[Located in the Jobs section]
Looking for work experience this summer? I could use a ranch hand to help out on the Carter ranch.
-No experience required
-Comfortable around horses
-Part time
-$12/hr
Hi Mr. Carter!
Wes said you needed help on the ranch this summer?
I promise I'll be good and I'm still REALLY SORRY about knocking down that section of fence near the creek!
Also I can babysit my boy Teddy if you wanna like go out on the town and stuff! :D
-Stef
Wes is getting a spanking.
...please don't ever say that...
Is that a no? :(
You never did get my sense of humor.
I'll see you at noon.
...hahahahaha
Good one Mr. Carter. I see where Wes gets his sense of humor from...
I'll be there bright and early!
Uh
Noon
If you're late, the job's going to somebody else.
Well, sir, the joke's on you now because
I'm already sleeping out at the ranch gates! So I'll be EARLY
Mind the horse turds.
YESSIR
Tell Teddy I said hi!!
Don't corrupt the boy.
Whaat? Me corrupt Teddy?
More like the other way around! Ever since he got me into Pokemon Go my grades have skydived!
That's your own problem. Learn to exercise discipline and voila, problem solved.
Sir
With all due respect
That is SUCH a DAD thing to say!!!!
And what do you think you're talking to? One of the damn horses?
No sir
But you have superhuman levels of trolling that most dads don't...
I learned it from my troll sons.
Can you be my dad? You seem like you'd be a cool dad.
Haha!
Tell that to my boys. They don't think so.
Yeah well everybody thinks their dad is lame.
At least you GOT a sense of humor!
You think dads can't have a sense of humor?
What'll happen when you're a dad?
No, I think my dad can't have a sense of humor sir. None at all. Not even a single dad joke.
And I'll never be a dad cause
The world's not ready for an offspring of mine... heh...
Tch, if that was the case, I'd be a bachelor right now.
Nobody's ready to release offspring on the world.
Wes was an accident wasn't he? I always knew he was. Hahaha!
Just kidding! Just jokes sir.
You did good with Teddy though. He's real smart! My little sister says he's the smartest kid in their grade. (But she might have a crush on him, so she's a little biased, idk.)
That's how life usually happens. He's been resilient, though. Doesn't let the past drag him down.
And Teddy's gonna be a goddamn genius. He's already smarter than me, little shit. Don't let it get to his head or we'll all pay for it.
...yeah Wes is a good guy. I give him a lot of shit but I gotta admit, he's never let me down.
Don't tell him that though! I'm not mushy okay!
C'mon Teddy's gonna turn out all right. And if he needs to be put in his place, all you gotta do is like
Hold up an ice cream sandwich above his head and watch him jump for it
He'll make a good family man.
And Teddy... don't know where that shorty came from because it's all height on my side.
Is that what you want? Grandkids?
Maybe Teddy'll hit a growth spurt and be like 7 feet tall! But he's so cute when he's itty bitty!!
Not pushing for them for anything but yeah, they'd be nice.
Probably, that's exactly what happened with Gil.
I can't. I just can't. A bunch of Wes Jrs running around...
What a fucking handful, eh?
Yeah seriously! You wouldn't go gray, you'd just go bald worrying about all of them!!
Damn lucky I'm not bald now.
You're kinda thinning up top...
You laugh now but it'll happen to you, too, Mr. Perm.
Perm?! No sir, this mop is all natural! You could turn me upside down and clean floors with me! ;D
Also I was kidding, you're just greying around the temples but that's like distinguished. The older women dig that.
Younger women, too. My girlfriend is about 10 years younger than me.
Whoahooooaa you fox! How're the kids taking it?
Wes wasn't too happy
considering it's his girlfriend's mom.
LMFAO
*literally rolling around laughing his ass off*
NO
NO WAY
OMG Wes is dating his SISTER
potentially step-sister but LOL
Oh god that's fucked up, I regret saying that.
Yep. He was not happy. Not happy at all.
He's still not that happy.
Oh well it's not like they'll be ACTUALLY related, I mean. It's just coincidence isn't it?
But shit that's super funny! I'm never gonna let him hear the end of this! Mr. Carter, I love you man!!!
I live to embarrass the boys.
That's sick
AND HILARIOUS
Hey
we should hang out some time! I bet you got tons of funny stories about Wes. :D
You're one weird kid, you know that?
How come??
Wanting to hang out with a man your dad's age. Is my kid trying to hang out with your dad?
Nah, nobody's tryna hang out with my dad. Except maybe my little bro.
I think you're a cool guy, that's all.
Well I guarantee you'll be sick of my mug once you start working on the ranch.
Is this gonna be one of those old-time western type deals where you stand over me with a whip, making me plow fields and shovel horse shit?
No. It's gonna be a lot of hard work that doesn't involve whips.
You're gonna love shoveling shit.
I probably will! It'll be hot, and steamy and fresh, and I'll smell like horse shit for weeks afterwards. Nobody's gonna want to sleep with me.
Why
did I want
to do this
again?
Having regrets now, kid?
No! I need the cash to fund my cocaine habit sir!
That better be a joke.
Hahaha! Nah I'm not dumb Mr. Carter. Cocaine is for people who have given up on both life and looking attractive.
My dad was a big tobacco chewer. It's pretty fucking disgusting, too. Great way to put a hole in your jaw. Stay away from it.
