Innocent in the eyes of god

[Adrian Kwon]

Every time that Ivy smiled at him, Adrian's heart gave a painful thump in response, until he couldn't help but avoid his face completely. Such an innocent and guileless smile shouldn't be directed at him. He felt like a monster, driven by hunger and base instinct to imperil an innocent, well-meaning bystander. All that Ivy wanted to do was to help him... and this was how Adrian repaid him.

"It's fine. Loose leaf is fine." Adrian's voice was a bare murmur. He turned back as he caught movement out of the corner of his eyes--just Ivy extending the tin to show him the tea. Anything would do, really. Their bodies no longer acquired warmth in the usual ways. Blood was the only way--fresh blood, warm blood--to briefly chase away the chill inside.

Slowly, almost against his will, his hand rose. He brushed away a damp strand of hair from the side of Ivy's face, drawn to him by the bond that had formed between them when they exchanged blood--Ivy's rushing through his veins, rejuvenating him and his own inside of Ivy's, poisoning him from the inside out. Adrian's fingertips trembled as they touched the side of Ivy's face, for nothing more than a second. But in that second his heart ached unbearably at the evil that he had committed.

Sharply, almost violently, Adrian pulled his hand down. "I'm sorry. I'll just go and dry off in the bathroom, if you don't mind." He took a step backwards and bumped into something--the table behind him. "I'll... be right back."

[Jude Iverson]

"Oh."

The word came out unbidden as a hand brushed away stray, damp strands of hair. Ivy watched him for a moment. Part of him thought it was a prelude to something else and he waited for it. Although Adrian was a stranger, Ivy still felt drawn to him. It was the way he looked when they'd met, it was the desperation and the fear, not for himself but for Ivy. Adrian seemed to him like a caring man but he also seemed... tormented. Something haunted him. Being a vampire? Ivy knew that it couldn't be easy and especially not for a man who appeared to be quite gentle in nature.

Ivy turned his head into the touch, not unlike a cat seeking more attention. However, Adrian seemed to regret his actions or perhaps the movement made him wary, because he stepped away abruptly. Ivy opened his mouth to speak but Adrian was apologizing and moving further away, even as Ivy's hand started to rise. But he dropped it, letting it fall against the tin to hold it while Adrian bumped into a nearby table in his bid to escape.

"I left some clothes for you," he said, still somewhat stunned by the events unfolding before him. He looked back down at the tin. At least he could have the tea finished and ready for Adrian when he came out.

[Adrian Kwon]

"Thank you." He made his desperate escape from the kitchen, burning from shame and embarrassment. It didn't escape his notice that Ivy reacted to him. Ivy turned into his touch rather than away from it. Ivy's hand was on the way up into the air, as though to grasp on to him or to recall him. What Ivy felt was probably... some lingering effects from being charmed earlier. Adrian didn't dare to hope that Ivy felt the same way about him; that would be all too good to be true.

In the bathroom, he leaned against the sink with his head down. When he raised his head, his own image reflected back at him in the mirror. Those silly stories about vampires having no reflection in mirrors weren't true--nothing more than myth, stuff of tall tales. But the mirror, as they say, did not lie and the creature that looked back at him didn't look quite human. There were vestiges of humanity in there, but it was undeniable that a monster stared at him. At least... he wasn't completely lost. He could still make out something of his old human appearance. No doubt Ivy still saw himself as he was, completely human, earlier in the same mirror. He hadn't killed. He hadn't gone through what Adrian went through shortly after he was turned, and after his creator abandoned him.

Sighing, he put a hand to his face, knowing that the gnarled and dessicated hand with the dry, leathery skin stretched taut over knuckles and bones in the mirror was the same human one that he saw when he looked down. Adrian turned away from the mirror.

Sure enough, Ivy had left him a change of clothes on the towel rack and he changed into them while talking himself down from his panicked flight earlier. He shouldn't be so cowardly, he told himself. He shouldn't be shirking his duty. The truth had to come out eventually and he might as well get it over with, sooner rather than later.

Still, he loitered in the bathroom for a while before finally emerging, dressed in the warm and dry clothes that Ivy had left out for him. Adrian re-entered the kitchen with soft footsteps, standing in the doorway momentarily while Ivy's back was turned to him. He admired him, silently and secretly, before clearing his throat to announce his presence. "Thank you for the clothes... and the tea." Adrian saw the mugs steaming on the island. "Should we have a seat?" He reached to take both mugs, so that Ivy wouldn't have to carry them.

