As soon as he got home that night, Cori went straight to bed. He peeled off his clothes and climbed into Lieve's bed and buried his face into the pillow, knowing that he wouldn't be kicked out. Lieve wouldn't do that to him, not at a time like this.
He didn't immediately go to sleep, though. For a long while, Cori laid still and tried to make sense of what happened to him that day. He woke up to cursed hands; he started killing any plant that he touched and in a panic he thought that some old lady he might have bumped in the street had cast a spell on him. Obviously, that wasn't the case and the woman he followed to the Sunrise apartments probably thought he was a creepy weirdo.
That was okay, because he would likely never go there again!
But on the way back home, it started to rain and he took shelter at the animal shelter that Mik's aunt ran. Cori ended up falling asleep there and... then all hell broke loose. He was kidnapped by people whose purpose he didn't know. He met Rip, his brother... ish. A replicate of his real brother Jack. Well, Cori considered Rip his actual brother too, even if they weren't born from the same parents!
Then his powers seemed to run rampant. The cloak. The plants he blew up. The giant bell pepper. Going to see Mik and Rip raised more questions than answers about both of his parents, which wasn't helpful when Cori was already overwhelmed, but at the same time he was comforted by the fact that now he knew what he was. Apparently he was some kind of half-celestial, a sort of demi-god according to Lieve.
He wished he knew what kinds of powers he had, so he could avoid using them by accident! Cori didn't want to blow up any more plants; he didn't want to hurt someone inadvertently. The way Lieve reacted when he touched the light in his chest scared him to death! What if something bad happened? What if he harmed Lieve irreparably? Cori couldn't trust his own limbs now!
Maybe, he thought, he ought to go into isolation for a while until he got a better handle on his powers. Cori turned his head out of the pillow for a moment to watch Lieve getting ready for bed too and frowned. Should he even be here right now? In Lieve's bed? When earlier he might have hurt Lieve? Everybody rushed to reassure him that Lieve was okay but Cori wasn't dumb. He was naive, but not dumb.
The light catching in Lieve's long hair distracted him briefly. His gaze softened, as it always did when Lieve was in the vicinity. Ever since they had been kids, Cori had admired Lieve. He was objectively pretty, no getting around that. It was a fact. And Cori had always had a soft spot for him; he didn't think Lieve had done one thing to make him rethink his feelings about him. Even though he had friends like Mik around, nobody else occupied that special place in his heart the way that Lieve did.
Again, Cori was naive--not dumb. He knew that whatever he felt for Lieve went a shade beyond only friendship. He was friends with Mik but he didn't feel this way towards Mik. He liked Rip a lot but he didn't think about Rip the way he thought about Lieve. There were plenty of very good-looking people within his social sphere but none of them held a candle to Lieve.
Yet, Cori wasn't sure what to do with his feelings. He'd always had them. Since he was old enough to know what 'liking' someone meant, he had felt this way towards Lieve but when he was younger, he didn't know enough to say anything. He simply stayed close and he spent a lot of time with his best friend, finding ways to be with him. Lieve never indicated that he liked Cori that way, either; he kept dating other guys on a semi-serious basis, running through them one after another.
Cori didn't think there was anything wrong with dating a lot of different people; it was normal to want to 'shop around,' as Mik said once. At the same time, Lieve dating everybody but him seemed to send a strong message. Either Lieve didn't want to risk their friendship or he didn't see Cori as anything other than a friend. Or he thought of Cori as a kid, which--lots of people actually did, too. But Cori wasn't a kid. He was sheltered by his mom but even she couldn't stop him from growing up. Cori understood things about relationships, about feelings; he just had nobody to really talk to about any of it so he kept it to himself.
And now with everything so uncertain, it didn't seem like a good time to say anything. Cori half-smiled at Lieve, who had his back turned to him at the moment. Maybe when he got his mom back, he could ask her about how to approach this. She was wise; she always had good advice for him. He didn't want to tell her how he felt about Lieve but maybe she already knew, if she was a full-on celestial. She was always very warm and welcoming to Lieve, treating him almost like another son.
Did she know? Cori had to wonder now. Was that why she encouraged him to hang out with Lieve so much? She nurtured their friendship. Every time Cori talked about Lieve--as he was wont to, since he told his mom just about everything--she had a kind of knowing smile on her face. Or was he... hoping she did, so he wouldn't have to tell her about it in person? Cori buried his face into the pillow again. It smelled nice and floral, fresh like all of Lieve's belongings.
When the bed depressed next to him, he shifted over a little bit and sought out the comforting warmth of Lieve's hand.
Out of every day of his life as Lieve Averesch, he could safely say that this one of the worst days of his life. There wasn't much to say on the ride home and then when they did get home, it was straight to bed. Lieve knew that Cori would share his bed with him that night; it didn't even have to be discussed. Whenever times got rough, in his bed was where Cori felt safest, at least, ever since he lost his mother.
Sleep came uneasily. Dreams circulated in his mind and he kept half waking and making sure that Cori was still there. Eventually, the sun began to peek through the gauzy curtains and Lieve scrunched his eyes closed as it stabbed him in the face. Turning over, this time he found that Cori was absent from his bed.
With alarm, he sat up and he immediately sought him out--he was in the kitchen. Thank the spirits.
"I'm taking a shower," he told Cori. "I'll make us some crepes if you want, when I get out."
Yawning, he padded back down the hall, relieved. Okay then. He was... fine. Alive. In the bathroom, he turned on the shower and turned it on hot so he could damn well feel it. The morning was a little chilly, too, so it would help soothe the cold that seeped down into his bones during the night. Plus, he felt yucky from sleeping like shit.
