We Are Bulletproof

Hi Ember
I broke it off with Amory but I need some time to myself right now

I'm sorry, I know this is sudden but

I can't let him see me like this

I really just need to be alone for a few days

@Estember Calderon

Ow ow ow, hot hot HOT!

Scy juggled the thermos as he spilled a little bit of soup onto the back of his hand, trying not to upend the entire thing onto his kitchen floor--or over his own body. He quickly put the thermos down and ran his smarting hand under some cold water, while uttering a (tame) curse under his breath. It really wasn't like him to be this distracted but he had good reason to be, after talking with Ember.

Finding out that his boyfriend was a drug dealer and manufacturer was sort of a big deal. Ember had no reason to lie to him about it; it wasn't like he was fighting for Scy's heart. More like he never lost it.

Scy had to admit that when Ember disappeared off the face of the planet a year ago, it stung. He thought that he'd been abandoned, and that the steady progression of their relationship towards something serious had scared Ember off. So he turned to another man, trying to fill the gaps and holes in his broken heart, in case Ember never came back.

For a while, he was happy. He thought he was happy. Sure, he and Ams had their ups and downs, but he cared about Ams and Ams seemed to care about him. Granted, being a drug dealer didn't mean that Ams was incapable of falling in love or of caring for another person. But Scy couldn't see him in the same light after all that he'd learned. He still needed to hear more from Ember to confirm his suspicions, but he had to admit that it wasn't looking good for them--for himself and Ams, that was.

For himself and Ember... Wellll... there was that saying about first loves, and how one never got over them. Not really. Not when that first love came back into town and accidentally dialed him up. Of course, Ember might have contacted him sooner, but it sounded like he'd been through a lot and Scy, being the bleeding heart that he was, couldn't find it in himself to hold a grudge. Everyone made mistakes, after all.

He dried his hand on a hand towel and returned to the thermos to fill it up. It had potatoes and leeks in it, a thick and savory soup that he remembered Ember being particularly fond of. Scy packed it away, along with a good-sized chunk of crusty French bread, and then headed out the door. Luckily, Ams was out for the day. Scy wondered if he was out making drugs and the thought in and of itself made him feel... saddened, really. Betrayed. Lost. Were there signs all along, that he turned a blind eye to? Or was it impossible to truly know someone, even after having been with them for the better part of a year?

On the bus, Scy settled back in his seat with a long sigh. He wished that someone could tell him how to feel right now. About Ams. About Ember. About his pulse racing every time he thought about what Ember said--that he was the only one Ember could ever love. That... was pretty significant. Maybe Ember was right, in that they'd never broken up, and that technically they were still together. Were they, though? Together? Would anything change, with an entire year separating them?

Scy rubbed the bridge of his nose absently, lost in thought as the bus trundled towards the downtown area. He already knew in his heart of hearts that there was no contest. Given the choice between Ember and Ams, he would easily choose the former over the latter. Even if Ams hadn't turned out to be a drug dealer and awful evil wizard (he grimaced at himself, and such a childish turn of phrase), he would still have drifted back to Ember. Love worked like that; it wasn't rational or kind at all sometimes.

Ember also needed him, and Scy needed to be needed. It gave him purpose, a greater calling, to take care of others. People called him selfless, but really, he thought that it was just the opposite. He was pretty selfish too, in his own way. Scy looked gloomily down at the thermos and tightened the cap of it. Was it silly to hope that things could go back to the way they were, before Ember went off in search of... whatever it was that he sought? Power? Almost none of it made sense to Scy but he tried to understand. It was something Ember needed to do. Without him.

The bus rolled itself into the downtown area and past the tall, newly renovated apartment buildings clustered together. Scy quickly pulled the cord and jumped off the bus, then sped toward one of the buildings. He couldn't help the way that his pulse quickened, or that his mouth suddenly felt dry. He even got a bit dizzy, as he entered the lobby, although that could have been just excitement. Lots of excitement. Lots of that, and adrenaline, and a mixture of hope and anticipation and nervousness. The butterflies were in a frenzy in the pit of his stomach as he got up the elevator, and he had to try really hard not to start hyperventilating as he got up to the door.

Self-consciously, Scy smoothed his sweater and brushed fingers through his hair. He rapped with the knuckles of his free hand, and without realizing it, held his breath as he waited.

@Trash Bat @Estember Calderon