You're a time bomb baby

[Liam Shin]

Liam walked in as Silas held the door open they needed to get the boxes that they had out and sorted and added to the inventory before they opened. He headed back to the box he was working on, he wondered about the book he was trying to wrap his head around it.

If Silas could hear the voices did that make his supernatural too? He was noting going to come right out with it but he was a little curious now. "How long have you had your store opened?He asked as he grabbed a book out from the box.

[Silas Song]

"Hm..." He tilted his head as he pulled a couple more books out of the dusty box. Looking over the ones he had, he noted that none of them were creepy or bound with human flesh. Not that the book from before had been but... He cast a look over at it. A chill ran down his spine and he shook it off.

"It's been almost two years now," he said. "So not that long. It's really more for you." That sounded strange. "People who need help getting through the past. Working here helps, I think."

[Liam Shin]

Liam grabbed the last few books out of his box and before he could sort them, Silas sounded like a stalker like for the past 2 years he was there for him waiting for this moment to happen. For him to hit rock bottom and lose all his will to live. Just so they could be here and find this very book.

This paranoid thought felt like it could be real the medication didn't take away his paranoia. He was cursed at birth is how he felt he would never get his happily ever after.

Then he finished his sentence and Liam couldn't help but laugh at his random thought. He raised a brow," What made you want to help fucked up people? Are you fucked up too?"

[Silas Song]

Silas turned his head toward Liam and grinned at his laugh. Good; his stupid blundering words actually made the misery dude sound happy for once. That was all Silas needed to hear. He continued to grin, shrugging his shoulders as he picked up the now empty box and punched the bottom so he could break it down and flatten it.

"I mean, aren't we all a little fucked up?"

[Liam Shin]

Liam did the same and broke his box down and laughed once more at Silas'response. "So tell me what makes you fucked up?" He tossed to box down with all the other broken down boxes. "I'm sure you read what ever stories they put in my file. So please share."

[Silas Song]

Silas shook his head.

"Not quite how it works." He didn't read any files or anything like that. Those were all confidential and Silas wasn't a doctor per se. He was a volunteer when it came to this work. Not the bookstore stuff but the helping people out by employing them in his bookstore.

Resting his hip against the nearby accountant's desk, Silas kicked aside the pile of flattened boxes near his feet. He regarded Liam for a moment, then slid his hands back onto the desk behind him, perching more securely on the end.

"Ever heard of impostor syndrome?"

[Liam Shin]

"Nope, can't say I ever have."Liam wondered what Silas did know about him? Did he know he tried to kill himself and that he was so called bat shit crazy? "Please share with me.

Pulling a chair closer to Silas so he could sit comfortably as he shared what impostor syndrome was. With a name like that he kinda had an idea but he had never heard of it before.

Liam was trying to push back the fact Susu was not the least bit willing to talk to him even with the spell book he brought up. Fuck Susu! is all he could think at the moment.

[Silas Song]

"It's basically what it sounds like," he said as he crossed his arms and leaned slightly forward. Before everything, Silas used to be a psychology student. It was his way of playing detective into his own life just as much as it was playing detective to other people.

All his life, he could feel something in other people, something that drew him toward the brokenhearted to mend them and something that repelled him when he felt that somebody was wrong. Something was wrong with some people, like they didn't have that feeling, like they had no heart or soul. Something like that.

It wasn't easy to see it but he could feel it. Some people were different. Some in a good way, but some definitely in a bad way.

Liam here was just broken. He didn't seem to be missing that important component inside him. If anything, his pain made it clear he had a heart to break.

So Silas could talk about this with him; it was a good way to build confidence.

"It's not a recognized mental illness," he explained, "but it's this deep seated feeling that something in your life is fake... Like you're a fraud. I feel like that. Like I'm living somebody else's life."

[Liam Shin]

Liam was almost speechless to Silas confession. He shifted in his seat as questions filled his head and with a funny look he said."So you feel like you're just observing your own life?"

Liam wondered when he started to feel that why? And he wanted to know what made him feel that way, something had to have triggered it.

"That's fucking crazy dude, and here I am bitching about being left." He shook his head, for a moment he felt like Silas had it worse than he did.