In between readying his shower, he was on his phone, texting Mik and some other friends.
When he got out, he wrapped his long hair up in a towel and began his usual morning ritual, making sure his face didn't break out--he had to watch for that--and brushed his teeth. He was mid-brush when he checked the local Chatterpage. All the color left his face and he accidentally swallowed the toothpaste.
Coughing, he spit out what he could into the sink and rinsed his mouth. Then he sat on the toilet lid and immediately yelled at Mik. What the actual hell?! What an asshole! Lieve expressly told him he would handle it himself. He didn't think he'd ever been so mad at anybody in his entire life than he was right then. Why the fuck couldn't Mik keep his stupid paws out of his life?
Lieve barely even bothered with clothes. Actually, he just grabbed a bathrobe, cinched it around the waist and headed out of the bathroom and down the hall. He set the phone down in front of Cori.
"What is this?" He wasn't angry at Cori. But his tone might have been a little more accusatory than he meant it to be. Usually he did treat Cori like he was glass but this was worse than a slap to the face; this was a knife to the heart. No matter what he heard from Mik, this was just too much.
Cori barely slept that night; when he did, he was troubled by visions of his mother crying inside of a dark room with no window, arms wrapped around herself and her long, dark hair draped over her like a funeral veil. Her sobs echoed into the deepest chambers of his mind, so deep that when he woke up at points during the night he still heard them in his ears.
Before the sun rose, Cori was out of bed, easing slowly out from under Lieve's arm. It had been warm, wrapped up in blankets and in Lieve's embrace, but he couldn't lay still any longer. He had too much anxiety inside; his limbs twitched for want of activity so he got up and padded out of the room. Cori paced around and around the kitchen, thinking... thinking... thinking... A glass of cold milk sat untouched on the kitchen table, as he had poured himself some but was too distracted to drink.
He needed to go.
These powers of his, his family situation, the guys kidnapping him, all of it was bizarre enough and he didn't want to drag Lieve into his problems. This wasn't like somebody pushing Cori in the schoolyard, and he could run to Lieve. This was all too fantastic—in the worst ways possible—and the people involved were too strange, too powerful for Lieve to tangle with them.
Also, Cori himself was a danger now. He shouldn't have come home with Lieve. He should have... he didn't know, hidden out in the woods after he made that plant explode in poor Raphael's room. The bell pepper was a warning. The thing he did to Lieve's heart was a wake-up call that he could not and should not be putting the people he loved in danger!
So he sat down heavily at the kitchen table and put his head between his hands, swallowing past that lump of dread in his throat because he knew Lieve wouldn't like him leaving. Cori hastily threw up a ChatterPage post, hoping that somebody would bite. That way he could tell Lieve he already had a place lined up and... and Lieve couldn't say anything, right? If Cori already agreed to rent a place?
But nobody responded—it was super early in the morning though—and Lieve woke up. Cori jumped when he appeared at the door, which probably was no surprise given how jumpy Cori always was. He nodded miserably when Lieve mentioned showering, and smiled weakly at the idea of crepes. Eating was the last thing on his mind...
Cori kept checking his posting but nobody responded! Then Mik texted him and he... he... didn't know what to say to that so he sent a stupid sad face back and buried his head in his arms. Was it obvious? Mik knew he liked Lieve... Mik was pretty observant. Like he was the snoopy kind of observant, though. Was he going to say something to Lieve? Cori felt the lump of dread growing as he picked up his phone to beg Mik not to say anything, when Lieve reappeared in a robe, looking upset.
"Wha—oh." His posting. Cori looked at it for a good minute or two—actual minutes ticked by—before he looked up again. "Um. I think it's better if I leave. You know, it's..." Under the table his hands scrubbed together, anxiety getting the better of him. Was Lieve mad? Was he super mad? Cori was afraid that he'd pissed Lieve off for good this time but that was better than... exploding him.
"It's just... time for me to go."
The silence was killing him. What was he thinking that he couldn't say aloud to his face? Lieve waited and he waited and he waited. It felt like hours more so than minutes but eventually, Cori seemed to find his voice. And there was still no real explanation for it.
"No. It's not."
Was Cori out of his mind? Why was now the time to leave? Did he not think Lieve had the ability to protect him here? Was it because of the whole feelings thing? Did he think Lieve was going to perv on him? After all this time?
"Sweetie," he said, reaching out to brush his hair back. "You shouldn't be out there with a stranger right now."
Alone was bad, but a stranger was even worse! Who knew what kind of creep would get a hold of Cori? Besides, Cori didn't even have a job! How was he going to pay for a place to rent together with some random weirdo?
"Rip and I are going to teach you everything you need to know to protect yourself but in the meantime, we can protect you. If you're out there with all this power and no control over it..." He didn't think he had to finish that but then, he was dealing with Cori so he sighed and he moved over to sit beside him. Before that, though...
"And if this is about what Mik said, he's an idiot, all right? I told him you're not ready for a relationship and it's all he fucking talks about." He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Not everything had to be romantic to work, thank you very much. "I want you here with me, Cori."
"I-I won't be with a stranger, I'm gonna rent a place just for me and..." he trailed off, knowing that what he was about to say sounded dumb—that he could practice restraining his powers all on his own. That visualization thing worked pretty well, right? He could practice that until he wasn't a menace to society any longer...
