Miscalculations

[Monroe Huang]

"Noooo," he said. "That's precisely what I'm not say--oh. You're teasing me."

He gave Ash's arm a slight tug in lieu of a smack or some kind of shin kick. It was a weird motion even to him but he couldn't explain it and didn't want to. Instead, he just made a slight face.

"Jerk," but he still said it fondly enough that it was obvious he didn't mean it. The references, though. That threw him for another loop. "Huh?"

When he thought of references, he thought of work. He thought of school, even. Or the library. It took him a moment to realize that Ash meant references for, like, moving in. Like other people's word on how he worked out as a roommate. Roe laughed outright.

"No, no way, you..." He trailed off, cocking his head to the side as the rest of what Ash said had time to sink in. "Asked you out? Some guy asked you out?"

[Ashley Yeo]

"Uh huuuuh," Ash smiled, trying hard not to laugh as Monroe finally realized that he was only teasing. It was oddly endearing... where coming from anyone else, Ash would've been totally frustrated. He did have a little bit of a short fuse, but he couldn't be properly angry at Monroe, his childhood best friend.

Wrinkling his nose at the jerk comment, Ash didn't respond. He wondered what Monroe was trying to do with the pull on his arm but... maybe he was trying to swat at him or something. Ash raised his brows, blinking. "Yeah? The reason I couldn't come right away? Remember? Guy who randomly came up to me at the diner?"

Sheesh! Talk about a short memory! Although it did happen some time ago... But it also happened earlier in the evening, on the same day! Ash shook his head. Monroe was endearing and cute and weird sometimes, with the random chest-touches and arm pulls and the terrible goldfish memory. "Are you okay?" He peered in closely and used his free hand to touch Monroe's forehead with his palm. Didn't feel warm...

[Monroe Huang]

"...oh yeah."

He sort of tried to push that from his memory. It seemed so weird, some guy randomly asking Ash out. Well, it seemed weird until Ash showed up, looking the way he did. Then he could sort of understand. (No... No sort of about it. He completely understood.) It felt weird, being with an old friend again like this. Why did Roe always seem to form feelings for friends? Why couldn't he just meet a stranger and fall for them like that? It seemed easier somehow. It made things a lot less weird. Less awkward.

When they texted over the phone, things fell easily into place, like they were stupid schoolyard kids spitting venom at one another all over again. Now it was different. They could see one another. Roe didn't know if it was the same for Ash but... dang. Ash sure did grow up. Roe remembered him being a bit rounder, a lot shorter, and a big old crybaby. But Roe protected crybabies... even if he argued with them over marbles.

A hand touching his forehead made him startle and his eyes quickly drew up to meet Ash's. He didn't back away though. The motion was pretty familiar. The kind of touch his mother would give when she thought they were coming down with something.

"Yep! I'm okay! Just been a tough month." He didn't know why he blurted that last part out. It was completely unbidden. "Roommate leaving and all," he added.

[Ashley Yeo]

"Oh... yeah." Ash remembered Monroe saying something about breaking up with a guy he'd been crushing on forever. They didn't even get anywhere before... nothing. Sounded like a tough month all right. Maybe that alone could account for Monroe's jumpy behavior.

He peered hard at Monroe for a few more seconds, though, to make sure he was really all right, and then slowly lowered his hand. Honestly... Ash wasn't the motherly type, so he didn't know what possessed him to feel Monroe's forehead like a concerned mom. And the way they made eye-contact just now? Was that supposed to make him feel a quaint little thrill, all down his back?

He cleared his throat softly. "Right. But now you have a new roommate!" Ash leaned back and reached for a donut purely to escape Monroe's gaze. "Can I get a tour of the place? Before I move in?" Do something! his brain screamed. Anything but sit there awkwardly, making awkward conversation, while awkwardly avoiding looking at each other.

[Monroe Huang]

Weren't they just the oh yeah twins right now? Roe smiled slightly. He felt silly, getting weird with Ash. After all this time, he thought they were pretty much what they used to be but they couldn't really be. That would mean they were both children, and they weren't anymore. His gaze remained on Ash for a long moment, even as he moved for a donut. The movement only slightly distracted him. It was the request for a tour that made him finally tear his gaze away.

"Oh! Sure!"

It gave him something else to do other than... whatever it was he doing right now. He didn't know what he was even looking for when he stared so keenly at Ash or when he lowered his gaze to avoid looking at him because Ash was avoiding looking at him. The donuts weren't enough distraction but showing Ash around? Surely that would do the trick! And it would give them more to talk about! And... and it might mean they would be less weird around each other. Potential roommates couldn't tiptoe around one another forever so he had to get used to Ash's company again.

