We Are Bulletproof

Rain slapped against the windows of the shelter's front office, coming down harder as the morning wore on. Ryland sat sideways in one of the uncomfortable chairs lined up along the wall, his leg dangling over the arm. In his hand was his phone. On his face was a half frown. Nervous didn't really cut how he felt. Butterflies were causing a riot in his stomach and he wriggled his dangling foot in a vain attempt to wear out some of the nerves.

How long had it been since he was face to face with Aldon? Almost a year? In all that time, Ryland didn't really date much. Most of his time was occupied trying to help out with the curse, the ancient thing, and his new line of work at the shelter. His mouth felt dry. Why did he agree to meet the other man, anyway? Why did he agree to meet Aldon?

He switched back over to Alva, figuring he needed time with Rae. Alva gave so much good advice but the things he said pricked Ryland straight to the heart. Now he couldn't help thinking what an asshat he had been, not to notice how much he scared Aldon into a corner. Hope sprung eternal when it came to Aldon--he couldn't help hoping that Alva was right about Aldon's fear and his real reason for "falling" for somebody else. It could just be that he clutched onto somebody for fear of being alone. Why, though?! He never did that before, and they broke up all the time!

What made this time so different?

"You're going to scoot that chair straight out the door," Kathy said dryly from her place behind the big round desk. She had been busy all morning on the phones, doing damage control over Rae's little tiff the night before.

"Sorry." Ryland stopped kicking his foot and turned to sit in it like a regular person. "I'm just waiting for somebody."

"Somebody else?" Kathy raised her brows.

"Yeah... a ride. To check on Rae." Which was sort of true. He wasn't getting into his love life (or lack thereof, actually) with Kathy. In response, Kathy pressed her lips together, then shook her head and went back to her work.

"You better be here all day tomorrow," she said as she sifted through some paperwork. "Or you're getting docked hours. I'm going to give them all to the new kid."

Ryland put up a hand. "I'll be here. Extra time. Over the weekend, even. Just give me today."

"Hm..." Kathy was about to say something more on the subject but looked up as the front office door opened. Ryland looked up, too, then felt his heart do a flip. He got to his feet, somehow.

"That's him. Gotta go. Bye, Kathy, see you tomorrow!" He grabbed onto Aldon's arm to direct him back outside, all the while reeling over how good he looked. How the hell did he manage to keep getting better looking? Or maybe it was that whole absence growing fonder business.

"HE SAID YES!" Aldon shrieked to his cab driver, who in the time between picking Aldon up and driving him to the shelter outside of town had learned everything that there was to learn about Aldon's relationship woes. What could he say? He was an open book. Maybe an audiobook. Maybe an audiobook with the volume controls broken, at the highest maximum setting.

Aldon, he liked to share. Everything. His joys, his fears, his thoughts, his feelings. Before, they used to be superficial feelings but now he felt as if he had changed and grown. Now he didn't balk at telling everyone how he really felt because if there was one thing that he learned from being with Ryland and then losing Ryland, it was that withholding his truest, most innermost thoughts led to misunderstandings.

Now the only misunderstandings came from his words.

Er. Or something like that.

Gleeful and overjoyed, he almost ran out of the cab before it came to a full stop, he was so eager to get inside and to see Ryland again. Imagine living in the same town and not being able to meet! Or even talk to him! Ryland even changed his number, which really hurt Aldon's feelings seeing as how Aldon was careful to keep his just in case Ryland called. Just in case he missed Aldon or wanted to hear his voice. Just in case he changed his mind.

Aldon's shoes splattered through puddles as he ran for the shelter and then burst on through. His chest was rising and falling rapidly; his eyes scanned the room for Ryland only for Ryland to walk right up to him and grab his arm and drag him outside. Aldon was tongue-tied. It was like meeting an idol that he'd idolized for his entire adult life, up close and personal. It... he... they just...

"RY!" They had just gotten outside, out in the rain, when Aldon threw his arms around Ryland and clutched at him for dear life. He was sure that his heart beat so hard, Ryland might feel it against his chest through their clothes.

Somehow, he knew that Aldon was going to explode and he was right in getting him out of the office before he did it in front of Kathy. His supervisor didn't necessarily like Ryland that much--she thought he was a slacker and he didn't work hard enough (and he hadn't really proven himself that capable in the time he worked there) but she didn't need another reason to stare at him with disapproval every time he came to work.

And he was right. The moment they were outside, with the rain still slopping down in great, fat drops, Aldon clung to him like cellophane. All right. Ryland had to admit at least this (to himself): he missed Aldon's hugs. And his enthusiasm. It was hard not to react when somebody was that happy to see him. Lifting a hand, he held onto Aldon's lower back, like he thought he needed to steady Aldon. Maybe he did. Aldon was prone to surprising him with all of his weight or swinging him around or even leaping on him.

"Okay, okay," he said, trying to calm Aldon down. He could feel the rain soaking through his clothes and plastering his hair to his head. Aldon would choose to do this in a downpour. "Come on, let's get in the car before we drown out here."

"No. Hug me back."

He was holding Ryland hostage until he got a proper hug. Ryland's hand was just touching his back but that was no hug! Aldon might not get another chance for a hug; he might blow this whole thing by being... himself and if this was going to be a rare opportunity, he wanted to take advantage of it. But he did hug Ryland less tightly afterwards, aware that he didn't always have the best control over his own strength. Werewolf muscles and all. Feral genes and all.

The rain didn't bother him though. He liked it; it felt nice and clean slicking down his hair, against his skin. Aldon might regret heavy soaked clothes later when they were sitting in the cab, but he wasn't the forward-looking type. Not the practical one.

"Oh my god..." Ryland muttered under his breath. Wasn't he already hugging him? He had an arm around him, didn't he? The contrary, foxy side of Ryland wanted to point this out, to play games--I'm already hugging you~ He knew that wasn't going to cut it with Aldon. He could hound Ryland like no other. With a long suffering sigh, he brought his other arm around Aldon's shoulder.

They really were close. Their chests pressed against one another, Ryland could have sworn he could feel a heart that beat in time with his. This close up, their noses were practically touching. Ryland wrinkled his nose playfully but he didn't stop the forward momentum that led him to brushing noses, just the way they used to when they were dating. With the wind picking up, it took his breath away or maybe it was just being so close to Aldon that he could see the dark flecks in his brown eyes.

Are you happy now? he wanted to ask but he didn't. The smile on Aldon's lips reached his eyes. There was a definite fondness in his gaze that only Aldon managed to get right. It wasn't the wind taking his breath away. Ryland's hand moved from Aldon's shoulder. He intended to step back, make some remark. The aforementioned happy one. But his hand stopped at Aldon's chest, fingertips twisting in the wet fabric of Aldon's shirt. He didn't move away.

His head tilted--just so--and his lips were on Aldon's. A soft kiss at first, lips on lips. Warm. Heat shivered from head to toe. His fingers bunched at the small of Aldon's back as he deepened the kiss, as naturally as if they were two lovers meeting for a date and not estranged exes meeting for the first time in months.

"I deserve a hug," Aldon whispered coaxingly, although the wind whipped around him so hard that he was sure half the syllables were swept away. It was hard to breathe. He took in big gulps of air but only the tiniest fraction of oxygen went into his lungs because when he was this close to Ryland, he forgot everything except Ryland. Aldon could stop eating, stop drinking, stop breathing and stop speaking but he couldn't stop being in love with Ryland.

Too bad it took him so long to realize it, and then even longer to say the words. Too bad their relationship had gone through so many ups and downs, derailed time and again, before Aldon came to understand himself and his own feelings. The depth of them scared him. He fooled around as most normal guys his age did before he met Ryland and then it was like falling off the side of a sheer cliff. Everything fell away abruptly; Ryland was all he could think about, all he dreamt about.

They got so serious so quickly that Aldon didn't have time to grow into the relationship and with Ryland. He sort of threw himself headlong into it, as he did with most things, never imagining that his life would take on so many twists and turns. Aldon wasn't a complicated guy. If he was hungry, he ate. If he was sleepy, he curled up and slept. If he was amorous, he... asked for a belly rub. But asking him to articulate so many complex, intertwined feelings? He grew overwhelmed and flustered and eventually even scared.

It was strange to think that Ryland scared him, but he did. Everything that used to go right went horribly wrong. Aldon was sure that he played a part in all of that but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out where he went wrong and Ryland wouldn't tell him, either. He bumbled his way through everything, ham-fistedly throwing his feelings around hoping to fit the square peg into any sort of a hole. But relationships didn't work like that. Ryland didn't work like that.

Aldon spent the better part of a year, in the time that they were apart, trying to figure out just where he went wrong. Life did go on, despite his initials feelings otherwise. He crafted a new relationship with Gregg and forged a new life with him. Things were going well, as much as could be expected. But he couldn't forget Ryland. He couldn't not feel a surge of anxiety and anticipation every time his phone buzzed, hoping that it might be Ryland. Aldon loved deeply and he loved forever. For keeps.

Ryland did too. Except his love had one focus—Aldon. So what changed? What made him reconsider meeting Gregg? His cryptic response of 'a little fox' didn't make much sense to Aldon but the way he looked at Aldon in that moment. Well, that made all the sense in the world. That was a familiar look, a timeless scenario that had played out over and over again, each time they broke up and then made up. That was a look which said that his feelings were no less intense than Aldon's.

They were hugging now. Their arms were around one another and as hard as the wind tried to push them apart, they remained glued together. Aldon's smile didn't waver or falter. He had eyes only for Ryland, magical clever baffling inexplicable Ryland whose nose brushed his and sent a pang of remembrance through him. Ryland who took his breath away and also filled him with the most indescribable joy, so much that he buoyed Aldon and sent him flying alllll the way up into the skies. Ryland who... was touching him, twisting his fingers in Aldon's shirt, coming closer and closer and startled Aldon stood there like a dummy watching him as though in a trance.

"Ah—" he gasped shortly before their lips met. It wasn't even until after they kissed that he realized Ryland had leaned in to kiss him. He never dared to dream that Ryland would kiss him after all the things that had happened, and after Aldon made him so angry and frustrated that he dropped all contact for a whole year. Imagine being so angry, for so long. Aldon screwed up big time...

This was his chance to make things right, though. This was the opportunity—the hug he forced out of Ryland, in a manner of speaking. If it was to be the last chance then he had to seize it and never let go. He clung even more tightly to Ryland as the kiss deepened and as his lips parted to deepen it. Aldon was sure that this was a dream. If he opened his eyes Ryland would disappear, so he kept his eyes tightly closed and he poured all of his feelings into the kiss. He kissed as if it was the first and the last, as if he could somehow communicate all of his muddled-up feelings without uttering a single word.

Yeah... Yeah, maybe he did deserve a hug. Ryland did put him through a lot of hell, even if he wasn't the only one who played with heartstrings. Aldon was always disappearing on him and then showing back up like nothing was wrong. Every time they separated and met again, Aldon acted like nothing happened. At least, he used to. Lately... the ups and downs of their relationship had been taking its toll on him, especially if what Alva said about him was true.