Lieve also didn't understand that Cori wanted to protect him! Cori shook his head briefly, frustrated by his lack of ability to persuade anybody. He did get flustered easily, and then he babbled nonsense until the other person either got it or gave up. And Lieve wasn't giving up... but he also wasn't getting it...! Argh!
"It's not—not about what Mik said." Cori's face flushed purple. Not even red, straight to purple. He couldn't look Lieve in the eyes. That—that was—and Lieve didn't even feel the same way about him, just like he knew Lieve wouldn't so even if Mik knew how Cori felt, he didn't know how Lieve felt so...
Cori stood abruptly. "I'm just gonna go," he said miserably, with a kind of reluctant finality in his tone. "I've ready decided."
That was even worse! Lieve couldn't believe it. Cori would rather be anywhere that wasn't home because of what? What? Lieve didn't even know what he did wrong. Didn't he wrap him up in his arms last night, just like he always did? Didn't he protect him even when Rip turned out to not be so dangerous after all?
And if it wasn't about Mik's stupidity, then why was Cori turning all purple? And why couldn't he look Lieve in the eyes? What the hell did Mik even tell him? Fuck! Fuck that guy!
Lieve reached out and grasped onto Cori's hand to keep him from walking away on him.
"Don't go." How much more plainly could he say it when he already said it? "I want you here with me." Emphasis on want. Lieve couldn't tell Cori what to do; he was the same age as he was and he was an adult. If he really wanted to live on his own... that was his prerogative but coming right after all this... drama? It was wrong. It felt like a bad move.
"You didn't even talk to me about it, Cori," he said, the hurt evident in his voice. "I had to find out through ChatterPage."
The thing about feelings was...
They were kind of stupid. They made people stupid. They made Cori stupid. His feelings for Lieve kept him with Lieve even when it was more prudent to go, to separate himself and isolate himself so that he wouldn't inadvertently hurt him. How could he have been so dumb? How could he put Lieve in harm's way, all because he selfishly wanted to be reassured and comforted?
And he was. Reassured. Comforted. When Lieve wrapped him up in his arms, Cori felt like everything could be okay. Like his powers weren't all that bad, even if he was compared to a demi-god, like maybe he could find his mom even though she was locked away in some black tower in god knows where land... Lieve made everything okay but he couldn't make this bad dream go away. There was no way for Lieve, as clever and as resourceful as he was, to rewind time.
Cori stopped short when his hand was taken though, reluctant to go. Deep down he didn't want to leave, either. Of course he didn't. He loved being with Lieve and these few weeks were both the most terrible and the happiest weeks of his life. Terrible because he lost his mother and happy because he had an excuse to be with Lieve almost all the time.
Oh, Cori didn't hound him or anything like that, but just living under the same roof with him and knowing that he was coming home at night made him happy. He would curl up on the couch to wait, watching a silly show—usually a cartoon. Or he'd putter around the kitchen pulling out veggies that Lieve told him to, waiting for him to come home so they could make dinner together. They sorta fell into a nice little routine... As much as Cori hated to admit it, he was glad Lieve wasn't dating Gilbert anymore. He didn't like that Lieve was hurt by the break-up but selfishly he liked having Lieve's attention back onto himself full-time. And that was not nice. It was not nice at all to feel that way. He should have been sad for Lieve, that another boyfriend had come and gone. He should have wanted Lieve to find happiness with someone else.
"I know you do," he said softly, turning his head to look back at Lieve. "I'm sorry. I should have told you first, not... not put it up there but I..." Cori grasped onto his hand tightly for a long moment as the words struggled to get off the tip of his tongue. "I've stayed too long, Lievie. And with all these weird powers, somebody's gonna get hurt. It can't be you. It can't, I won't let it!"
"No, you haven't. There is no time limit on you staying here. There never was."
What part of him made Cori even feel that way? Lieve didn't think of himself as a hard person to live with. Sure, there were plants everywhere and he had that one pet black cat that he'd picked up from the back alley of his botanical shop. But Lieve wasn't a freak about anything, he didn't yell at Cori to do anything; if anything, Cori always seemed happy to help Lieve and it was nice to have somebody to help cook dinner with and to have somebody to curl up with at night and somebody to help him decide where to hang the newest plant he brought home.
Didn't Cori like it? Or was he tired of living like this? He was saying it was his powers but... Was it? Lieve looked at him, pulling him closer by the hand that held his so tightly.
"Don't go into hiding over your powers, Cori." To put it into words he knew Cori would understand, since he loved his cartoons and his Disney movies so much, he asked him, "What happened when Elsa isolated herself, Cori?"
"Elsa?" Cori's grasp weakened, then tightened as his fingers flexed in Lieve's hand. "She... she made everything... She covered the kingdom in ice..." Because Elsa, like Cori, had immense power and with that power came a terrible responsibility. Elsa hid away from her sister because she loved her so much that she sacrificed herself in order to keep Anna safe.
But... that was a movie. Elsa and Anna had happy endings. This was real life and happy endings weren't guaranteed. Not at all. If Cori slipped up on time, if he touched Lieve in a bad way, if he exploded another plant, he might do permanent damage. He wasn't ready to be around people until he understood the scope of his powers, and he didn't know if Lieve or Rip could help him with that. They were putting themselves in danger by associating with him right now, with his emotions and control over his abilities so unstable.
"Lievie. I have to do this." He sat back down, still holding Lieve's hand. Holding hands was safe, right? His heart quivered when he thought about what he did last night to Lieve. He still saw the light in his chest; it pulsed to an irregular rhythm. It seemed... sad, somehow. Dimming, sad, less energetic than he saw yesterday. It was like looking at an emotion, but Cori didn't know how he was doing that, or if he was the one doing anything at all!
