He knew it was a Bad Idea, capital B. Capital I. Bad Idea. It was a bad idea to text Josh. It was a bad idea to bait him. It was a bad idea to talk about fucking shit up with him. It was worse to talk about fucking him. Or being fucked. At this point, Rae was in more of a mood to break the shreds of tattered remains of his heart than anything else. He hurt and so he lashed out, ripping apart himself in the same vengeful attack. It would hurt Alva but it would hurt him, too.
All he could think about was how little Alva trusted him, that he trusted somebody who cursed him over his own boyfriend of five years. If that wasn't a reason to quit on him, he didn't know what was.
Why did he waste so much time on him? (Because he loved him.) Why did he take so much flak from his friends and why did he play protector? (Because he loved him.) Why bother when he didn't want or need him to do anything for him? The swinging fist of his hurt might come back to hit him but in the moment, all he could see was red and all he wanted was to break it until it was nothing, until he felt nothing. He needed a headful of drink, some violence, and some rage fucking. That was what he needed.
So it was a miracle that in that state--and already a few drinks in, mind you--that he somehow still managed to drive his truck to the right address, to the right place, before screeching to a whining halt on the gravel driveway. He slammed his hand on the horn, not even bothering to reach for the phone that had slipped from his lap to somewhere under his seat. Rolling the window down, he shouted out Josh's name for good measure.
All good things had to come to an end, as they say, and luckily for Josh, fortune swung in his favor. He didn't know--or care--what happened to the little couple to break them apart. It was probably Alva's fault, he thought as he inspected himself in the mirror. Perfection. Obviously--he paid through the nose to look a certain way. His clothes had to be just right. Not a hair out of place. Killer teeth showed with a killer smile.
Josh's grin was more wolf than human as he heard the loud rumble of a truck pulling up into the driveway of his house. His parents drove sleek sedans; nothing that sounded like what Rae drove. After giving himself one last look in the mirror--yep, still perfect--he grabbed a jacket and headed on out. Not to be dictated to, however, by Rae's impatient shouting, he waited inside and counted to ten before unlocking and opening the door.
"You don't have to shout," Josh drawled as he ambled down the driveway toward Rae's car. "The whole neighborhood heard you coming." Seriously, the noise was enough to wake the dead!
"So?"
He threw a look around the neighborhood, as if he could glare away anybody who dared to stare him down or try to shame him for making too much noise. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuck the whole goddamn world, as far as he was concerned. They were all a bunch of stupid assholes. Even he was a stupid asshole and he didn't expect anybody to make any concessions for him. So why respect anybody else?
"You're the one who said to show up in 45 minutes so why're you taking your sweet time now?"
"Oh well I'm so sorry, it took me 47 minutes instead of 45." Josh rolled his eyes before climbing into the truck, every word dripping sarcasm. Honestly, he didn't know how Alva stood Rae. Josh couldn't--not for extended periods anyway. If Rae wasn't hot as hell... But even that couldn't explain how they were together for 5 years! Josh definitely didn't get it--and again, didn't really care.
After settling himself into the seat and pulling on the seatbelt, he gave the air a sniff. Booze. Well somebody couldn't wait to get smashed, clearly. "Got started without me?" The double entendre could hardly be missed; he grinned meaningfully too. "Are you sure you can drive all the way downtown without wrapping us around a tree?"
"I was already getting started when we were texting," he said back, every inch as sarcastic--although he spoke without realizing that he was accidentally and falsely incriminating himself in another way. After that shit with Alva, he couldn't make his skin stop crawling or his brain from manufacturing new reasons to be angry. There were words he wished he'd said and words he wished he hadn't but when Rae was committed, he sure had to stay committed, even if he was trapping himself and fucking himself over.
He told Alva not to bother coming back.
Part of him wanted to drown the memory of it. Part of him wanted to forget the argument. Part of him kept playing it out over and over again, with different resolutions, with different endings. But the problem was, hardly any of them seemed like good ones. He felt... betrayed and worst of all, he felt like Alva didn't see it that way. They were supposed to be a fucking team, weren't they? Some freak came out of the woodwork, some bastard witch, and he cursed Alva and all he could say was that Rae was full of shit?!
Okay, so that wasn't what he said, but he might as well have, for the way Rae took it.
But he was determined not to be angry now. He just wanted to... fuck and fight and drink.