Ryland's heart ached for him when he read those words. Was he really playing with Aldon's heart all along? When he thought he was the one being played? For the longest time, he couldn't understand Aldon's reluctance to just say those three little words. Eight little letters. I love you. How hard could it be, if Aldon really loved him? Ryland had no idea that it was his trump card, that he was holding it close to his chest because he thought it was the only thing Ryland needed of him before he left for good.

That revelation was a heart breaking one. Ryland never meant it to get this far out of hand. Truly, he thought it was as easy as getting back together one last time. Except every "last" time turned into a new breakup, over such stupid things. Ryland reflected on those things when he couldn't sleep at night, staring at the slowly spinning ceiling fan, recalling nights in which his legs were entangled with Aldon's, where his head rested against his warm, naked chest, hand resting on his stomach because Aldon loved his belly rubs.

They used to talk about all kinds of things. Nonsense things like movies they just saw, favorite songs, the lady that gave them an evil look at the supermarket, the balloon that got caught in the tree, names for hypothetical pets... Sometimes, they talked about serious things. What happened to Alva? Ryland hated telling that story. Rarely did. But he told Aldon.

And there were games. Actual fun games, not stupid mind games. The kind of games where Aldon went to brush his teeth and came out to find Ryland missing, only for him to grasp onto Aldon's ankle from under the bed, scaring the bejeezus out of him. Or pouncing on him from under the blankets to pull him in closer with promises of things to come.

Ryland dated around, before he met Aldon and between their relationship's rocky ups and downs, when it seemed like they were never, ever getting back together. But then they would. And then they weren't. Ryland was a bit demanding--he did expect Aldon to drop his new man for him and when he didn't, when he confessed he loved him, it blew Ryland apart. It ripped apart every memory they had until he was looking at scattered remnants, shaded blue with melancholy. It hurt so much to look at them that he pushed them into a closet and erased Aldon. His number. Moved into a new apartment. Got a new job. New everything.

But the truth was, Aldon occupied his whole heart. Ryland could date others and fool himself into thinking it was love but it was fool's gold. It wasn't real. He was looking into the eyes of people that he could interchange with somebody else and break up with and move on. Aldon, though, he was always there in his periphery. Always.

Always.

Aldon deserved a hug. He got a kiss. He got a real kiss, one that burst with unrepressed affection. The kiss deepened and it lingered long after the rest of the breath was robbed from their lungs. Eyes closed, nose to nose, he breathed Aldon in, the scent of his skin, the cold wet spray of the wind juxtaposed against the warmth of his breath, the proximity of their bodies embraced. When he opened his eyes, Aldon's eyes were still closed. Ryland kissed the tip of his nose, hands moving to cup Aldon's face.

This wasn't how he planned to greet Aldon. In fact, he was planning to just get in the car and make stiff conversation on the way to pick up Rae. He expected to feel tense as he waited to meet Mr. Right. But he completely forgot about him when his eyes met Aldon's as he oh-so-reluctantly gave in to his demand for a hug.

"I miss you."

Aldon just wanted a hug. A nice big hug to let him know that Ryland wasn't mad at him anymore, and had forgiven Aldon for hurting him. Maybe even semi-forgave Aldon, he thought he could take that and make something of it. Aldon was the type to be given an inch and take a mile, except this time he was given the mile up front. A kiss was more than he hoped for.

But he got it; he savored it. He treasured it and hoarded the memory of the moment, like a long-overdue homecoming. There was never any doubt that he and Ryland were that sickening couple who couldn't get enough of each other. Ryland thought that the honeymoon phase was over but Aldon would have begged to differ. The honeymoon phase wasn't over. How could it be when he only felt stronger and stronger towards Ryland? He didn't think he could ever see Ryland and not want a hug, a kiss, a cuddle or a belly rub. He could never disassociate Ryland's name with love and affection.

"Heh... me-me too."

Aldon sniffled. It was cold. The rain was lashing down on them and they were soaked. His nose was tickly from cold, not from Ryland admitting that he missed him. He wasn't emotional. Rae would've kicked him in the butt for being emotional but it was okay to be cold and sniffly in the rain. Yeah... Even Rae got cold sometimes—just never in front of Aldon, but Aldon heard things from Alva and from Ryland. Even tough guys got cold and sniffly sometimes, so it was okay.

"Ry, I—"

BEEP BEEP!

The cab driver honked the horn so suddenly that Aldon jumped a little. "OH!" He exclaimed, remembering that the driver was still waiting for them and probably didn't want to watch them kissing in the rain. They could kiss inside the cab, where it was dry and warm. Aldon stepped away but took Ryland's hand and ran with him to the cab. He flung open the door to the back and bundled them both inside, then shut the door with a loud slam.

"Hospital please!" Aldon told the driver as he snuggled up against Ryland wetly. Yech. They squelched and he felt unpleasant all over. The invigorating rain was only invigorating when it wasn't sitting on his body in soaked clothing. Aldon shifted uncomfortably and gave Ryland an aggrieved look. "I feel gross!"

Ryland waited, gaze locked on Aldon. Then the annoyingly high pitched honk rent the air and jolted Ryland's nerves. He turned a glare on the car in question, not caring if it was their ride or not. Couldn't the driver see they were having a moment here? Not to mention that honk completely erased whatever Aldon was about to say. He what? He loved him? His heart pounded hard. Of course he did. It wasn't that he missed him because he already agreed with his "me too." So what was it? God, he hoped it wasn't an apology. He was past those. All he wanted was Aldon back, other guy be damned.

"Ah!"

Ryland was tugged along with Aldon as he made a mad dash for the car, the rain and wind crashing all around them. How had not noticed that before? It was turning into a full-on storm! Blinking back the raindrops dappling his face, he got into the car and huddled in the backseat, glad for the warmth of the car but... Yeah. The wet clothes were a huge turn-off. Ryland stared right back at Aldon and for a moment, the severity of his expression probably made it look as if he was about to say I told you so, moron. Instead, his expression changed and he quickly dipped his head low to hide the fact that he was laughing silently.

Did... Was Ryland angry? At Aldon? For the rain? Well, for making them stand in the rain but Aldon's hug would have lasted ten seconds! The kiss lasted... a bit longer than that. He couldn't help but feel warm all over—damp, but warm—as he recalled their most recent Moment. Capital M and everything. It was a definite Moment, a romantic and sweet reunion if not for the skies opening up and rain being dumped on them.

Well, one couldn't have everything, Aldon supposed.

He was about to apologize when Ryland ducked his head, confusing Aldon who thought that he was going to sneeze. Aldon sat perfectly still. Movement would chase the sneeze away and there was nothing funny about wanting desperately to sneeze and then... not being able to. It was the worst feeling in the world! Then Ryland's shoulders began to shake and, aghast, Aldon was convinced that he was crying.

"R-Ry? Ry?!" He reached out to grab Ryland by the arm, to make him look up. Was he happy-crying? Or sad-crying? Aldon couldn't tell and it distressed him to think that such a happy moment was turning into such a sad one. "Are you okay?!"

It was the look on Aldon's face that started it. Ryland took one look at it and he couldn't contain the laughter so he had to hide it. For some reason. He didn't even know why he was hiding it. Aldon just looked so serious and it didn't help that when he ducked his head to hide the mirth that Aldon took that seriously, too. Poor Aldon; he was just concerned and all he did was push Ryland into laughing harder, shoulders shaking harder until he couldn't contain it any longer.

A burst of laughter escaped and he looked up as Aldon grabbed his arm, looking and sounding so concerned. Poor thing had to be confused. He seemed so worried and here Ryland was, laughing. He turned into Aldon and let out another laugh, reaching up to pat him on the chest as if that would make up for the laughter. It wasn't as if Ryland laughed in his face to make fun of him. He just couldn't help it. Everything was so tense and then... it wasn't.

"I'm... fine!" Ryland gasped, giving Aldon another pat on the chest before attempting to straighten himself out. "You just looked so...!" He burst into laughter again. How did he explain it? It was impossible. Aldon just... he looked so hilarious. Ryland slid an arm around Aldon's wet shoulders, ignoring the gross squelching between them.

"I swear, I'm not laughing at you. You just--you keep taking things too seriously!"

Which was a fine thing for Ryland to say. Hush. He had enough with the SRS BSNS. With all the tension leading up to this moment, it was possible he was just a little hysterical. But really, he thought it was relief. Aldon was the same Aldon; he hadn't changed or morphed into somebody else in his absence. Whatever his new guy was to him, he hadn't warped his Aldon into something unrecognizable.

Oh no! Oh no oh no! Ryland was crying and Aldon was at his wits' end because--once again--he had absolutely no idea what was wrong or what he did to make it that way. A hysterical laugh could sound like a sob; a shaking back and tremors could seem like grief.

Gripped by panic, Aldon started  to get emotional himself when Ryland finally burst out with a "HAHA" and it became quite obvious that he was laughing and not crying. At first, Aldon was stunned. He still sorta didn't know what was going on; he was clueless. Then he was relieved that Ryland wasn't crying but... but being laughed at wasn't pleasant either!

Eventually he became indignant, despite Ryland's hand against his chest and arm around him. Aldon crossed his arms and frowned, turned the corners of his lips way down. "It's--not funny! That's what you always wanted me to do! Take everything seriously!"

How many times did Aldon get in trouble for trying to lighten the mood? How many times did he get put in the dog house for failing to live up to Ryland's expectations of how seriously he should have been taking their relationship? And now he was being laughed at for being TOO serious!

"It's not funny," he grumbled, genuinely hurt. Still baffled, too, as to what set Ryland off and why now he didn't want Aldon to be serious. It was like Aldon couldn't do anything right!!

"You're mean!"

"Am not!" Ryland protested. MEAN? Ryland? Since when?! It was just that look on Aldon's face and the fact that they were soaking wet and the gross sounds every time they moved and the way the driver kept looking at them, like he was about to charge them triple for soaking up his car... Haha...

"You don't think this is funny?" he asked, tugging on his own wet clothes. Even though he'd worn a jacket to work, it was useless against a storm. Denim jackets were all well and good... but they weren't when it came to repelling water. It was the kind of jacket one wore for style more than warmth. And hey, he saw it was grey out when he woke up but he had no idea it was going to evolve into a full blown storm!

Ryland looked over at Aldon and his down-turned lips and he turned his own downward to match him. Aldon was taking things awfully serious. What did Alva say? Listen to him? Pay attention. Something like that. Not that Ryland was bad at that in the past but... maybe he wasn't as good at it as he imagined he was. After a moment, Ryland slowly withdrew, crossing his arms, frown still present on his face. Well now nothing seemed amusing. He shrugged slightly.

"I just thought you looked like a soaked puppy. It was funny."

Jacket (http://www.raaseltine.com/rafiles/DWoZuL7UMAACDmZ.jpg-large.jpeg)

( You're a corporate shill, hawking Mark's clothing line! LOL <3 )

Well. Ryland WAS mean to keep on laughing without letting Aldon know what was so funny. Aldon didn't think the wet clothes were funny when they were plastered to him and he didn't think(?) that there was anything hilarious about anything that had happened. It had been a lonesome, tiring, heart-breakingly long time since they'd last talked—not even met, but spoken—and there was nothing humorous about having one's heart broken.