Could Lieve see his light though? Cori looked at their clasped hands. Then he looked at his own chest, with his light also sad. An emotion in physical form, his light had twists of fear and uncertainty threaded throughout. Cori lowered his head into Lieve's hand, bowing over it. "I love you too much to stay. I'm not Elsa, I'm Cori. And I'm this weird celestial thing that I didn't even know I was until yesterday, and I blew up plants and hurt you when I touched your light! I'm dangerous! I'm a danger to everyone around me!"
"Running away and hiding from the people who care about you isn't what you have to do," he said quietly. Running and hiding was the worst thing he could do right now. Who would be there to help him learn more about his abilities? Cori didn't even know what a celestial was; at least Lieve knew. And Rip knew how his magic worked, somehow. Between the two of them, they could help Cori figure out everything he needed to know.
Noticing that Cori was looking at his chest again, he looked down, too. At first, he thought his robe had fallen open (it had) but it wasn't his bare chest that Cori was staring at. It was the sad little pulse of light emanating from him, nothing at all like the blinding light that Cori started the night before.
And Cori's was dimmer, too.
"Cori..."
He exploded with words and emotion and Lieve blinked. Oh... They... they didn't really talk about what happened, did they? Was Cori under the impression this entire time that he had hurt Lieve, even after he assured him he was fine? Of course he was, because that did sound like something Lieve would do.
"Cori, baby... you didn't hurt me last night." How to put it? There really was no delicate way to put it. He couldn't even remember feeling this intensely embarrassed about something in his entire life. And normally, there was pretty much nothing he hid from Cori. Not that he intentionally hid this...
"You... kinda... it was sort of like you... It made me feel really good, actually. Like an orgasm. It didn't hurt. You didn't hurt me."
There it was. Confirmation. The thing he feared, confirmation that he did hurt Lieve. Or worse, he feared that Lieve would continue to insist that he was fine while he was not fine—not fine at all—just to save Cori a little bit of heartache. But see, the thing was, Cori already knew he hurt his beautiful, precious Lieve and the immense guilt of that was crushing his soul and diminishing his heart's light.
And see? He knew Lieve would say that—that he didn't hurt him. But Lieve made that awful noise and he jerked away and looked so... so shocked and so pained (Cori thought)! How could that be anything other than injury? To the heart's light! To something that Cori was sure he shouldn't have touched! That no one should touch!
Because! It...
"Bwaht?" He mashed two words together—but and what—and his mouth fell open. Wide open. Big enough to have a truck drive through it, that kind of open. "Or-orgasm?!" Cori jerked his hand out of Lieve's very quickly, in case now his touch was bad-touching people into feeling orgasmic. "I raped you?!"
That
Was not what he expected out of Cori.
"Wh-what? No! You didn't rape me!"
How could he think that he—? Quickly, Lieve reached out and took Cori's hand back. He could understand why Cori wouldn't want to touch him if he thought his hands were evil or his powers were evil? But it was exactly the opposite. He was a celestial. A Holy One. A healer.
"I think you touched my heart. Magically. In a good way, Cori."
But Cori was so quick to think the worst of himself for some reason. He used to be so optimistic and happy. When did it all change? When did he become so down on himself? Over his power?
"You're a celestial, sweetie. That means you heal people. You bring out the best in people. And plants. You haven't done anything terrible. Think about it. And what you did to my heart... it was probably just... here."
He brought Cori's hand towards his heart.
"I'll show you."
"But you didn't ask for it and I made you! I made you! I touched you without your permission!" Cori despaired at ever being able to feel normal again. He felt dirty all over, like somebody had dunked him in mud. He did something even worse to Lieve than hurt him—he violated his heart's light. Was that why it dimmed?! Was that why it was no longer as bright as it was last night?
Cori did used to be very optimistic and happy and bubbly. Back when he was the human and watching all of these miracles happen around him, he bore no responsibility for anything that happened. He got to be in awe, amazed by the speedy growth of a leaf or the reversal of fortune of a poor plant that had been left out in the sun too long.
Now that he was the miracle, everything suddenly had consequences. Anything he did had consequences and he was overwhelmed by all of the things he did, by the things he didn't know he was capable of. Everything was new, and everything new was terrifying when he had no idea why or how he did it. He had no control over himself, that was the biggest problem—he couldn't even touch a leaf without it either withering into dust or growing into the size of an umbrella!
Lieve was doing his best to reassure him—as always—but Cori was terrified. He shook his head, trying to pull his hand away. "No! Nonono Lieve no I'll hurt you again no please please! Don't let me hurt you!" He saw the light in Lieve's chest, clear as day, flickering like a jewel. And his fingertips just barely encountered it before he yanked his hand away and crushed it into his own chest, pressing it to his own pounding heart.
The light flared again, even from the barest contact. It shone so brightly that Cori had to squint. His own light flared as well, making it hard to look anywhere without being completely overwhelmed. "Lieve? Lievie?!" He rushed forward to grasp onto Lieve's shoulders, peering at him with haunted eyes. "Lieve tell me you're okay!"
"You don't need my permission," Lieve said, he thought that went without saying. Cori was always clinging onto him and hiding behind him and standing close to him. And Lieve didn't mind it. Never had. He thought Cori knew that he could touch him whenever he felt like it, whether it was to pull a leaf from his hair or, you know, touching his heart.