Scraping his chair back (with a slight wince at the sound), Roe got up. "So, this is the kitchen... obviously. And over here is the living room." He swept an arm toward the living room, which was adjacent to the kitchen and in fact, shared space because of the open concept layout. "Out here is the balcony..." He jabbed a finger at the sliding glass doors that led out to the outdoor space.

"And here..." He opened up the door past the television space in the living room, leading Ash into a short hallway. "This would be your bathroom and bedroom."

It was mostly empty at this point, save for a handful of boxes that Rune hadn't taken yet.

[Ashley Yeo]

"I'll take it!" Ash said at the end of the tour, having been almost desperately focused on everything that Monroe was pointing out to him. The apartment was like any other apartment, really; nothing out of the ordinary, no bathtub in the kitchen or closet where closets shouldn't be. He had hoped for a longer diversion but... well, there was finite space in here. And the tour couldn't go on all night.

Fidgeting slightly, he glanced over his shoulder into the mostly-empty bedroom vacated by Monroe's old roommate. Seemed like a decent-sized room. Ash didn't take up much space anyway. "I guess I'll start moving in... next weekend?" That would give his old roommate enough time to get his things, and Ash wouldn't be rushed to pack up all of his things in a hurry.

"I'll settle all the details with you when I move in." A glance at his watch made him frown. Not much time left before his shift, and he'd promised to look in on Alvaro's mom for him. Ash took his promises seriously. He hesitated, then reached out and sort of batted Monroe's arm, meaning to pat it but missing slightly. "Hey, you wanna hang out... tomorrow? Promise I won't show up this late again." He had the decency to look sheepish. "I have to go to the station soon to start my shift sooo..."

[Monroe Huang]

"Heh, good! I couldn't tell if you liked it or not," he admitted.

Ash had gone kind of quiet since declaring he wanted a tour, which scared Roe into believing he was going to change his mind. Roe couldn't tell if he wanted him to or not. He was pretty sure he didn't but he was also nervous as hell--for whatever reason--about having Ash in the apartment and living with him. Living with him! (At the same time, he was kind of excited? It was hard to describe the jumble of emotions running around in his heart, head, and gut.)

"Okay, deal." He looked down at his arm, where it had been batted at and he half grinned in a confused way. Was he supposed to bat him back? He did, if only because it seemed like the dudely, bro thing to do in the moment. Eesh, could they get any lamer? Standing there smacking each other on the arm? They might as well start saying Dude! Bro! at one another.

"I'll be here all day, so sure. Stop by any time!" He paused. "Unless you meant you wanted to meet up somewhere? Do you need help packing or...?"

[Ashley Yeo]

Yeeaahh... It didn't get any less awkward with the apartment tour. Ash sighed inwardly and sort of just gave up at that point. He looked down at the arm that Roe brushed, and smiled in a way that expressed his desire to laugh and cry at the same time. His brows went into a furrow to frown but his lips curved up. It was a smile that was every bit as weird as he felt in that moment.

If you asked Ash, he was usually a pretty go-with-the-flow kind of guy. He wasn't uptight, although he had moments. (But who didn't?) Even when a complete stranger came up to ask him out, he rolled with it and took it in stride. But this? Reconnecting with a childhood friend (who admittedly was very attractive) and getting a tour of his apartment? Somehow he couldn't handle that.

It was like his grown-up brain wanted him to act one way, but his childhood memories dictated that he should act another way. And the two crossed all the wires and mixed up all the signals until he didn't know how he should act, or what he should say.

So he just... gave up trying to be normal. "Let's meet up at that place you were talking about earlier. Anchors Away? And--" He thought about it. "Nah. I'm good. I don't have too much stuff here." He moved with the bare necessities, hoping to pick up things along the way. "Um. So! Yeah! See you... tomorrow!" Ash moved in for a... hug? Or another arm pat? He leaned in, then leaned back, jerked his body forward and back and then sort of ended up making an executive decision and throwing himself at Monroe's neck. In a hug. That might have also been a tackle.

[Monroe Huang]

"Great!"

Anchors Away it was, then! He almost went ahead and gave Ash another nice pat on the arm to be a Bro Dude but he didn't. He almost did, really, really! But he stopped himself short of it, instead lowering his hand and willfully forcing himself to pull down on his tank top instead. Like that did anything. It did its job. That counted for something.

So no help packing, just Anchors Away. Time to spend together--that would be nice. Maybe Roe would pull his head out of his ass long enough to act like a normal human being instead of... whatever this whole deal was.

