We Are Bulletproof

There it was. Viva Gelato. Ryland didn't exactly miss the key element to Aldon choosing this place in particular. This was where they went the night before their first time together. It was like the sixth date, if Ry remembered correctly. He made Aldon wait a while; the bastard was so used to just getting whatever the hell he wanted when he wanted it.

Ryland didn't want to give in. He didn't want to be another fool falling at his feet. He saw how it went with him. Just working alongside him and his brother at that accursed theater was enough for him to see that. God, Aldon flirted with everybody who looked remotely like his type. Ryland used to be so annoyed by that. It took him some time to realize why. By then, it was too late. He had been dragged into his web.

Letting out a sigh, Ryland looked back down at his phone, palms feeling slightly tingly with anxiety and anticipation. Why was this so much like an earlier meeting? The one last week, when he finally--finally!--met Christian. When he could finally put a face to his confidant, to the person he shared everything with. The person he'd bared his soul to.

And yet here he was.

Aldon used to have that part of him, until Ryland realized he was leaving his secrets in the hands of somebody who couldn't care for them with delicacy. It wasn't like Aldon was a despicable person. He was just... he was so... hard to handle sometimes.

Why the hell am I here again?

He still had time to turn on his heel and leave. He could just text Aldon that something came up. He didn't even have to give a reason. But the honesty in Aldon's tone at the end of their conversation stopped him from doing that. Instead, he ran an agitated hand through his hair and stuffed the phone in his pocket before crossing the street and entering Viva Gelato.

It didn't take long to locate that familiar golden head. Despite everything, his  traitorous heart let out a little jump. Ryland ignored it and headed over to the table where Aldon had indeed ordered that monstrosity of a sundae.

"I can't believe you really did it," he said, slack faced as he took a seat across from Aldon. Then he half smirked. "Okay, yes I can."

Damnit.
He'd said—typed?—more than he meant to.

See, Aldon wasn't exactly the type. The touchy part of touchy-feely? Yeah, no problem. The rest... not so much.

Like a foregone conclusion, Ryland brought out that side of him that he hated to expose: the sensitive side that everybody was so sure didn't exist in Aldon. Not that he was blatantly evil or anything, but he didn't deal in feelings and emotions. He didn't even get angry; everything brought out the same response. Laugh. Smile. Make a joke. Diversionary tactics. Anything to get away from the root of the problem that bothered him.

Hey, he got by. Over the years it was an artform. If nobody got to know him, they couldn't turn around and stab him where it hurt. Kinda hard to hurt somebody when you didn't know where their weak points were—it was the perfect plan.

Knda.

Sorta.

Except plans had a habit of going awry and the wrench in Aldon's turned out to be the guy walking in through the door towards him.

He struck a casual pose behind the mountain of ice cream, one arm slung over the back of the seat, one leg crossed loosely under the table. If he looked relaxed, however, inwardly he was anything but. A more observant person would have noticed the way he tensed; the sudden shift of his entire attention focused on the door, like a dog that suddenly caught sight of a squirrel... or a wolf that scented a fox.

Even though his heart rate accelerated and while his mouth suddenly went dry at the sight of him, Aldon still managed an easy smile. There was a little something extra come-hither-ish about the look in his eyes, though, in the way his lids hooded and his gaze flicked over Ryland's figure as he approached and sat down, perfectly impassive.

Was he, though? Perfectly undisturbed and unperturbed?

Aldon liked to think not. Maybe Ryland had gotten better at playing the game. Or maybe he had gotten worse.

"Well yeah, it's me we're talking about here," he said after a moment, abandoning some pretense in favor of leaning into the table. Not that he was trying to get closer to Ryland or anything. He just... wanted to be closer to the heap of ice cream. "Nothing should surprise you anymore, Ry! So... did you bring my jacket?"

Oh stop it, he wanted to say because Aldon was putting on the bedroom eyes. Ryland didn't have time for bedroom eyes. Honestly, he shouldn't even have time for an ex. His life was moving forward and it was all glorious. Soon he would graduate and he could work somewhere, maybe start out as an assistant vet and move his way up. Maybe he'd have his own practice one day.

The real end goal was that--his own practice, where he could treat shifters without suspicion. He couldn't help having a soft spot for his own kind, especially now that things were becoming especially rough for them. Hunters were always a real danger, the usual kind but now the supernatural kind were joining in. It made for more than uncomfortable existence. It made it feel like they didn't belong. Not here. Not anywhere.

That was really what he wanted, though. Ryland just wanted to slot himself into a world where he belonged. Sometimes it was really that easy. Most of the time, it wasn't.

Ry picked up a hardy plastic spoon and he brandished it like a weapon as he looked over Ice Cream Mountain. Seriously, it was like a real mountain. Foxes could dig a den inside it and raise a brood in there. Carefully, Ry stuck his spoon into the mess of a sundae and tasted it. Not that it tasted new and exciting. He'd been here before.

Cold, creamy gelato coated his tongue as Aldon asked his question. Quickly, Ry swallowed. He wanted to put the spoon down or maybe bring it down on Aldon's knuckles.

"Do I look like Iike I have it?"

Oh? Ryland didn't have the jacket. He didn't have anything and still came down to the gelato place.
Aldon didn't think he had to say it--that maybe Ryland was the one holding on to an excuse to see him. Instead, he scooped some ice cream too, directly from the place that Ryland had taken his spoonful. Like an indirect kiss. Only Aldon didn't say that either because he had a feeling that if he did, Ryland's annoyance would indirectly kiss his face--by way of his fist.

Smiling a little bit like he'd just discovered that the sun shone for him alone, he swallowed the mouthful and tasted nothing except the unspoken confession. Ryland came down here just to see him. That had to mean something. Only a damn blind man would miss that giant neon sign.

"I dunno. Maybe you had it hidden behind all that righteous indignation..." But under the table he gave Ryland's foot a gentle and playful nudge, to show that he was only teasing.

"You look good, Ry." And he sincerely meant that, even as his ankle brushed Ryland's.

Ryland eyed Aldon with some suspicion. He caught that Look! That smile! What was he thinking? But he felt like he was the one being baited now so he didn't ask. It seemed like he did a lot of that lately when it came to Aldon--just kept his mouth shut. For good reason, he supposed. If he opened it, he didn't know if either of them would like what came out.

He lifted his head imperiously. Excuse me? Righteous indignation? That was playing right into his hands, though. Grrr... He quelled his rising indignation with another spoonful of impossibly sweet gelato. He hoped Aldon wasn't expecting this to end the way it did when they were dating. It wouldn't. It couldn't. Ryland had a boyfriend now. Somebody who (hopefully) wouldn't turn out to be filthy heartbreaker.

"Ah, no!" Ryland threw a stern stare at Aldon, swiftly moving his foot (and his ankle) away from him. "No flirting."

Yep. Head tilt. Eyes narrowed. Lips pinched.

That comment struck a nerve, as surely as Aldon was sitting there and--by the way--he couldn't really believe that he was sitting there, opposite Ryland, after a year of radio silence.

Aldon took the coward's way out and they both knew that. He didn't know why he kept doing that. Kept jumping head-first into relationships and then getting cold feet. Maybe if he jumped in feet first...

That was the thing, though. Whichever way he approached relationships, he couldn't stop himself from getting scared. Antsy. Restless. It was no reflection of Ryland's suitability as a partner; it was Aldon. It was that whole messy business in eleventh grade and the fact that he just couldn't stop looking for the signs--the ones pointing to hurt.

Aldon still grinned unapologetically as he felt the air by his ankle swoosh with Ryland's retreat. He didn't chase but he did look briefly smug.

"You call that flirting?" That wasn't even his best performance.

Firmly. No. Flirting. NO. Flirting. Ryland wasn't going to flirt back, no matter what game Aldon played with him. (Although it was hard sometimes because it was so easy to fall into old habits.)

How long had it been? A year? Maybe longer? Ryland had to cut off all ties with Aldon after their last nasty breakup. By then, they'd been together on and off too often. One minute, they were great together and the next Aldon was acting shifty, not showing up, growing distant. It was weird how Aldon could do that--how he could smile and look so approachable but at the same time, he built up a wall that nobody could hope to break through. Ryland really tried, though. He was just tired of having his heart battered around. He needed something stable. He thought Aldon did too but he wouldn't let himself, for whatever reason.

"You know what I mean."

Calling a little ankle brushing flirting was a bit much--it made it sound like Ry was some prudish little virgin that didn't know how to flirt. Or didn't know the real meaning of the romance game. So yeah, Aldon just made him feel pathetic, like he somehow forgot to be with another man in his absence. Trying to steer the conversation elsewhere, he looked at the mountain between them and idly scooped up some more.

"This thing is an affront to mankind."

No flirting.

Except--yes flirting.

Who was Ryland trying to kid here? It wasn't flirting but his comment just made it so and Aldon wasn't so dumb that he didn't know what was going on in that pretty little head of his. What went on every time he came back, begging to be forgiven. Wasn't like this scene hadn't played out before, like a bad daytime soap opera.

He studied Ryland for several long moments, taking in the stubborn set of his jaw, the would-be hard look in his eyes. Something softer still lingered there. Aldon wasn't despised, for all of Ryland's prickly responses. If he was, they wouldn't be here right now, would they? Aldon was perceptive and... well, he knew Ryland as surely as Ryland thought he knew Aldon. The only difference was that Ryland really laid himself bare, and Aldon... pretended to.

It would have been infinitely easier had he not felt anything for Ryland. That was the problem--he did. In the moments when he let his guard down, brief as they were, he felt it. It was in the soft way that Ryland's lips pressed against his cheek, surprising him when he had his head down over his phone (playing some stupid mobile game); it was in the gentle brush of a hand over his arm just because. No reason needed to want to be close, to drift naturally towards each other sometimes without knowing it. Aldon would look up and suddenly--Ryland was there. He didn't consciously follow him around but Ryland often dominated his center of vision, even before they dated.

He wished that he could be trusting, that he wasn't always scared of the uncertain future. But he was also scared to admit that, to show another person that kind of weakness, and so the charade had to go on. Even Roe couldn't talk sense into him and Roe was pretty good at taking Aldon to task for all the bullshit he spewed and all the bastard things he did. But not even the voice of reason could do anything for Aldon.

"Oho! Are you not manly enough to take this on?" He, too, brandished his spoon like a sword. The words that couldn't be said hung thick in the air but unless he wanted Ryland to get up and walk away, it was better not to say anything at all. That suited Aldon just fine, though; he wasn't so keen on revisiting all of his past (and present) wrongs.

"Bet I can eat more than you!"

"Because this right here is the epitome of manliness," Ryland said, pointedly looking at the colorful mass between them. It came in a delightful and stomach churning bright colored swirl. Ryland only moderately liked sweet things so there was no way he could take on this mountain and win. Just a few spoonfuls would be enough to sate any desire for sweetness he might have for weeks.

He shook his head, still in disbelief that Aldon once conquered that mountain. It really did make him sick afterward but not the way it would have made Ry sick. Aldon had been more queasy than anything and he swore that Ryland's touch made it all go away. He was good at that, though. Saying things that pleased Ryland and made him feel all foolish and special. Then things soured and it was hard to remember what they were holding onto again.

"I'm not taking that bet," he said after one more spoonful, "because I'll lose."

And who knew what Aldon would demand in return.

Catching the eye of one of the girls who worked behind the counter, he asked for a glass of ice water. He desperately needed it now to get rid of that sickly sweet taste in the back of his throat.

"I don't know how you can handle all this," he said, poking the side of the sundae with the edge of his spoon. He looked up at Aldon. "When's the last time you were here anyway?"

"It takes a real man to be secure in his sexuality when confronted by... uh... this."

The philosophical statement went slightly South as he trailed off, looking at the mass of bright and cheerful colors. Well, Aldon was secure! He was plenty secure. He was the most secure thing this side of Fort Knox, thanks.

While Ryland backed out of the challenge like he knew where it would lead, Aldon squared his shoulders and worked his jaw. "I have an iron stomach, of course!" Had to loosen those muscles in preparation for--a highly damning question. His jaw tightened again, albeit for a millisecond. Then he grinned and went for a big scoop.