"It's okay," he tried to reassure Cori but he was fighting him the whole time, so afraid of hurting Lieve despite all the reassurances in the world. In the end, he just barely brushed his heart light this time--although it didn't stop it from glowing brilliantly again. And it still gave him that sort of... ecstatic feeling from before. He thought he was ready for it but he wasn't; it wasn't quite as strong as last time, since it was just a second long brush, but... It definitely had a physical reaction on him just like before.
Biting down on his lower lip, he tried not to make any sounds that might frighten Cori but he was already beyond frightened. And this time, his hand was touching his own heart. Lieve didn't know what to expect from that but... it did cause something to happen, sort of a chain reaction.
"Ahhh, it's... it's fine," he said, feeling flushed. Why did it feel so good? Even the brush of his fingertips could make him feel like his legs were mush. And his heart beat faster and faster.
"I'm okay," he told Cori, "I'm telling you. It's... it's..."
How did he get it across to him that it wasn't bad? That he wasn't killing Lieve? The way Cori looked at him, he could have literally just shot him with a gun. That was how horrified he looked. Lieve slid his hands up to Cori's face to cup it, smiling.
"It's good," he whispered, as if it was a secret. He didn't know what it was doing, but it was like it... opened his heart. And maybe that was why, even though he had been telling himself not to do this, and that it was terrible timing, and that he was going to scare Cori away for good, he unwisely leaned in. And before he could tell himself otherwise, that heady, glowing feeling in his heart pushed him to the edge. He kissed Cori.
See, Lieve wasn't fine! People who were fine didn't start breathing heavier—though not heavily, just... heavier—and they didn't turn a little pink in the cheeks. With how much attention Cori was paying to Lieve, scanning him with hawk-like focus to see if anything was wrong, he couldn't fail to notice the physical signs.
And yet, he felt it too. A little... little something, a jolt that made him feel unexpectedly squirmy inside. It felt good, even though in the moment he didn't realize it. To him, it felt strange. Not bad, but strange and definitely not normal, that when he touched Lieve's light, he should feel something too.
"Is it?" Cori whispered back worriedly—since Lieve was whispering and appearing uncharacteristically secretive and shy. Normally Lieve didn't whisper to him unless they were in bed, and Cori was dropping off to sleep. Then there were gentle whispers. Good night. Sweet dreams. Plans for the next day, little odd musings that Lieve thought might be soothing—and they always were. They always were soothing, tender whispers.
"You're not h—" Lieve came closer, Cori blinked. Lieve's lips touched his and Cori froze up, not knowing why they were kissing in this moment of great distress. But then—just like the whispers at night—a blanket was thrown over the tumult inside and he gradually opened up into the kiss. Cori had kissed other guys before. Not often, but a few times somebody worked up the courage to plant one on him. He knew the basics of it, although to say that he was good would have been a stretch.
Something familiar in the kiss made Cori close his eyes, just to feel. His heart throbbed sweetly but painfully as his secret yearnings and desires were laid bare. Grasping on to Lieve's robe, Cori pulled him in closer so that the kiss wouldn't have to break.
Sometimes, actions spoke louder than words. Lieve didn't know when Cori stopped believing him when he told him something--he used to trust him implicitly--but it just seemed like they were talking in circles. Lieve was fine--better than fine! But Cori didn't believe it; he was too wrapped up in his fear that he was some kind of monster with monstrous power that he couldn't trust anybody at their word.
Not even Lieve. But it made sense; if he thought Lieve was hurt and covering it up to keep Cori from panicking. So... Actions.
And actions shut down Cori's circular talk. For a moment, it seemed like they shut down everything in Cori, since he froze after their lips met. No, look, Lieve said with his kiss--he wasn't hurt. Quite the contrary. A warm kiss. Affectionate. Reassuring. His thumb stroked a cheek idly as the kiss deepened and Cori grasped onto his robe, pulling him closer.
As the kiss came to a natural conclusion, Lieve tilted his head downward slightly, taking in a breath. He slid his hands from Cori's face to his shoulders, drawing him in for an embrace.
"Everything's going to be all right... You just have to trust me... okay?"
Well this. It was. Something.
Cori's brain did go on the fritz and even after the kiss ended and Lieve pulled him closer than close for one of his warm, encompassing hugs, Cori was still dazed. He turned his face into Lieve's long, white-blond hair and shut his eyes, nestling in against him like a frightened animal seeking shelter. And he was—he was seeking some kind of reassurance that the world hadn't gone mad.
"I do," he whispered against Lieve's chest, careful not to press his cheek against the light there. "I do trust you Lievie, I've always trusted you. It's—it's ME I don't trust! And I thought if I went away and found my own place to practice my powers in, I could come back later... when I'm not dangerous to you."
His fingers toyed fretfully with the lapel of Lieve's robe, so hastily thrown on that it was falling open right in front of him. Well. Cori did notice that, although the gravity of the moment superseded any pervy thoughts about a naked Lieve under the flimsy robe. He was drawn in all kinds of different directions and didn't know what to focus on first. His brain was blowing up with hundreds of questions and the desire to protect Lieve warred with the desire to stay close to him and to stay with the one person he did trust implicitly.
"I... I love you Lievie. And I'd kill myself before I did anything to hurt you!"
"I know," he said. He knew that Cori didn't trust himself and it was making him do all kinds of things he normally wouldn't do. Ever since he lost his mother, Cori lost some of his vital spark. As innocent and naive as he could be to the world, it felt like he'd lost a little of that innocence after she disappeared. And Lieve was doing his best to pull double duty but he knew, deep down, that he couldn't be both his mother and his best friend. Cori needed his mother back. And his best friend, too. Not some hybrid.