[Jude Iverson]

While he busied himself with tea, there was only so much left to do and Adrian was away in the bathroom for quite some time. That left Ivy alone with his thoughts, and he wasn't so sure that he wanted it. Normally, he found peace in the quiet of his apartment. Now, he felt almost suffocated. The kittens still were too skittish and afraid of him to see him and because of their reaction, Ivy was afraid to even seek out his familiar, who was also oddly quiet in the apartment. Normally, the bird called to him loudly when he came home but now there was no sound.

Realizing that he was shivering and shaking, he braced himself against the counter. He tried to remember to breathe. Adrian must have done something. He said they needed to speak. That made sense, but Ivy couldn't really find it himself to be angry or blame him for anything. Instead, he turned it inward. Somehow, he had to work harder. He had to... fight whatever was going on inside of his body.

He felt unwell. He felt cold. He felt strange. Slowly, he righted himself and looked down at the tea cups. The sound of another's footsteps resounded too loudly and he peered over to see Adrian entering. As if in a dream, he watched Adrian take the cups. Something about sitting down.

"Y-yes." He led Adrian over to the kitchen table. For a moment, he was silent before he looked up at Adrian. "What happened?"

[Adrian Kwon]

Adrian cradled the mug of steaming hot tea between his hands, staring down at the dark liquid in the cup. What happened indeed? He swallowed.

"Earlier... I took your blood," he began slowly, and softly. His eyes wouldn't lift. Couldn't lift up to Ivy's innocent, sweet face. Adrian drank some of the tea just to have something to do but tasted only the bitterness of his own actions.

"I took too much. It would have killed you and I... I couldn't..." He couldn't let Ivy die.

"I... turned you." Finally his eyes lifted, the emotion in them refusing to be hidden or stemmed. Adrian took in a shuddering breath as his eyes burned and he bit down so hard on his lower lip that it hurt. Apologies felt inadequate. I'm sorry could never be enough to make up for what he had done to Ivy. Words tumbled from his lips in a hurry, a babble of a confession.

"I.... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did and I know that I can never be forgiven. I don't deserve it but I hope that-that you will let me help you. I--" His voice faltered as the heat spilled over from behind his eyes, and he quickly hid his face in shame, shaking from the harrowing nature of his admission and almost shrinking into himself.

Adrian was sorry. He was more sorry about this than he had been about anything in his entire, miserable life.

[Jude Iverson]

Ivy nodded slightly. Yes, he knew the blood was taken. His hand slowly lifted, fingers lightly touching the spot where he'd been bitten. While it should have bled endlessly until he took his medicine, it appeared as though the wound had stopped bleeding. It was strange since he'd lived with the condition his entire life. He knew that it should have been... worse than it was. Some part of him must have known--deep down--what it was that Adrian was going to share with him. The reluctance to share it with him, the strange newly tender senses, the feeling that he was being overwhelmed by every sense...

I turned you.

He wanted to ask. What does that mean? Yet he knew what it meant. The confusion that crossed his face gave way to brief horror--he was turned. Turned. A vampire. His hand remained where it was, grip tightening against his own shoulder. He was... he was turned. He had heard legends of witches being turned. It wasn't... pretty. He swallowed hard. Those were tales, though. Meant to scare them away from vampires, he was sure.

In his haste to get back on his feet, he accidentally knocked over his own cup of tea. The leaves and liquid spilled out onto the white table but he paid it no heed. Instead, he came to Adrian's side and knelt beside him, his hand slipping over Adrian's back and over the back of his neck.

"Please..."

[Adrian Kwon]

The tears that Adrian shed were not for himself; they weren't tears of self-pity.

He wept for Ivy, for his lost innocence and pure soul. He shed them knowing that what he had done was the gravest sin that any man could commit, that he had gone against God in doing what he did. He thought only of himself and of his own guilt when he turned Ivy, blinded by his own selfishness, by his cowardice.

And yet... even in his own darkest hour, Ivy still tried to comfort him. It made Adrian feel worse, that Ivy had rushed over to him, placing a gentle hand against his back, up against his neck. Adrian turned into him, blinded now by tears. His shaking, clumsy hands slid over Ivy's lovely face, cradling it like a precious treasure. "I'm so sorry," he choked, sweeping a thumb over one pale, cold cheek.

Once it must have been warm. Ivy's skin was fine and soft, his features noble in the radiant light of his compassion, but he felt so cold.