"Why do you wanna know?"

He was here just last week, sitting at their usual spot by the window and looking wistfully outside. Ryland didn't show up, of course, but he had hoped...

Not that it mattered what he hoped. Aldon knew when he was being stupid. Yet, he couldn't help himself sometimes. Everything carried a memory. Did Ryland look at popcorn and remember the times Aldon snuck handfuls out of the machine at the theater, because he forgot to bring lunch? (Only to get violently sick later, because he ate too quickly to avoid getting caught by the manager. He didn't really have an iron stomach; far from it, in fact.)

Did Ryland look up at the sky when it was cloudy and remember Aldon's insistence that it would not rain, only to be completely drenched in ice-cold snow on their first ever picnic date at the park? And cheese? Did Ryland ever manage to look at cheese the same way again after The Incident?

Aldon couldn't really do any of that. He could pretend to, though, and filled in the empty spaces with new people but it just wasn't the same.

Despite himself, Ry laughed. Yes, yes. It took a Real Man to remain secure in his masculinity when confronted with heaps of colorful gelato. He turned his head away as he laughed, then turned his gaze downward. Stupid Aldon. It wasn't just what he said but how he said it. Ah, he missed this. Even as he felt that warm familiarity in his chest, like settling into bed after a long day--that comfort, that feeling of being safe and home--he tried to refocus himself. That wasn't what this was.

Honestly, he didn't know what this was.

He shook his head. Nope. Nu-uh. Aldon didn't have a stomach made of iron. Or if he did, he was really good at convincing Ryland of the opposite.

Momentarily frozen, he wished fervently that he hadn't questioned Aldon on when he'd last been at Viva Gelato. He should have known the question would rebound back on him. Why should he care or want to know? It had been a long time. A year. In that time, who knew what Aldon had been doing? He said he had somebody now and so did Ryland.

So why care if he was here?

"Just curious," he said, maintaining a neutral tone. "I haven't been here since... us."

There were some places he actively avoided when things broke off between them. Viva Gelato was one of them but there were a host of others, too. Deep down, he half hoped to run into him but he knew where it would lead so he stayed away. Things were getting weird. Too serious. Ryland studied Aldon for a moment, then... he shot a spoonful of gelato at him, aiming for his nose.

"That's for the nachos."

"Ah."

Then Aldon was defi-freaking-nitely never telling Ryland about him coming around to their old haunts. Only once in a while, though. Only when the edges of his memories of them grew too sharp to ignore.

"Hm." He didn't have much to say to that. It seemed like there wasn't really an appropriate response. Good for you for trying to get over me? No, Aldon wasn't as big of a man to say that. It wasn't what he wanted, they both knew that. Besides, Ryland decided that he wanted nothing more to do with Aldon, so admitting that he longed for Ryland would be too damning for the both of them to handle at the moment.

SPLAT!

Aldon blinked. Something cold and wet trickled down his cheek. "Did--" he began, stupidly staring at Ryland and into his mischievous little face. "Did you just--" The wetness slid over his chin and dropped onto the table.

"Oh you. You are so dead! I wore my best shirt for you!" But Aldon was grinning even as he cried out indignantly, grabbing a maraschino cherry to pelt Ryland with.

The look on Aldon's face was just too much--Ryland burst into a fit of laughter and even pointed at poor Aldon's now creamy face. Aldon just let it drip down his face, which really just made it that much more riotous. Plop went the ice cream and Ryland laughed harder.

"You--your--"

A cherry came hurtling at him and he raised his hands and ducked, trying to avoid it with a helpless shout of, "no!" The cherry managed to slip between his fingers and struck him on the upper cheek. Right under the eye! He blinked that eye a few times, scrunching up his face before looking quickly downward and trying to catch the cherry. It dropped to the floor before he could catch it to lob it back.

"Nuh-uh, you don't get to pay me back for paying you back!" He straight up stuck his spoon into Mount Gelato and shoveled a great glob of it in Aldon's general direction, even as he half hunched a shoulder as if in preparation for a new onslaught of cherries.

"You little f--AAAAHH!"
The mass literally just plopped into his lap and it was SO COLD. It was COLD and WET and Aldon leapt up like he had live fish in his pants, sending most of the ice cream to the floor. Then as he did so, as he rose, he violently caught the edge of the table with his... most sensitive area and he sat back down hard with a winded groan and a wheeze.

"...ow..." Aldon whined in a tiny voice, and then slid over side-ways to curl up on the seat with some ice cream for a pillow, what there was of it that hadn't fallen to the ground. People were beginning to look over at the commotion but Aldon--with both hands between his legs--wasn't in a competent state to feel ashamed for making a miniature scene.

"...ow..."

No inevitable onslaught of cherries. Actually... it seemed like Ryland's shot hit a pretty sensitive spot, which then ended up even more abused. Ryland half laughed and half cringed, not really believing it was happening for a half a second.

Then--man down! Aldon was curling up like a wounded puppy and Ryland widened his eyes and straightened up. Both hands grabbed onto the table and he leaned forward, trying to get a better look at Aldon all curled up.

"Wh..."

Whoops. It was meant to be a little fun and games to alleviate the weird tension between them. Instead, he ended up physically assaulting Aldon somehow.

"Are you okay?"

Man. Down.

And that little man wasn't going to be getting UP for a while!

Aldon rolled into the back of the seat in agony, closing his eyes tight and moaning. The pain. It was like no other pain, shooting right up into his spine and making the back of his neck tingle unpleasantly. Not even changing during the full moon felt like this!

So no, he wasn't okay! And he gasped out a "No!" to Ryland's concerned question as he rolled onto his stomach, kicking his legs. It fucking hurt!

"I wanted to have kids," he moaned some more, maybe sorta kinda hamming it up a little bit--as he was wont to.

Okay, dumb question. Any man that had been hit in the private bits knew it was never okay afterward. Even though his voice did quiver slightly with laughter, Ryland said, "Poor puppy."

It was kind of making fun of him but he also kinda meant it, which was why he slid out of his side of the booth and moved over to Aldon, who was thrashing around and moaning like he was about to die. Since Aldon was currently on his stomach, Ryland reached out and rubbed his back gently instead.

"You can still have kids. I don't think your family jewels were that damaged." He paused. "Or you could ask Roe to have them for you."

"What do I wanna have Roe have kids for me for?! Murderer!" Aldon croaked. Murderer of his future as-yet unborn children, who were mere tiny glimmers behind Aldon's eyes. Was that how the saying went? It was hard to think when his nuts just got crushed against the edge of the table! It was also hard to speak properly, hence his garbled responses. Grammar went flying out the window in times like these, sadly.

"Is everything okay over here?" A concerned--and also somewhat annoyed--new voice joined the conversation. One of the wait staff had come over, looking somewhat put out at the scene that they were causing.

"Fine." Aldon struggled to raise his head, annoyed himself that somebody was butting in on his and Ryland's quality time together. If severe lower body injury and a back rub--not really the place Aldon wanted Ryland's hand--could be considered 'quality.'

"R-Ry. Help me. Help me up." Because Aldon couldn't move, much less make it home right now under his own power and he would rather not keep laying in a pool of cool melting ice cream.

Murderer was a bit strong--it wasn't like Ryland willfully set out to impair Aldon's ability to reproduce. Admittedly, reproducing was pretty important in their circles. At least, Ryland's family prided themselves on carrying on the family line. Ryland once thought he really would but things had been severely veering off course and straight into.... well. Guys and guys didn't exactly mate to make babies.

"Yes," Ryland said at the same time Aldon assured the wait staff that he wasn't dead, dying, or about to sue their company for something that had nothing to do with the company in the first place.

He continued to gently rub Aldon's back, as if that would somehow ease the pain somewhere else. (Well, he wasn't going to rub him down there, thanks.)

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Ryland acquiesced and he carefully helped Aldon sit up in a way that would hopefully not traumatize his poor balls further. Ryland still wanted to half laugh at the predicament--he couldn't help it. At the same time, he also couldn't help that weird little motherly feeling that popped up whenever somebody was hurt in front of him.

Now his hand move to Aldon's shoulder.

"We should probably get you out of... that," he said, gesturing to the ice cream coated clothes. He let out a soft laugh as he reached for the side of Aldon's head, brushing off a speck of it.

"It's all over you."

The rubbing motion was soothing--to his back. Not so much to the front but to Aldon it didn't make a lick of difference. Ryland was touching him, and that was good enough! For now.

He struggled to sit up, wincing and making a show of being 'injured.' After a while of watching them, the waiter shrugged and went away, probably to gossip about them with his co-workers. Hell, that was what Aldon did when he worked at the theater, puling his twin aside to tell him about the woman in the hideous floral print, or the homeless guy who slunk in through the back hoping to sleep in one of the less crowded rooms.

But he did catch that--that eye roll and head shake. Unrepentant murderer! Ryland didn't even look all that sorry! So Aldon upped his pitiful act, grimacing and gingerly positioning himself to avoid any further injury to that area--his favorite area.

"Ry, it hurts to breathe." He gave the kicked puppy look; extra effective, what with his... er... species and all! Then Ryland laughed and his stomach seemed to bottom out, leaving him slightly breathless. Again. Damnit. That smile. The sound of his laugh... God, he missed that laugh.

"Take me home, Ry." Reaching out, Aldon grasped onto Ryland's arm and tried to lever himself up onto his feet. Yes, he needed to change out of his ice-cream bedecked clothes. It felt gross, honestly, with the melted stuff seeping into his shirt and pants. He probably didn't look too hot, either, with it all over him.

"I bet it does," he said indulgently, since getting hit in the groin took a lot out of a man. Ryland reached over and gently rubbed Aldon's chest instead for a moment. Not that it was going to help him breathe but it could calm him down if he was a bundle of nerves. Being a bundle of nerves wasn't conducive to recovery.

"All right, all right." He let Aldon grasp onto his arm and helped him up out of his seat as carefully as he could, keeping in mind to help him maneuver by the table and anything else that might be groin height. He glanced down briefly but there was no way in hell he was indulging Aldon by that much.

As he aided Aldon toward the door--every eye in Viva Gelato on them--he asked, "Same place? Or did you move, too?"

Aldon wasted no time at all in getting close to Ryland, letting him carry the brunt of his weight. "Moved out. Couldn't handle the smell of Roe's feet for another second. I live near Pinehurst now, I'll point out the place once we get there."

Also--he was totally leaning into Ryland Ren and Ryland couldn't even say anything about it, since Aldon was so hurt. Nothing could possibly have pleased Aldon more than a cheap opportunity to cozy up to the man that he seduced and left and came back to only to leave again, multiple times. Nothing at all.

Taking full advantage of his injured state, Aldon slipped an arm around Ryland--purely to stabilize himself. Not an attempt to snuggle up to him, nope. But it did smear some ice cream onto Ryland's clothes too, although they probably couldn't have looked any more idiotic, two grown men (one hobbling) having a childish food fight in an ice cream parlor. Aldon didn't actually feel self-conscious enough to blush but he was acutely aware of the eyes on him and had he not been smashed in the nuts, he might have hammed it up in the moment, too.

However, gracelessly shuffling out was his only recourse and, outside, he let out the howl of pain that he had been holding in this entire time. "GODDAMN THAT HURT!"

"Oh really."

His tone was completely neutral but some part of him worried about the implications of taking Aldon home to a place with no other people around. Maybe he got new roommates. He didn't have time to ask about it, though, between shuffling awkwardly out the door and Aldon leaning heavily against him. It would have been easier to carry him a full grown wolf than his human body at that point.

The howling didn't help much, either. Wolves and their howling. Where Ryland came from, it was more like a yip. Or whatever the hell that guy imagined foxes sounded like in his annoying song that killed it for foxes everywhere. At least the foxes Ryland knew.

"Standing here moaning about it isn't going to help. Come on, let's get to my car."

Another shuffle and shamble and Ryland paused. Then sucked in a breath.

"Um. Actually, Ald... I walked here."

Yes, really, why would he lie? Weirdo. Aldon didn't think much of the neutral and cautious tone, although it would have been a lie to say that he didn't think along parallel lines to what Ryland thought--that they would be alone, together, in his apartment. Just the two of them... What a juicy opportunity...