Pulling back, he slid his hands back up to Cori's cheeks and he smiled at him.
"I love you, too, Cori. More than anything. But I promise you're not going to hurt me. You're already reining in your power, you know that? You might have exploded one plant but then you grew the bell pepper and you stopped it and even shrank it back! And... you know what else? I don't think you were cursed or killing plants before. You were probably just speeding up their time, that's all. But you can reverse it, too. You're not dangerous. You're just learning. And I can help." His smile was a touch mischievous. "After all, I know something about growing plants, too."
Cori smiled; it felt tight, but it was the first time he'd smiled in what felt like years. There wasn't a lot to smile or laugh about after his mom was kidnapped—now he knew she was kidnapped—and the strange turn of events afterwards left him even less inclined to giggle. But when Lieve said he loved him, something inside...
It grew. Like a flower blooming, it unfurled and expanded in his chest and it lifted his spirits so much that it lifted the corners of his mouth, too. Cori loved Lieve. He loved him like a brother when he didn't know better; he loved him as a friend and secretly loved him as so much more than a friend after he did know better.
But there was no indication that Lieve meant it in any way other than platonically. Was the kiss to get Cori to shut up and listen? It sort of deepened into a real kiss, though. Quite an intimate one. Cori thought maybe it meant something more than a kiss to shush a fella but how could he be sure? How could he know for sure?
"...you're the guy with the magic fingers..." Cori said slowly. He never doubted Lieve's magic, of course! Lieve was purely magical, a beautiful and delicate dryad attached to the planet, to nature. He made flowers spring up everywhere; he cultivated tasty fruits and vegetables that were unrivalled by even the best farmers in town! And not only that, but he nurtured people, too—people like Cori who depended on him like plants depended on water and sunshine and love to grow.
"Lievie? Could you. Touch here?" He pointed to his own chest, where his light was. Cori was just curious. What happened if Lieve touched him there? Would he feel what Lieve felt? Would he understand what happened—including the kiss!—if it was done to him by Lieve's magic fingers?
"Now we both have magic fingers." His smile grew, too, because Cori's smile was the kind of smile that made other people smile, too. Not to mention it made him feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside. It was good to see him smiling genuinely after so long. He stroked Cori's cheeks and he could feel the smile, too. Not just in his cheeks but deep inside, where it coiled warmly around his heart.
Speaking of magic fingers...
Lieve looked down at Cori's chest. When they held hands, he could see the light there. Right now, he couldn't see it; he didn't know why it had to be hand-to-hand contact for him to see anything but... He knew that even though he couldn't see it right now didn't mean it wasn't there. His smile softened. Was Cori curious about how it felt? To be touched there? If it hurt or not? Lieve did tell him it felt... good.
He felt his face warm up slightly. It was such an intimate thing to do. It was almost like being asked to... finger Cori or something. But... really, who was closest to either of them than each other?
"Okay."
Lieve dropped his hands from Cori's face and he brought one hand toward his chest. Honestly, he was a little nervous. What if... what if how Cori made him feel when he touched him wasn't the same? And how long should he touch him for? His fingertips made contact first, gently, cautiously.
A delicate, pale dusting of pink brushed Lieve's cheeks again, leaving Cori mystified as to why he was blushing over being asked to touch somebody's heart light. Was it—was it taboo? Cori did feel as though it shouldn't be a thing people could easily poke a finger at, and yet he did just that. He touched it and it had felt warm and lovely. It felt like a part of him, if he had to be honest, though he didn't know how to express that in a way that didn't make it sound creepy or weird.
Lieve acquiesced but Cori had the feeling he had made a boo-boo by asking him to do it. Well... but he agreed anyway! Now Cori would know how it felt, and he could finally rest easy if it turned out to be pleasant and not terrible. Orgasmic? The thought did leave him feeling distinctly abashed—and his own cheeks reddened at that—but he just had to be sure that he wasn't hurting Lieve!
So Lieve's hand lowered and he carefully applied his fingertips to where the light was. Cori held his breath, waiting for... something. But at first nothing happened. He saw Lieve's fingertips pressing against the side of where the light was and he felt a tiny quiver inside. Gently he guided Lieve's hand over to the right spot and pressed it, the whole thing, over the light.
And suddenly...
The light flared. Cori's hand closed over Lieve's tightly; he held it there as his eyes closed and his body stiffened, rising up in his seat. He didn't get to his feet but he just sat tall, head partially thrown back as a hundred thousand particles of knowledge simultaneously downloaded into his brain. That was what it felt like—like he was acquiring knowledge at incredible speed, all about Lieve. Not only that, but past Lieves too! All of his previous lives as a dryad, as a precious seedling uprooted and displaced, putting down roots where he found the right conditions and growing again into an elegant silver tree.
"Zilveri."
Nothing but a tingle... up until the point when Cori placed his full hand over his heart. Then he simply felt suffused with warmth. It wasn't orgasmic from this point of view. And he couldn't tell if it was for Cori, either. Because he didn't make any unexpected cries like Lieve had--but it had shocked him and Cori sort of had a reference to refer back to, in Lieve's description.
It wasn't the same, though. Cori held onto his hand, keeping it in place. Something else seemed to be happening. Not harmful. But something. Lieve leaned in closer, heart beating faster. Wait... Did he just... Lieve took in a sharp breath.