[Jude Iverson]

Tears were his ultimate weakness; as soon as people around him started tearing up, Ivy dissolved immediately. It wasn't that he started to cry along with them but it hurt his heart to see people in tears, even if the tears weren't coming from a sad place. Happy tears, frustrated tears, it didn't matter. Tears softened Ivy until his feelings were a wet paper bag in the rain. He ran his hand over Adrian's back, knowing words didn't always have a place. Sometimes, people just needed to let out their emotions in a wordless way.

"Please... don't be. You were just..." He tried to think of a delicate way to put it. "You were just trying to save my life."

True, he was doing it because he had nearly taken it. Ivy didn't know how he felt about that yet. He didn't even really feel himself dying. One moment he was just... everything was hazy. If that was death, it had been a sweet embrace and he might very well have preferred it. At the moment, he felt much like his old self, the same Ivy he had always been, albeit weaker, hungrier, and sicker. But he didn't feel like a monster. He leaned into Adrian's touch, part of him longing for warmth that wasn't quite there.

Was that what was missing? Warmth?

"Please..."

[Adrian Kwon]

The chair clattered as Adrian rose to his feet abruptly. He had half a mind to run--to flee the scene of the crime, escaping Ivy's tenderness, his saintly ability to sympathize. Instead, Adrian reached for him and pulled him in. It was a jerky movement; their chests bumped together before Adrian brought him in close, cradling him as one would a delicate and precious newborn.

"I'm sorry." Those were the only words he seemed to be able to say; everything else was too difficult to force out between his ragged breaths. His contrition knew no bounds, but it wouldn't bring back Ivy's innocence. Feeling sorry couldn't make Ivy whole and human again. The only way to make up for what he did was to protect Ivy--if need be, from himself.

Even from a young age, Adrian had been responsible. Serious. His parents used to comment on how serious he was--like a little old man, they would say, laughing and smoothing down his hair fondly. They trusted him with everything, even the run of the house while they were away, despite the fact that Adrian wasn't even the oldest in the family. His siblings weren't irresponsible--they were like most kids their age--but he seemed to have been born with the shoulders to carry the weight of responsibility.

"I can help you... Please let me make up for this. I'm sorry, Ivy. I'm so sorry."

[Jude Iverson]

His eyes went wide and he stared at Adrian as he leap to his feet. For one wild second, Ivy was sure that he was going to run out of the room. Instead, Adrian took him in his arms and held him closely, lovingly. If things weren't as serious as they were, Ivy would have been flustered, flattered, maybe a little confused. As it was, he was instead, deeply saddened. Adrian really seemed to be swimming in his regrets but he'd only done what he could. Ivy didn't think he could do it, either--leave a person to die. And it was hardly his fault. Adrian did try to warn him. He tried to tell him to leave, he tried to tell him he was a vampire. Ivy was the one who invited him to bite him, to take his blood, his life.

Ivy didn't know what he was giving away when he said it. He still didn't fully comprehend what had been traded that night. But he felt awful for the poor man. How could anybody fault a man so driven mad by his own actions? Ivy slid his arms around him in turn, one around his waist, the other around the back of his shoulders. He closed his eyes. He could smell Adrian, the rain in his hair, on his clothes. He could smell blood, too. His own, Adrian's. Whatever made up Adrian's blood.

"Help me," he said softly. He had no idea what it meant to be a vampire. He had no idea what it meant for the rest of his life... or his unlife. What it meant for the kittens, for his familiar, for his magic. He had no idea.

[Adrian Kwon]

"I will." There was a stronger note of resolve in his voice. Adrian held Ivy closer, more tightly, protectively. "I will save your soul." If it was the last thing that he did, he would save Ivy. It was his life's calling, to help those who couldn't help themselves, to save the poor, the lost and those led down the path of sin--even those who were so lost that they no longer believed they needed help for their damned souls.

Ivy wasn't beyond saving, though. Ivy was still pure and still capable of kindness. The consideration that he showed Adrian was proof positive of that. They just had to be careful, to ease Ivy into his new... lifestyle. Life still had to march on, and whether they wanted to or not, they had to march on with it.

Adrian closed his eyes briefly, resting his cheek against the side of Ivy's head briefly. "I will save you," he whispered again, softly, though firmly. Then he pulled back and found that he was able to smile again, albeit sadly, ruefully. 'I will protect you, Ivy." Adrian finally stepped back. He wasn't normally moved to spontaneous action in the heat of the moment--preferring to calmly assess the situation before acting--but he couldn't help the way that he felt or even acted. Ivy's actions moved him.