But that could just be the meds keeping him leveled headed, when he was in a depression it could last for months. He couldn't get himself out of bed and he would close himself off.

But when the manic hit he was the sweetest loving boyfriend up until he started using heroin. Once he started that shit his manic was filled with club jumping and he started fucking other people behind Susu's back. Then it moved to he didn't care if Susu knew.

"I'm a fucking pussy, I tried to kill myself." He chuckled a little. He didn't see a point in hiding it. It wasn't like he was sensitive about it. He wanted to die, he still does but Susu fucked that to hell by the little stunt he pulled.

[Silas Song]

"What?" Silas blinked. Observing his own life? That wasn't quite what he... "What?" he said again. "No. That's not..."

Silas raised a brow. So, the mentally ill ex-patient was calling him fucking crazy? He was pretty sure it wasn't meant as an insult the way Liam said it but he still bristled at the words.

Hard to keep bristling when somebody opens up about suicide, though. Silas lowered his gaze, then slid it aside. This was the not-so-easy part of the job. It was just as important what Silas said as what Liam said and he couldn't ever get all defensive--not on somebody who was already skating rail thin.

"You're not a pussy," he said. "You just had a dark moment. Everybody has those. But sometimes, for one instant, the pain is so great that it blinds you to everything else... everything you once thought was important, you forget those things. Maybe you even think you lost them. But think back on your life. When you had those dark thoughts. Think about what it would have been like if you ended it there. Or there. Or there. Something made it worth staying around after all, right?"

[Liam Shin]

He knew Silas was trying to help but that wasn't what Liam was looking for out of that statement. It's not like it was the first time he tried to kill himself. But then he had Susu to lift him up. He started to feel the sadness creep up, he no longer had that rock in his life.

"To be honest the only reason I am alive is because of Susu," He let out an annoyed laugh. It was not the way it sounded. He was not still alive so he could be with Susu he was alive because that bastard cursed. Liam was sure there was a loop hole and he could get Sus to remove it once he was better.

"Enough about me, tell me more about you." Liam looked at the clock that was above the door they still had some time before they opened and it wasn't like they had a big crowd waiting to get in once they did open.

Liam still had his eye on the creepy book, even if Susu didn't want it he did. It had to have black magic spells in it with the vibe it gave off.

[Silas Song]

"That's sweet," he said but his expression remained the same. Sweet as it was, one couldn't live just based on other people. That was how he interpreted it; Liam was only alive because he remembered his lover. Still, sweet and romantic as all that was, a person had to wake up and live for themselves--not other people.

But maybe it was easy for Silas to say as much when he was standing on the other side of the glass.

"That's such a broad question. What do you want to know?"

[Liam Shin]

Liam didn't want to keep talking about Susu it was just upsetting him. He wouldn't answer his calls or texts he was really distancing himself from Liam. Lf Silas knew the truth about him and Susu he wouldn't think it was sweet the both were pretty fucked up and selfish.

"Tell me more about your disorder, you have me curious now." Liam was still unclear what Silas had meant about feeling like a part of his life was fake.

[Silas Song]

"Heh. It's not really a disorder. At least, it's not recognized by the DSM."

No, it wasn't but it was still something weird going on in his brain. It was just that there was no therapy for it, no real cure, no medication to make it all go away. Privately, in all the time he'd been spending with people like Liam, he wondered if there was anything that really helped any of them. The therapies they were given, the medications... sometimes it did so little for these people that Silas felt like the whole psychology branch was a bunch of quacks.

"It's basically what I said. I don't feel like I belong in my own life. Have you ever looked at your own parents and felt like they weren't yours? Have you ever gone to school and thought that you didn't belong there? Even this job. I feel like I'm playing pretend in somebody else's life."

[Liam Shin]

Liam flooded his arms with a perplexed look on his face, "I can't say I ever have." Liam had his own struggles that Silas and others didn't understand and wouldn't be able to relate to. It would be nice to have someone to talk to that could relate.

"It's hard for me to remember a lot of my past." Liam blocked out his past to save himself from the truth even if he wanted to remember he couldn't unless someone knew the spell to break it. It's uncertain if Liam did it to himself or someone else did it.

"I just know every day I wake up I am disappointed that I have to keep on living this life."