"You know my True Name?" he asked. Nobody knew it. Cori acquired it just by having Lieve's hand over his heart like that? It would be such a dangerous ability to have in the wrong hands. But Cori could be trusted, even if he didn't know quite what power it was, to have a fae's true name.
Cori let Lieve's hand drop at the same time that he let out the breath he'd been holding, coming back down to Earth with a bump and a shake of the head. His eyes snapped open and the images and visions of Lieve's past lives faded. He only saw the present Lieve, who seemed... surprised? Perturbed? A mixture of the two, perhaps?
"I saw it," he said thoughtfully as his hands clasped in his own lap. "In my mind. That was the word I saw. Is that your True Name? Zilveri? It's... it's so pretty..."
It was pretty just like Lieve, just like the stately tree out in the back yard that represented Lieve's soul, with its silver trunk and delicate green leaves. Cori repeated it silently in his mind; even he knew that he shouldn't be yelling a fae's True Name out loud every chance he got. But the more he repeated it, the more another word swam up through the myriad thoughts circling around and around in his mind.
"I have one too... I think..." Frowning, he lifted his gaze up to Lieve's face. "It's with you."
"Yes. Only... I had forgotten it until you said it."
It wasn't a celestial power, no. Lieve only assumed it was because, well, he did know a little about celestials but not everything, all right? They were something of a mystery to him. They were not fae as such, they were something far more. But Cori wasn't just a celestial and he kept forgetting that. He was half fae, too. And what just happened right now... and with what Cori was saying about his own True Name...
"It's with me," he echoed. It might have always been with him and he just didn't know it. "Do you know what this means?" Then he felt like an asshole for asking because of course Cori didn't know what it meant. "It means we're soul mates. Like those heart necklaces that come apart in the middle. You on one side, me on the other." He demonstrated with his hands, making one half a heart with one hand, and another half a heart with the other, then putting them together.
"Do you... need to touch me to learn yours?" Would it come to him? Or to Cori? Lieve had been so shocked before, that he didn't recall hearing or seeing any names but... He was a bit preoccupied at the time...
No, Cori didn't know what it meant that Lieve had his True Name—and vice versa, apparently! He shook his head, still searching for that name that wouldn't be recalled. It was with Lieve. His True Name resided within the heart and soul of his mate, where it could be kept safe for all time. The only one who would not use it against him was Lieve.
"Oh... soul mates..." He watched Lieve demonstrating with his hands, making a heart. Cori was one half heart, Lieve was the other. Left hand and right hand—both indispensable. "We? We're soul mates?" It was a strange thought but a romantic one. Was that why he was so drawn to Lieve from the beginning? They became best friends so easily that Cori never gave thought to how or why. They meshed; they got along. It seemed a given that they should be close.
"Maybe if we touched each other at the same time, we'll both get it." He didn't know if it would work but they could just do it and find out! Now that Cori knew it didn't hurt, he was less afraid to try different things. He reached out but only touched a shoulder. "I think I know it, it's just... stuck behind something. Like somebody didn't want me to find it so they hid it..."
"I think so," Lieve said. It explained a lot, really. How they had been fast friends, how they loved each other pretty much unconditionally from day one. Lieve was friendly enough but he was also a little aloof when it came to humans--they were a dryad's worst nightmare. He thought Cori was a human but he had still received him warmly in his life, without even the slightest clue that he wasn't.
And Lieve wasn't one for holding onto grudges; he had a mild temperament unless somebody he loved was involved. Even he was surprised and ashamed when he thought of how he acted toward Rip. He hadn't trusted him at all, from the moment he heard his strange name. But it wasn't some dumb gangster name. Somebody dumb gave it to him.
And he wasn't out to hurt Cori. He smiled at him as he lowered his hands.
"Maaaaybe you have a point." Still, he felt nervous but a good kind of nervous about it. Like... right before his first time with somebody. Anticipating, hopeful. "And maybe that was your mom, protecting you. She must be so powerful, Cori. I never even suspected either of you, ever, for anything other than human."
Taking in a deep breath, he nodded at Cori. "Let's do this." And he reached out to touch Cori where he'd held his hand to his chest earlier.
Soul mates! It had a nice ring to it, didn't it? The mate to his soul was right here sitting next to him. Cori wondered how soul mates worked. Was it set at birth? Did he have a soul mate even when he was a tiny little baby held in his mom's arms? How come he never knew he had one? This seemed like something he should've known or felt...
His mom must have known something he didn't though, to hide his True Name from even himself. She let Cori think he was human all his life! To protect him? From... his own father, the man who kidnapped her? There was so much he didn't know! But first things first, he needed to get this soul mates thing settled, because it felt important. It felt like a thing he should know, who his soul mate was and what his own True Name was!
Cori nodded and reached out to touch Lieve's chest too, right over his heart's light. He closed his eyes tightly like he did earlier, thinking that somehow it might help him to visualize his name. That barrier inside shivered and he began to see the fuzzy, blurry word in his mind more clearly. Slowly it drifted to the forefront of his mind.
Aidna.
Truly, Lieve felt connected to Cori on a new and different level now. It was like the intensity of his love for Cori had gone up, something he wasn't even sure was possible. For years, he harbored those feelings on his own. When he hit puberty, he thought about saying something but Cori loved him so much... and it seemed like he loved him as a brother loved, not as a lover.