"Oh!" Only then realizing that a cup of tea had been spilt and was dripping onto the floor, Adrian scrambled to right the cup.

[Jude Iverson]

Save my soul... His eyes closed in peace. Something inside did itch slightly, but he ignored it. In the pit of his stomach, he felt hunger but it ran so deep that he couldn't remember ever feeling so empty inside, as if he hadn't eaten in days. That must have been the blood lust...? It didn't feel like a lust, though. It just felt like hunger--except it was a hunger no food would be able to satiate.

His eyes opened as Adrian slid his cheek against the side of his head and he held onto him for a long moment. He was reluctant as Adrian pulled away. The smile on his face broke a part of Ivy's heart; he seemed so sad. A deep sadness, the kind that couldn't be erased easily, not with a joke or any attempts to cheer him up. How long had it been? Ivy started to reach out for him but Adrian seemed more intent on cleaning up the mess he'd made with the tea.

"Ah. I'm sorry. I... I didn't see it."

He immediately turned and grabbed a paper towel to sop up the tea that had begun sliding across the white tabletop. While he wiped it up, he asked, "Is there a way to... do it? To save us?"

[Adrian Kwon]

Us. Ivy was already counting himself among the ranks of the undead and Adrian couldn't help the way that his hand stopped abruptly. He took in a deep breath. "Yes. If you believe. If you have faith."

Slowly, he reached over and slid his hand over Ivy's. His thumb gently stroked over the back of Ivy's hand. "I'll find a way." There had to be a way; Adrian couldn't afford to believe otherwise. His faith in God was the only thing that kept him human--that kept his mirror image still recognizable as being once human. After giving Ivy's hand a soft squeeze, he returned to cleaning up the table and the floor, where some tea had dripped.

"Are you... hungry?" Adrian was on the floor with paper towels, soaking up the spilled tea. He looked up at Ivy with concern creasing his brow. "Please let me know if you are. You shouldn't ignore it... Like I did."

[Jude Iverson]

"Ah. I'm... I..."

He felt... shaky. Unsure. He felt a little dizzy, too. Just because he'd been turned didn't necessarily mean that he'd dodged the feelings that came with being drained. Adrian had been replenished (by nearly killing him, but he could forgive that). Meanwhile, Ivy felt so utterly bone tired that he could have just closed his eyes and... His eyes fluttered closed and he leaned to the side, just barely catching himself against the side of the table.

"Yes..." He had to admit it, when the symptoms were staring them both in the face. He wanted so badly to hide it from him, to put a brave face on. Part of him could tell that there was regret in the poor man--vampire--and Ivy didn't want to add to that feeling.

"But I'm sure I'll be... fine." He paused, however. "What do you mean? Like you did? Is that... ah. I see."

He lowered his head before pulling out a chair and sitting before his knees could buckle. "I don't have to... I don't... want to..."

[Adrian Kwon]

"Ivy!" Alarmed, Adrian quickly rose with hands outstretched to catch Ivy, who righted himself before he toppled over. With worry creasing his brow, Adrian ran a gentle hand over his hair. "It doesn't have to be... human," he said quietly, grazing Ivy's temple with his fingertips, running them down to his jaw and under his chin to tilt his head up a little. Adrian looked into his tired, wan face and his heart ached. Poor, poor Ivy. What had he done to him?

"It's better to have a little, before the hunger makes you--turns you into a monster." And Adrian knew now, all too well, what that was like. Not even he could resist the temptation for blood, although... it didn't exactly help to have it dancing before him, offering itself (literally) to him. But it wasn't Ivy's fault and he attributed blame only to himself, and his own lack of foresight. If he hadn't tried to hold out for so long, none of this would have happened.

Slowly, Adrian bent towards him. He was irresistibly drawn to Ivy, to the point where even he thought that his actions bordered on obscene. This was definitely not within his normal range of behavior but how could he help it, when Ivy was so beautiful? It wasn't merely his physical attractiveness that drew Adrian in. His soul was beautiful; Adrian had a first-hand glimpse of that throughout the evening.

Tenderly, he pressed his lips to Ivy's forehead. "I'll find you something to help take the edge off. Nothing human," Adrian repeated, glad that Ivy was stubbornly trying to resist, to cling to his humanity. That would be important in the days to come, when his willpower and resolve would be sorely tested. But Adrian would be there, by his side, to help him through it, that was already a given.