"Yep, I'll see you to... morrow." The last half off the word faded into a kind of surprised gasp as a hug came his way. But it was a weird one. One second Roe was watching him lean in so he leaned in, too. But then Ash leaned back, which caused the sound of surprise. Then suddenly, Ash tackled him like he had made up his mind and decided the hug Must Happen. Roe blinked but he grinned and wrapped his arms around Ash's waist to hug him back. It felt nice for five seconds, with the warmth of a human body and affection coursing through his rapidly beating heart. Then it started to get awkward as he realized that Ash's arms were just so around his neck and Roe's own arms were just so around Ash's waist, which had brought him closer.

To make things more Bro Dude, Roe gave Ash's back a couple pats, the way Bro Dudes were wont to and then he stepped back. He couldn't help remembering bits and pieces of the text conversation, like the parts where he so casually mentioned experimenting and stuff. Eheh.... embarrassing as hell. He smiled at Ash despite the flush creeping up over the back of his neck.

"See you tomorrow!" he said again, this time in a cheery tone that sounded too cheery to his own ears. He let out a laugh of semi-relief as he blurted out, "I thought I was supposed to kiss you there for a minute."

...did he really say that part aloud?

[Ashley Yeo]

Yeah, it was nice.

Too nice?

Ash hadn't really gotten close to somebody physically for a while--not since the ugly break-up that prompted him to move back to his hometown. He'd sorta forgotten how nice it was to just... be held.

This was a crappy time to remember that, though, when he was in the arms of his childhood friend! Ash allowed himself about three seconds of enjoying the hug, and then the awkwardness came back. Especially when Monroe thumped him on the back, like he felt awkward, which then made Ash feel super extra awkward. He about jumped back at the same time as Monroe, feeling his ears burning.

"Yeah! See you--"

UH.

WHAT?

Ash laughed, but it was the kind of uncomfortable laugh that people in uncomfortable situations gave when they weren't sure what was happening anymore. "Well." He didn't know that the next words were going to sound so... weird or he would've said nothing instead. "Maybe next time."

Maybe next time?!

It was time to go. Just. It was time. To go. To go back to his car so that he could bang his head on the steering wheel, to alleviate some of this burning embarrassment. Ash made a move for the door, a little side-shuffle to get past Monroe. "I. Should go," he repeated uselessly, eyeing the door with desperation.

[Monroe Huang]

It really was nice. It was so nice. Why did awkwardness have to seep in and ruin the moment? All he wanted was somebody to cuddle with, somebody to joke with, somebody to hold hands with, somebody to give pecks to, somebody to tease and drag closer, somebody to wind his leg around when they watched TV together... Not-not that it had to be Ash but he could imagine it. Boy, could he imagine it.

Why oh why did he let those words come flying out without thinking first?! Think, Roe, THINK! He wanted to bang his head against a wall so badly in embarrassment. It sure didn't help that Ash was looking at him all weird and Roe was certain he'd basically signed the nope contract when it came to not only living with Roe but also even being friends with him.

Maybe next time.

Uh. Um. Every part of him froze at that for a few seconds. Brain? Shut down. Heart? Stuttering. Limbs? Paralyzed. Then he blinked and let out the same sort of nervous laugh that Ash did. Does he mean that? Again, he thought of the weirdness that happened over text. Let's experiment! HUR HUR. Oh god.

"M-maybe," he said, not even sure what else to say. He smiled every bit as nervously as he laughed. "But yeah, maybe yeah. You should..." Not go. Stay. He really wanted to just... take hold of his hand before he walked out the door. Before Ash left, he did. His hand had a mind of its own as it reached out to take hold of Ash's wrist, to slid palm over palm while his heart leapt into his throat. Why. Why did he do it?

Don't be a stranger, he wanted to say cooly. See you tomorrow, have a good night. Normal things. Friendly things. Instead, what he said was, "You should have written."

[Ashley Yeo]

"I. I'll go." Ash stepped uncertainly towards the door, not because he didn't know where to find the exit but because part of him wanted to stay. He was...

Man.

It was hard to admit even to himself but he was madly attracted to Monroe. Like physically attracted. Like he would have gladly accepted a kiss and shamelessly might have kissed back. But this was his childhood best friend! The kid who alternately used to argue with him about how aliens were cooler than dinosaurs (they were NOT) and then would turn around and argue with some other kid who tried to take his side. Because for some reason, it was only okay for him to disagree.