He didn't begrudge Ryland the laughter... eventually. But by then Ryland was frowning and Ryland was crossing his arms and Ryland's lips were turned down at the corners. After a moment, Aldon looked down at himself and at his rain-soaked sweatshirt. Well he wouldn't have said that it was funny still, but he also didn't want to start arguing again or fighting. They started off so well and now things were rapidly escalating out of control.

"...sorry," he said softly, unsure of how to make things right so that they could go back to passionately embracing instead of... sitting with their arms crossed and frowning at each other. It was just strange to be in the dog house one moment and then suddenly have Ryland laughing at him. And it wasn't even that he hated the sound of Ryland's laugh or anything (because he didn't!) but it was confusing to Aldon's poor, simple brain.

He still didn't know where Ryland stood on everything! What he thought about the arrangement with Gregg, what made him suddenly decide to meet Gregg when he declared hotly to Aldon's face that he could never bear to even consider a meeting. Aldon was so nervous about all of that. What if things didn't work out? What if Ryland left for good? He thought Ryland left for good last time and that had such an impact on him—such a devastating, negative impact. It broke Aldon down into tiny pieces.

Suddenly meeting like this and having that immediate, visceral reaction to Ryland left him overwhelmed, too. It was a lot to process and a lot of information to take in and added to that a slow-turning mind, well... It just took Aldon a while to adjust to things, that was all. And this was possibly the biggest turning point in his love life.

"...are you mad?" Aldon leaned closer and gently nudged Ryland's arm with his own, which he had unfolded. "You're not mad, right?"

(LOL REPRESENT)

Before this meeting, all Ryland saw was Disaster. All he saw was Heartbreak. He was certain that he couldn't handle looking at Aldon ever again, hence cutting him out of his life entirely. That was a difficult decision to make but the idea of seeing Aldon with somebody else made his stomach churn and his heart ache. Why put himself through that? And that was when he decided they couldn't even be friends. They were nothing to each other. That was how it had to be, if he was to stay sane.

Without Aldon, life did eventually move forward. The world didn't stop spinning just because of a shitty breakup. Ryland had his moments. He went out, got drunk, did some stupid things. Flings, that kind of thing. He cried, but only in private and then washed away his shame and went about his life.

Eventually, things started to become a new kind of normal. It wasn't like Ryland didn't have turns in his life without Aldon, so this was just another one--one that would never end. It was daunting to think about... so he didn't. He focused on other things. Dating fell behind as an idea; his heart still hurt and if it wasn't a fling, he really didn't want it. The idea of letting anybody else in close wasn't appealing. Ryland was so tired of breaking hearts and having his own still on the mend, it made sense. Don't let anybody new in. And he'd been pretty good at that.

There was more to life than having a constant partner and lover. Besides, there was the Alva drama to deal with, which was serious business and needed a lot of attention. There were a lot of scary changes happening in the underground super world, things he wasn't equipped to help with but he was trying. He was doing his best to help Alva and Susumu and the others (even if he and Yoojin still had their reservations about Susumu, he seemed to make Alva happy.)

So when he contacted Aldon, it was an excuse to talk to him. See how he was. Ryland didn't want it to go any deeper than the situation with Rae. But he did. Deep down--and Alva totally called him out on it. So here he was, in a car with Aldon and it was just... it was so absurd. Ryland dreamed about seeing him again and the dreams were fantasy--too good to be true. And when he thought about it during his waking hours, he really saw Disaster. He couldn't help it. He was jealous. He wasn't happy. So in meeting Aldon again, he was sure it would be very reserved and polite, that he would maintain his distance and... instead he blew it all by kissing Aldon the second they had any physical contact.

That was... kinda funny, wasn't it? Or maybe Ryland was crazy. It was just that he had this anticipation built up in his head that everything would go wrong and then it didn't. Except now it was. Because they were sitting there like pissy elementary school kids, unable to deal with their emotions properly. Ryland glanced over at Aldon as he was nudged, then looked away, still feeling very much like the pissy elementary school kid.

"I'm..." Not, he was going to say but he was. He was and he didn't even really know why. Why was he mad? Why did Aldon always do this to him? Everything seemed to be going great and then something Aldon did ended up hitting a sour note with Ryland and they ended up in a fight that Aldon didn't ever understand and to be honest, even Ryland didn't understand it. Why did they always end up fighting? Over stupid things?!

His phone buzzed and he took the opportunity to check it. Alva. Alva, saying don't rush, even though they were already in the cab and on the way. Ryland sighed and set the phone down on his lap.

"Alva says Rae's asleep so we don't have to rush." But then what were they supposed to do? Ride the cab around town until Rae woke up? He fidgeted with his phone, just to have something to do with himself.

"Maybe I should just go back to work..." Maybe this was a terrible idea.

It was just like it always was. Aldon never knew what to do. Everything he did seemed to be wrong and nobody ever told him what the right thing to do was. Was he not supposed to be upset? Was he supposed to laugh along when he didn't know what was funny?

Was Ryland the only one allowed to be offended or upset?

His reactions stemmed from honest feelings and it just... felt to him like when Ryland got mad at him for reacting, he was getting mad at Aldon for having feelings at all. Or for having the wrong feelings... But who determined which feelings were right and which were wrong?

See, Aldon, he was an open book. He didn't have that sly streak in him to be able to hide his thoughts or feelings, or to make people think that he felt one way when he really felt another. He wasn't the type to read a situation and just know what to do or how to react or what to say. He was pretty dumb. Really dumb. He needed a lot of things spelled out for him not because he wasn't trying to understand, but because he simply didn't. He didn't understand subtleties. And Ryland was a man of subtleties, a man of complex emotions and motivations.

Aldon had grown a little since they last met but he was so slow at it. It took someone with the literal patience of a saint to put up with him, to help guide him towards clarity. Now he thought that he had a better understanding of himself but he was far from being an expert. And he was scared, skittish, and with his worst fears materializing before his eyes, he felt that same fear creeping over him again. It made him want to close up. It made him want to run away again, hide, curl up and protect himself from a threat that he didn't know how to combat or even begin to identify.

As Ryland's phone went off, Aldon hugged himself. He was still soaked and shivering a bit despite the warmth of the cab, which was now deadly silent. The driver was steadfastly ignoring them, probably as weirded out as they were about the sudden shift in the atmosphere. Aldon nodded to the message that Alva wanted Ryland to relay, and then—

It was just like Ryland to do that. Ryland was always the one doing the breaking up, shutting everything down when things didn't go his way, turning his back and walking away without the option of talking things out or working through their misunderstandings. It had to be Ryland's way or no way at all.

Aldon looked at him for a long moment, and he was sure that the stark hurt he felt was more than reflected in his expression and in his eyes. If he looked as if someone had struck him full in the face, that was because it felt like it. It felt like he'd been slapped hard by Ryland's words. Ryland agreed to meet with Gregg. He agreed to meet with Aldon. He kissed Aldon like all was forgiven and he gave Aldon hope that he might be ready to work things out. Aldon didn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. And now, after he'd filled Aldon with all that happiness, he was yanking the rug out from under him and slamming the door shut in his face.

Slowly and wordlessly, Aldon curled up into himself and leaned into the door, resting his shoulder against the window. He looked away. Outside. Tried to make as tight of a ball as he could, as though he could curl up small enough to become invisible. As if he could contain the pain if he surrounded it with his body.

He felt so small in that moment. After everything Ryland said, after he admitted that he was in the wrong for things Aldon still didn't quite understand... it was still Aldon's fault. It was Aldon's fault all along. And Ryland, in walking away, was leaving him with the blame—with guilt: Look what you made me do. Things would be okay if not for your actions.

Ryland gave himself an out...

But what about Aldon?

What? What did he say? Aldon looked like he had been slapped as he stared back at Ryland like he couldn't believe he said what he said. What? Go back to work? Well, what else was he supposed to do? Sit here in silence? Alva said to do something else but Ryland didn't see what else he was supposed to do. The sheer happiness of seeing Aldon again had vanished as quickly as it appeared; the cracks in their old foundation were still there. Nothing had been fixed or resolved, and why should it be? They separated and lived different lives, they didn't work on anything together.

Ryland pressed his forehead against the window, acutely aware of the distance between them now, both on opposite ends of the backseat. The rain was still coming down hard as ever and the wind sounded like moaning old men as it roared past them, lightly shaking the relatively small vehicle.

Why was Aldon so... hurt? Were they supposed to just... hang out until Rae was awake? And do what? Ryland's skin prickled uncomfortably and it made him restless. Part of him wanted to just open the car door and roll out into the mud; that was how much more preferable it was to escape the situation than it was to try and face it head on.

And he couldn't even bear to look at Aldon now. There were no words, he had no idea what to say anymore. It was like trying to comfort a stranger. Worse still, it was like trying to comfort somebody with a long history with him and he still didn't know what he was meant to do. It was easier when they were a couple. Ryland could get away with belly rubs as apologies for stuffing his foot in his mouth or doing some incomprehensible thing. If Aldon didn't understand, Ryland didn't understand either. It definitely was a case of massive miscommunication.

Maybe they just weren't... supposed to be a thing. Ryland breathed on the glass and drew a frowny face in the fog. On top of being wet, now he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Normally, that meant shifting, running off the weird energy. Now it just meant desperately trying not to squirm wildly in his seat.

This is so stupid. He didn't understand where it went wrong. They were so giddy before. Then... then Ryland made the mistake of laughing. That's where it led back to. How? He was just relieved. Maybe some of that giddiness from being outside in the cold and kissing contributed to it. And then... bam. Blow it back in his face. Ryland drew a big line through the face in the window before pressing his forehead against it again, closing his eyes as if he could will himself into an easier situation.

"I just wanted to see you again."

Aldon's breath fogged the window as he spoke to it, with his cheek pressed up against the cold glass. Not a good idea given that he was shivering already, but it was the furthest he could get from Ryland without opening the door and throwing himself out onto the cold, hard pavement. Going splat was an unattractive option, however, and Aldon had no desire to die despite having already died on the inside.

"I thought... we could talk. You said you wanted to see Gregg so I thought... maybe... you wanted to understand what I was feeling."

He shrugged listlessly and watched the raindrops sheeting against the window, battering it from the outside. Why was he even talking? He didn't know. Just talking to fill the silence. Talking because this was probably the last time Ryland and he would meet in person and he might as well unburden himself of his thoughts while he could. After they got out of the taxi, Ryland was under no obligation to ever listen to him again but while they were trapped here, he had no choice.

So what the hell. What did he have to lose?

"I thought you wanted to understand me better. I thought you were... giving me a chance to understand you better too. I don't understand you. I don't know why I always make you mad. I want to know. I feel like I could if I had some time but..."

Yeah. Well. Ryland didn't know what he wanted. He thought he wanted to talk to Aldon over the phone and they ended up in a weird argument. And he thought he wanted to see him, even if he was all nerves the whole time he waited for him. But then they ended up in another stupid argument. And Ryland withdrew when an argument ensued. He was the one that grew so frustrated with his inability to communicate his feelings that he left. He was the one who slammed the door and headed out just to get away. Ryland was an avoider. He had always been that way; he didn't like it when things were no longer easy. As soon as things got hard, he couldn't handle it.