"Nope," was his glib response even as he abruptly hit reverse so he could get back down the driveway to hit the street. "But the tree had it coming."
Josh repressed a snicker. Right. He was already getting started as they were texting. Well... there were some pretty sexually charged texts, scattered in between what could only be described--by Josh--as Rae being a goddamn emo. They were also sort of incriminating. Josh could blackmail Rae for years if he wanted. Idly he toyed with the thought of Alva seeing just a fraction of them. Even simply imagining how much it would hurt the stupid fox satisfied that viciously envious part of him that had to sit by and watch Rae and Alva being lovey dovey for all these years.
Maybe... maybe he'd let a couple leak out later. Maybe.
He let out a short laugh at Rae's response about the tree, despite trying to play it all cool. Damnit. It was funny, though. Josh cast a lingering glance over at him, taking him in and enjoying the fact that Rae was all his tonight. The anger and emo was practically palpable in the confines of the car. Rae was pissed and probably half-way drunk and ready to do something stupid.
Josh's nostrils flared slightly as he took in a breath, and at a stop sign reached over to slide his hand behind Rae's head. Not so gently, he yanked on Rae as he leaned in too, crashing their lips together. He just... had to make sure. To prove that what he had right now was real, and that Rae wasn't fucking with him before.
Hah. See, he was still funny sometimes. Even if he was drunk and some things were stupidly funny just by default. Still, his lips curved into a smile, feeling pretty satisfied with himself for making stony-faced Josh let out a laugh. Sometimes, he could have sworn that Josh would just send him that unimpressed laser stare on purpose, just to make him feel like a stupid fool for whatever came out of his mouth. Even if it came out smart. Then again, sometimes it was hard as fuck to get Josh to admit to anything he didn't want to 'fess up to.
He was pretty sure that was why they were like this now. Stupid stubborn Josh and stupid reckless Rae. Josh was too stubborn to 'fess up and Rae caught feelings somewhere else.
Fuck. Stop sign. He barely stopped in time and he was pretty sure he smelled burnt rubber from the harsh and sudden stop. He was going to make some comment about stop signs jumping up out of nowhere (the old classics for the cops) but he found that before he'd even properly turned to look at Josh, a hand was coming up behind his head.
If he weren't drunk, them's be fighting motions--he thought that but his reaction time was too sluggish to actually do anything before he was yanked toward Josh's side of the car. He didn't even know what the fuck was happening because his head was still swimming with too many thoughts and--but--he wasn't too sloshed to know that their lips were meeting. It did take him a few seconds to realize oh fuck, we're kissing because. Well. Josh. Rae. Nothing like Alva--the thought sprung in his mind like a trap but just as quickly, he killed it by reaching and grasping the front of Josh's shirt to pull him closer (or to keep him from trying to weasel away).
The kiss was harsh, demanding. But it was just a touch desperate on his end and he didn't want it to end too quickly. His heart kicked into over drive as he deepened the kiss of his own volition, his hand moving from Josh's chest to the place between his thighs. He didn't move back, only lowered his head a fraction so that he could speak breathlessly against Josh's jaw.
"...I want to fuck you." He knew it had gone from 0 to 10 and didn't care. Animal urges were easier to follow than stupid human emotions any day.
...yeah. Josh was stubborn. He should've been a bull shifter for how immovable he could be when he didn't want to goddamn admit to something. It didn't even take much to set him on his one-track path. Just... one casual jibe, that caught him off-guard, early on in their friendship. Just Rae catching him looking at him and making a smart-ass remark about Josh having the hots for him, and Josh denying it with a cool rebuff. That was it. He couldn't back down after that, couldn't bring himself to admit to Rae that he was right.
Josh had to be right. All the time. It didn't work out so well for them, when both of them needed to be right. Hell, half their arguments was over who was right and who was wrong, even if it was so irrelevant and pointless that it didn't matter in the first place. Josh just really fucking hated being wrong. He hated it more than he hated the men his mother brought back, or the way his father would be on his ass constantly about his lifestyle. (Like his old man had much room to talk.)
The kiss was harsh, and demanding, but it was nothing that Josh couldn't handle. He let out a soft noise as he was yanked in closer too and his hand closed into a tight fist around Rae's hair. Tugging as Rae's hand slid to a naughty place--a place that was already tight with need--he took in a sharp gasp of breath.