However, walking all the way there pretty much was out of the goddamn question. Maybe as a wolf, Aldon could have sprinted there. As a human with an injured groin, he was lucky if he took another five steps without having to stop for breath.

"Waitaminute." Aldon held up a hand. He gingerly straightened, looking over at Ryland. "Does that mean you live close by? ...you didn't move that far, did you?"

Because he used to live in the neighborhood, and if he walked here then... his new place surely couldn't be on the other side of the city. (Did that say something though? It probably did.)

Crap. How could he forget that he walked here? Crap, crap, crap. Worse still, that meant he just openly admitted that yes, he did live nearby. At least near enough to walk to Viva Gelato. So he didn't go there. It didn't mean he hadn't passed by it a few times.

"No," he admitted. "I'm just closer to the school now."

And that meant he had moved into a pretty obvious apartment building. The Cascade Apartment building was across the street from the school and it was close to downtown Evermore, which was where Viva Gelato (and many other businesses) happened to be located.

"Think you can make it there?" he asked, somewhat reluctant now that they were going to his apartment. He kinda sorta didn't want to let Aldon know where it was. Just in case. Things.

Oh, geez. So it was true, then, that Ryland hadn't moved all that far away from his old place--an unnamed apartment further from the university, where rent was slightly cheaper. But it was undoubtedly more convenient to live closer to campus--for those serious about their studies. For Aldon it was an excuse to not go to class because: too far.

He shook his head mildly, exasperated. How many times had he come by, hoping to bump into Ryland? And the guy was just blocks away! Fate somehow intervened, making sure that all year, they just missed one another. Aldon inwardly shook a fist at fate but outwardly just nodded.

"I think so. But if I don't make it..." He lowered his voice and laid his head on Ryland's shoulder for a moment. "Tell my family I love them. Everybody except Lance cause he still owes me money."

"I didn't mean you were going to die on the way there, you hound."

Still, he let Aldon lean his head against his shoulder for a moment before he lightly patted him on the back. "Let's go. We look like weirdos."

Not to mention how bad it would look if his boyfriend saw them. Or one of his boyfriend's friends. Not that they were doing anything wrong but deep down, Ryland felt like he was. And that likely meant that he was, because it was some sort of mental cheating. He knew he still had feelings for this idiot and it was hard to deny that, even to himself. Let alone trying to have that conversation with his poor boyfriend, who deserved nothing but the best.

He made sure he was at least not jostling Aldon too much and by the time they stood in front of the apartment building, he was side-eyeing Aldon.

"Are you sure it still hurts?"

"You didn't specify, how was I supposed to know what you meant?!" Indignation reigned in every line of Aldon's face, so wrongfully accused. All right, so Ryland didn't mean that he'd die on the way to the apartment. But if he did--like if he got run over or if a piano fell on him or a plane crushed him--then he wanted Ryland to pass the word along. His brother Lance, however, could go choke on a--you know what--because Aldon was still waiting for those twenty bucks that he lent him for cab fare the other week.

"I'm not a weirdo, I'm hurt," he said in an injured tone as they hobbled off together, Aldon still making sure to lean on him whenever the opportunity presented itself. It presented itself often, as a matter of fact, such that he barely felt the twinges anymore by the time they arrived because he was all distracted by their proximity. If Ryland noticed it too, he was good at hiding it, although... at some point when Aldon got a shade too close, he could've sworn that he felt Ryland leaning into him, too.

"It hurts." He put a hand over his crotch like somebody was going to attack it with another table edge. "I'll show you once we're inside, if you're all skeptical!"

The look Ryland sent Aldon said it all: like he really thought Ryland was talking about his death. Aldon was hamming it up--he loved to do that whenever he wanted attention. Instead of just being normal about it, he did stuff like this. (And Ryland hated that he knew that about him. Why did he know him so well? Why couldn't he just throw him out of his mind without a thought?)

He thought he was doing pretty good. After the breakup, he felt hollow and empty. To stimulate himself and try and pull himself out of that funk, he started playing video games more and more... until he met Christian. Gamer buds to online friends to boyfriends. It was new age romance.

"You can be a hurt weirdo," Ryland pointed out. Which was exactly what Aldon was. A hurt weirdo. Look at him, being weird. And hurt. And close. Oh, Ryland noticed their proximity. He wished he didn't but he was all too aware of Aldon's hands were and where his body brushed his. God, he wished he didn't notice.

"Yes," he said, about to say I know it hurts when his gaze drifted to where Aldon's hand formed a protective barrier over his crotchal area. It did not help things that Aldon went on to say he'd show him.

"You will not show me!" Ryland said indignantly. As if he was going to stand there and let Aldon pull down his pants and show him what he'd already seen before. (Minus whatever damage he'd taken at Viva Gelato.)

"Just--" He didn't know what to say so he urged Aldon forward. "Let's get inside before somebody thinks you're perving on me."

"What's the problem?" Aldon asked, mystified (or pretending to be anyway, to uphold his status as the innocent injured party). "It's not like you've never seen it before!" In fact, Ryland had seen it plenty of times in all its glory. Aldon made sure of that.

They were walking through the doors now, into the lobby where a few people were waiting for the elevator. It was actually a pretty nice place; not too shabby, not too dingy or run-down. It wasn't the most glamorous lobby in existence but it was bright and there were even some chairs and couches for visitors. Catching sight of the people inside, Aldon grinned mischievously.

Total payback time for the ice cream attack!

So he lowered his voice and leaned over, lips near Ryland's pretty ear. His grasp on Ryland's waist tightened. "Not like you haven't gotten up close and personal with it, eh Ry?"

He said that in a pseudo-whisper but it was loud enough to carry. Loud enough to be heard by at least one person, who glanced quickly at them with curiosity in her expression.

"Will you please just stop?" Ryland hissed, pressing against Aldon's chest and bending away from him like a kid who didn't want kisses from his great auntie.

What was Aldon doing? It was like he wanted to embarrass the crap out of him! (Well, of course he did and Ryland was dumb enough to hand him the tools to do it, too.) Saying that he didn't want people think Aldon was perving on him was like holding up a great big neon sign that said "HEY ALDON, PERV ON ME PLZ."

"If you don't stop talking about It, I'm going to give It another whack!" Ryland threatened--only too late realizing just how that sounded. Oh god. He just wanted to walk into a corner and die.

"What if I end up liking it?" Aldon grinned impishly, leaning further into Ryland. They looked like they were about to play limbo or something, both tilting so far that Aldon almost wobbled off his feet. He had no doubt that Ryland would 'defend' himself if pushed too far but c'mon. He already made Aldon crush that part of his body, how much more damage did he want to do?

The girl flashed them an amused smile and turned away, since the elevator had arrived and people were shuffling inside. Aldon stepped forward too, towing Ryland along because a crowded elevator meant that he could crowd up on Ryland—a ready-made excuse for his rowdy behavior.

"You're so hostile now," he did grumble as the doors closed, stepping into Ryland. They weren't nose-to-nose but they were close enough for Aldon to see the individual lashes of Ryland's eyes. Pretty. But his whole face was pretty; there wasn't much to criticize with a face like that. Aldon missed when he could get right up close and just stare, smiling almost benignly, memorizing every feature (before Ryland invariably got embarrassed and told him to cut it out).

"You would."

And that was just where he was going to leave that comment, even as he briefly glanced over at the girl watching them. His ears might have heated up a little but he didn't full on blush or anything.

Once he entered the elevator with Aldon and half the apartment complex, he squished himself into a front corner. And Aldon squished into him. If he didn't think it would actually hurt Aldon, he would have secretly given Aldon's offended junk a squeeze of punishment but since he didn't actually know how hurt Aldon was, he didn't chance it.

"Am not," he argued as he turned to look him in the eye. Now they were nose to nose, brushed up against one another. Ryland couldn't help it. He smiled, which progressed into a little laugh as he remembered the half torturous, half amusing accident.

"You smacked yourself on the table. I just threw ice cream at you."

"Are so. You're older, you're supposed to be nice to me!"

Look at him, all mean-looking. All close. The tips of their noses brushed inadvertently with the shift of Aldon's head and his expression softened. "Meanie," he said, but gave Ryland's hand a gentle little squeeze knowing that Ryland was kind of a sucker for these things. The soft touch; the display of care and affection that Aldon was always only too happy to give him... when he wasn't spooked by what those gestures meant or the reaction that they invariably invoked inside of himself.

As the elevator ascended, Aldon laughed a little too--though his was tinged with the slightest hint of ruefulness. After all, it was his nuts that got squished. Ryland got to be all jovial about it but Aldon was the one suffering the consequences of his mischievous streak! (Then again what could one expect from a fox?)

"Yeah, well..." Aldon looked down meaningfully between them. He didn't actually care to lower his voice and his comment was accompanied by a muffled snicker from somewhere behind them. "Now you gotta rub it cause that's the only way I'll feel better."

Which Ryland knew didn't mean the squished area--they both knew his one weakness and it wasn't actually South of the belt--but the other people in the elevator? Probably not.

"You--" His gaze had followed that meaningful look downward. No. Nope. There would be no showing of that thing and he definitely wasn't going to... to...

He heard the laughter. Yeah, it sounded dirty. Jerk. Now he really wanted to deliver his punishment but it might end up backfiring him. It was too crowded to do much more than Stare at him. Not a killing stare. More like a playful killing stare.

Not even bothering to explain to any of the people in the crowded elevator, he continued to Stare until the elevator dinged to let them know they had arrived at somebody's floor. Then he glanced over. His floor. He quickly grabbed onto Aldon's arm and dragged him out and down the hall.

"I'm not rubbing anything better, by the way!" he declared loudly as the elevator doors shut behind them--just in case the snickering strangers thought they knew what was happening.

He let go of Aldon when he arrived at his door so he could fish out his keys.

"You think you're really cute, don't you?" he asked as he unlocked the door and then pushed it open.

Aldon smiled the whole time that Ryland death-glared, his biggest and brightest winning smile. It was a stale-mate until the elevator reached Ryland's floor and they tumbled out into the hallway, with two other people also exiting but immediately heading toward their own units. Probably didn't want to know too much about what was going to get rubbed--or where.

"I don't think I'm cute." He loitered, side-shuffled, took a chance and slipped behind Ryland for a loose back-hug while Ryland was occupied with opening the door. Mostly he was using Ryland as a prop. Chin resting gently on Ryland's shoulder, Aldon glanced over with another rather winning smile. "I know I'm cute. You told me on our second date, remember?"

Yeah, yeah, he was being glib now. Then again, when was Aldon not glib? He always had a ready answer--unless talk turned to himself. Then he clammed up. But right now it was easier to deal with a Ryland stewing in righteous indignation instead of a Ryland who wanted to get to know the real him, and all of that real Aldon's fears and insecurities.

"Ry. If you don't do the thing I'm not going inside."

"Uh-huh." Right. Aldon didn't think he was cute. A moment later, Ryland groaned. Oh, all right. Because he knew he was cute. Ryland edged his gaze toward Aldon without moving his head. Of course, he saw nothing but he felt Aldon's arms around him and the way he leaned against him.

Yeah, he wasn't that badly hurt. In fact, Ryland was pretty sure that Aldon's nether regions were working just fine right about now.

"That was when we were dating," he said, as if somehow the cute switch turned off when they were no longer dating. (And switched back on when they did? How did that work, anyway?)

Oh come on. Ryland tried to walk through the door, despite the man sized monkey on his back.

"Then you can stay out here," he said stubbornly, although that didn't seem to be happening, what with the back hug thing and all.

First of all, Ryland was the one who unilaterally decided that they would break up so as far as Aldon was concerned, he was still cute. And never-the-hell-mind about the fact that he still didn't consider them officially 'broken up' because he was not getting into that.

"Nnno!" Dragging his heels, Aldon did everything he could to stop Ryland from entering his own apartment. No way he was letting Ryland get away and slam the door in his face! Knowing him, he'd keep Aldon out forever and Aldon was not about to be put in the doghouse, thanks!

"Do the thing! Or neither of us go in!"