Like right now. He felt hot from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He was too aware of his bodily self and he didn't want to be. He wanted to slough it off and just run it off. Run until all that was left was the burn of his lungs and the beat of his heart. Concentrate on the pounding of feet on ground.

And yes, they were supposed to talk. But about... what, exactly? Ryland frowned at his split-faced frowny face in the window. Ryland still had zero desire to meet Gregg. How could he tell Aldon that he only said it for Alva? Why did he even take that advice, anyway? Maybe it would work for Alva, but Alva and Ryland were two different people and Ryland wasn't ready for fucking Gregg. Even now, his eyebrows twitched slightly, irritated by the name and pulling back the desire to shout that he never made any decision about Gregg. That was all Alva. Ryland didn't even have a ready excuse for saying he wanted to meet him, so he remained silent and brooding, irritated with both himself and with his cousin.

Okay, so Rae the cheater was more easily forgiven? Maybe that was because Alva and Rae learned something. Maybe they were in a different place, emotionally, mentally. Maybe they were just different people. But Ryland wasn't Alva and Aldon certainly wasn't Rae. Shit that worked for Alva wouldn't necessarily work for them. Damn it! Why was he so irritated now?

Part of him just wanted Aldon to shut up. And part of him was still listening, listening, waiting for something to make sense, waiting for something he could actually say out loud without making things worse, waiting for something he actually had answers to. But he didn't, really.

"I did want to understand you better." Ryland drew vampire teeth on his window face. "Do want to. But I don't. I get you were worried about me but... what? Would it be better if I was actually crying? It's like... everything seemed fine... then I laugh and it offends you."

He fell silent a long moment, then dropped his hand into his lap.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I'm already full of nerves and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make you feel better about... about anything."

He finally turned away from the window to look at Aldon, all curled into himself like an orphaned puppy. It wasn't as if he didn't feel for Aldon. But he was frustrated. He didn't like what he saw and it made him want to withdraw in order to protect himself. It seemed Aldon was the same and they weren't helping each other.

"Missing you..." he said reluctantly. "And loving you... doesn't mean..." He didn't want to say it aloud. So he just shook his head and looked down at the expanse of seat between them. "Maybe you should just stick with Gregg."

"I wasn't offended." Aldon tracked the progress of a single drop of water as it slanted across the window. It joined another droplet and became a bigger droplet, slid down faster, joined another, slid faster, careened out of control. That was just like them. One small thing happened that could have maybe been stopped or resolved, but then another small thing happened, and another, and everything snowballed.

"I thought you were crying and I was scared that I did something wrong. I don't want to make you cry. I want to... to... make you happy. I just... it's... it threw me off to think you were crying, that's all. I wasn't mad or anything."

They used to be able to tease each other mercilessly. Aldon would decry Ryland's 'meanness' and Ryland would be even more 'mean.' It would be a fun game. Like how Ryland used to pounce on him and scare the crap out of him—and back then Aldon called him mean too, and Ryland only laughed. Was smug. Owned his meanness and dared Aldon to get him back for the little prank. Things were fun, lighter back then. Being mean wasn't a bad thing—it was an invitation.

He breathed on the window again and doodled a little puppy. And beside that, something with a long bushy tail and a sharp muzzle.

"How come you always walk away?" No accusation in his tone—just... bewilderment, perhaps. Curiosity. They'd never really talked before without it escalating into an argument. Aldon was sad and tired, though. Too tired to argue. Not too tired to talk. Too tired to look inward at the hurt and to sustain himself—feed himself—on the sense of injury he perceived as being heaped onto him.

Not too tired to want to understand Ryland better, in some last-ditch effort to gain a little more closure on what appeared to be the finale of their ill-fated love story.

Now they were so hurt that even light comments were taken the wrong way. Laughter was taken the wrong way. It hurt to think that they used to be able to jest without worrying over causing damage. Ryland in laughing, caused concern. Aldon in trying to jest, caused withdrawal. Well meant words, crushed and twisted through the fractured lenses of a less than pleasant past. Ryland hated it. All it did was pressure him low to the ground, unable to breathe, unable to move freely, to be himself. He felt like Aldon was the same.

Ouch. Ryland physically winced at Aldon's pointblank question. Slowly, he breathed in, let it out on a sigh before reaching up the side of his pounding head. Why did he always walk away? Aldon was probably asking now because he sensed Ryland's withdrawal. If he weren't trapped in a car with him, they both knew how this would have ended. He supposed Aldon had nothing to lose in asking now.

"Because I have to get away." Ryland had already touched upon this in their texts together, when talking about why he always initiated stupid breakups, stupid excuses to extricate himself from situations that made him wholly uncomfortable. Ryland was an avoider. Strong emotions like falling in love so deeply with somebody scared him, too. Knowing he held a kind of power over somebody else scared him. It didn't give him any kind of satisfaction to know that with one misspoken sentence, he could crush Aldon, send him into a corner, scare him off. Sometimes, Ryland had to head him off at the pass. If he was going to hide, then Ryland was going to run first. He didn't want to see it, that look in Aldon's eyes every time he hurt him.

"It's better than hurting you." He shifted his weight slightly, uncomfortable. "Or me."

"From me?" Aldon began, but quieted to let Ryland talk. They didn't do enough of that, he thought—let each other talk. Listen. Not immediately leap to conclusions, not storm to their feet in indignation, not fully understanding the situation or even what the problem was. They both thought they knew. Oh, they were so clever, weren't they?

He stayed quiet until Ryland had stopped speaking, and then let out a sigh. A quiet sigh. Quiet, quiet, still and subdued, Aldon wasn't acting like Aldon but that probably wasn't a bad thing. Aldon was the one who leapt onto people and demanded hugs. Aldon was the one who sent confusing signals too, acting as if he was ready to tumble back in time while inside he was still shivering and scared and not prepared. How did he expect Ryland to act? Ryland even tried to restrain himself and Aldon harangued him. That was the old Aldon, the one who had to have things his way or he would pout and wheedle and whine until he got it. It wasn't a new Aldon, not an Aldon awakened to the truth of his own faults. He thought he was... he thought he'd made some small breakthroughs, but...

Who was really at fault?

"It hurts the most when you walk away."

He SQUEAKED and SQUEAKED against the cheap plastic seat of the taxi as he shifted back. Away from the window and its blurry wolf-and-fox doodle and back to Ryland. The sound was loud and obnoxious—everything that Aldon was. Even the driver looked back at him, glared at him like he thought Aldon was doing something unspeakable to the interior of his cab, but then turned around and muttered something to himself in a foreign language.

"Every time you walk away I... I get so scared." After a small moment's debate, he curled up against Ryland and laid his head against Ryland's shoulder. Now he was looking out of the front of the taxi, at the wipers working double-time to clear the water off of the glass. Comfort—he wanted to have it but also, for once not selfishly, to give it.

"How can I make you not walk away? Not want to walk away? How can I make you stay?"

"Oh."

Walking away hurt him the most. So trying to save him from hurt only made it worse. Honestly, it made it worse for Ryland, too. Running away without resolving anything resulted in more hurt. When they stopped communicating, the only thing they had left to do was wonder and agonize over what went wrong, how to fix it, if it could be fixed, and feel worse over all. All the questions they held inside were left there because the other person was missing. Who was left to ask when one of them kept walking away?

Ryland swallowed past a lump in his throat, then picked at a hole in the knee of his pants. Then looked up again as Aldon loudly squeaked his way over to him. Despite it being a laughable moment, Ryland was completely somber as he watched him this time. The nerves had been replaced with a heaviness that no longer leant itself to laughter of any kind, nervous or otherwise.

An argument welled up in his chest but Ryland bit his tongue, eyes still on Aldon. I get scared too. But it wasn't just about him. Aldon was scared and he was telling him why. He was scared of Ryland walking away. Even now, and... could Ryland say it wasn't a valid fear to have? Especially since he was pretty quick to leap to that choice? Why wouldn't that weird lump go away? He felt awful but he felt slightly better when Aldon curled up against him instead of the other end of the backseat. After a moment, Ryland gently brushed Aldon's damp hair from his eyes.

"Good question."

Ryland didn't even know the answer to that. Had Aldon ever succeeded in keeping Ryland from leaving? No. Aldon was kind of a... doormat. It was probably the fear letting it happen. Instead of continuing to argue and potentially saying horrible things they couldn't take back, Ryland chose to run off. He also did it to hide his real emotions. If he had to have a cry or needed to kick at the air or run and run and run until he was too tired to let that heavy feeling settle in, then he was gone. If he told Aldon to grab him and stop him, would it work? Or would it just incense Ryland further? Trap them both?

"I'm not sure it's a you problem, Aldon." He was almost afraid to make light of the situation but he half smiled and joked anyway, "Maybe you have to sit on me and force me to tell you what's wrong." He turned Aldon's face up so he could look him in the eyes. "That's a joke, by the way."

Ryland ran because he was scared and Aldon was scared because Ryland ran. It was a terrible cycle to be trapped in and neither of them knew what to do to break it. Maybe at one point they could have talked things out. Maybe in the early days of their relationship it could have been easier to put the brakes on and to not let everything escalate to the way it was now.

They were in love but sometimes love wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to rely on their passionate feelings for each other to carry them through the hard times. Aldon didn't do so well with strife either. He was too quick to be injured, too sensitive. He didn't have the words to express himself—and neither did Ryland. When they needed to communicate, they misunderstood and let those misunderstandings fester. Everything was worse in their respective minds. Things got blown out of proportion—things that were small and insignificant, that could be cleared up by talking it out, just like the moment earlier when Ryland laughed and Aldon thought he was crying.

Aldon snuggled against Ryland, glad that he wasn't being pushed away physically. He reached up to touch Ryland's hand when it came up to push his hair back, just to reassure himself that they were touching again and that this moment was real. It was. It was too real. Aldon wondered what it meant that after being together for all these years, this was the first real, genuine, heartfelt conversation that they'd had. What did it say about them that they knew each other so intimately when it came to the physical aspect of their relationship, but emotionally... they were strangers?

He looked up as Ryland tipped his face up and while there was no smile for Ryland's little joke on his lips, in his heart there was a kind of understanding. A nascent feeling of closeness welled up, strange and foreign and new. He had always been glued to Ryland—and even now was curled up beside him—but he had never known this kind of emotional connection before. It was a powerful sensation but also a little frightening, if he had to be honest. Aldon always thought that physical intimacy meant emotional intimacy too, that the two were linked, but this was different...

"What if... what if we made it an 'us' problem?" He reached up to cup Ryland's cheek, and then sat up a little bit to get even closer to him. To see him as he was, flaws and all, finally exposed for the very first time. And Aldon, he was vulnerable too, still scared but beginning to maybe see a little glimmer of light at the end of the long tunnel. "Do you think we can do that?"

If it was a "Ryland" problem, how did he deal with it? He was thinking it when Aldon drew closer, his hand cupping his cheek. Ryland closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, aware of how he missed Aldon's touch. They really were a strange pair. People said it all the time but he laughed it off. Ryland did a lot of that--laughing things off. It was easier than squinting too hard at everything and trying to disassemble it, strip it to the core. For somebody that did a lot of thinking, though, he was realizing he didn't do half as much of it in regards to Aldon as he needed to. Or not in a way that lent itself to solutions.