"Too fucking bad." The hand tightened a fraction more, then stroked away the sting. "I'm fucking you first."
Fuck, he could feel him. Under his hand, hard, hot, reacting to his hand. It was nothing--nothing--like what he was used to these days.
People liked to talk shit about the two of them--Rae and Alva. Josh was like their biggest shit talker. He talked like there was no sex life between them, that it was just all feelings and sentiment and love, like that was something to be pitied. Really, for the most part, Rae wouldn't say he was left with blue balls or anything. Alva wasn't an asshole. He knew Rae was sexual and there were plenty of interesting ways to have sex that didn't just entail the whole "penis enters butthole" endgame that most people were searching for.
Rae was of the mind that it didn't matter if he could never have that in his life again if he was with Alva because love was a natural blinder. But after five years... sometimes his mind wandered. Or rather, his fantasies wandered. But it wasn't like they were always with other people. There were fantasies where Alva was cured and they were normal and Alva would...
Well, didn't matter now.
He just really, really wanted to fuck somebody. Like. Right now would be ideal. Thoughts of getting anywhere downtown for whatever they were going there for were flung out the window, especially since Josh was pulling on his hair and then stroking it, a weirdly stimulating sensation that made him groan. His hand briefly loosened on Josh's crotch. It felt good, though. Knowing it was there, knowing that it was hot for him, that it reacted to him. His gaze dropped. I'm fucking you first. First. His lower body throbbed, as if to spur him forward. Was it worth standing his ground on this issue if Josh was fucking him first?
"I don't care," he growled. "As long as I get a turn."
"Since when did you start playing fair?" Josh's tone was amused as he stroked the back of Rae's head, musing over 'taking turns.' See... the problem with that equation was that Josh didn't like to bend over--for anybody or anything. He wasn't one to play fair at all, but then again, who among them did? Even Aldon cheated, in his own whiny way.
"All right." What he said now definitely didn't apply for later and Josh would deny, deny, deny until he was blue in the face. But damn--what the fuck did they drive out here for then? Josh let out a low sound of frustration as a car behind them honked. "Fuck off," he muttered irritably, peering over his shoulder at the small line of cars waiting behind them.
"You want to go back to my place? Or just. Fuck, pull over there." They could fuck curbside, in the truck, Josh didn't care. He liked to put on airs, to highlight how much better he was than the rest of these hicks, but a large part of him wasn't much different from the rest of them. Maybe it was the feral blood in him that rejected all of his high-brow training. All the stupid rules of etiquette that his mother made him practice, so that he wouldn't embarrass both his parents, used to drive him up a freaking wall.
It never felt like the real him. The real him was here in this truck, propositioning his best friend who was in love with somebody else to fuck out in the open, in front of some jerkoff's house.
Since never. Rae never played fair and he didn't really intend to right now, either. But if it really came down to a fight over which of them was fucking the other person, he almost didn't care. At least, not at this point. Maybe later he'd care. Maybe later he'd fight tooth and nail for what he really wanted--which was honestly to just fuck Josh until he shut the fuck up for once. At the moment... there was almost nothing Josh could say at this point to change his mind.
Going back to Josh's place was his original intention and he even started to pull the car back around but it seemed like Josh was just as desperate to get on with the fucking as he was. Rae barely thought as he skidded off into the next closest turn off, throwing the truck immediately into park on the side of the road. Didn't really matter who saw them. Who was really going to stop once they got even a glimpse at what was really going on?
Quickly, he cut the engine so that they didn't end up flying into reverse or some shit in the middle of it but he left the keys where they were.
There was little preamble as his hand slid greedily between Josh's legs and his head turned toward him for another hard kiss, all lips and tongues and teeth. He could have sworn he even tasted blood at some point, whether it was his or Josh's, he hardly cared.
"Shit!" Josh almost smashed his head into the panel in front of him as the truck came to a screeching halt by the curb. He glared over at Rae but before he could dispense with one of his usual barbed comments, Rae was on him. A hand slid over his crotch and lips crashed against his, eliciting a wild, low moan from Josh. His own hand grasped at Rae as it slid to the juncture between his legs too, and Josh wasn't exactly gentle with his ministrations there. Why bother?
Rae could handle a little heat.