He raised his voice, too, to make sure that it was as embarrassing a scene as possible, just in case the neighbors decided to come out and investigate. What? Nobody said Aldon wasn't underhanded. He also had a pretty thick skin, plus he didn't live here. He didn't have to look people in the eye every morning afterwards, or get stuck with them in the elevator.

"You're acting like a child!"

Ryland still attempted to drag himself into his home and safely away from prying eyes. However, Aldon was clinging on tight and doing his damnedest to keep Ryland from getting anywhere. Seriously though! He was acting like a toddler who didn't want his mom to leave him at daycare or something! Ryland tried to shake him off.

"I'm not doing it," he said. "Even if I wanted to... hello?"

He gestured down at their current situation. Did Aldon really expect him to do anything from his current position?

"Am not! And I didn't mean HERE and NOW Ry, geez!" Aldon huffed, like Ryland was the with a few screws loose. Like it was obvious that he wasn't going to lay down in the hallway just so that Ryland could do the thing he always did that made Aldon feel... good.

"Inside. Do it inside!" Pushing Ryland along, he awkwardly shuffled them inside and then kicked the door shut with a resounding BANG with the heel of one foot. Not bothering to toe off his shoes—who had time for that?—Aldon continued hustling Ryland along. There, the living room was in sight and 'lo and behold, there was even a convenient couch there.

"I'm not an exhibitionist." Lie: he was one. That incident in the changing room was proof positive of that but who was really keeping track anyway? Aldon tried to keep his goofy grins to himself as he locked his hands together to stop Ryland from wiggling away. Unless he shifted into a fox, Aldon was hanging on tight!

"What?"

Before he knew what was happening, he was being ushered into his own apartment. He barely even knew what to make of what Aldon just said. Of course his initial thought was that Aldon wanted it outside. Why, though? He didn't know. He just thought it was some kind of weird ultimatum. (Which it still sort of was, if you asked him.)

Ryland's apartment was still pretty sparsely decorated since he'd barely moved in a short time ago. There were still a handful of smaller boxes littering the living room but they were filled with things like books or DVDs--things he didn't need immediately.

"Yes! Yes you are!" Ryland argued as he tried to wriggle free from Aldon's grasp. Honestly, he had been hoping that pointing out their current position would loosen Aldon's grasp so he could weasel his way out of his arms. Not so clever, apparently.

Sighing, he dropped his head. Why oh why did he lead Aldon right to his new apartment?

"You're a jerk, you know that?"

Since it was currently exposed, Aldon kissed the back of Ryland's neck when he dropped his head. Then he nuzzled against it with his cheek, like an overfond pet who had been separated from its master for far too long. "Am not," he said in a softer tone, since they were inside now and there was no need to shout. Nobody but them here, anyway; a scene was unnecessary.

"You wouldn't let a jerk into your apartment."

Which was true because Ryland could've fought a lot harder to keep him out! And earlier he didn't even knee Aldon in the (already crushed) groin when they were inside the elevator. Grinning, he loosened one hand so that he could gently pat Ryland's stomach. "C'mon. For old times' sake? Please? It still hurts you know." Although now it was beginning to hurt for a whooole different reason.

Well, what could he say? Aldon was a healthy, virile young man and being this close to the object of his affections couldn't leave him completely unaffected.

Jerk. Aldon was such a jerk. He knew exactly how to manipulate Ryland into feeling sorry for him or doing favors for him. He always had that ability to get right underneath his skin or stab him straight in the heart with a single look. Hell, even a single sound from him could make Ryland feel something.

"...Aldon, don't..."

He felt helpless against the assault of old emotions that swelled in his heart; this was exactly why he didn't want to be alone with Aldon. It was too easy to just slip right back into the relationship, forgetting all about the reasons they had to break up in the first place. Or Ryland had to break up with Aldon--as Aldon was all too fond of reminding him.

It was always Ryland doing the breaking up because he couldn't stand the games Aldon seemed to play. One minute they were close, the next minute Aldon didn't want to say what was really on his mind. One minute they were laughing together and the next they were arguing because Ryland caught the bastard hitting on somebody else.

Ryland might be the one doing the breaking up but Aldon was the one who kept pushing Ryland away when he needed him most.

Reaching out, he took hold of Aldon's hand on his stomach to stop it from continuing.

"You know I have a boyfriend."

It was probably the only reason Aldon had come back around. Invariably, this always seemed to happen. Ryland would do a decent job at moving on, find a nice person to settle into a relationship with, and then Aldon would come around and destroy it just by virtue of being there. (So what did that say about Ryland? He didn't want to know.)

Aldon didn't respond but pressed his lips to the back of Ryland's neck again, this time fervently. He couldn't do it. Couldn't stand there and not want to put his arms around Ryland. The fire never died out; it was always there in the depths of his lying little heart, in a low-grade simmer, just ready to be stoked to life with a single word or a look or a--don't.

Because he couldn't stop. He couldn't not want Ryland, couldn't help himself from being skittish and jealous and flighty and irresponsible and... and amorous. His lips trailed down the back of Ryland's neck, along the exposed portion of warm skin to the edge of his jacket collar. His fingertips tried in vain to slip up Ryland's shirt but a hand stopped his hand, halting the petting motions as well.

"I'm your boyfriend," he said as a harder, possessive note crept briefly into his voice. Don't get him wrong--Aldon wasn't a green-eyed monster. He didn't go around forbidding Ryland to associate with other people or fly into rages over a smile or a nod. But the thought of someone else's lips on Ryland and someone else's hand exploring his body struck a nerve. Made him feel hot all over--unpleasantly so.

"C'mon Ry." His lips--no longer smiling--drifted coaxingly to the side of Ryland's throat, across his jaw. Aldon's voice grew yet softer, quieter in the privacy of the apartment like he was sharing a secret just for the two of them. Maybe he was; maybe this could just be their little secret. "Please?"

"Seriously Aldon..."

It would be a lie to say that it didn't feel good to have arms wrapped around him, lips against his neck, a hand moving toward his shirt... Okay, that part he had to put a stop to. He even wounded his fingers tightly through Aldon's as he moved his hand away, to stop that wandering hand from trying anything else.

"You're not."

He heard the hard edge in Aldon's voice. Did he not remember the argument that led to the last breakup? Did he not recall the lengthy time spent apart? Aldon didn't even know he'd moved. That was how out of the loop he was. Yet. Somehow. Here he was. Right when things were happening with his real boyfriend. Like he knew. Like he knew he was in danger of being kicked out of his heart.

His lips parted but nothing passed them. Eyes closed for a moment, letting the sensations have their way with him. He might have even nuzzled Aldon slightly in response before realizing what he was doing. Then his eyes quickly flashed open and he pulled back and away, using the hand he held to free himself.

"No! I know exactly where this is leading." Now he tried to extricate his hand from Aldon's.

"I am," he repeated, firmly. "I'm not a good boyfriend but I am. Your boyfriend."

In his mind, he still was. He didn't agree to the break-up. He didn't agree with Ryland always being the one to walk away, then waffling whenever Aldon showed his face, then leading him on and letting him back in only to kick him out again when things got rough. Maybe Aldon wasn't there for Ryland when he needed him but Ryland wasn't always there for Aldon, either--when Aldon needed him but especially when Aldon needed him to take a step back.

He dropped his head to bury his face in Ryland's shoulder, holding on tight. If he didn't, he was afraid that he might be lost. It had already been a year since they last saw each other. Aldon tried to move on but every new face just reminded him of the one he no longer had. The longer he kept away, the crazier he felt. Meanwhile, Ryland was meeting other people over the internet, getting to know them, letting himself grow closer to somebody else. Now he had a new boyfriend...

Was he everything Ryland ever wanted in a lover? Was he better in every way? Did Aldon pale in comparison to that other guy, whatever the hell his name was? Because if not, then Aldon wasn't going to give up. If he wasn't superior in every single goddamn way, he wasn't getting one up on Aldon Huang, not where it came to Ryland.

"Ry..." Tone wistful, he tried to turn Ryland around in his arms, to look him in the eyes. The eyes couldn't lie; Ryland sure could, though.

"No," he denied, even if there wasn't much vehemence behind it. He broke up with Aldon. They stopped talking. Or rather, Ryland cut Aldon out because he knew something like this would end up happening. And yet here he was, repeating history all over again because he got that Call, the kind with a capital C, the kind that changed everything.

Ryland kept his gaze low as Aldon made an attempt to look at him. He felt like much of his thoughts ended up on his face, despite how he tried and he could feel the piercing concentration of Aldon's gaze on him.

"What?" he asked, heart responding to the wistful tone in Aldon's voice.

"Are you really giving up on me?"

After all that hard work to reform Aldon from a wild man to a... slightly less wild man? Everybody noticed it; everybody commented on it, the fact that Aldon wasn't 'as crazy' when he was with Ryland. As though somehow having Ryland in his life smoothed out the rough edges and made him a little more whole again, Aldon got to experience moments of peace... in between the fighting. He wouldn't have disagreed, that he was a better person with Ryland. Without Ryland, though...

Slowly Ryland turned in his arms, head lowered to hide his face. To hide the eyes that never lied. Aldon reached up to touch his face, fingertips drifting along his jaw taking the path of his lips just moments ago. His heart did that funny flippy-floppy thing it always did when they were so close and he wanted to kiss Ryland so badly that it became a physical ache.

"Are you... giving up on us?"

The presence of a new boyfriend would have said yes... but the old boyfriend was still here in front of him and he begged to differ. Just like in the elevator, Aldon pressed in closer. Their noses brushed as he lowered his head too, touching his forehead to Ryland's at first. Then--lips. Lips on lips.

Ouch.

Aldon was really going for the gut punches, wasn't he? Giving up on us, he said--as if there were still an "us" to talk about. They hadn't even seen each other in a year and here Aldon was, talking like it had just been a break. Didn't Aldon have somebody? They both had somebody. Clearly Aldon's wasn't that important.

Or maybe he'd made the whole thing up. Or maybe it was a friends with benefits type of deal. Occasionally, Ryland wondered if that setup would have been better for himself and Aldon but when he really thought about it, he knew it wouldn't ever work. Aldon wasn't really the sharing type, despite how he acted sometimes. And Ryland couldn't put himself in a space where he was in love with several people at once. It would break his head and his heart. He would naturally want to focus and spoil one person. That was just how he was.

On me, on us--the words bounded around his head the way he and his siblings did when they were out hunting in the winter. They rocketed about until they smashed into his heart and it thudded almost painfully when their lips finally met.

Naturally, they used to be this close. So naturally, his body reacted as it typically did when he kissed his boyfriend. He kissed Aldon back. For a second, it was just the mere brush of lips. Then he was leaning into the kiss. A little more pressure. He grasped onto the front of Aldon's shirt to drag him even closer. And the feel of the fabric in his hand brought him back to reality.

With a sharp and sudden gasp, he broke the kiss and quickly turned his head, then swallowed hard.

"That didn't just happen."

Aldon wasn't the sharing type. And yet... he couldn't stay still, either. He couldn't fully commit. That was what Ryland wanted, wasn't it? To have him, in his entirety?
That was the launching point of a thousand arguments, of sleepless nights and whiling away the angry, lonely, bewildered hours nursing bottles--nothing strong, but strong enough to take the edge off. Aldon rarely appeared ruffled; when he was, he preferred to take it into the woods where nobody could witness him in all his pathetic glory.

Long after Ryland broke away, Aldon stayed in place. He slowly opened his eyes to Ryland shifting his face to the side, chest aching and heart sore. The fingers in his shirt and the tingle of his lips reminded him oh-so-clearly of what he left behind.

Ryland dragged him close, though. Ryland deepened the kiss. Ryland kissed him back.

"Did too," he murmured, closing the gap that Ryland opened up by stepping forward and into him. "You're not giving up on me."

Not even a question this time--a statement. Half a command. Aldon's hands cupped his face, turning it back as lips clashed again, forcefully, demanding and wild. Aldon was the one who wouldn't be pinned down, and Ryland--God bless his little heart--tried so hard to do what countless others before him couldn't. He almost got there, though. Almost made it through the barriers and the walls. Almost.

With the same insistent pressure, Aldon pushed Ryland back, back, towards... something. A wall, maybe. Table, couch, whatever he could get Ryland up against as the heat flared--heat and desperation, heat and possessiveness, heat and the same wanton need that drove him to seek out Ryland in the first place. He broke off only for a breath, a hurried gasp, finally serious.