An "us" problem, though... Ryland opened his eyes.

"How?" he asked, genuinely curious. How did they make it an us problem? Ryland bit his lower lip in thought. Then his gaze met Aldon's and he worried that his innocent question was going to end up making Aldon feel bad or stupid for trying to come up with a solution. "Not that I--What I mean is..." How? "I'm not sure what I mean..."

To Aldon, an 'us' problem meant that it wasn't a Ryland problem or an Aldon problem. It wasn't a problem that had a person at fault and one who was victimized. It was a problem, plain and simple, that could be worked on—if not solved—together, with the common goal of finding a middle ground that both parties could agree on. An 'us' problem was a problem that only needed a solution, not finger-pointing or blame-casting or someone throwing up their hands and ending it all even before they explored their options.

Now... how did he explain that coherently and cohesively to Ryland?

For a moment Aldon allowed himself to think. He shut his mouth and let his brain do the leg work. Or... something like that. He thought and thought and thought, he studied Ryland's handsome, achingly familiar face. Then he smiled, just a little smile, but a proud one.

"We can... talk. Just like we're doing now. And-and make the problem about the problem, not... not just about one person. You know?" Was he making sense? Aldon worried his lower lip anxiously as he tried to think of a clearer explanation but he didn't know if there was one. "Um. We can... compromise!" Or try to, anyway. Their relationship dynamic was built around trying to get the other to give in and cave and while that was fine and good for some things, for the serious issues they were probably better off... not being willful in that manner.

Ryland waited, searching Aldon's gaze even as Aldon studied him. What was he thinking about? Was he thinking about the problem? The "us" problem? Could it be made into a problem for both of them if it was just Ryland doing the running? Could Aldon really fix it? Because Ryland thought it seemed like something he alone had to work on, now that it was brought to his attention. If he didn't, well, then. He wasn't trying very hard, was he? And Alva said something about fighting to the death for some things.

That made him feel ten times more guilty. He never really did fight for the two of them, did he? No, he just let Aldon slip from his fingers whenever things became mildly uncomfortable, thinking--believing--that when the weirdness blew over, there Aldon would be, back at his door. For a while, there was no reason to think otherwise because that was precisely how it worked. But he would have to be a real moron to think it would always work that way. They couldn't be fifty and still playing these games.

"Aldon..."

How did he go from smiling to worried like that? Ryland must have done a number on him. He brushed the hairs at Aldon's temple with his fingertips, almost absently.

"So if the problem is me taking off... we talk. About the problem. Which is me running off."

At first, it sounded ridiculous echoing in his ears but then he thought he sort of understood it better. When Aldon said to make it about the problem--that part was genius. In fact, it was so genius, it was hard to believe it came from Aldon... Not that he thought Aldon was so dumb and incapable but just that... it was really as simple as that. And jumping off that simple premise, talking about the problem--which in this case, could be Ryland running off--wasn't talking about the running part. It was talking about why he was feeling the need to run in the first place.

A slow smile spread across his face, like the sun had finally cleared away some of the emotions clouding his judgment. He leaned in and kissed Aldon, even if it was a weird sort of upside down kiss.

"You're a genius."

"Y...yeah."

It sounded kinda dumb if Ryland put it that way but in Aldon's head it was clear and made sense. They needed to talk. They needed to look at the issue objectively, instead of subjectively. They had to realize that a problem wasn't exclusively one person's—that in a relationship, it took two to create a problem and two to resolve it. So far they had only been doing things alone, in a one-sided manner, and how could that ever be expected to work when it involved both of them?

One person couldn't reach a satisfactory compromise without consulting the other person!

But as it appeared that Ryland wasn't on board with his idea, Aldon began to doubt himself again. He nervously looked at the taxi driver, like he could contribute something. He didn't. Didn't even look at them, stared ahead at the road. No help there... When he looked back, Ryland was still thinking. But then he smiled! The light bulb flickered on and then Aldon knew that he understood at last.

Aldon's own smile grew again at the sight of Ryland smiling. Yes! He got the gist of what Aldon was saying, didn't he? It seemed that he did and he even praised Aldon for it, although the kiss was a far more preferable reward than the recognition of his genius. Aldon outright grinned and it felt rusty, like his face had forgotten how to move the muscles to express that much joy.

"I am!" He declared with a complete lack of humbleness, throwing his arms around Ryland and hugging him tight. "We'll get it right this time, Ry. I think... No, I know we can. Right?" Aldon pulled back to look at him, still a little giddy. He felt like they had just made a breakthrough. Somehow, all of the hurt feelings had gone away and instead, optimism moved in and took root. It would be a lot of work, but Aldon thought that he could handle it. This was worth working for.

"All right, Bighead, don't give yourself too much credit."

Ryland could have come to the same conclusion over time! Or Alva would have drummed it into his head. Or something. But Ryland was still smiling; he wasn't annoyed. More amused than anything. Relieved. Glad to be less stuck in his own world and nursing imagined wounds. Glad that Aldon wasn't hiding away from him like a puppy afraid he would be struck if he did the wrong thing one more time. Yikes.

"Oof!"

All right, so he missed this. The sudden bursts of affection, the tight hugs that made him squeeze out a laugh even though the air was being strangled out of him... Ryland felt more like himself when he was grinning from ear to ear with an Aldon squeezing him than he did imagining himself rolling out of a car door. He wrapped his arms around Aldon in response and squeezed him tight too, in response.

"Right!"

Did this mean they were on again? He didn't know. He still wasn't behind this whole Gregg thing but maybe he didn't even really have to acknowledge him. If it was Aldon's prerogative to have two lovers, Ryland didn't have to be with the other guy. He kept calling it a three-way but he was under no obligations to make that happen. Anyway, at the moment, there were more pressing matters. Like...

"I want to change out of these wet clothes and Rae's asleep so......"

"Oof!"

A hug for a hug, both tight and both expressing far more affection than had been shown in the past year. Aldon missed this so much. These gestures were a part of him--literally, a part of him. They formed his identity as an over-affectionate person and it was really killing him that he couldn't bound up and grab Ryland and swing him around, or even just... sidle up to him and hold his hand. It killed him that he was so afraid to be himself for fear of upsetting Ryland.

Now things seemed brighter for the future. There were no promises made but now they at least had a plan! And Ryland was happy, Aldon was happy, things worked out despite a rough start. He was glad for his big mouth now! if he hadn't just started talking out of nowhere, maybe they'd both be rolling out of the cab now, in a desperate bid to escape.

"Oh what? Rae's asleep?" Oh yeah--Rae. The reason he came down here in the first place. Riiight... Rae. Who had gotten beaten up, from what Josh tersely described before abruptly cutting off their conversation. Aldon didn't even know where Josh went or how long he would be gone. Things didn't seem to rosy with them but Aldon sorta didn't expect them to last. Josh was... Josh. There was no other word to describe him other than Josh. And Rae was clearly hurting in every way.

Aldon wished that he could have done more for his friends--both of them, really--but nobody came to him for help. He also wasn't amazing at giving advice. That was sorta Alva's thing. Aldon was used to being given advice and then completely ignoring it because in the moment he had no control over himself.Oh, well. It sounded like Rae was physically okay, at least.

"Um. Should we... go back to your place?" Aldon gazed owlishly at Ryland; he didn't dare to think what he just thought but he did. He did! He couldn't stop himself!

Belly rubs!

"Yeah..."

Rae, the reason they were even talking right now. He was dead to the world and probably would be for days, the way he looked when Ryland last saw him. How was Alva going to manage that one, anyway? Just stick around until he was kicked out of the room? And what about the witch guy? Alva still had miles to go before everything was really okay with him and Ryland... Well, Ryland really didn't have as many problems as he thought he did, not compared to Alva. Whining about an extra dude in the mix hardly seemed relevant when he remembered Alva's curse. That alone was a problem much larger than any Ryland faced.

"Um..."

Should they go back to his place? Ryland would rather go back to his place, all things considered. He didn't want to go to Aldon's and end up running into the Other Man, even though he did promise to meet him. Did he have to meet him right now, though? No. No, he did not. And Ryland could show Aldon his new, new place... since he kept moving around Hazleton like it wasn't a dot on the map and Aldon couldn't find him if he moved to one of three apartment buildings in town.

"Yeah, let's go to my place."

He leaned forward slightly to give the driver his address, which probably annoyed him to no end... since they were practically at the hospital by then. But why go inside if Rae was asleep? They couldn't take him to Aldon's place yet anyway!

Breathing a sigh of relief, Aldon settle back while Ryland told the driver where next to go, which wasn't the hospital but his new apartment. The driver sighed but Aldon didn't know if he was really annoyed. That just meant more money for him, didn't it? Unless he was tired of their drama--but there was no more drama now! Nope, no drama, just relief.

As soon as Ryland eased back, Aldon was clinging to him again. Wetly. Yech. They really DID need to change out and it was just too bad that Aldon didn't have any clothes at Ryland's place anymore. He used to. There used to be a lot of his stuff at Ryland's and vice versa. They could just go over and not want for a single thing. But it was... sad that they never stayed together long enough to move in together. Aldon bunked with Roe intermittently, then found his own place and stayed there. Meanwhile, Ryland moved around between one of three apartments. Didn't he get tired of packing and unpacking so much?!

The ride to Ryland's new apartment didn't take as long as Aldon thought, but then he was so busy telling Ryland everything--everything that had happened while they were separated. Running from hunters, running back to town when they discovered nobody was chasing them. Settling back down--he tried to leave Gregg out as much as possible, so as not to make Ryland uncomfortable--and readjusting to life in Hazleton. He and Gregg didn't get that far, to be honest. It was still a fun little... fear-filled road trip.

"We're here," the driver eventually interrupted Aldon's diatribe to say, and looked expectantly over his shoulder at them. Aldon started--were they here already?

"Hey I know this place! This was the place you were at... um..." Two break-ups ago? "A while ago!" He paid the driver and then eased open the door. "Run for it Ry!" Aldon was gone, dashing crazily through the rain, making a beeline for the well-lit lobby.

Aldon had a lot to say and Ryland listened to his chatter while he absently brushed his fingers through Aldon's hair. It sounded like it had been an exciting year for Aldon. A strange one, too. There was obviously parts missing from his stories, though. Ryland had to wonder what it meant, if the blank spaces were where the other guy belonged or if he was just fretting too much about it. Even so, it sounded like the past year had been a major one for Aldon.

Meanwhile, Ryland's hadn't been much of anything. He didn't have much to share so he quietly listened, content to hear what happened in his absence. All Ryland had done was move again, find work in a new place, and pretty much just lived his life. There was no new man in his life to speak of, although he thought about it once or twice. He needed a break from relationships, though. A breather, some time to figure out himself by himself and not in connection with somebody else.

The one interesting story he did have was about Susumu and Alva, and it didn't seem right to talk about them. The curse... The ancients... There was some serious shit going on and the closer they got to Halloween, the more nervous it made Ryland. But that was talk for another time. He would much rather hear about Aldon running from hunters. It was kind of hilarious, in a way. As long as he didn't actually run into anybody that would hurt him. It didn't seem like he did. And he had a new friend, apparently. Some Irish guy. Not anybody to worry about, since apparently he already had a boyfriend or something.