Tasting blood, something seemed to rise in him. He broke off and licked his lips, tasting a fresh wave of blood. "Come on, in the back." They couldn't fuck if they were separated by the panel between the seat! Josh scrambled from the front seat to the back, not caring if anyone saw the truck jiggling with the motion, or if anyone saw him pulling down his pants before he sat down. With his jeans by his ankles, he grinned lasciviously at Rae and crooked a finger.
"You know what to do," Josh purred, settling back and opening his legs almost invitingly. "Get your ass over here." He didn't think Rae wanted to be on his back like a whore while Josh fucked him, so this was the only other way.
There was no time for thought and precision. There was only time to skid to the side of the road and fuck. Rae wanted to. Josh wanted to. God, Rae wanted to back that night they had the cabin to themselves but fate intervened. It wasn't going to intervene this time. Nothing could stop this once it started. Licking the taste of blood from his lower lip, he followed Josh into the back, which wasn't much more comfortable but it was wider and afforded at least a little more elbow room. And knee room. Rae looked down at the body splayed before him with dark, hooded eyes.
His fingers were slightly clumsy as they unhooked his jeans and slid them down. He didn't even bother with taking off his boots or kicking the jeans off. Like Josh, he didn't care. The important parts were already out in front of him and conveniently close.
He didn't even care what it made him look like to clamber atop him, grasping the back of Josh's neck and pressing his lower body against Josh's. His nails briefly scraped Josh's neck as he rocked his body against Josh's and his lips slid down his temple, the back of his ear, in the sweet hollow behind it, and then down the line of his throat, leaving obvious markings. When Rae tried to do that with Alva, he stopped him. Not successfully every time, but he didn't seem to care for being marked the way Rae wanted to mark him.
A hand slid between them and he grasped Josh with a sure hand.
"Fuck... you're so hard. Over little ol' me?" He grinned.
They didn't need to be fully naked right now and maybe it was a better idea not to be, considering the fact that after this, they'd have to go back to Josh's house. He wasn't going downtown smelling like sweat and sex! And maybe he wanted to fuck Rae in comfort, too. This was just a little quickie, after all--just something to take the edge off that raw hunger that they shared.
"Mmm... harder..." Josh arched into his lips and teeth and tongue with a sigh. He was usually the one doing the marking but for this special occasion, he'd make an exception. He wanted people to know who he fucked. He was proud of himself, of the fact that he finally had what he wanted after all these years.
Josh was definitely purring inside as Rae straddled him, grasping him and stroking him. Not that Josh needed the encouragement. As Rae so cleverly pointed out, he was rock hard and he really didn't want to sit here exchanging banter. "Don't ask dumb questions when you already know the answer," he replied, groping and grasping at Rae's ass. It was more for personal satisfaction and less to prepare him. Josh knew that Rae could take a little rough handling; if he couldn't, he wasn't the man Josh used to know.
"Fuck, stop stalling." He was positioning himself even as he was grumbling.
"Fuck you," he growled. The fact of the matter was, he was stalling a little bit. Not that he was afraid of pain or anything but he wasn't usually the one to take anything up the ass and for most of his life, he was pretty satisfied with that honor. Letting Josh fuck him was a little scary in a different way. It was like rolling over and letting him hold power over him and Rae admittedly liked his power.
At the same time, he was also half drunk and more than half horny so it was hard to hold onto any of those old reservations. Like Josh, he just wanted to relieve that heat and fire that had been building between the two of them for... for a long time. Rae didn't know how long, but it seemed like they were both growing less and less content with how things were. The arguments, the fighting--it had been escalating for a while now and Rae buried the reasons behind excuses. Josh was pissed because he was late again. Rae was irritated because he'd wanted sex when Alva didn't. Josh couldn't keep his damned mouth shut and Rae couldn't resist falling into the trap.
Before Alva though, there was some kinda spark. It was just never explored because... well. Alva.
He didn't even want to think about that asshole right now. Yet even as he thought the word, it was hard to keep it connected to Alva. Some part of him knew he had handled things badly but another part of him thought he was perfectly within reason to be so mad about what Alva had done. Don't come back. Fuck. He said that shit, didn't he?
