Toxic Hearts

[Reagan Ryang]

See, the thing that Josh forgot when he looked at Alva was the fact that he was a fox. And in general, foxes were quite clever. They were smart and creative and cunning. It wasn't just a generalization--it seemed like the whole lot of them shared a lot of those features.

Alva was also mischievous. That dangerous little twinkle in his eye was enough for Rae to eagerly do just as he was told. It didn't matter what his friends thought. They didn't need to lurk in the back of his head, judging him for his every move. When he was with Alva, he knew he was with somebody who loved him.

Rae loved him right back too. It was all kind of crazy. If he didn't love Alva, though, he wouldn't be with him. He couldn't stay with somebody that didn't drive him a little crazy. All those months of questioning himself and hating himself and hiding his dirty little secret were worth it for the five years they'd stuck it out together afterward.

"Don't worry. I think you can take care of it... all... right... now..."

Okay so the last few words faltered because of the way Alva touched him. It sent a rush through his body and he was on fire. Alva was good with his hands. Really good. Dextrous. Arching into his touch, he fell forward, one hand bracing himself against the bed as he kissed Alva deeply. Then he moved back to remove the pants, tossing them aside along with the rest of his clothes.

[Alva Ren]

Once, Alva was shy in bed. He had trouble even looking at Rae's naked body; it made him feel strangely hot and he didn't know what to do, how to act on the desires that he felt. He was also very young when he first met--and rescued--Rae. Only eighteen, he hadn't had much experience, especially with his condition pushing him further into hiding.

Rae was patient with him, though, and guided him through his inexperience. Now, Alva was the one driving Rae a little crazy--he could see it in the dark of Rae's eyes and he felt it in how his lover moved against him.

He liked that--that little tiny bit of control, of power over Rae who normally liked to be large and in charge. Like with most things, Alva was pleased to be the exception and his own dark eyes gazed hungrily, longingly, adoringly up at Rae.

As soon as the clothes flew off, his hands were back on Rae's body, finding all the sensitive places that lips and teeth and tongue couldn't reach. Conveniently, Rae had brought himself down close. Alva kissed him back with a sharp nip at the end to the swell of his lower lip.

One hand drifted around to grasp Rae, fondling and stroking and squeezing. His thumb slid over and circled the sensitive tip. The coy smile playing about his lips turned a shade wicked; Alva was a fox, through and through, just like his cousin Ryland. He couldn't help the fact that he liked to tease, to be playful around the people that he loved--and there was no one he loved more than Rae.

What Alva couldn't do with his own wasted body, he could make up for with other things. Like fingers. He left off stroking Rae to reach around, parting him, probing gently and teasingly, purposely avoiding that one magical spot deep inside. Five years was a long time to learn one man's body, to be able to play it like a fine-tuned instrument. Alva had nothing to prove but being here in Josh's cabin, he needed to demonstrate that he was a capable lover, even if Josh was nowhere near the bedroom. It was the principle of the thing.

[Reagan Ryang]

Sometimes... Just sometimes, he found himself wondering what kind of person Alva would be if he could only move his limbs. They were just a part of Alva, really, and Rae didn't pity him. He'd never pitied him. But he understood that a part of Alva had been taken away--by filthy humans.

Being with Alva opened his eyes. Once, he saw shifters as little more than lesser beings. He still sort of did but when he was with Alva, all he saw was another person. More than that--he saw his lover. If he might be so bold, the love of his life.

He knew it ticked off his friends, especially Josh, but he couldn't help being smitten with Alva. It was hard not to fall for him when he admired everything about him. At first, it was something to laugh at--a crippled fox shifter. Ha. Ha. Ha.

But then he realized that there was a hell of a lot more to Alva than that. He was smart, bright, strong. He was tougher than he looked. He was clever as hell. And he knew what he was doing now. Maybe when he was younger and shy he didn't but he sure tried and that was what brought Rae around. Alva wasn't giving in to fate. He wasn't a victim and he wasn't going to let anybody see him that way.

So it pissed Rae off when Josh talked about him. But Josh didn't know. He didn't know anything. Sometimes Rae wondered if he was incapable of deeper feelings or if he just hadn't been opened to it yet.

But no Josh. No Josh right now. Only Alva.

Alva really did control a lot of their sexual encounters. He knew what to say, knew what to do. Rae's entire body felt heated and flushed under his ministrations and he wasn't hesitant to let him know he enjoyed it. Soft moans passed his lips as he leaned closer, kissing him as his heart burst.

"I'm so glad you're here," he whispered into his throat before he kissed it, before his teeth grazed over delicate skin. He arched his body into Alva's hand. For a moment, all he saw were stars. He panted, this time his lips pausing against Alva's pretty collarbone.

"Oh god," he moaned. There. His body ardently moved to feel that sensation. Again. Again. He lifted his head and kissed the side of Alva's head fiercely before he came in a blaze of heat and then he turned his head so that he could breathe his lover in.

"Alva..."