"This is happening." Ryland could deny it all he wanted but it was happening--had already happened--would happen again.

No, no. It didn't happen. Didn't happen. Yet he could keep lying to himself with the buzz of Aldon's lips still staining his. Energy thrummed under the surface of his skin, a familiar excitement heating up his body, signaling it in a certain familiar direction.

"No," he said, trying to stand his ground for once. He had a boyfriend. Maybe they just met personally but they had a year's worth of secret sharing and trust holding and giving and and and and and--

Ryland couldn't think. His breath felt stifled in his throat and his chest as lips crashed passionately against his. Aldon refused to give up and Ryland should have known so much better. Aldon had always stolen miles when given the merest inch.

They were moving through the apartment blindly, Aldon pushing in whatever direction he could get away with. Ryland could barely withstand it before the next thing he knew his hand was grasping for the back of the couch as they up and passed it. He breathed in, desperate, helpless.

"Aldon," he breathed, just as his back met the hallway wall. "It shouldn't be." He leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Why were his hands still pulling him in close by the shirt? A part of him wanted to take it off. A part of him was afraid this was going down an all too familiar path. His voice was soft when he spoke next.

"Are you only here because I have somebody else?"

Aldon had somebody too--somebody new, someone on nearly the opposite end of the spectrum from Ryland--but that didn't mean anything. Not when he was with Ryland. Call him crazy but Aldon thought that it was the same for Ryland, that when they were together, us eclipsed everything else. Other boyfriends, other love interests, they all faded to the background and Ryland came to the foreground.

That was part of the problem. The fact that Aldon cared so much for Ryland that it scared him... that couldn't be so easily ignored. That he alternately feared losing Ryland and getting too close to him created a paradox that seemed to have no solution.

Yet... this still happened.

Electricity and heat thrumming just underneath his skin, buzzing, tingling with excitement, he tumbled through the apartment with Ryland. No--except, yes. Words indicated unwillingness but Ryland was grasping on to him, pulling on him, letting their lips crash and allowing their bodies to collide. He wanted this; every sign pointed to yes, even if he still claimed otherwise. He couldn't lie, though, not to Aldon. Not to Aldon who knew his body so well, inside and out.

When Ryland eased his head back, Aldon kissed his exposed throat. He nipped, bit at the sensitive spot at the juncture between neck and shoulder as his hand slipped underneath Ryland's shirt, bunching it up as he splayed his fingers across warm skin and firm muscle. It was only the softness of Ryland's voice that stopped him from pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it aside.

"...no." Aldon growled--nearly. He paused with his lips at Ryland's throat, tasting the desperate pulse of his heartbeat. It wasn't that. Not really, not at the heart of it. "That's not the only reason."

"No?"

He wanted it to be true but he was afraid that it wasn't. What if Aldon was really just doing this because he'd heard that Ryland had himself a boyfriend. What had he heard about him? Did it matter? Every single time Ryland tried to do this--to get over Aldon Huang--he ended up back in this same place, with his back against a wall and Aldon kissing his throat, tasting him like he was something delectable and rare, something to savor and treasure.

That was enough to weaken the strongest defenses. Wasn't it? Or was Ryland just weak? He felt like it was just Aldon who managed to break every form of protection he tried to layer around himself. Somehow, he managed to crash his way back into his life, every single time.

"Then why?" HIs voice sounded strained even to his own ears. His damnable eyes closed, his body already caving where the rest of him continued to fight. "What's the other reason?"

He didn't know why he asked but he felt like he stood on the verge of a long drop, a terrifying, dizzy fall that he put himself before just by asking that question.

Why? Like Aldon hadn't asked himself that a thousand times before, even without Ryland's untimely prompting. He didn't know why. If he knew, he could stop it but he couldn't and it was no good asking Aldon, when he hadn't even figured it out yet.


Ryland's tone reflected how Aldon felt, suddenly tense, like a rubber band stretched taut and nearly at it snapping point. He slowly eased back, breath still coming a little rushed from the dizzying series of kisses earlier. Why? What was the other reason that he kept returning to Ryland's side like a bad penny?

"I... I don't know." The agitation was probably evident in his voice as he swept a hasty hand through his hair, grasping onto the bright strands at the back of his head, tugging in vain. "Just." Aldon let out a swift sigh, a harsh explosion of breath.

"Just. You." Something about Ryland kept pulling him back. Yes, Aldon hated that he had a boyfriend. He hated hearing about the guy from their mutual friends, hated that when he snuck a peek at social media, there were signs and hints that Ryland had found someone new. Not obvious tells, but Aldon knew. He just knew. And the fear of losing Ryland crashed over him in waves, driving him back here. It wasn't only possessiveness or jealousy, though. Those wouldn't get him here, not on their own.

For a long moment he was silent, stonily looking at Ryland. Almost sulky, if one didn't quite know how to read the tension in his jaw or the shift of his eyes or the way he swallowed, extra hard. "You. You're just." The same words kept leaping out of his mouth, but in no sensical order. Aldon swallowed again even as he tipped forward, letting his lips graze Ryland's jaw and then nuzzling him, softly, sweetly, wistfully... pleadingly. He closed his eyes and when he breathed, he breathed Ryland in.

"Ry..."

Ryland wrinkled his nose slightly. Oh, right. How convenient. He didn't know. He didn't know why he came around only when it looked like Ryland was in danger of falling for somebody that wasn't him. He didn't know why he said sweet things to him while he crushed his body against a wall, knowing full well there was another man out there who loved him.

Was it some kind of weird fetish for him? Did he only find Ryland irresistible when he belonged to somebody else? That was how it seemed and it hurt. All he wanted was a stable relationship with a normal person. Granted, Christian wasn't normal. He was sort of a celebrity and that came with it another set of rules.

But at last Ryland knew the rules when it came to being with Christian. Aldon was... he was like some wild creature that nobody could fully tame. Even Ryland in all his earnestness couldn't seem to keep him caught up in one place, with one person.

What, did he become boring when it was just the two of them? He wanted to ask all those questions and more--so many more--but Aldon had a habit of turning their time alone into something that made a different use of their mouths.

"That's not a real answer." His voice was soft, though, not really chastising, not irritated. It wasn't a real answer though. It was just you. Me. So what about him made Aldon chicken out and run? That seemed more important than what made him come back.

Still, his eyes slid slowly closed as he tilted his head in such a way that he allowed Aldon to nuzzle him so sweetly.

"Did you even really hurt yourself?" Because everything seemed awfully like it was in working order...

That was the best answer he had, which predictably wasn't good enough for Ryland. When Aldon figured it out, Ryland would be the first--and possibly only--one to know but since he hadn't figured it out, was there any point cornering him about it? The nuzzle signaled that he was over this conversation... and preferred to get them back on track. The track that led them from living room to hallway, en route to bedroom.

Thankfully, Ryland didn't press the issue and Aldon breathed a silent sigh of relief. Then he grinned, with a half-snort of a laugh. Let Ryland bang into the edge of a table, and then he wouldn't be asking dumb questions!

"Yes," he said severely, cocking a brow up at Ryland (who was being rather obliging by letting Aldon have access to his throat). "You're a vet, you gotta look after wounded animals." Like him, with the hurt... area. His hand found Ryland's and he threaded their fingers together, lightly tugging. "I need a full-body examination." A meaningful grin appeared. "In the bedroom."

They always said it was easier to sin than to perform good deeds. Ryland Ren, he wanted to be a good person. He wanted to be strong, loyal, loving, capable. The problem was that loyalty wasn't on his mind at the moment. It wasn't easy to remember the face of the one he'd just met over the one that had been in his life for a long, long time. And people always said that you never forgot your first love.

It was even harder to forget him if he kept coming back and sweetly nuzzling him and making lewd advances and holding his hand just the way he always did. And the way he kissed him like it might be the last kiss, the way he held him as if he might lose him again--as if it was the wily fox that kept slithering away in this instance.

The intellectual side of his mind said this was a bad idea--that he was going to head down the same old insane path. The emotional side of his mind responded to the witty quips and the light in Aldon's eyes like they'd never been apart.

"You're such a..." He narrowed his eyes and scrunched up his nose like a child, trying to think of the right term. He didn't think of it before he let himself be led to the bedroom. He wasn't proud of it but he drew closer so their arms brushed. He wasn't proud of it but he let their noses brush again as he slid in front of Aldon to open his bedroom door and nudge it open with his heel.

"You're a thief," he decided. But his free hand caressed Aldon as if he were an affectionate pup. His fingers slid over his cheek and then behind his neck. Bad, bad idea. But it was him pulling Aldon in for another kiss this time.

"I am," Aldon agreed, without knowing what Ryland wanted to brand him as. A bastard, probably. Incorrigible, most likely. Undependable, definitely. A thief, though? Was he? He did steal Ryland's heart... And his time and attention, whenever those strayed towards other people.

Call him selfish (and many did) but Aldon wanted all those things, all for himself--and meanwhile he tried, though not terribly hard, to discover why his heart felt so shaky whenever he and Ryland invariably grew too close. They had been 'together' on and off for years but Aldon had yet to say the L-word and it was probably telling, though--again--Aldon didn't dwell too much on it.

Pleased with the direction that they were headed for the moment, he found his way into the bedroom, whose door Ryland nudged open. Aldon was all smiles when the hand caressed him and he willingly let Ryland pull him in. This time nobody could blame him, Ryland initiated the kiss--but Aldon continued it, slowly shuffling towards the bed.

Kiss followed after kiss; he freed his hand to divest them both of clothing, before gently tugging Ryland down with him. There was no hurry but there was a strained urgency that marked Aldon's restless hands, as he mapped the body that he seemed to still remember so well. It was always like this, whenever they made up. Aldon couldn't quite get enough of Ryland.

Greedily he explored, with fingertips and lips sliding up and down. He knew every inch, where to touch, which part was sensitive to the scrape of teeth or a soft tug with just the edge of his teeth. Slowly, he made his way down, never shy about taking what he desired and the darkness in his eyes was indication enough that he wanted Ryland--badly.

"You missed me," he murmured in a soft little sing-song, somewhere by Ryland's navel. Aldon nipped at his lower stomach--playfully, gently--even as he curled a hand around Ryland and caressed him not-so-gently.

As much as Ryland wanted to remain blameless in what he was doing, he knew deep down that it took two to do this. It took two to kiss the way they did, to touch the way they did. He also knew he was a fool for letting it happen all over again and yet he couldn't help himself.

There was just something about Aldon. First loves were powerful. People always said you never forgot your first love, even if you moved on. And damn it, Ryland thought he got over it. He was sure he'd moved on, that he'd handed his heart over to somebody else. Finally.

And yet it took, what? Not even an hour with Aldon before he was pulling him into bed with him.

Clothes were discarded and bodies were tangled together in the bed. Ryland wrapped his arms around Aldon. Before he knew it, his eyes were closed and his breath came up shallow. His body was acutely aware of the path that Aldon took, soaking up every sensation from soft lips to warm tongue to the hard nip of teeth.

In response to Aldon's cocky proclamation, Ryland let out a soft gasp. His lower body bucked into Aldon's touch without permission. Reaching down, he let his fingers curl into Aldon's hair.

"You missed me more."

"Maybe," Aldon replied noncommittally, although he wasn't entirely convinced that he did miss Ryland more than Ryland missed him. All right--he wanted Ryland to miss him more. Maybe it was a tie, the one thing that they were on even footing with, even though Ryland was the one who broke it off in the first place.

Soon Aldon found better employment for his mouth than arguing, so the point was really moot. Did it matter who missed who more? They were here, together, weren't they?

Pleased by the hand in his hair--it definitely wasn't trying to yank him away--and by the way that Ryland jerked into his touch, he couldn't help feeling a little smug about this whole encounter. Aldon was getting what he wanted (Ryland), and Ryland...

Well, Ryland was getting something out of it too!

He bent his head and delicately took Ryland in, bobbing his head slowly around him and working up to a steady rhythm. One hand braced against Ryland's hip while the other crept up his stomach, idly, lazily touching him just for the sake of touching him. Aldon wouldn't really have done this for just anyone--Ryland was special, even though he couldn't even get the word out earlier. But he thought it. He knew it somewhere in his heart, fairly deep down.