It was best to keep things close between them, rather than risking ruining everything by saying something about feeling attraction or loving him as lovers loved. Cori was so quiet about his feelings on the matter, too. He wasn't like Mik, who constantly talked about the guys he had crushes on and went for them when he liked them. Cori never said anything about anybody in that way, which made Lieve think maybe he was asexual. It never occurred to him that maybe he was his soul mate and that it was being suppressed by powerful magic.
Was that... it? Was that why?
He felt the energy and as the word flashed before Cori's mind, it echoed into Lieve's. After a moment, he whispered it aloud, like a secret between the two of them--which was precisely what it was. When he opened his eyes, he smiled at Cori.
"Do you feel that?"
As soon as Lieve whispered his True Name, Cori felt like something snapped inside—in a good way. Like when his glamor had bound him too tightly, and when he imagined it falling away, it suddenly did. But this time Lieve did it! Lieve freed him from the constricting feeling just by whispering the word that flashed through his mind.
"Yeah..."
He felt like he was finally awake. He had awakened. A whole lot of feelings—very intense feelings—surged out of him and suddenly he realized with blinding clarity that he... he loved Lieve very much. Not only with his heart, but with his whole soul, too. With everything that was him, he loved Lieve.
This was... new. Cori thought he had feelings for Lieve but he didn't know if they were enough. He doubted his own feelings. He heard about love, listened to songs about it, read stories about it, but what they described didn't seem to describe him. And he never felt anything for other people except platonically, even though a handful of people seemed to quite like him. If he felt anything it was only for Lieve and he loved Lieve quietly on the side, thinking that maybe he was just emotionally stunted or something.
But now he understood that there was a barrier there protecting him. Who put it there? His mom? Didn't she want him to awaken? Or maybe she wanted him to realize his abilities first... so that he could protect himself and Lieve. That seemed more in line with who she was because Cori knew that she loved Lieve like he was part of the family!
"I think... um... I think..." His voice cracked a little in the middle, as his brain raced to keep up with what was happening. Cori leaned in closer; he couldn't keep his eyes off of Lieve. Was it just him or was there something different about Lieve too? Like he was extra pretty somehow (even though he was unbelievably pretty normally too). "Mik was right..."
Ah, good. Lieve's smile was relieved. He wasn't sure what he would say or do if Cori answered in the negative. Probably just... feel disappointed. But surely if he felt something so intensely and in connection with Cori--it had to be happening on both sides?
It had never happened to Lieve before, in all his years of being a dryad. Floating from one place to the next as a little seed, moving from one continent to the next and then replanting himself and growing from that seedling into a sentient being again, it hadn't happened. Now he could see why. And it never bothered him; he knew those of fae blood had soul mates but not all were so lucky and many simply lived out their lives with whomever was close. Dryads were known to be sort of frisky, anyway, so it didn't surprise him that he had been a soul mate-less until... now.
Instinctively, Lieve leaned closer too, as if Cori were about to tell him a long held secret. Then he let out psssh sound. Mik! Ugh, he would bring him up right now. The guy might be their friend and all but his pushiness had been a real turn off to Lieve, who was not appreciative of being pushed. He was free, like a leaf on the wind, unconstrained by human designs.
"Don't tell him that or we'll never hear the end of it," he sighed.
"He seemed really invested..." Cori glanced down at his hands. Magic hands, huh? Magic fingers! Just like Lieve's! They really were soul mates. Something in that warmed his heart and settled him, just the knowledge that he had his soul mate here anchoring him. At least, he wasn't panicking anymore! That was a good thing, right?
"Um. So. What... what happens now?" He looked down at their hearts, at their lights now twinkling as one. They pulsed and beat together, both shining brightly. Cori put a hand over his eyes. Too bright!
"Can you teach me how to not see the light?" He blinked again, eyes watering. "It's blinding me!"
Yes, yes he was for some reason. Lieve didn't know why it mattered so much to Mik, though. Lieve had never told Mik who to date. No, that was a lie. He did tell him not to date Rip but... He'd given up on that fight by now. It wasn't even his business what Mik did with him. Just... he warned him and told him how inadvisable it was. And now he felt like somehow by doing that, he pushed him toward him instead of away.
The light really did seem to have quite the effect on Cori. When Lieve touched his hand, he could see why; it was so bright that was blinding. Was it because of how young they were or because it was a new bond? Either way, it was strong and Lieve had to agree; they needed to make it less... visible. Cori couldn't be the only one who could see this sort of thing.
Having no knowledge of it, though, he could only say, "Maybe it's the same as putting on a glamor or a magic cloak. Maybe you need to imagine hiding it. But not putting it out! Okay? That's important. It's not a candle flame. It's... more like a flashlight. You're just turning it off, not extinguishing it."
"...RIGHT!" Cori said loudly, as though only sheer volume could convey how much he understood Lieve's instructions. Putting out the lights sounded. Uh. Bad. Like... like he could kill them if he did that. And he didn't want to die and he didn't want Lieve to die, most importantly!
So he imagined the lights being covered up, but not extinguished. Not even switched off, that sounded alarming as well. Just covered. Cloaked. He cloaked everything--himself and Lieve, their lights, their True Names and true forms--because even in his naivete, Cori understood that there were some mighty bad people out there.
Once the lights were covered--covered--he breathed out a sigh of immense relief. Then his stomach rumbled and he let out a silly laugh because this didn't seem like the time to be hungry... but it had been a really long time since he'd had any food! "Crepes?" he asked Lieve hopefully, still clinging to his... soul mate's hand. It kinda seemed like the sorta thing they should talk about on full stomachs, that soul mate business--the kind of thing which needed them to not be distracted by empty tummies.