[Alva Ren]

"Me too, Rae," Alva whispered back softly, sighing at the tingle that Rae's lips and teeth left along his throat. He was sensitive there at the crook of his neck and every graze of teeth against that particular spot drew out a quiet moan. Alva's lower body no longer responded but it didn't mean that he couldn't feel pleasure--there were other spots now that took the place of his wasted appendages, becoming hyper-responsive, forming new erogenous zones. It was a little like taking away one sense, only to have another heightened by the absence of the first.

Knowing that Rae enjoyed his ministrations was another source of pleasure for Alva, whose ego wasn't quite as big as some people's, but which enjoyed the boost anyway. Rae was so responsive; he seemed into the moment, into being with Alva. But Rae was always like that. He threw himself headalong into a thing, determined to stick it out (for better or worse). That stubborn streak was probably what kept them together for so long. That and being in love, which blindsided Alva as much as it seemed to have done to Rae.

He watched Rae avidly, mesmerized by the toss of his head and the fall of his hair, at the way he writhed and moved. Rae was without peer in Alva's eyes. Even the sound of his voice stoked the heat of arousal inside of Alva to unbearable heights. He stopped teasing, brushing the sensitive spot that made Rae move wantonly into him until he finally let go, and Alva felt as though he did too, drifting and floating on heady feelings of love and affection.

When he finally came down, he was smiling and drew Rae closer. Alva liked to think that he wasn't needy but he clung to Rae, holding him tightly and possessively. Josh was wrong about them. All of their critics, they didn't know anything about love--or they would understand how Rae could stay with Alva all these years, and vice versa.

[Reagan Ryang]

Sometimes, he really wished he could fuck Alva. Like really fuck him, but he knew that Alva wouldn't feel it and it would be pointless. It wouldn't pleasure Rae, who needed his partner to reciprocate. It wouldn't pleasure Alva, certainly. But that was a small price to pay for having Alva.

There was nothing like the rest of what they had. He could still give Alva pleasure by nuzzling, kissing, breathing against skin that still felt sensation. Like he told Josh, it was a matter of creativity and he liked to think between the two of them, he and Alva had plenty of that to go around.

As he rolled over to lie next to Alva, he let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes. His chest moved up and down as he caught his breath. Slowly, he looked over at Alva and smiled. Shifting to his side, he moved a hand over Alva's stomach, over his abdomen, then pulled him into an embrace. He kissed his temple. There was a bite to Rae, it was true, but it was rare for Alva to see it.

His friends, though...

His gaze slid toward the door but he heard nothing downstairs or in the cabin at all. Just the two of them, breathing together.

"I don't think we'll ever be even." He was harkening back to their talk of debts. Alva claimed he was in debt because they weren't able to finish what they started before he left for this trip. But then... Rae basically owed Alva his life. He was the one in debt--but he spoke of it affectionately.

[Alva Ren]

"Good thing nobody's keeping track," Alva murmured, smiling into Rae's shoulder where he had lain his head. He stroked Rae's chest slowly, savoring the quiet moment after sex when they could simply lay with each other and be.

As far as Alva was concerned, they were even. He might have saved Rae's life by sheltering him from the hunter who injured him, but Rae did so much for Alva in return. He gave Alva a reason for living again, when before... Alva was in such a terrible place. It was bad enough being a cripple on its own, but he was also a useless shifter, traditionally seen as not even being worthy to join a clan. Their populations were dwindling, as they were being hunted to extinction, and someone who couldn't even pass on his genes wasn't welcomed.

In many ways, Alva had more to thank Rae for than Rae had to thank him for. Lifting his head, he gazed at Rae thoughtfully. The rest of the cabin was quiet; wherever Josh had gotten to, he evidently wasn't keen on returning anytime soon. That suited Alva just fine, not to have somebody giving him the death glare every two seconds.

"I've been going to the library a lot lately," he said at last, now toying with the damp strands of hair at Rae's temple, stroking his fingers through Rae's hair and then caressing his jaw. "Somebody said there might be a way to heal my body with magic. Like a spell, or a potion. I thought I'd look into it."

[Reagan Ryang]

Rae looked right back at Alva, wondering what was going on behind those contemplative eyes. He looked so serious that for a moment, Rae was almost worried about what he'd say next.

Library? Yeah, okay. That sounded like a thing Alva might do. That didn't seem out of the ordinary though... At least, not up until the part where he was looking into magic. Spells. That sort of thing.

"Well," he said slowly. "I mean, there's white magic, right? Witches who heal people?"

Rae heard of them but there didn't seem to be a whole lot of them around, even though he thought they'd be in demand. If they could do all those healing spells or whatever, why couldn't they reverse Alva's paralysis? Rae edged up on his elbow, heart beating a little faster.

"What did you find?"

[Alva Ren]

"That's what I thought too," Alva nodded. A skilled white witch could mend the severed nerves, bringing his lower body back to life again. Modern medicine couldn't yet but surely magic could. Otherwise what good was it for?

Healing magic was rare, though, and a procedure of that scope and magnitude would surely take a lot out of any white witch. Alva frowned gently in thought. He had yet to track a witch down, too, and even if he did, there was no guarantee that he or she would help Alva out.