"No maybe," he argued. "I know you did."

Because Aldon was the one who tipped this all in the wrong direction. Aldon was the one who flirted nonstop and he definitely pushed Ryland into a corner.

Ryland should have kneed him in the groin. He totally should have made him pay for making his head spin the way it did. Or the way the butterflies in his stomach burst and fluttered while Aldon's head dipped lower. Anticipating it still wasn't enough to prepare him for the heat of Aldon's mouth on him or the artful way in which he moved against him.

Trying to hold back a moan, Ryland bit his lower lip and drew his knees up. His fingers scrambled to hold onto Aldon's hair, tighter, needier. Heat washed over him and he thrust his hips against Aldon. A swear word passed his lips on a barely audible, shuddering whisper but it was followed by Aldon's name a few seconds later.

Okay, no--Ryland missed Aldon more because if he didn't, they wouldn't be in bed together right now!

Aldon would have pointed that out had he not been otherwise occupied--something about Ryland just...

It was hard to explain, actually, what it was about Ryland that riled him up so easily (in mostly good ways, but some also not-so-good ways). When they weren't mock-arguing, they were being handsy. Or, rather, Aldon was being handsy and Ryland sorta kinda let him get away with things. Still. In some strange almost perverse way they worked, when Aldon wasn't getting cold feet.

What didn't really work for Aldon was the way that Ryland was trying to be all quiet. What was the fun in that?! Was he afraid of bothering the neighbors? Flicking his gaze up at Ryland and, for a moment simply drinking in the sight of him, Aldon redoubled his efforts. If he couldn't get at least a cry of his name out of Ryland, then he'd eat the pillows.

But undeniably, it was nice to be in Ryland's good graces again and a tight thrill shivered all up and down his spine at the whisper of his name. Aldon would've grinned but--teeth. At least he got a curse out of Ryland. That was a good start.

Slipping both hands to Ryland's hips, he shifted higher up along the bed and involuntarily let out a short groan of his own as his aching lower body rubbed against the sheets. Aldon didn't know about Ryland, but he hadn't exactly been sex-starved over the past year. That being said, nobody was Ryland so most of his encounters didn't quite manage to satisfy Aldon--not completely, not in the way that he desperately wanted to be satisfied. His own needs could wait, though. This... this was also pretty important.

While Ryland did currently have a boyfriend, he hadn't really done much messing around once he established that he was in a relationship with Christian. At the beginning, it felt too much like cheating because he was sure he was falling head over heels.

And then as time moved on, while he was sexually frustrated, he didn't want to betray Christian's trust in him. He trusted that Christian had been just about as celibate as he had been for the course of the year that defined their long distance relationship.

So this whole... thing now with Aldon, he thought could be summed up by the fact that sexually, he was a bit starved for attention. His body certainly was; but then he knew it was copout because... he hadn't gone home and fucked around with anybody else. Just Aldon. Of course. There were always exceptions for Aldon, for whatever reason.

Even now, he was looking down at him and drinking in the vision of him, taking in the muscles of his smooth back and the fall of his lightly colored hair. His gaze met Aldon's when he glanced at him and it felt like that look alone sent an electric current through him.

"If you don't stop, I'm going to... ah..." His voice broke slightly into a soft moan and his body bucked against Aldon again.

Aldon lifted his head and his tongue flicked over his lips, bringing in the taste of Ryland in all of his glory and desperation. If Aldon didn't stop, he was going to--ah. That was kind of telling; Aldon hadn't even done all that much and he was already at that point of restlessness? He used to last longer than this, when Aldon felt particularly naughty and Ryland particularly obstinate.

"No way," he crowed as he levered himself up, slipping over Ryland and coming to straddle over him with a predatory and self-satisfied grin. Even his eyes glowed with the knowledge that Ryland really... hadn't... Or at least, not much with the new guy. Not if he was squirming from just a couple of head bobs and the swirl of a tongue.

"But you broke my... you know, down there." Technically the table edge did that; same difference, though. Aldon reached down to reposition Ryland's hand, bringing it to the poor abused area, and he wasn't shy at all about rolling his head back and letting out a pleased moan. His hand curled around Ryland's hand, curling it around himself as the warmth of contact sent another pleasurable shiver racing right up into the back of his neck. Even the base of his skull tingled. It really had been too long since they'd been together in any capacity and... God, he missed Ryland's touch. (But probably not as much as Ryland missed his touch.)

Almost flirtatiously, he smiled down at Ryland, even as their hands were jointly moving against a lewd place. He rocked his hips and the tightness in his groin intensified. "Sooo... you'd better fuck me this time. But," he lowered his voice to a secretive whisper. Aldon's lips grazed Ryland's cheek on the way to his ear. "I'll make up for it next time, Ry, and fuck you until--"

Until he couldn't even remember that other guy's name.

"All the neighbors know about us."

Just his stare itself said shut up. He knew what Aldon was thinking and he was right and Ryland hated it. It made it seem like he'd been waiting for Aldon or something. If his boyfriend wasn't long distance (only it turned out he wasn't really all that far away after all), then they surely would have crossed this line by now. They'd been dating for a year!

But he didn't want to get into that with Aldon and his Knowing Eyes. He had the distinct feeling that Aldon wasn't nearly as out of practice. Was he better with his mouth? His tongue seemed more artful than before. Maybe it was just his desperation. Probably. Totally.

"Hm," he said, trying to ignore the way Aldon's body felt hot curled in his hand and the way his voice got all rough when he was turned on. (And yet the sound still brought with it the terrible flush of heat in his body.) The heat only seemed to blossom as their hands mimicked a certain sex act and his fingers curled a little tighter.

His eyes closed as Aldon's lips brushed his cheek. Next time, he said. Neighbors. Things Ryland really didn't want to think about. He slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to meet Aldon's gaze. A distinctly foxlike smile formed on his face as he gave Aldon a nice tug.

"Doesn't feel broken to me," he said, slipping his other hand over Aldon's waist and rolling him over onto his back. He slipped a knee between Aldon's legs.

"But if you need to lie to yourself, I'll play along."

There wasn't a dirty look or a flat-out refusal to "next time" so naturally... it was a foregone conclusion that they would fall into bed again. Aldon, in fact, took it for granted that he would always find an open path into Ryland's bedroom--by way of his wavering heart.

He grunted as the world turned upside-down and with a complaining creak, the mattress bounced gently with his body hitting the bed. Should've known by Ryland's mischievous grin that he'd try a maneuver like this! Aldon made a show of languorously rearranging his limbs like he hadn't just been caught off-guard. He got comfortable where he was and slid his legs open even as Ryland insinuated a knee between them to wedge them apart. No persuasion needed; Aldon was more than ready.

"That's not fair, I'm not lying. It's totally broken," he murmured in a would-be pitiful tone, glancing down the length of his own body. "You're the only one who can heal it, Ry."

There--there was a minuscule reddish mark on the left side of his hip. Definitely from hitting the table's edge earlier. They had to go through with this to... make sure everything was still capable of working, that was all.

But more notable than the tiny bruise was the fact that his arousal was painfully obvious. There was no hiding the fact that he wanted Ryland quite badly. Arching into him wantonly, Aldon slid an arm around his shoulders to try and pull him down for a needy kiss. "No condom, Ry," he whispered a shade more seriously, shortly before their lips collided.

The molten heat threatened to spill over and out as his body shifted against Ryland's, bringing their lower bodies together in a delicious grind. Aldon wanted to feel him--just him--after spending a whole year substituting other people for Ryland, sometimes unconsciously and other times all-too-deliberately.

It probably said something terrible about him that the times when he wanted Ryland the most during their time apart were the times that he shamelessly sought out other people, rather than simply coming back to the person his heart really craved.

"Why?" he asked. "Why is it my job? I didn't do it to you."

He was pretty sure he'd been duped into this, for example. Some part of him even felt suspicious toward Aldon, as if he somehow set it all up. But how could he have known a food fight would erupt and that he'd do the dumb thing and whack himself on the table? It looked pretty accidental and he wasn't sure even Aldon was dedicated enough to the Act to go around hitting himself in the crotch.

Then again, maybe he was. Ryland inspected the wounded area with a critical eye. Sure, there was a reddened mark but the part Aldon had been so worried about sure didn't look too badly injured. Ryland cocked his head to the side as he slid his hand over him of his own volition this time.

"Seems like everything's in working order to me."

Also, he totally blamed Aldon for making him sound like the dialogue in a bad porno.

He was about to say as much before Aldon kissed him after telling him not to use a condom. For a long moment, everything went blank in his head as they kissed but when he tilted his head aside to catch his breath, he shook his head.

How many people came between them?

"Yes condom," he whispered back to Aldon, even reaching for the drawer beside his bed as he did so.

Aldon was something of a drama queen, this was irrefutable fact, but he wasn't so dedicated to the art of worming his way into Ryland's good graces--and bed--that he would sacrifice his own ability to have children. Slamming his nuts into the table hurt. It hurt for a looooong while.

Right now, though... he felt pretty goddamn good, especially when Ryland touched him, as though to check up on the condition of his broken body part. Well, if he was going to stroke Aldon like that, obviously he was going to get a reaction!

"Nooo..." Aldon reached out a hand to halt Ryland's hand. "I'm clean, Ry. No condom."

Seriously. He didn't want it. Yes, he'd been bouncing around between partners and, yes, there was that one time he said he was clean but he ended up infecting Ryland with a thing but this time he was actually clean.

Like, he'd just gotten tested clean.

Like, he'd show Ryland the report and everything clean.

"I don't want anything to get between us," he whispered coaxingly, nuzzling somewhere in the vicinity of the crook of Ryland's neck. "I just want you, Ryland."

Just because he was veterinarian student didn't mean that he was automatically inclined to help people with their broken... er, groins. Plus, this was totally all Aldon's fault. He should have known the longer they were together, the more those mischievous fox traits would reveal themselves.

Conversely, however, Ryland should have known those wolf instincts would make themselves known. Ryland thought about it sometimes, about Aldon's apparent fear of commitment. Maybe it was because Ry was just a little fox, not a wolf. Maybe sometimes he couldn't block out the things those closest to him said.

And maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was just how werewolves were. Maybe they just... couldn't commit too much to one person, even if they wanted to. Ryland wished he could be okay with that. It might make things easier for them.

Somehow, he doubted it though. It was hard to imagine anything with Aldon being easy.

"Mhm..." He slid his gaze from their hands up to Aldon's face, his own expression clearly skeptical. "Why does that sound familiar?"

He tried to extricate his hand from Aldon's so he could go for the condoms again. Even as he did so, he turned his head and kissed Aldon's cheek. Then he lowered his head, whispering, "Don't try and make it romantic."

"Romantic?" Aldon blinked, taken aback. Was it? Romantic? To want only Ryland, without any physical barriers separating them? Was he a romantic and he didn't even know it? Or however the hell that saying went?

He didn't let go, despite Ryland's insistence. It always had to be a fight, somehow. They could never just see eye-to-eye on certain things--even this had to be a whole big tug of war between what Aldon wanted and what Ryland wouldn't give him.

"I'll send you a copy of the doctor's report!" He tugged yet more insistently on Ryland's wrist. "And I was just telling the truth, don't you make it all weird." Romantic. No way.

Maybe, though. Aldon didn't mean to be "romantic" but he was honest about his desires; he didn't lie in bed. Elsewhere, yeah. Not in bed. Like a stubborn monkey, he wrapped a leg around Ryland, like he thought that would stop him somehow. "No condom," Aldon repeated, even as his free hand was gently sifting through the hair at the back of Ryland's head and attempting to bring him down for a soft kiss.

"No romance, either. No nothing. Just you. And me."

His lips brushed Aldon's as he spoke, "You don't think that's romantic?"

Just you and me? Nothing between them? Sure came off as romantic sweet nothings if you asked him. Maybe his idea of romance was twisted, though. He had been dating this asshole on and off for years, after all. Even trying to untwist himself didn't seem to work because once he thought he had finally done it, Aldon came waltzing back into his life.