Gritting his teeth, he didn't wait any longer for it. Josh had guided him toward his body and there was little preparation but fuck it. Fuck it all. He went in mostly blind, reveling and relishing the pain as it went up his spine. He was vicious in sitting upon Josh's hardened cock, letting it fill him, tight and unyielding as his body was. His body wanted to fight the assault, not making it easier by tensing, closing around Josh and clenching, holding them both in place for a moment.
"Ah... fuck..." The word came out on a restless groan and his nails dug into Josh's side, against the hard shape of his hip bones. He rolled his head back and let Josh sink in deep. His legs trembled from misplaced emotion and wanton desire. His teeth grazed Josh's shoulder and then his throat before he captured his lips in a crushing kiss.
His pace was punishing. It hurt like fuck but he liked the pain. He wanted more of it. With every thrust of the hips, his legs tightened around Josh and he tasted blood. He felt blood, too. Warm, seeping down his leg. But the pain was so good; it overrode all the internal pain, all the struggles, the hurt, the anxiety, until all he could feel was the intense rush of heat spurred through his body. Another kiss, tongue slicked with the taste of iron, and then he felt himself spill over onto Josh. He buried his face in the crook of Josh's neck, surrounding himself in his scent, tongue stroking over the previous bites he'd left behind.
"Yeah," Josh countered matter-of-factly, leveling one of his acid-sharp stares at Rae. He wanted to be fucked. That was the point of this entire exercise and Rae was taking his sweet ass time with it, while Josh just wanted to bend him over the back of one of the seats and say screw it to romance.
What? Fucking while facing each other was plenty romantic.
Thankfully, Rae didn't make him wait long, although this moment honestly felt like it was years in the making. There had always been something between them--a sizzle and a spark--but nothing ever happened. Infuriatingly, Rae wasn't the cheating type, which surprised, amused, impressed and utterly disgusted Josh, who held no such notions of loyalty. He was loyal but not in that way, not in the way that Rae had been to Alva.
Which was why as he plunged down over Josh, it brought a sharp sense of satisfaction not only for Josh's aching body, but also for his rotten soul. So much for staying faithful. So much for those five years--all meaningless, Josh thought, in the face of this one moment. He savored it, even as he bucked uncontrollably into Rae with a hiss.
The pleasure was intense and so was the gloating. The gloating made the sex feel that much better and as the intensity and the heat ramped up, Josh's savage smile of self-satisfaction grew wider. His hands slipped over Rae, grasping him tightly, running his thumb over the sensitive head and stroking him in time to the rhythm of his body. Rae was doing most of the damage on his own and Josh sat back for the ride.
Heat ran over his body in waves, cooling and then spiking, enveloping him in Rae's heat. He shivered, moaned wantonly into kisses and tasted savagery and desperation, licking the broken skin of his throbbing lips as the sound of their mingled, heavy breathing filled the inside of the truck.
It couldn't last forever, though, and when it all ended, Josh let out a silent cry as his shaking body arched up to meet Rae's. Even as he climaxed, he was smiling, that same thin, cruel, pleased smile--directed at the head rest of the driver's seat while Rae fell against him.
I win.
And Alva, that crippled, useless excuse for a shifter, lost. Josh lifted a hand and pressed it to the back of Rae's head to keep him in place. Idly, he pressed a kiss--a meaningless little peck--to one damp temple. Somewhere, a phone buzzed. Then it buzzed again, a few more times, before it went still.
Josh's fingers tightened in Rae's hair, possessively, briefly, holding him there. "Let's go back to my place."
When he closed his eyes, the world spun in a dizzying kaleidoscope of colors. Josh was all he scented and in the back of his mind, it felt wrong. Somebody else had wound his way around his heart so tightly that it was impossible to forget him fully. In the moment, his memory was vanquished, but only for a moment. As he panted for breath and his eyes cracked open to a shoulder, he shivered. Josh's shirt had been forcibly pulled aside, he noticed. Am I the one who did that? He could see a mess of blood smeared across his skin, on the skewed collar of his shirt.
Lazily, he licked at it. He'd never do something like this to Alva. Even in the heat of the moment, he was more like a puppy using soft paws and soft teeth in play rather than intentionally trying to draw blood.
It felt good, though, to let it out. But it wasn't all out. That was the problem. There was still something restless crawling inside, screaming to get out. He had a feeling that wouldn't subside any time soon. In the background, somewhere from the front seat, he heard a phone going off but when he started to lift his head, Josh held him in place. It probably wasn't Alva anyway. He set his head back down, letting his eyes close as Josh's fingers tightened in his damp hair.
