... he could feel him, so familiar. He could smell him, the familiar scent of his shampoo, his skin. The familiar body, the shape, the voice. His heart ached for Tyson; how foreign it must feel now to be holding somebody else.

But he swore, it was him. It was him inside.

"I love you. Forever." And beyond time. Always. He wanted to say more; there was so much more to share, to talk about. They had so much time to explain things. Bohai had so much to tell Tyson! But he could feel something in the back of his mind pushing and his heart beat faster as he realized what was happening.

"No... no... no..." he murmured, trying to push the girl back. This was his time! His time!

Oh, he felt so weak, so feeble. He wrapped his arms around his once lover and he held him close and tight, hardly daring to breathe. It was a miracle in itself that he could breathe at all, that he found this girl, that she was close to Ty. He knew that she was, sensed it, as spirits could. He knew that he was close but he had no idea he would be this close. Yet here here was, in his arms again.

Once, Bohai was strong, robust, healthy. Athletic. He could leap over fences and sprint, he could tumble down grassy knolls and he could race up behind Ty and leap onto his back, despite being about as tall as he was. And then... something inside started to change. The world became blurrier. Things he once found easy to do were difficult. At first, he joked about it, laughing off the fact that he couldn't hit the same speeds he once hit. When he dropped the pickle jar instead of opening the lid, he blamed working out too hard, that he had sore muscles.

But it only got worse. And worse still, until he shriveled away, rapidly losing weight, losing his senses. He was so sick that he couldn't keep anything down. Doctors gave numbers. Grim numbers. Months to live. Weeks to live. Days to live. Minutes.

Despite the body not being his, he felt warmth tracking down his cheeks, his emotion so strong that it enfolded the channeler, too.

"I love you so much, Ty," he whispered, and he said it over and over and over again, afraid he might never get to say it again. Even now, his heart rattled painfully in his chest, so tight that he could scarcely breathe. The hands that weren't his found their way to Ty's hair, to smooth it, to take his wet cheeks in his hands. He just... he just wanted to look at him, to drink him in, so absorbed in his task that he forgot that Ty wasn't looking at him.

"I tried so hard... I tried so hard to stay for you but I... I..."

He was nothing now. A ghost in another body. Was this closure? What happened once he had it? Would he disappear for good?

Dead.

The word made Bohai swallow hard. Or the body he inhabited at the moment. It was so strange. Everything about this was so... strange. He remembered the life draining out of him. He remembered... dying. He tried so hard to hang on for as long as possible, not just for himself but for Ty. It turned out being stubborn didn't matter, not when death came for you.

Death came but it wasn't swift. Bohai felt it, every part of him dying, every part of him as it stopped functioning. But he tried. He really tried. Even now, he stared at Ty, not believing his luck. But his eyes--or rather, her eyes--filled with tears as he remembered how desperately he hung on and how hard Ty worked to keep him alive. Nothing could save him, not even the power of healing potions, not even the abilities of psychic. Not even love. Not even love could save him. Them.

"I..."

It was strange, being in this foreign body. Everything felt so wrong. He was so short. So small. Fragile. Before, when he was in his prime, he was a tall man, strong. They could look each other straight in the eyes. Now he was looking up and his hands felt so small when they reached up to cup Ty's face in them. So strange--it was no wonder that Ty didn't believe it was happening.

"I love you, ai xin," he said, repeating the last words he heard Ty say to him before he found himself in the body of a ghost.

"Because, Ty! I was the one who said it!" he said, words still spilling out of the girl's mouth in a rush, in a torrent. He didn't have time. The girl could kick him out at any moment--he could feel her starting to--and he didn't have much time. Tightening his hold on Ty, he leaned closer.

"I didn't know what else to say, I didn't want to let you in after you said you hated surprise parties, when I knew there was a surprise party on the other side of the door... But you... you were always stubborn and too smart. You saw right through me..."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair--only to find it much longer than he was used to. Annoyed, he untangled his hand from the long, wavy hair and tossed it over his shoulder just to get it out of the way.

"Don't you recognize me at all, Ty? It's me... Bo."

"Ty... please..."

Why wasn't he hearing him? Desperation filled his voice and his eyes. Or her eyes. That was the problem, wasn't it? Oh... oh, that was the problem! Bohai was nothing but a girl in the eyes of his lover and... and all he saw was her! How could he possibly see anything else? Frustrated, Bohai pulled at her hair and in the back of his mind, he could hear her protesting, pushing to get control back.

But he was here and he couldn't let him just go! What if he never saw him again?! Bohai tried again to grasp onto him, eyes on him, willing him to see him, to hear him as he was and not this girl. Hoping he could see through her and into his soul, that nebulous, fragile wisp of a soul that belonged nowhere now.

"Remember when I planned that big celebration for your birthday, the big surprise party? And right before I was about to open the door, you said you hated those things, you hated surprises? And I panicked and you went to unlock the door and I lied and I told you we couldn't go inside and you gave me that LOOK and asked me why and I lied and blurted out something stupid about bugs? Oh please, Ty, I know you remember!"