Ash got a kick out of that, though. He could still remember laughing when the other kids went away, confused. It was just a Monroe thing that Monroe did, when he wasn't sticking up for crybaby Ashley. Then again, if he thought Ashley was a girl, that sorta explained his chivalrous actions. Still. It meant that he was a good guy even dating back to their sandbox days.

But that guy and this guy were supposedly the same person, except Ash couldn't seem to reconcile the two. It was time to get the heck out of Dodge. They did meet up suddenly, with no preparation beforehand. It wasn't like they kept up to date on Facebook, or sent each other photos on Snapchat, or followed one another on Twitter. There was literally no communication between then and now. Maybe their awkwardness wasn't so unusual but damn if it didn't mess with Ash's head!

He almost made it to the door when his wrist was taken. A hand slid over his hand; instinctively Ash curled his fingers around Monroe's fingers, feeling their warmth. It felt like those same fingers were somehow wrapping around his heart already.

"I tried," was his feeble excuse, as he turned to look at Monroe. Ash's throat tightened. His own body didn't want to listen to his brain either, and he actually took a step back--back towards Monroe, closer to him. "I'm... here now though. Right?"

[Monroe Huang]

Two kids probably would have written all kinds of stupid stuff to one another. Back when Ash was Ashley, back when Roe was an idiot and really thought he was friends with a girl, he said all kinds of dumb stuff. It was a miracle that Ash didn't catch on in forever that Roe was under the impression that he was a girl. Surely he noticed that stupid crush he had on him! Ash was his first crush, after all. A girl whose hair wasn't as long as the other girls, sure. A girl who didn't wear dresses, whatever. Roe just thought Ashley was kind of a boyish girl. He still sorta acted like a girl. He was still amenable to having his hand held, which Roe knew for sure most of the other boys in their class would not let him do.

The revelation that Ashley was Ash, and that he was a boy sort of sent him reeling, it was true. Not because he had a crush on a boy the whole time. It just made him wonder how mixed up his perception really was. Not that he thought of it in so many ways when he was little. More like, either everything was a lie or he was so stupid that he didn't see what everybody else saw.

It would be hard to mistake Ash as a girl now. He was... handsome. Okay, even pretty. But he decidedly did not have the soft curves of a woman. And his hand in Roe's was not tiny and delicate. It was a man's hand. It was a hand in his hand and god, he missed that feeling so much.

"I wish you were here sooner."

[Ashley Yeo]

Ash was sort of a dumb kid. (Arguably, he wasn't an overly smart adult, either.) He wasn't perceptive; he thought it was pretty obvious that he was a boy, even if his mom let him keep his hair a little long, and even if he happened to like holding hands with another boy. Only one boy, though. Or, well, two boys--Monroe and Aldon. Sometimes he confused the two of them, thought one was the other and vice versa.

He didn't know what he would have done had he known, way back then, that Monroe thought he was a girl. Probably get mad, start arguing with him (they argued a lot, it seemed). It didn't matter, though. In the present, they were both men and somehow they had each gone through similar experiences. Similar heartbreaks at the hands of other men. It was a little fitting, in a way; they were practically inseparable as kids.

It was just that Ash wished they didn't have to share such bad experiences. He nodded, half-looking at Monroe and half-looking at the floor. Or, rather, looking at half of Monroe. The top half made him feel jumpy so he looked at the bottom half instead. Ash was supposed to be going now but he sort of wasn't. Not that he wanted to go, but he did have work... but it wasn't right now.

"...before that other guy?"

Ash's head dropped lower. What would have happened if he'd stayed in Hazleton? Would he and Monroe... be together now? Everything seemed to be headed that way before he left. People sort of made childish jokes about them getting married later on in life and Ash always... well, cried, because he thought people were teasing him. (He really was a huge crybaby back then, no word of a lie.)

[Monroe Huang]

He made a small surprised noise, undignified and stupefied for a few seconds. That was sort of what he meant but for whatever reason, he thought it would fly over Ash's head. (Probably because comments like that always made him hope for certain things but then they didn't happen or he was afraid to dare for it or... or...) Why was he so bad at this? He was almost as bad as Aldon when it came to communication. How could they be so damn open but so many things but then not...? It just seemed like a cruel set of personality traits to give a person!

"Yeah," he said, finally letting go of Ash's hand because it had become unbearably awkward now. When they were kids, it was easy. How often had he done that? Just held his hand? He held his hand an awful lot, thinking it was okay because he was a girl. He'd jauntily walk hand in hand with him or hold his hand during class or to pull him along somewhere with him. Now it seemed like a relic of the past that never came to be.

"I know you got... work to be at. Sorry. I wasn't trying to hold you up."