Not that Ryland typically worried. Aldon made a lot of friends and he never worried about one of them stealing Aldon away before. It made him wonder who this Gregg guy really was, how he wormed his way into Aldon's heart, what made him stand out, what made him special.

But he didn't ask. Part of him wanted to know but a bigger part was still just not ready for it.

Ryland let out a soft snort of a laugh; he should have known that even though he moved, Aldon would still recognize the apartment building. There really weren't that many choices in a place as small as Hazleton. Then they were back out in the rain and Ryland was letting out a sharp bark of a laugh as they raced through the pounding rain to make it into the lobby. As soon as the arrived, Ryland's shoes slipped on the tile floor and he found himself on hands and knees, laughing so hard he could hardly breathe.

"Help!" he cried because he was laughing too hard to get up and the floor didn't like his wet knees. He rolled onto his back and raised up both arms, making a grabby motion with them. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

For once Aldon wasn't the one who tripped! He skidded a bit on the slippery tile but by flailing wildly with both arms, he stayed upright. Not so Ryland, who immediately went down and then launched into a slapstick comedy routine by sliding and refusing to get to his feet.

This time, it WAS funny. And Aldon DID get why it was hilarious, why Ryland was laughing. He laughed too, freely, raucously, and then as he went over to help Ryland get up, his foot encountered a patch of water and he went down hard on his back. 

"OW!" Aldon cried out but falling that way just made him laugh harder and harder, and he just... committed himself to crawling over to Ryland. His stomach started to hurt as the peals of laughter refused to stop and he ended up with both arms and legs wrapped around Ryland, laying there in a puddle of water, in hysterics.

"C-come on. Come on we gotta--" He gasped, breathing in hard. His lungs burned! "We gotta get up!"

"Well then why'd you follow me down?" Ryland gasped back, through laughter. They must have looked like quite the pair, lying there on the ground of the lobby like a couple of fools. Ryland didn't mind, though. He didn't care what anybody around them thought. With another laugh, he slid his arms around the back of Aldon's neck.

"Up! Up!" He tried to pull himself up from his place but he ended up just pulling Aldon in closer. This definitely wasn't the place to be horsing around, especially not if it was going to lead to places that his warming body wanted it to go. He didn't know about Aldon and his... ahem... sex life. But Ryland's had been pretty dry for the past year. And all this love and affection was definitely signaling certain parts of his body and his brain.

Placing a hand carefully on the ground beside them, he tried to push himself up to at least a sitting position, all the while letting out another laugh every time his gaze caught Aldon's. He couldn't help it. The entire situation had become hilarious to him, especially after everything leading up to it.

Managing finally to get to one knee and then finally up to both feet, he locked himself in as he tried to use his weight to lift Aldon up with him.

"Warm shower," he reminded him. "Clothes."

"Okay, okay," Aldon gasped, still having fits of laughter which didn't help one little bit when he was already punch-drunk on all of the relief and the emotions that had suddenly rushed back. They weren't a serious couple. Not serious the way Gregg was serious; they were playful as puppies (and foxes!). It just never felt right for them to become so mired in darker feelings, and all of the mistrust and hurt and disappointment, that they forgot who they were as a couple.

Ryland and Aldon were that couple that everyone rolled their eyes at, because they were always secretive, laughing, wrapped in each other and off in their own little world.

"Okay on THREE! ONE. TWO! You said up! That's not up!" He protested as Ryland only managed to pull him IN—not that Aldon particularly minded. But maybe he didn't want to keep laying on the hard tile like that. Finally they did it! They got to their feet! Aldon grinned as he wrapped both of his arms around Ryland's waist and slowly—gingerly—stepped with him towards the elevator. After pressing the button, he nuzzled Ryland affectionately. It just seemed right. It seemed like a given that after coming to an agreement and making up, that they should be allowed to enjoy a moment of peace and be in love again. Not that Aldon was ever out of love, but there had been obstacles. Now, there were fewer. Maybe only... one. In the shape of Gregg. But they could settle that, too, as an 'us' problem and not only as an 'Aldon' problem.

"Which floor?" The doors were opening, there was no one inside. Aldon eased them in as one, as though they had merged into one entity, and pressed the button to close the doors quickly so that nobody could join them and make them feel uncomfortable just hugging in an elevator.

"Three! Third!"

The doors closed after Aldon poked the button and then it was just the two of them, alone. In the elevator. Ryland was fine with just having their arms wrapped around one another. He might have gone for the gusto if they weren't so uncomfortably soaked to the bone in their wet clothes, but it did stop him from doing something dumb... so there was that.

Once the elevator dinged and the doors opened up on the appropriate floor, Ryland led Aldon by the hand to his new apartment. Same building he'd lived in once before but different actual apartment. Not that much was different, other than the layout being mirrored to the last one. After he unlocked the door and opened it, he stepped inside and held the door open for Aldon.

By now, he had been living in the apartment for the better part of a year. Things were situated comfortably in the relatively small space but it was clean and it would have been sparse in decor if it weren't for Yoojin, who helped find and put up pictures on the walls and buy a few things to lighten up the mood. Little things, like a nice lamp or a little statue of a fox. That sort of thing.

"Home sweet home," he said, after he closed the door behind Aldon. His heart beat a little faster, now that the two of them were alone in his apartment. But... first things first.

"Hot shower," he insisted, already marching Aldon toward the bathroom. "I'm sure you'll fit fine in some of my sweats." It wasn't like they were drastically different in size, although he did doubt that Aldon's thighs would fit into Ryland's regular pants. Sweats, though. Practically one size fits all!

His phone buzzed and he checked it, expected Alva and getting Alva. Only... His face went white.

"Did... did you tell Josh where Rae was?"

"Oohhh," Aldon said as they entered and squelched their way through the door and past the entryway. "Aahh," he said as he was frog-marched towards the bathroom without even really seeing anything at all! There were new knick-knacks, some tasteful photos and pictures up on the wall, a few little statuettes of whimsical animals (one looked like a wolf... or a coyote...) but he didn't have the time to stop and stare.

Ryland was right though. Shower first. Dry clothes. Aldon didn't think anything of Ryland's would fit on his upper body unless it was a comfy oversized hoodie, but he didn't mind being half-naked for a little while. So he acquiesced to the notion of wearing Ryland's sweats, got a little handsy on the way into the bathroom to get a hot shower—stymied by wet cold clothing, of course, but he did his best.

Just as he was stripping out of his sweatshirt and into the tank top underneath, Ryland asked him about Josh. Aldon first had to extricate himself from the heavy, cold material. "Um. He... asked... Well I asked HIM first about what happened and he told me about the fight, then he said they took Rae somewhere but he'd gone to the police station to find Rae and Rae wasn't there and he didn't know where Rae was so I had to tell him Rae was in the hospital cause I thought he might've been worried, you know."

Gasp.

He barely breathed in that entire long explanation.

Oh, he just wanted to have some fun. Take a shower together... get warm together... Do some things they hadn't done together in a long time... together. But instead, he was stuck with a feeling of dread in his gut, worried for his cousin, since he was alone at the hospital with Josh... who... who...

"He hit him!" Ryland said, almost in disbelief. He knew Josh was an asshole but he didn't think he'd lower himself to hitting people in wheelchairs! What the hell was wrong with him? Ryland didn't know how bad it was but he fretted over it; Josh was strong and he was cruel. He could do anything to Alva and Alva...! His heart thudded against his ribcage.

"That bastard hit Alva!"

Ryland looked around wildly, shaking with fury. Nobody hit his cousin and got away with it. Nobody! There hardly seemed time but he immediately peeled off his wet clothes as fast as he could and, not caring if he was nude in Aldon's presence (he'd seen him nude many times before), he stalked over to his closet and started pulling out dry clothes, putting them on over his still clammy body.

"I have to go. I have to go get Alva at the hospital. I can't leave him there. What if Josh..."

"Wh-wha-what?" Aldon's head spun and it hurt because one moment there was the promise of a hot shower and... affection (he assumed they would shower together) and the next Ryland was furious. He'd seen Ryland angry before but this was pretty darn angry! Aldon trailed after him worriedly, biting his lower lip when Ryland revealed that Alva had been struck. By Josh.

"But-why! Is Alva okay?" He exclaimed, shocked that Josh would go and do that. To Alva. It seemed inconceivable! Sure Josh was never Alva's biggest fan but to hit him... Even Aldon couldn't explain that away. He had no excuses for someone who could strike a person like Alva, who was disabled and who couldn't really defend himself if it came down to a physical fight. It just wasn't right. It wasn't right.

He watched Ryland tearing about in search of clothing, all thoughts of a cozy shower with Ryland swirling down the drain. He hadn't even turned on the water, and now they were going back out again. Aldon couldn't even blame Ryland, or Alva. It just had to be done. They had to make sure their friend was okay; that was more important than what they were about to do in the moment.

"Okay. I'm coming too, hold on!" He had to disrobe, and then find clothes! Sweat pants were pulled out of a drawer. He located a jacket that looked reasonably Aldon-sized and pulled it on, and then grabbed some dry socks to put onto his feet. "I'll try to get in touch with Josh to—distract him!" If Josh was texting, he couldn't be killing!

"I don't know!"

Alva liked to downplay things so if he said he was fine, Ryland didn't necessarily believe him. Something was going on at that hospital, though, and he was going to go down there and split heads if he had to! He wasn't afraid of Josh. Who could be afraid of somebody so cowardly that they struck somebody in a wheelchair? Fucking asshole! Angrily, Ryland stomped for the front door but his phone buzzed and it was Alva, still trying to downplay things.

Worry etched a line between his brows as Ryland began to pace back and forth, responding to the texts and trying to calm down. His heart was still beating fast and he'd never felt such anger. Or he had... a very long time ago, when he was young. He had directed it toward humans for such a long time, too, for their role in what happened to his cousins. Killing one, leaving the other disabled...

"Okay," he said to Aldon distractedly as he paced a few more times. Eventually, he calmed down and perched on the arm of his couch. He set his phone down in his lap but kept hold of it. Looking over at Aldon, he knew his worry still had to be on his face, as plainly as if he'd painted the word across his forehead.

"He says Susumu is going to get him." He said Susumu was coming, so he assumed that he would take him home and get him away from that... situation. Letting out a deep sigh, Ryland reached a hand out to Aldon. "Get your ass over here. Please."

Josh wasn't responding! Aldon panicked but wisely held his tongue because he was sure that Josh was now out killing and he didn't want Ryland to know what he was thinking. Ryland might do something foolish like try to attack Josh and... nobody wanted to know how that would turn out. Badly. For everyone. Aldon would have to defend Ryland, naturally, and get pulled into a fight he really didn't want to participate in.

Honestly he thought that he had it bad with Ryland and Gregg and their whole situation but he was now glad that he wasn't Rae. Stuck between Alva, the sane choice, and Josh who never let go once he sank his teeth into something... That was the wolf's way, except Aldon wasn't sure that what Josh felt was normal even for wolves. Sure, wolves could be territorial and protective but not to that extent. It was almost like... the human part was even more feral than the wolf part!

