Just keep breathing

[Alejandro Riviera]

The smile was back—the lie. Alejo felt it like a slap to the face as Jack's eyes opened and the lie spread across his lips. It was a smile that wasn't a smile, just... something to fill the space. Something to smooth over the emptiness, to fool others into thinking that he wasn't hurting. But why did he smile for Alejo like that? Why couldn't he just... not smile? Be honest about not being okay?

Strange to smile that way and then say something so raw and powerful. Was it just habit? Alejo knew a little something about smiling when he wanted to cry. Smiling when he wanted to scream, to shout, to hurt someone the way he hurt in the moment. He hated liars and he was the biggest liar of them all. He'd always known that, though. It wasn't some epiphany or breakthrough. He simply tried not to think about it too much—otherwise he would lose the fight to look Okay.

The words were out and Alejo said nothing in response. Jack wasn't looking for sympathy; he was answering a question with a real answer. Alejo nuzzled against him in lieu of empty words, knowing that he wasn't the answer to Jack's happiness or his sadness. Not yet. Not right now. After the intensity of their lovemaking had worn away, all there was left was this. No peace, but respite for a while. That was better than nothing...

"The gun?" His turn to smile, but this time rueful, almost apologetic. Alejo glanced towards his jacket laying a few feet away. He couldn't see the outline of the gun but he knew it was there. "Don't miss anything, do you, baby?" In the whirlwind of getting from door to couch, he didn't think about the gun or what it said. But a gun was easy to explain away.

The badge in the same coat pocket as the gun, not so much.

"Protection. My boyfriend was worried about me going out tonight." The smile turned bitter, lips twisting into a grimace and eyes growing hard, cold. "I brought it to reassure him. But I guess... there was no point, was there?" His fingertips pressed against Jack's lips. "I met another monster anyway. A monster just like me."

[Jack Ripley]

His gaze on Alejo was steady. Another monster. Like him. Some part of him felt actual hurt at the words--it wasn't what he really wanted to hear in acceptance of himself. A monster. Was that what he was? What made Alejo jump to monster after hearing he was a nothing? The strangulation? Monster. But maybe that was what he was. Maybe being empty meant being monstrous.

"Mm..." His lips curved into a smile. Yes, just a monster. He wanted to be seen for who he was and maybe this was it. Baring some level of himself and gaining acceptance... but truly, Alejo didn't know how true it was. Flashes of memories flitted through his mind, of blood spatters and dead eyes. Extricating himself from Alejo, he slid out from under him and swung his long legs over the couch. Fuck. He was definitely going to still feel what Alejo did to him in the morning.

"Does your boyfriend... travel with you?" he asked as he used his foot to sift through his own clothes. Alejo already mentioned the boyfriend but was he living in Hazleton permanently or was he another hitchhiker/backpacker? Maybe Alejo already told him but things were hazy and fuzzy, the way he preferred it. Leaning down, he picked up his phone.

[Alejandro Riviera]

Monstrous things lurked in the night, Judah said. Alejo was mostly joking, although he didn't smile as he said it. He meant himself more than Jack, really, but the smile beneath his fingers felt a little off. As Jack abruptly eased out from under him, Alejo sat up with a tiny frown creasing his brow. That seemed like a dismissal, if the way Jack was sorting through his clothes was any indication.

Slowly Alejo sank back onto his heels. But his arms wound around Jack, hugging him from the side, cheek resting against his shoulder. "He's not here." Physically he was but emotionally he was long gone, and Alejo had known that for a while now. He sighed and closed his eyes. "We live together in New York. He moved there for work, I was born there."

Well, he should probably get going--before Jack had to physically tell him to go. Besides, if he was still here in the morning, he might be tempted to keep Jack from going to work, which was... terrible. Probably. Alejo eased away from him and finally got off the couch to pick up his clothing, making sure that both gun and badge remained firmly in his pocket. He put on his clothes with a sense of unease in his heart, sneaking glances at Jack, wondering who he was texting, what he was thinking.

[Jack Ripley]

Restless heart, restless body, restless mind. Jack couldn't seem to just enjoy the moment, the afterglow. He should have wanted Alejo to stay. He did... before that monster comment got to him. Why did it even get to him? Jack saw the materials on what people thought of people... like him. Monster was the word they would have used. But they didn't fully understand, did they? Even the experts were grasping at straws. After all, everything they knew came from the source itself and they weren't as reliable as they wanted them to be.

Jack wanted to believe that Alejo knew him inside and out. For a brief moment of elation, he did. His heart had soared, his body had lightened. They connected--really connected. But then it was over and Jack felt just as empty as ever. Why? He didn't understand it. He was starting to believe that he never would.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Jack said, turning to gently kiss Alejo on the tip of the nose. "I'm not jealous."

If the boyfriend was here or not, it didn't matter. The boyfriend couldn't be that protective if he wasn't here for Alejo. Letting him run into somebody like him. Tsk, tsk. Jack smiled at Alejo, this time it reached his eyes. Not tonight, though. There was nothing to worry about. Jack wasn't going to do anything else to Alejo.

As Alejo got dressed, Jack sent a message out to his neighbor, who also happened to be a co-worker. Originally, his intention was to stay home and he was about to tell Alejo to join him in his bed for the evening when Brayden offered to bring him soup. In fifteen minutes. Oh. Well. Then Alejo was ahead of the game. Jack looked up from his phone and smiled at Alejo before his phone vibrated again and he checked to see that Brayden responded. Quickly, he replied, then set his phone down on the arm of the couch. He waved Alejo closer and slid his hand over his cheek before kissing him on the temple.

"How long are you staying in town?"

[Alejandro Riviera]

Jealous... hah. If Jack was jealous, Alejo was God. He didn't think that was an issue with Jack. Didn't know why; that kind of darkness wasn't there--at least not with him and his boyfriend. Alejo knew jealousy, had experienced it, but typically he let people go far too easily himself. If they weren't right, they weren't worth keeping, he thought. If they didn't want to claw into him and hold on tight, they wouldn't understand if he did it back to them.

Smiling, he drew close again when beckoned and wrapped his arms back around Jack's waist for a hug good-bye. His number was already scribbled onto a bit of paper on the coffee table--he wasn't letting Jack forget him, after all. "A few more weeks, and then I have to head back to New York." Alejo tipped his head up to kiss Jack softly, his own eyes soft. "I'll come back again to see you. I really needed this... you... tonight, Jack. So thank you." He lowered his head against Jack's shoulder, hugging him tightly for a long moment, heart still sore. But he still felt better. He felt a shade less empty than before.

"Thanks for being here."

He might have found someone else to spend the night with or he might have gone back to the motel alone, feeling disconnected and hurt and empty inside. He might have met a real monster--monsters like him, with strange powers, born into a world that was largely unaware of their existence. Alejo really was a monster in many ways, but some of those ways he didn't think Jack needed to know about. For now, Alejo--Allie--was just a lost boy seeking some kind of meaning to his own existence.

Disengaging reluctantly, he turned to leave. "I'll come back," he said again, a little wistfully. "And if you need someone, call me, okay?" He would have liked to lay with Jack, body to body and skin on skin, tonight. But that wasn't in the cards, so there was no point harping on what wasn't going to happen. Maybe another night, another time. Alejo took a fond last look over his shoulder at Jack and then slipped out the door.

( Locking this so we can continue off the other one! <3 )