"I haven't been able to find much," he said quietly, sighing as he traced absent patterns against Rae's arm. "There aren't that many books and the ones I find are too complicated." He could try to brew a potion by himself but what if he did it wrong? The risks were too great for a total beginner like Alva to attempt some complex potion to use on himself.

"I wouldn't want to mess up a potion and end up with six legs!"

[Reagan Ryang]

Sounded like boring and frustrating work but at the same time, it could be Alva's ticket to a better life. Even though he acted like everything was fine, it was obvious that it bothered him to be left out of things all because of what happened when he was a little kid.

Fucking hunters.

He'd murder every one of them he came across for the things they put them all through. What gave them the right? They were scared and useless, soft but for the weapons they used.

"Don't," he said emphatically, grabbing onto Alva's hand even as he burst into laughter and lowered his head against Alva's shoulder. He looked up after a moment, adopting a severe expression.

"Don't you dare try and brew something yourself! If you do fuck up, how're we supposed to fix it? I'm sure we can find some witch somewhere. They're all over Hazleton, right?"

He paused.

"Although how do you go about that shit? I mean... it's not like we can put an ad in the paper or whatever..."

[Alva Ren]

"We can go door-to-door!" Alva said with pretend enthusiasm, wrapping his free arm around Rae to yank him back down onto the bed. Yuck. That sounded awful, knocking on doors and asking if anyone could use white magic or brew a potion. Laughingly he nuzzled against Rae.

"Actually... there's a man who goes to the library a lot too, and we take out the same kinds of books. I think he might be a witch."

The handsome man seemed rather sad to Alva. There was something in the way he kept sighing, as though he had a great weight on his shoulders. Alva never went over to speak to him, but he watched him curiously when the opportunity presented itself, wondering why he was so sad, and what caused his melancholy mood.

"Would it be weird to go up and ask? I don't want to look like a weirdo."

[Reagan Ryang]

Rae laughed at the absurdity of going door to door looking for a white witch. He could only imagine what the non-supernatural part of Hazleton would think. Also, the white witches themselves probably wouldn't out themselves. That would be weird. Feeling warm and affectionate and a little dizzy with alcohol, Rae snuggled up closer to Alva and smiled broadly against his shoulder.

"He could be somebody looking for one, too."

That would be kinda funny. Two people looking for a witch and checking out the same books. Rae wondered if the other person noticed that Alva was checking out all the same stuff. Could be stalking Alva. That kinda annoyed him but it probably wasn't true.

"We should do it together," he said. Not because he was jealous or anything. Pfft.

[Alva Ren]

He could have been in search of a witch, too. Alva thought of that; maybe the man wanted to use magic to ease whatever saddened him, that was a distinct possibility. He found himself growing more and more curious about the stranger in the library but his interest was innocent. After all, nobody could come close to Rae.

Alva hugged him close, glad for his warmth and presence, to drive away the chill. "I'm not sure you'll like sitting in a quiet library all day, flipping through books," he smiled, with a hint of teasing in his tone. Rae was energetic; Alva was calm. Only one of them was suited to doing research and it wasn't Rae.

"Weren't you the one who said that books gave you allergies?"

[Reagan Ryang]

"Not that part!"

Rae wrinkled his nose. Alva was right--there was no way he'd want to be caught dead sitting around with a bunch of dusty old books. However, he still thought he could be of some use to Alva. Like the part where he wanted to meet the other person. (Plus, it meant Rae would be there to keep any funny business from happening between them!)

"I could help you ask that guy what he's doing."

[Alva Ren]

"Oh... I see..." said Alva slowly, looking at Rae with a swift twitch of the lips. Now, why on Earth would Rae want to be there with him just to ask someone if they were a witch? It wasn't as if the man would spring at Alva and try to kill him in a public setting like a library. (Plus the question was innocent enough.)

Somehow--his little fox senses told him--he didn't think Rae was doing that purely to be helpful. Besides which, Alva could never give up an opportunity to tease Rae and, well, it was silly to be jealous of a stranger! Being Aldon's friend, Alva was exposed to jealousy more often than he would have liked, especially since he was the go-to expert on Ryland, apparently.

"I don't think that's necessary," he said airily, settling back. "He looks like a nice guy." Alva's smile was bright. "I've been looking for an excuse to talk to him, actually!"

[Reagan Ryang]

"You better not be thinking about him naked," Rae warned as he laid down beside Alva. Who was this mystery guy, anyway? This person that caught Alva's eye? It couldn't just be some old dude, could it? Although Rae hoped it was, he somehow doubted it. Alva was being too mischievous about it.

"Or think he's better looking than me," he added with a yawn as he curled up closer to Alva. He smiled in contentment, his fingers lightly strumming over Alva's sides, over his abdomen and his chest. As Alva had done, he created invisible patterns, loving and affectionate patterns.

He yawned again and closed his eyes.

"Barely got any sleep," he murmured, voice growing far away as he began to fall asleep. This was just what he needed--a little bit of alcohol in the belly, his boyfriend, a good time, and now this... a nap. His eyes closed and he sighed. Nothing else in the world could make him more content than in that moment.