That was a chilling thought. Aldon knew that Josh tolerated him because he wasn't dead yet but he thought that he had the measure of his friend. He never thought that Josh would strike Alva, or harm him physically, if only for Rae's sake. Not that hurting him emotionally was any better but hitting him just... crossed a line. What made him cross over though? Josh always teetered at the very edge of the line but something must have pushed him over. What though? What really happened last night?

Aldon watched Ryland like a hawk while his thoughts meandered, trying to take cues from him as to what they should do next. He saw the fingers texting furiously, watched Ryland's expressions changing from angry to worried to indignant to doubtful and back to angry again. It hurt Aldon by proxy to know that this incident affected Ryland so much; they were connected at the heart, after all. Plus, Josh was his friend and he felt as if he ought to shoulder some of the blame too, as though he was guilty by association of also causing harm to Alva.

Eventually the storm of texts stopped and Ryland just... sat on the armrest of his couch. Aldon hovered indecisively nearby, ready to bolt at a moment's notice in case Alva was in mortal danger. Knowing Josh, he might be waiting for a chance to ambush Alva when he was alone or unawares. "Oh! Good!" Susumu was that witch guy Alva dated. He was powerful, from what Aldon had heard. Breathing a sigh of relief, he lowered his own phone—Josh was still ignoring his frantic texts and calls—and walked his ass on over (please) to Ryland.

Aldon held out his arms to hug Ryland close, half-bowed over him protectively as though Josh might spring in through a window and start mauling everything in sight. He stroked Ryland's jaw and cheek comfortingly. "Is Alva gonna be okay? Was he badly hurt? Good thing he's at a hospital right? They'd look after him if Josh did anything, right? And they have security guards at the hospital! Josh can't do anything!"

Ryland finished texting and slid his arms around Aldon, glad that he was there. The situation with Rae had him somewhat harried, knowing that he was close to Alva once and seeing his condition. But the situation with Alva hit much, much closer to home. The thought of anybody laying hands on him... Oooh, the next time he saw Josh, he was going straight for the throat! Regardless of whether he was friends with Aldon, no way was he letting him go for what he did!

"I... I can't tell," he said. "He was really dodgy about it but he was able to text me. And he said he'd take a selfie with Susumu when he gets there."

Then he could get a look at Alva, too, which was partially his choice for a selfie and not just to have him on speaker. He needed to see Alva and he needed to ensure that he was safe, even if it was with somebody Ryland previously distrusted. Slowly, he had come around to him, after the business with the new mark and the ancients came up and Susumu at least seemed determined to get something done regarding that. It seemed to be slow going but from what he heard, Susumu was on the case and he seemed to be a workaholic type.

"What's happening?" he asked into the silence, leaning into Aldon's gentle touch, eyes half closing. Mostly, he was asking the air, because he didn't expect Aldon to have a real answer for him. Something serious must have gone down last night, something more than they knew about. Alva probably had more of the story since he said Rae opened up to him. Meanwhile, Ryland and Aldon were left shrugging into the wind, no idea what was happening.

"Why does it always have to be Alva?"

"Okay. We'll know he's okay if he sends us a picture." Aldon unconsciously mirrored Ryland's thinking—being able to see Alva as he was now might reassure them more than seeing his texts or even hearing his voice. He felt jittery, on pins and needles, being left in the dark like this. He would have liked to be down at the hospital but at the same time, Alva didn't seem to want them there and admittedly, Aldon also didn't want Ryland there. In his current state Ryland would do something he might regret and Aldon wanted to shield him from that eventuality.

Right now, Ryland needed comforting and Aldon felt up to the task. He continued stroking Ryland's jaw, letting his fingertips drift errantly up and down. Sometimes they swept into his still-damp hair. Sometimes they dropped to the side of his neck, down to his tense shoulders and part-way along his arms. They were meaningless ministrations but he liked to think that they helped. Aldon derived comfort from touch himself; he wanted to impart the same onto Ryland.

"...Alva's had it pretty bad hasn't he?" Aldon frowned at a potted plant in the corner, his gaze far away. "It's always... good people who get hurt." Alva was kind. He loved everyone and his heart was big enough for everybody to fit into. Helping was Alva's brand; he seemed to always know just what others needed, while ignoring his own needs. Alva was... good. He was just a good person and terrible things seemed to find a way to ruin his life time and time again.

"Maybe it's cause he protects all of us. He gets between us and the bad stuff and somehow it all sticks to him..."

"Hmm..." Ryland let out a soft little hum. Aldon wasn't the only one that derived comfort from physical ministrations. There was something uniquely wonderful about skin on skin contact, warming his skin, warming his heart, calming the chaos that threatened to well up without Aldon to anchor him. He sighed, lifting his head to gently kiss Aldon's throat before shifting his weight off the arm of the couch and sliding onto the couch proper. Pulling Aldon along with him, he dropped down to a lying position, arms sliding around him as he did so.

His heart hurt, thinking of Alva. Even his eyes stung when he thought of him and everything he had gone through. Life didn't want to give him a break, though he well-deserved it. Ryland had watched his cousin through it all, from the days when he was able to run and dance and play the way the rest of them did. And then it was robbed from him. Somehow, Alva kept his chin up the whole time, never pitying himself, always there for everybody else. But people weren't there for Alva when he most needed it. Ryland felt like a fool for crying over Aldon so much when he should have been focused more on Alva.

But he said there was a way, didn't he? A way to get rid of that mark. And Ryland, as much as he wanted to do something for Alva, he couldn't. He knew that and it made him feel helpless. But knowing Susumu was doing what he could, that made Ryland feel somewhat better for having him in their lives. He did seem genuinely stubborn about helping Alva, although Ryland still had twinges of suspicion in regards to him.

"Yeah..." Ryland gently ran his fingertips over Aldon's back as he turned his head and looked up at him. Aldon had a point. Since Alva placed himself between them and danger, the danger targeted Alva. Wasn't there a way to prove to Alva they could handle things on their own so that he didn't constantly have to make such sacrifices? Ryland would have to strive to do better, to handle his own problems. Or as Aldon said, their own problems.

"We have to stop letting him do that," he said, idly reaching to touch the side of Aldon's face. "You're right, you know. We should solve our own problems... Give Alva a break. Yeah? We can do it, right? You and me?"

Despite his worries about Alva's situation, Aldon couldn't stop himself from feeling good. He felt guilty because he felt good, laying in Ryland's arms on the couch, but this was just... sigh... right. It was so right. He was finally home. This wasn't a second home, this was home home, his original home. When he was cast out, he found a second home in Gregg but nobody came close to making him feel the way that Ryland felt, and that was plain fact. Aldon didn't love Gregg any less but he loved Gregg differently, that was all.

He closed his eyes for a moment just to feel close to Ryland. Just to feel. Then he opened them again when Ryland spoke and nodded in agreement. It was time they learned to handle their own problems, yes. Before when they had Alva to run messages back and forth and to help them repair the damages, they couldn't learn how to do it themselves. They grew complacent and then they lacked the necessary tools to make their relationship work properly. This time, they learned. And they weren't going to make the same mistakes again.

"You and me, we can do anything." Aldon puffed out his chest as much as possible given their limited space options. When things were going right with Ryland, he felt like Superman! He was on top of the world, soaring over all the rest! Leaning in, he let the tip of his nose brush Ryland's gently. Then their lips brushed and Aldon's eyes fluttered closed again. To feel. To hope. To forgive and let go of the hurts that had doggedly hounded them for a lifetime.

"I love you." No post-its needed this time, Aldon had it all on his own. His hand drifted up the length of Ryland's arm, caressing a long line up to his cheek. He smiled, still with his eyes closed, serene and blissful if only for a moment. Alva was still waiting, Rae was still hospitalized and Josh was on a rampage but... this moment was his and Ryland's and they deserved a little oasis in the middle of all the chaos.

Ryland wanted to approach their relationship in a new way. In fact, he wanted to approach everything in a new, improved way. No more avoiding. It was time to face things that made him uncomfortable or afraid head on. Problems would crop up, that was how life went. But it was how they reacted and worked through them that made them who they were. Learning to stop avoiding and to hold hands and try to get help from the very person the problem was with... That was a big, huge leap for Ryland, who preferred to avoid the "problem" person and deal with the aftermath on his own.

But he could do this. Aldon... wasn't going to ever disappear on him again. He was here, solid, promising to try. Ryland would do it, too. Not disappear. Not let fear control where the relationship went. Even with the Gregg problem... Even that could be solved... somehow. (And not in some ominous assassin-style way... of course.)

"I think so, too," Ryland said with a lazy smile. His gaze remained on Aldon, even as he felt his hand moving up his arm, along his cheek. Aldon's eyes were closed so he didn't see him watching but he was. He was drinking in the sight of him as if he might never see him again, remembering every strand of hair, ever eyelash, every quirk of the brow, every twitch of a smile. Aldon was so bright. So happy. He made Ryland that way, too. A wolf pup and a sly fox. Who ever knew they could make such a peaceful pair?

His heart pounded faster and it soared with warmth, love, and affection for this man. "I love you, too."

For so long, it felt like he only spoke those words to Aldon in his dreams, waking with streaks of regret on his cheeks and the heavy weight of loneliness as he turned over in his bed to find nothing and nobody. Sometimes, in his dreams, they were spoken softly when he said it. But sometimes, he was shouting it, screaming it at Aldon as if he were deaf. Why can't you HEAR me?! And there was a specter of somebody else, like a strange shadow that followed Aldon around.

God, he didn't want to think of him. He closed his eyes and held Aldon tight, flush against him, as if the specter happened to be in the room with them now. Nuzzling Aldon, his lips drifted over his cheek and the corner of his mouth. He knew they had to go at some point, to pick up Rae, to get things done. Right now, though, they had this moment. This reprieve.

"I still have that earring, you know."

"Do you?" Aldon's eyes lazily opened finally, unable to bear not looking at Ryland. He was still a bit in disbelief that they had finally gotten to this point, when so much of their time together was spent drifting apart. Usually they were quick to break up and quick to make up, patching over the rough parts with physical intimacy as though merging their bodies could merge their incompatible viewpoints too.

Falling into bed together meant that they still wanted one another but that only brought more pain in the end. They both knew when the passion and the heat died down that the problems they ignored were still there. Those problems didn't go away just because they shallowly thought that they could kiss and make up and gloss over the real issues. If anything they compounded, problem after problem, until just like earlier they could barely stand to be in the same room together without someone setting the other one off.

In retrospect, though, it all seemed so childish. If only they'd talked sooner. If only they'd listened to each other—hell, to Alva if it came to that—instead of always trying to make themselves heard. Aldon felt silly now, and properly ashamed of himself. Hindsight was twenty-twenty though. It was easy to say, on this side of the epiphanies and revelations, that such-and-such was obvious, or that he ought to have done so-and-so. He didn't know if he could have made this breakthrough if not for all of his past breakdowns.

He touched Ryland's ear curiously. Obviously the earring wasn't in there now but he smiled because he liked the idea of Ryland keeping it despite their separation. That meant Ryland never got over him. Aldon never got over Ryland, either. "I have mine too. But..." He cupped Ryland's cheek to bring his lips closer, for another soft and slow kiss. "I was kinda thinking... of maybe getting something more um... meaningful? Like you know, something that makes us more... official."