Yessir, no chewing tabacco! Gum okay? Fresh and minty breath won't hurt anybody!
I'd be anal if I said no to gum.
What about
weed?
What about weed?
Shit's harmless.
Don't think I don't know about you two smoking it behind the stables.
oh...
Soooo that time Wes and I threw ourselves into the horses' water trough to get rid of the evidence and the smell... you let us do that... for omegaluls?
Oh yeah. Deep down, I was laughing my ass off.
DUDE
That's
That's evil!!
Hey, it's a dad's job to scare his kids out of doing drugs.
Is it also a dad's job to troll his kids every chance he gets?!
Uh yes. Absolutely.
Okay but why do you also gotta troll other dads' kids??!
Not all dads. This one does.
Mr. Carter
ADOPT MEE!!!!
What, you wanna be trolled? Or you want your friends trolled?
C'mon I get trolled all the time. I'm being trolled right now!
So yea
To both
Especially the second one hahahaa
I told you that you were a weird one.
I'm not weird, I'm SPECIAL!
And not retarded special, special snowflake special
Special isn't all it's cracked up to be.
People think it's what they want but it's just a fancier way of isolating yourself.
I'm the kinda special that people like being around though!
That or it's mostly pity... but I'm gonna think positive on this one sir.
You'd know the difference. Pity is obvious.
...I'm gonna think POSITIVELY on this one sir!! *has been pitied a lot*
I don't suppose there'd be any point inviting you to my party this weekend? 8D
I'm way too old for teenage parties.
Awww I didn't think you'd come. Oh well! It was worth a try!
All your little friends would scatter the second they saw me.
Well... you got a point. BUT once they got to know you I bet they'd love you! You could be the hit of the party!
I'm thinking this is a ploy to get more alcohol.
HAHAHA
No sir
No we get plenty of booze on our own. ;) It'd just be different. And funny.
And not happening. You're lucky I'm not telling your parents.
That's why you're a bro Mr. Carter.
Though tbh they probably expected this... cause they already locked up all the valuables. Lmao
You tell Wes if he tries throwing a party at our place, I'm busting out the paddle.
NAH Wes is too protective of his ass to do that!
I would know. :I
Some things you should keep to yourself, boy.
No sir, I live by my honesty. Honesty and not knowing when to stfu!
But you got nothing to worry about, Wes is all about the p
Pretty girls
I don't care what he's into
I don't want to hear about it.
Same way he doesn't want to hear about me and his mom.
Hey now, you can't say you don't care when you're his dad. Dads care, that's like their job.
Well if they're GOOD dads that is.
Wes thinks what happened to his mom was his fault. :\ I shouldn't be telling you that but
I figure
Maybe you ought to know that
I meant if he's gay or bi or whatever the fuck you kids all are. I care if he's happy. And he's happy with Liza. I just don't need the details.
I know he does. But he doesn't want to tell pops about it. Refused counseling too.
I figure that's what people like you are for. His friends.
Oh. You uh. Probably should know at least some details. Like. What if she's got STIs or... you know, stuff like that! My dad asks me ten times a WEEK
Also maybe Wes' friends got issues too! We're
Troubled youths!
We already had that talk. And you think my girlfriend hasn't talked to her daughter?
Are you seeing a counselor? Or do you refuse to?
AHA
You are a real dad after all
I'm seeing
A parole officer who thinks he's a counselor sir. It's pretty annoying having him ask if I hate my parents all the time.
Well you gotta, if you're being a punk
Psh no
I love my parents. I love my family.
But they're too CAREFUL. About EVERYTHING. I swear they would've bubble-wrapped me if they could've when I was a kid.
Yeah. We parents get that way sometimes.
Wes was my first kid and I swear to fuck I was so paranoid I was going to accidentally kill him. He was so tiny and breakable. Some parents only remember that part.
But I'm the third!! They had my bro and my sis! And
How come I always end up paying for my older siblings' mistakes? Gunter crashed his car, so I CAN'T DRIVE AFTER DARK!? How's that fair?!
They're just worried. Eventually they're gonna have to let go.
...maybe getting in trouble with the law doesn't help them not be worried huh?
You think?
I'M A TROUBLE YOUTH!
I'm so troubled you got no idea!!!
Then you best stay away from my boy.
No he needs to stay away from ME!!
I can ground him.
YES
Put bars on his windows!
But after this weekend pls
So he can go to your little shindig?
No, Wes isn't coming. He's been working really hard and his girl's upset with him. It's
Just one weekend, he should get to spend time with her
He really likes her huh
It's pretty serious this time, sounds like
Yeah he really does.
Yeah
That's good! Because
Whoo the crazies he's dated before. Damn.
Dare I ask?
Uhhh
This is one of those things you don't wanna know sir
Wes has learned his lesson
He's not putting it in crazy anymore, that's all that matters...
If you kids only knew.
Oh? OH? IS IT STORYTIME MR CARTER??!
Cmon cmon spill the beans!
Oh, hell no. No, it is not story time.
Aww c'mon just ONE story!!
Nope. I have work to do.
Be ready tomorrow. You're gonna work your ass off.
NOOOOOO
Okay but I'm gonna bug you all day about this!!
And you won't hear nothing from me.
We'll see.
WE'LL SEE!
See you tomorrow at noon!