Back to Josh's place. He almost laughed. Mostly it came out as a breathless little scoffing sound. They barely even got away from his place before they fucked like animals in the backseat but it made sense. Where else were they going to go? Rae said he wanted to fuck shit up but it wasn't like he couldn't get his fill of that with just Josh alone. Letting out a groan, he pulled himself up. He was so paying for what he'd done to himself... not even tomorrow. Like, right now.
"Fine," he groaned. "But you're driving."
Josh smirked. "Oh, I get to drive now?" he asked purely facetiously and just to be an ass, giving Rae's sore ass a not-so-light swat. "All right, let's go." Before curiosity (or guilt) got the better of Rae and he decided that he wanted to run back to Alva with his tail between his legs. Josh's gaze flicked down to their half-naked bodies.
If his upper body was bloody, it was matched by Rae's lower body. A dark little smile flickered over his lips as he glanced up, matching his gaze with Rae's. His neck and shoulders throbbed like a bitch but it was worth it. His shirt was ruined, torn and bloodied, but there was something oh-so-satisfying about a good hard fuck and nobody did that better than Rae. Or so Josh had heard--until today.
He had no doubt that Rae didn't do this with Alva, though. On the occasions that Josh saw Alva, he never sported injuries like these. At most there would be maybe a light bruise or a reddish mark, but nothing like what Rae did--Rae marked him, laying his claim over Josh as surely as Josh had laid claim over Rae. Josh briefly touched one of the bite marks, fingertips brushing over broken skin and coming away a little damp. He leaned up, half-rising, and kissed Rae--not gently or sweetly, but gentle and sweet for him.
"Come on." Josh pulled up his damn pants, half-zipped it in his impatience and got out of the truck so that he could slide into the driver's seat. The ride back to his house was brief; he recklessly cut off at least two people, both of whom honked long and hard, and Josh simply stuck his middle finger out through the window at them. Then they were back again, pulling into the driveway. Josh smiled over at Rae, meaningfully, and hopped lightly out. Nobody was going to be home for a long while and, honestly, even if they all stood at the doorway to watch, Josh wouldn't have cared.
He might even relish the audience. This was what he had wanted for years--this moment and this man. Hell if he was letting anything get between him and what he desired. Josh always got what he wanted, in the end... and if he couldn't have it, then he would make damn sure nobody else could, either. Did that make him vindictive? Hell yes--and it worked for him.
Josh didn't even bother locking the front door. He didn't remember if he closed it or not. The second he set foot inside the house, he was half-dragging Rae upstairs with him--and he didn't care if each step was a little taste of hell for Rae's ass. His bedroom wasn't far down the hall; Josh led him inside and kicked the door closed with his foot. Josh shed his torn shirt and wiggled out of his jeans and fell into bed with Rae with a low, soft, pleased laugh. In here, they could take their time.
In here, it was just him and Rae, the way it should have always been.
Round two meant far more time spent together, more exploration, and more pain mixed deliciously together with the pleasure. Josh was everything Rae imagined and more. There were daydreams, there were nights when he woke restlessly from dreams of being with him but the reality was far better. It was so real that when he had a second chance to really take it all in, he did exactly that. He drank in the sight of Josh, handsome, even with the cruel tilt in his smile and the dark pride in his eyes. If anything, that look only spurred him on further.
Rae lost count of how many times they fucked. It felt like if it existed, they were doing it to one another. Rae left more marks and he certainly bore more marks by the end of it all.
As he lay back at the end of it all and reached for a bottle of water sitting on the table beside the bed, he ran his hand through Josh's hair. It had been a long, long time since he'd felt this sexually satiated. Josh teased him mercilessly about it up until this point and Rae scoffed and rebuffed him at every turn but fuck if the guy wasn't right about it all along.
Passing the water bottle to Josh, his voice wasn't over a murmur as he said something about how much he hated that Josh was right. But that didn't stop him from playfully sliding a leg over Josh's.
Eventually, he felt the weight of exhaustion passing over him. Consciousness faded into blackness and he fell into the deepest sleep he could remember having in a long time.