Did he really have to repeat himself? Gently, he repeated it, his lips brushing Aldon's ear as he did so, whispering it like it was a secret meant for Aldon's ears only. Yes, he loved him. He never could stop loving him. Even if the relationship constantly kept hitting bumps and ended up on hold, didn't mean that the feelings weren't still there all along. Those kinds of feelings were hard to dissipate. Ryland tried; but he didn't think it was possible. Nobody in the world made him feel the way Aldon did and truthfully, when it came right down to it, he wasn't sure he wanted anybody else to.

Ryland let out a soft, shuddery breath as Aldon touched his ear. He had a fondness for ear touching, nibbling, lips, teeth, breath... His eyes half closed again and he shifted to hold Aldon a little tighter. Then they closed fully as Aldon kissed him and he felt like was floating, above the world, on top of the world. His lips curved into a smile and when their lips were no longer touching, he made sure their noses still brushed against one another.

Then his breath caught in the back of his throat and his gaze met Aldon's, completely taken aback, vulnerable in sudden hope and fear. Something more official? His heartbeat kicked up a notch and he had to remember to breathe again. Blinking, he shifted his head back so he could get a better look at Aldon and his whole expression. Was he saying what it sounded like he was saying? For some reason, it made Ryland's heart tremble, and in turn, his hands shook, too. Even his lips, his voice shook as he finally managed to speak, "What are you saying, Aldon?"

Well.

He sorta.

Was jumping the gun on this and nothing was set in stone, but Aldon had been mulling over the idea of 'something official' for a while—for himself and Gregg. He knew that he wanted Gregg in his life long-term and he knew that those feelings were reciprocated. Sure, they had their little tiffs sometimes and forever was never a guarantee but Aldon wanted to make a commitment and he wanted that to be reflected in a physical way, not merely in words.

He knew that he wanted Ryland in his life, too, the same way he wanted Gregg in it. Ryland had yet to meet Gregg, however, which potentially made everything uncertain but Aldon was nothing if not optimistic. There was room in his life for two life-long companions, wasn't there? And Ryland agreeing to Gregg did signal that he was somewhat interested in that other side of Aldon's life... Hopefully...

Aldon smiled at the unadulterated shock on Ryland's face. He grinned, feeling stupidly pleased with himself for putting that look there. He thought he even felt Ryland's tremors, saw the way his lips shook, and the grin grew. Evidently Ryland liked that idea! (Or else he would've slapped Aldon or shoved him off the couch.)

"Um just... I want to make a commitment. To you and... Gregg." There he stopped, looking guiltily at Ryland. That was going to either go over horribly or somewhat terribly, that his offer extended to two people. But Aldon couldn't see either of them missing from his life and he didn't think he could be just friends with one! "Ry... is that... okay?" He spoke haltingly, cupping Ryland's jaw in one hand, fearing the disappointment but also unable to look away.

"Just you and him though! Nobody else!" In case Ryland thought Aldon was going out and making offers to everybody he liked, which was NOT the case!

Surely, he was letting hope take over where it shouldn't. It just... it sounded an awful lot like... Maybe he wasn't, though. He tried to steady the beat of his heart, tried to control the way he acted outwardly by taking in a deep breath and steadying himself. It should have been a beautiful moment between the two of them but--then Gregg's name came up and the hope in his chest fell. Ah. Yes. How could he forget Gregg?

Just as he was about to withdraw, to push himself away and off the couch, Aldon seemed to sense the change in atmosphere and took his face in his hands. Ryland didn't meet his gaze at first, looking everywhere else, at his shoulder, past it, around the room. Eventually, his gaze skirted past Aldon's gaze and then back again, trying to regain his footing.

"I..."

What was meant to be reassurance somehow made things worse. Just him... and Gregg. But... what would stop Aldon's polyamorous heart from falling for another person? And another? When would it end? Ryland swallowed hard, through the plummeted hope and the confusion and the sting of betrayal. Why did Gregg keep having to come up?

His phone buzzed underneath him and he wriggled out from under Aldon and sat up, fishing his phone from the couch cushion. God, he could use a good distraction right now--and here it was.

"We... should talk about this later," he said. "We've got to go. Alva doesn't want to leave Rae alone, so..."

It had to be Gregg—he couldn't leave out Gregg. And Aldon knew that that bit of information would be badly received but he was also too honest not to let Ryland know. It would be worse in the long run to withhold that information and let Ryland think that he was the only one in on the deal (so to speak). Even Aldon knew that much, and he didn't need a wise brain like Alva's to realize it.

He didn't think that he could love anyone else, though, besides Ryland and Gregg. Aldon didn't think he was polyamorous. Maybe just Ryland-and-Gregg-amorous, if there was such a thing. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a crush on someone; all of his feelings were divided between the two. Aldon barely noticed other people and if they checked him out or flirted with him, he was never the one to initiate that kind of attention anymore. It used to be what he did to avoid taking the plunge with Ryland, and maybe those past ghosts were coming back to haunt him, but he was satisfied with what he had now, if he could have only Ryland and Gregg. His feelings for both were serious enough to warrant a ring.

But he saw the way that Ryland's expression fell and the way he avoided looking at Aldon, which was what he had been dreading and fearing. The truth was unpleasant. Their current reality was unpleasant. These problems were hurtful and sometimes there didn't seem to be a way around them but... they promised. Us problems. They agreed to talk things out whenever things like this happened, didn't they?

Before Aldon could say anything more, Ryland's phone went off and he was reminded of Rae and Alva waiting for them at the hospital. "Oh... oh yeah, right. Rae's still there!" Aldon's eyes widened. "And Josh! Oh my god!" He sat up hastily. Even if Alva's new boyfriend was there, if he got into a fight with Josh, people could still get hurt! It was just... everything seemed to be happening at once and Aldon had trouble keeping up. He did better with one thing at a time, instead of everything at the same time!

"We'll still talk about it right? Later?" He asked anxiously while wrestling with his wet shoes, having a hard time shoving his feet into them. Aldon looked up at Ryland and tried not to use his kicked puppy face. It didn't feel like a kicked puppy face moment somehow. There was nothing playful about the sense of urgency he felt and he was sure that if he was overwhelmed by... everything, Ryland might too. So... later then.

"Yeah!" Rae was still there and they had to go bring him clothes and all that... Ryland brushed a hand over his own head, trying to steel himself for the moment that they would have to revisit this conversation. Part of him was so elated at the thought of finally being committed. Ryland had plans for marriage and family in the future. Not like the near future but... He would like to have a child of his own one day. He didn't really know where Aldon stood in the regard but it seemed really weird to raise a kid in an environment with three men.

"Yeah," said again, less enthusiastically but he made sure to squeeze Aldon's wrist and smile, meeting his gaze so he knew he meant it. "We'll talk about it later."

They had to; even if this reprieve was welcome, it was just pushing back an important discussion that had to be done. They couldn't ignore the subject. That was the problem Ryland struggled with for years. It was the reason they couldn't ever keep their footing in a solid relationship.

"Anyway, Rae! We need to grab him something to wear," Ryland said. "Do you have anything he might fit in? Or should we stop by his place..."

It didn't seem all that ideal to stop by where Rae lived, in case Josh had gone back there. They lived together, right? Ryland didn't know. He had no idea what went on behind the scenes with those two; they weren't his friends. They were Aldon's friends.

"Or do you think I have something... Sweats maybe...?" He only had so many pairs of sweats but he had to have another pair. Aldon wasn't wearing the only pair he owned.

"Okay."

Aldon's smile was full of relief and a tenderness and gratefulness he had no words to express. Despite his obvious reluctance, Ryland wasn't shutting him out anymore! He was promising to talk about it later, at a more convenient time. Maybe when Rae wasn't knocked out and laying in a hospital bed, with Josh having been there and gone (supposedly). Aldon felt antsy whenever he thought about Rae and Josh these days. He was unsettled because he'd seen the way that Josh looked at Rae and he had seen that look before. That look spelled trouble.

But he also couldn't say anything to Rae because the first and last time he did—the only time he did—Rae got angry. Super defensive. Aldon didn't want to be throttled to death so he shut up pretty quickly but he had massive reservations regarding his two best friends. Lately, neither of them were themselves, which was a lonely and trying experience for Aldon since he was still wrestling with Ryland cutting him out of his life, and maybe needed his friends to rally around him.

The whole thing was a big tangled mess!

He brought his thoughts back to the present, onto clothes for Rae. "Rae's pretty tall, I don't know if your stuff will fit him. Um..." Aldon sighed and blew out a puff of air through pursed lips. "Maybe... we can go to Rae's house. His brother's built sorta like him. They know me, so I can get some stuff for Rae and get out, and then we can go to the hospital?"

"Oh... sure. Okay. That sounds fine."

Ryland didn't mean to sound reluctant or awkward but... The wolves weren't exactly that welcoming toward "lesser" creatures like fox shifters. Aldon would be there, though. They wouldn't do anything with him around and anyway, from what Ryland gathered, most of Rae's family weren't as hot-headed as he was.

Once they were ready to go, in whatever shoes and jackets they could find to fit Aldon, Ryland led the way out and down into the lobby again, looking markedly at the spot of water where the two of them had fallen. At least that brought some light back into the situation and he hid a smile as he lifted up his hand and pretended to scratch a light itch on the tip of his nose.

Grabbing clothes ended up being a pretty mundane affair and all that was left was to head out to the hospital, where they spent the night taking turns watching to see if Rae woke up.

[Good place to end or one more post?]

"Okay! Let's get going!"

Aldon was less apprehensive than Ryland was, for the obvious reason that he was a wolf and he was accepted amongst the werewolf community. In fact, he was quite popular! (But he wasn't telling anyone that sometimes people mistook him for Roe...) At any rate, he was in no danger and Rae's family already knew him well enough. Bundled into another taxi, Aldon spent the majority of the time resisting the urge to bring up Gregg and instead filled the silence again with unceasing chatter.

It turned out that Rae's family had no real feelings one way or another towards Ryland, and Aldon suspected that was because they were still in mourning. Losing a loved one was bad enough but Andrew Ryang had been the alpha. He ducked his head politely to Rae's mom and then tore around Rae's room grabbing anything he could lay hands on. Without much incident, they made it to the hospital where a nurse named Nancy was waiting for them, seated inside of Rae's hospital room with a book in her hands.

After she left, Aldon sank onto the couch placed conveniently nearby for visitors and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Finally!" He exclaimed, looking over Rae with an unpracticed eye. Looked bad to Aldon, but he had also seen Rae in various shades of bruised and beaten too many times to be genuinely concerned. They said Rae only had a broken arm and some bruises, plus a concussion but otherwise, he was okay. No major organ damage, at least! And he would recover quickly and be his old angry punch-prone self again!

For a long moment, Aldon eyed Ryland. He opened his mouth again, with Gregg on the tip of his tongue, then shut it. "I'll take first watch," he offered as he stood up to let Ryland have the couch. Not yet. This wasn't the time to bring up Gregg yet. Aldon got comfortable in a chair instead and spent most of the night looking at Ryland... because he knew what Rae looked like and it wasn't as if staring at Rae like a lovelorn puppy would make him heal up any faster!

[End it here and on to more DRAMA later!]