It was too late to stop now. He knew that. But he told himself this would be the last time. The last time. If it was the last time, should he keep insisting on the condom? He didn't know. He didn't think he trusted Aldon enough, no matter how clean he claimed to be.

"How fast?" he murmured.

Okay, okay, it was romantic. In a certain light, it was romantic--and it was an admission made in the heat of the moment, at the height of desperation, of needing and wanting and missing everything that was Ryland Ren.

Fine. Aldon was a romantic. (Not that it was a bad thing to be, by any stretch of the imagination.)

"Fast fast." Aldon had no Earthly idea what Ryland meant but fast sounded good. Maybe Ryland meant how fast he could get him that report. Or... maybe he was alluding to something else altogether, Aldon didn't know. Didn't care. Because the kiss he stole while Ryland was within range... the distracting way their bodies were still aligned... the heady sensation of skin gliding against skin, lips on lips, eyes gazing into eyes... He was too hyper-focused on sensations to keep deciphering words.

"Stop teasing, Ry." His other leg slipped up too, wrapping snugly around Ryland's waist. Now their positions were a little more suggestive--and less like a koala trying to obstruct Ryland from doing the right thing.

"It's been a year... I missed you. ...And this."

"Oh?" Fast fast, he said, and yet here they were, with no paperwork from a doctor to back up Aldon's claims of cleanliness. Ryland wanted to trust him--he really did. And his body said he better just go with it because it was ardently burning for his ex-lover.

But he couldn't forget how much that last time really screwed him over. So he frowned at Aldon.

"I'm not," he said, denying the teasing accusation. But if he wanted to roll away and make a grab for the condoms, Aldon seemed a step ahead of him as he wrapped his legs around him. It secured him in place and Ryland let out an exasperated sigh.

"Really?" he asked, hopeful but skeptical at the same time. Their noses brushed. His hair fell across his eyes. He looked down, not really seeing anything nasty around Aldon's groin that suggested he was lying.

"A whole year?" he asked, gaze rising back up to meet Aldon's.

A whole year that they had been apart, and... yeah, Aldon missed Ryland more than he cared to admit. This was already straying towards dangerous territory for Aldon, who was unused to being so... honest with his feelings. Momentarily, uncomfortably, his gaze shifted to a point beyond Ryland. They were so close. It was like the precursor to all of those times that they broke up, when Aldon began to drift away from him, except this time they were just beginning to make up.

"Yeah," he said, more softly, almost inaudibly. Aldon didn't lay awake every night pining for him but Ryland never left his thoughts. If he did, he never strayed too far away.

"Just this one time, okay?" Aldon glanced back at him. "I want you." He arched his head up so that he could kiss Ryland, except that he missed and got his chin instead. Well, close enough. "Next time we'll use 4 condoms and a rain coat."

Although he was still skeptical, hearing it come from Aldon made it feel real and honest and true. His heart thumped so hard it nearly burst and he inexplicably felt too fond of Aldon. So fond that he had to close his eyes just to feel it and let it wash over him.

He really did miss him. Whatever lies Aldon told himself or even Ryland, he believed that he had been missed as well. He raised his chin slightly after it was kissed, staring down at Aldon as if to say he wasn't funny.

Except he ended up laughing at the unexpected mention of a raincoat. Ryland buried his face against Aldon's chest as if that would disguise or muffle the laughter but it did nothing.

"You are such an idiot," he said affectionately. As he used his hand to turn Aldon's gaze toward him, however, he added, "and what about lube, huh? You don't want that, either?"

What? They could slap 4 condoms onto Aldon and slip him into a full-length raincoat, if Ryland was so worried about protection!

Aldon's lips twitched into an amused grin as Ryland dropped his head to his chest, but he both felt and heard the laugh. Maybe in the heat of the moment, being glib wasn't the best idea but at least it brought them back to feeling good again, instead of that awkwardness that proceeded an all-too-heartfelt admission of missing Ryland.

"You said that already," he purred, needing very little prompting to switch his gaze back to Ryland. Aldon stroked long lines up and down Ryland's back, absently. He made a show of thinking about the lube but without it... ouch.

"...I want the lube. Sadist. What were you gonna do, go in dry?" Ouch!

"I've probably said it, oh... what? A thousand times since we've met...?"

Because Aldon totally was an idiot. He was a jerk, too. An asshole. A lot of things. He was also good looking and really charming and it was hard not to lock eyes with him and keep them there. Which was exactly what he did as he rolled halfway onto his side and went for the drawer again.

"Yes," he said, although the very idea of going in dry made him wince inwardly. "I was going to just go in dry."

His fingers met the bottle of lube and he dragged it over... along with a string of condoms, which he dangled in front of Aldon, touching the top of the bottle of lube to his own chin.

"Look what came with the lube~" he said in a singsong tone.

Aldon flashed Ryland the dirtiest look any man could muster up, who was underneath another man with both legs wrapped around his waist. The edge of the lowest packet of condoms brushed his chest and irritably he took a swipe at it, attempting to grab it from Ryland's hand.

"Stop it, you promised!"

Ryland didn't but... technicalities. By not refusing outright (more than once), he gave unspoken consent and Aldon was sticking with that theory because it suited his interests the best. What a jerk, though, taunting him with a whole bunch of condoms. Part of Aldon disliked them because of what they implied--that Ryland had been prepared to... er... entertain guests. At least it wasn't a box...

"If we don't get this thing going, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom and finish off there," he threatened, probably somewhat unsuccessfully given his current position and predicament. (And really, he much preferred Ryland to his own right hand.)

"Did I?" he asked, grinning like a fox as he slightly swung his hips from side to side. It was nice to see Aldon squirming for once. Most of the time, the bastard was making him do all the squirming.

Ryland pulled the condoms back as Aldon tried to swipe at them. "Ah, ah." He leaned down and set a finger against Aldon's lips and then two and then four. He stroked Aldon's handsome jaw, his thumb running over Aldon's lower lip. His heart kept beating faster, despite his playfulness. Aldon was still devastatingly handsome. He still had his claws around his heart. Somehow.

"Liar," he said softly. Despite the hard word, his eyes were soft. Aldon wasn't going to use a bathroom when he had Ryland right here, no matter how much Aldon wanted to forgo the protection.

He let go of Aldon's face and got to work with the condom and flipping up the lid on the lube. Generous amounts splayed out on his palm and ran down his fingers. Adjusting his body and raising his hips, Ryland slid his hand down past Aldon's wound, coated fingertips meeting heat. He leaned in to kiss Aldon even as he opened his lover's body to him.

"Yes."

God... this was torture. Aldon closed his eyes when Ryland's hips shifted against his own, letting out a soft groan. "Stop--" It was almost a plea. He felt Ryland's fingertips against his lips and kissed them, as they came to land.

Seriously, the teasing. He'd almost forgotten how much of a fox Ryland could really be. And he forgot how much he loved that side of Ryland, the side that would mercilessly tease a man so close to the brink and do it with a beautiful smile, looking like a freaking angel.

It wasn't fair. Really, it wasn't, for one man to be so desirable. It wasn't fair to Aldon, who tried so hard not to get too attached--but too late. It probably wasn't fair to Ryland either, to try so hard to get away, only for them to reattach like opposite poles of a magnet. No matter what they individually did, the pull was always there, always calling them back to each other.

"I'm not a liar," he protested in equally soft tones, opening his eyes as some of the unbearable heat inside abated--though not by much. Then it roared back in full force as slick fingers came probing and Aldon let out a wanton moan, spreading his legs and arching shamelessly into Ryland. The sound ended in their kiss and was absorbed by the union of lips and teeth and tongue.

"Ry... Ry..." Aldon panted breathlessly between kisses, holding on tight to him. His heels dug into the mattress and his toes curled as Ryland brushed something deep inside that made his entire body buzz and shake. Aldon's nails raked a faint line down his back. "Ry... I need you."

As much as he loved to play with Aldon and tease him, he had to admit--even if only to himself--that he loved the desire he managed to illicit from his lover.

When it came to sex, Aldon was all fire and heat. There was a spark in his touch, crackling with tension. The sound of Aldon's voice when he wanted him only spurred Ryland forward. His chest felt tight and the flame in his groin flared fully to life in response to Aldon's voice and Aldon's receptive body.

Ryland playfully ran his tongue down Aldon's temple, tilting his head so that he could kiss his jawline and catch his soft earlobe between his teeth.

"I know," he murmured back. Aldon needed him. At the moment, Ryland didn't even remember all the times Aldon frustrated him and made him see red. All too consumed with a rising need himself, he removed his fingers and slid them over Aldon's thigh so that he could position his body. With another sinful sway of the hips, he finally moved closer, forward, inside--achingly slow. Wrapped in Aldon's heat, he could feel his pulse against his throat as he flicked his tongue against it.

His hand moved to grasp Aldon firmly.

"Still feeling broken?"

"Then--" There was rising hope in his voice as Ryland's fingers withdrew, filling him with a sudden sense of loss that drew out a low, tortured groan. Fingers were better than nothing... But something much better soon replaced them, though not before another slow shift of Ryland's hips that made Aldon's legs involuntarily clench around him.

Tease.

Sadist.

They knew one another too well. Ryland knew all of his weak spots--the nibble to the ear, that sensitive point at the side of his throat, and... well, the broken body part that started it all. There was no mystery left between them but it was never boring; it couldn't be, when the heat and electricity and chemistry between them set the air on fire.

"A-aah..." Aldon's moan was a mixture of pain and pleasure as Ryland slowly entered. It was too slow and not slow enough, all at the same time. He clenched; his body tightened around Ryland reflexively, fighting the invasion even as Aldon himself was pushing his hips forward, greedy to take more of him in until he was fully seated, greedy to feel Ryland's hands on him.

"I think..." He stopped to breathe in shallow pants. "I think something else is--gonna get broken soon if you don't... hurry up and fuck me." Like his patience, maybe.

Throwing his arms around Ryland, his own little smile turned a little more fox-like too. It was true what they said; couples rubbed off on each other. Aldon swayed his own hips suggestively, undulating his body to meet Ryland's, and then pulling away.

A shallow thrust, not nearly enough to satisfy both of them, only made their current position more torturous but soon he was building up to a nice little rhythm that melted pain into pleasure and took the edge off the sting in his backside. Hey, Aldon wasn't a log--he wasn't content to lay there and simply take it.

Ryland nuzzled Aldon and all but purred as he arched his back and slid a hand through the hair at the back of Aldon's head. Even if he only admitted it to himself, he loved the sound of Aldon's moan and the active way his body responded to him. Inevitably, it brought something more wild out of Ryland, too.

"...is that a threat?" he whispered against the hollow of Aldon's shoulder. His hips moved rhythmically against Aldon's, toes starting to curl. He let out a soft sound of his own as Aldon's body undulated against his. Letting the pleasure wash over him, he closed his eyes and arched his head back before nuzzling Aldon again.

His hand stroked Aldon, taking care of him even while he brushed his lips and nose against Aldon's exposed throat. Again, he nipped at his earlobe, simultaneously running his thumb over the head of Aldon's erection.

"Or is it a plea?"

"Mmph... both. Neither." Aldon's head twisted left and right in tormented pleasure as their bodies finally began to move together, matching thrust for thrust. The sensation of fingers against his scalp, sifting through his hair, and the sharp teeth against his earlobe made the whole back of his neck tingle. Everything was Ryland, from his scent to his taste--from earlier, wild kisses--to just... him. Everything was him, surrounding Aldon, filling him to completion.

It scared him, this sensation. This fullness, the feeling of warmth and security that, ironically, felt so unsafe. He didn't want to let down his guard; he didn't want Ryland to curl all the way around that vulnerable spot in his heart. And yet, he could no more stop Ryland from doing so--from his own heart opening and unfurling to accept him--than he could stop the broken moans that spilled from his own lips as their bodies danced and swayed to a silent rhythm.

Nails dragging crazed lines down Ryland's back, Aldon clung tightly to him, sinking his claws in deep. Not deep enough to draw blood or to rip the skin--deep enough to be felt. Deep enough to leave an impression. He was no sadist, nor a masochist, except maybe where his feelings toward Ryland were concerned, but he was vocal and expressive.