When he woke up next, he turned his heavy head and blinked blearily at Josh. "What time is it?" he asked groggily. Whatever time it was, the room was pitch dark. Slowly and with a groan, he made himself sit up. "Fuck." His ass was throbbing at the mere thought of movement. Still, he had to go so he forced himself off the bed and into the adjacent bathroom, where he took a quick leak and washed his hands.
"Shit." He touched some of the wounds Josh left on him, but he half smiled, too. He liked it, the marks. It was like having battle scars and sex could be every bit as much a battle as any other kind of fight. Padding back into the bedroom, he reached down for his pants and dragged them into the bed with him as he carefully laid back against a pile of pillows, his body sidling up against Josh's.
He pulled his phone out of his pants pocket to check the time.
"Wow. Fuck." It was nearly five in the morning. And there were missed calls. And a message. Glancing over at Josh--he was sure Josh saw it, too--Rae passed his finger over the unlock screen and opened up his voicemail. It didn't surprise him to see that the missed calls and shit were from Alva but... seeing his name on the screen was like having a bucket of ice tossed over his head. With a tight throat, he slowly sat up and hit the voicemail with his thumb.
Of course Josh was right.
He was a wolf, just like Rae, afflicted with the same shit that turned them into uncontrollable wild animals every full moon. He understood better than a sheltered, coddled, crippled fox how things went with them. Alva couldn't possibly know what it was like to have the insatiable need to fuck. Not make love--nothing sappy or romantic or pathetic like that--but fuck. Like animals. Because that was what he and Rae were.
They fucked like animals and even when they were out of breath and left with barely enough energy to lift their heads, that deeply ingrained desire was still there. Maybe some part of this was because of genuine feelings... but Josh wasn't about to confront that part of himself for a long time to come. As far as he was concerned, this was about getting what he wanted, and about being right.
Oh, right--and about winning over Alva.
He smiled into Rae's shoulder as fingers slipped through his hair, and ran his fingertips over a bite mark. That was definitely his teeth, leaving his mark on Rae. Josh grinned wolfishly as he molded his teeth around the mark again, playfully. There were similar marks on him, too--bites, scratches, bruises, fingerprints. Anything that could leave a lasting impression, anywhere that was exposed to teeth and nails, everything was fair game. Rae lived up to his reputation and although Josh was sore all over, he didn't regret anything. This was how sex was meant to be--none of that weak-ass vanilla bullshit that Alva must've subjected Rae to for all these years.
For a little while after Rae fell asleep, Josh stayed awake. He feigned slumber at first, but once he was sure that Rae was fast asleep--and he was, after their exertions in bed--Josh's eyes slid open. He ran a gentle hand over Rae's brow, gentler than any of his earlier touches that night. In the dark, Josh's secret was safe. Nobody could see the way he smiled at Rae, or that his gaze softened into something he would routinely mock Alva for. Nobody knew how his heart ached as he laid awake in this same bed some nights, knowing that Rae was somewhere else, with someone else. (Worse, someone Josh despised and absolutely considered beneath them.)
Eventually he fell asleep, but was rudely awakened only a few hours later. "Fuck o'clock" was Josh's annoyed grumble as he turned his face into the pillow. The bed bounced a little as Rae got up and Josh cursed again. His ass didn't appreciate the jostling any more than Rae's but he didn't smile. He grimaced--it was a victorious grimace, though, and as soon as Rae returned, Josh curled into him, running a lazy hand down his stomach.
"Jesus. Somebody blew up your phone last night," he muttered, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of the caller ID. Josh's heart sank. Fuck. Alva. Five calls from Alva and a voice message. Josh felt like he forgot to breathe as Rae's thumb hit the voicemail icon and slowly, he let it out. Turned away. Forced himelf up despite his screaming ass and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
It didn't matter what the message was. See, that was the thing--it didn't matter a tiny little bit. Josh saw the look in Rae's eyes, by the light of the phone's screen, and he knew what that look was. Slowly, he punched a closed fist against the edge of the sink, and squeezed his eyes shut. Fifty-fifty chance of Rae still being out there once he got out. Those weren't great odds. Once Rae heard Alva's voice, all bets were off because Josh knew Rae, and he knew how stupidly sentimental Rae could be.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!
Josh opened his eyes to his own grim image in the mirror. Marks. He breathed out, nostrils flaring, eyes blazing with anger and--triumph. Marks. Josh wasn't the only one who had marks all over him...