"Ry... ah...!" Aldon's whole body shook as Ryland hit that magical little spot deep inside. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as the tension in his stomach mounted, trying to hold on. Just another few seconds; a few more seconds of sweet torture. He turned and nuzzled into Ryland's hair, breathing in the scent of him, the sweet cleanness of his shampoo. "Ry..." He kissed the side of Ryland's head mindlessly, fingers now in his hair, gripping with a loose fist... teetering just at the edge... so close to that precipice... And then he was falling, with a loud cry of his lover's name.

Whenever they were together like this, Ryland felt closer to Aldon. He felt like he could touch more than his body. It was like he was reaching into his soul. The way Aldon looked at him and the way his body opened to him and clung to him, the way Aldon spoke... It all seemed to click them into place.

He wished it was always this way, that it didn't inevitably end in sharp comments or increasing distance. Once Aldon got what he wanted, Ryland knew what would happen next--Aldon would be sweet and funny and everything he could want in a boyfriend. And then Ryland would let his current boyfriend go.

And then he would regret it because Aldon would start pushing him out of reach. He wouldn't be there when Ryland needed him. When he reached for him, suddenly he wouldn't be there. Ryland would spend more and more nights alone.

He hated it. He hated that it ended that way every single time. It felt as if his heart burst after Aldon orgasmed. Ryland kissed him, first sweetly and then deeply, tasting him as his body arched into Aldon one last time. Heat washed over him and spilled out of him. It had been so long since he climaxed with anybody. His body shook from the exertion and he sighed into Aldon's temple, fingers curling against his sides and slipping up his chest.

His eyes closed. He breathed Aldon in. The words he spoke against his shoulder were old ones. The same words Aldon never ever said back. He took in a deep breath and blinked back a sting in the back of his eyes. Ignoring it, he lifted his head and smiled as a fox might.

"All better now, hm?"

It was coming. Every time... every cycle they went through together of breaking up and making up, it came in some form or another. A touch, the look in Ryland's eyes, the softest, barest whisper of the sweetest words.

Anyone would have been flattered to hear it. Anyone would be lucky. But Aldon... He only felt a stifling heat in the back of his eyes and a sudden compulsion to run. It was just too much. Too much, too soon. Except they'd been together for years and it wasn't normal to be skittish when everyone saw it, everyone knew it--that his feelings for Ryland went a little beyond simple infatuation. Yet Aldon still couldn't make himself say the words, could barely acknowledge that he felt the same way.

Too much. Too scary.

But he still held Ryland even as the painful silence stretched on, all too awkward. He knew Ryland was waiting to hear it and the pressure mounted. It flattened him like a physical force, like a giant hand was pressing down on him, squeezing all of the breath out of his lungs. Aldon closed his eyes. He held Ryland tighter.

"All. Ahem." His voice was rough; he cleared his throat softly. "All better, yep." And when he opened his eyes, it was to the same too-bright smile and too-bright eyes. He smiled, too, trembling inside, and pulled Ryland back to lay against him, tangling him up with his legs. "You're my favorite doctor... person... ever." Yes. Ryland was his favorite doctor-person. Ever.

For the first time in nearly a year, Ryland actually felt satiated. Didn't matter that neither of them lasted for ages. Would hurt that way anyway. Ry never understood the whole worry over lasting for ages--it wasn't like it had to last four hours for it to be good. And it was good with Aldon. It was always good with Aldon, loathe as he was to admit it.

As they lay there together, limbs tangled and chests rising and falling, he felt a tiny pang in his chest. He knew he wasn't going to hear it back and in the heat of the moment, he still said it to Aldon. Why? It was the stupidest thing ever to do. But he guessed it might just speed things along. Aldon probably wouldn't even bother talking to him for months after this.

Ryland sighed. The sting was still there as he closed his eyes but as he took in a couple of deep breaths, it quelled. He laughed.

"Doctor person?" He let out a snort. "You mean vet? In training?"

"Nope."

And he wasn't going to explain, either, what he meant by doctor person. (And since Ryland wasn't even a doctor, that left only one real answer.) Instead, Aldon stroked gently through Ryland's hair, working out the little tangles that had formed during their... escapades. The heat subsided but the warmth remained--it worried him slightly. He needed a distraction.

"Oh wait, I forgot something." In the rush and the excitement, he forgot his gift. Not that he needed it now, since he'd already gotten back into Ryland's good graces, but it didn't hurt to earn himself some brownie points. Maybe his offering would bring a smile to Ryland's face, too--that was worth it all on its own.

Gently easing himself out from under Ryland--with an unmanly hiss of pain as his ass throbbed--he hobbled over to where his pants were. Bending down... was an experience. "You didn't use enough lube!" Aldon cried out accusingly as he hobbled back, gingerly climbing back into bed.

He rifled through the pockets of his jeans and came out with two shining metallic things, one of which he placed beside Ryland.

"Jerk," he said but he was smiling. Stupid jerk. Fine, if he didn't want to explain himself, Ryland wasn't going to force the words out of him. He did, however, prop himself up on an elbow as Aldon suddenly remembered something and left him alone in the bed. Despite how he acted when they'd met outside his apartment, Ryland's gaze traveled down Aldon's backside.

"You're lucky I didn't go in dry," he said, but he did reach over--not to Aldon's backside but over his stomach. A little tummy rub seemed to solve a lot of Aldon's woes.

With his free hand, he picked up the small metal object that Aldon left beside him on the bed. He turned it over, studying it. It wasn't lost on him what the shape was and when he looked to the one in Aldon's hand, it was clear there was a meaning behind the jewelry.

Tilting toward Aldon, he lightly kissed him, then remained there with a teasing smile, lips just a millimeter away. His foot ran up the back of Aldon's leg.

"So... do you carry these everywhere with you or were you expecting to meet me today?"

If dogs could purr, that would have been Aldon as Ryland's hand passed over his stomach, and he uttered a noise of contentment. The look he passed on to Ryland was purely happy. "You remembered," he said unnecessarily, though in praise. It was doubtful that Ryland would forget, since Aldon only bugged him every single day to "do the thing." He didn't know why it relaxed him so much but... it did. Probably a wolf thing.

As Ryland examined the small earring he placed down, Aldon shifted closer. He leaned into the kiss and turned onto his side to take some of the pressure off of his smarting backside. There was definitely meaning behind the gift. Why else would he give that particular animal to Ryland--and keep the particular one in his own hand? It wasn't special or anything--not a ring--but... hey, it was some kind of gesture at least.

"I told you I had a gift for you when I texted you. You have the memory of a goldfish," he said, as his disapproving Look failed to have the full impact, since they were so close. Aldon hooked his leg over Ryland's and he reached over to relieve him of the earring. "Here, let me..."

Of course he remembered. How could he forget when Aldon constantly wanted him to do it? He swore Aldon liked it more than sex which was amusing and endearing at the same time. Did he ask his casual partners for this, too? He didn't ask; he didn't want to know the answer.

"I thought you were being facetious," he said distractedly. Maybe he did have the mind of a goldfish. But it was hard to take what Aldon said seriously sometimes because he buried his serious answers in a mountain of quips and half truths and flirtatious remarks. For all Ryland knew, Aldon had been referring to his body.

(That was honestly what Ryland took it for, anyway.)

"Huh?"

For a second, he thought Aldon was taking it back because of his purported memory loss but no. Aldon just wanted to put it on. Ryland turned his head and tilted it slightly to give Aldon access to his ear.

"What are you looking for, Aldon?" he asked the nearby pillow.

Gently Aldon removed Ryland's existing earring and set it by the bedside table, then returned to slot the new one through. "I'm looking for your ear," he said absently, absorbed in his task. Wouldn't want to hurt Ryland, after all. "Look, it's right here, I found it! I'm a genius!"

Something told him that wasn't what Ryland was asking, though. Disturbing questions such as these tended to crop up immediately after they were physically intimate, as though... As though for Ryland, physical and emotional intimacy went hand-in-hand. Not that it wasn't like that for Aldon, too, but he preferred to focus on one and completely ignore the other.

What was he looking for? That was an easy question and a hard question. Some would have said that Aldon already had what he wanted, that he was right there in front of him. Some might have thought that he didn't have It, whatever It was, since he kept drifting. Aldon didn't know either. He wanted Ryland... and he was afraid to want him. Maybe what he sought was courage--maybe he needed to find it within himself.

"There." He kissed the delicate outer shell of Ryland's exposed ear.

Ryland slightly furrowed his brow at the pillow, then slid his gaze sidelong toward Aldon, who didn't seem to even notice his chagrin. That wasn't what the question meant and he was pretty sure Aldon knew it.

"Hardly," he said in response to Aldon being a genius. It wasn't hard to locate his ear, especially when he offered it up the way he did. He wished he didn't feel so high one second with Aldon only to feel so thoroughly disappointed the next. Aldon was never going to change. People told him all the time it wasn't going to happen. So why did he keep putting himself through this?

He had somebody in his life who wasn't afraid of those words or the idea of commitment, somebody who wanted to call himself his boyfriend and didn't get all skittish at the idea of getting closer. At least, he thought he did. Now he wasn't so sure, since he'd kind of screwed up in the heat of the moment.

Dropping his head onto a pillow, Ryland looked over at Aldon. He had to stop himself from reaching up to touch the new earring. A lot of the things he wanted to say or talk about were pretty much off limits. As soon as he started, it drove Aldon away, like clockwork.

Suddenly, the air felt chillier--or was that just Ryland's disappointed look? Aldon knew almost immediately that he'd said something wrong. Or... rather that he didn't say the things that Ryland wanted him to say.

Slowly, he shifted closer, almost warily now like a dog that had just chewed up all the slippers and was desperately trying not to look guilty. Ryland wanted to Talk About Them. Aldon wanted to simply lay together in a tangle, letting their physical closeness speak for itself. Didn't Ryland know how he felt already? Why did he have to say the words? Couldn't they... just be, without slapping labels on each other like lover or boyfriend?

"Ry," he started, nuzzling into him. He scooted lower so that he could mash his face into Ryland's chest, holding him close with an arm and a leg both wound about him. Maybe if he couldn't see the disappointment, it didn't exist. "You're all mad now." His voice was muffled, accusatory. They didn't usually reach this phase until maybe two or three weeks after they made up. Somehow by giving him the earring, Aldon had accelerated the process.

"You didn't even tell me you like the earring..."

Mad wasn't the word for it. And he hated that Aldon somehow made him feel guilty for having feelings. Did Ryland just expect too much? He knew Aldon so he should have known where this was going to go. Pushing it into territory like this, he should have foreseen it all. Truthfully, he had only himself to blame for everything that happened from the moment Aldon popped back into his life.

He sighed and stroked Aldon's bright hair.

The earring. The earring shouldn't have been allowed on his person. It was there, though. He wondered if it was meant more as some kind of brand than a gift.

Shifting in the bed, he pulled the blankets up, as if by covering their nudity it would somehow erase the fact that they were in fact naked together. He half wanted to kick Aldon's ass out and half just wished he knew how to save face. Instead, he just covered his eyes with his free hand, frustrated.

He still didn't have anything else to say so after a moment, he turned away from Aldon, eyes half closing.

Still nothing. Aldon wasn't wiggling out of this one with a breezy quip or a well-timed exasperating remark. He sighed softly to himself as Ryland pulled the blankets over them, as though to cover the whole shameful affair. Even knowing that he had bitterly disappointed Ryland, that he could make everything all right with just one word--or, precisely, three words--he just... couldn't. Couldn't force them out.

It was too late, anyway--he told himself. It was too awkward. The moment had passed. Ryland was already disappointed and saying the words now would just seem like an attempt to humor him.

Aldon stayed where he was after Ryland turned his back to him, fidgeting with the blanket's edge. He swallowed. Part of him wanted to say it--scream it, force the words out just one time. It'd get easier after the first time, wasn't that how everything new was? With practice he could be saying it ten times a day. He could say it until Ryland tired of hearing it... if he could just break through the hurdle of the first time.

But he couldn't. Didn't. Say it.

Instead, he turned into Ryland and slid his arms around him, chest to back. Aldon closed his eyes, not to sleep but to block out the image of Ryland's back.