True to self

[Kwak Jung Su]

Well shit.

Jung Su flipped his phone onto his bed before slamming himself onto the mattress, face-down. That kid. Was way too sensitive. About everything. Couldn't even take a joke, shit. It seemed like fun and games when Devlin had the upper hand but the second Jung Su turned it around, he got super serious. It wasn't like he didn't know Jung Su was joking—he'd threatened 'the stash' since they were little and he hadn't done anything to it yet. And anybody who did threaten it—well they had to go through Jung Su first. Nobody fucked with Devlin except him.

He knew how attached Devlin got to his things. Even if he threatened to throw things away. But that was a joke. He didn't mean it—he didn't mean half the stupid things he said. It was just some dumb part of his brain that couldn't stand to lose, even to the people he loved the most. There weren't a ton of people in his life that went into that category either—just two.

One of whom was mad at him and ignoring his texts.

Okay so the thing about the rape was out of line. A joke to Jung Su but... eh. He was harder than Devlin; he'd grown up that way, desensitizing himself to other people's words and jibes. He was used to a rougher crowd, he supposed. Devlin was softer, more sheltered. Not to say that he hadn't seen some shit but he didn't hang with the crowd that Jung Su did. Part of him was still kinda innocent, and Jung Su wanted to protect it, but...

Shit, who knew he needed to protect it from himself?

Sometimes he forgot how harsh he could be. And sometimes he took it for granted that his words would slide off, because he grew complacent in the knowledge that their bond was strong. Or so he thought—so he believed, because he would never let Devlin go out of his life. Not without a fight..

He sighed into the mattress. Maybe he overreacted. Okay, definitely overreacted. The chatterpage post was a jerk move—he thought it'd flush Devlin out. Maybe if he got mad enough he'd respond to it and Jung Su could somehow smooth things over. He wasn't good with the word 'sorry' but for Devlin he might've tried. But nothing. No word, no response. Dumb kid, he wouldn't really leave everyone behind. Even if he was mad at Jung Su, their mom was here. Jung Su turned over—hard to breathe into a mattress—and ran a hand over his face.

"Shit," he said to the ceiling, hating the feeling of guilt. No matter how old he got, every time Devlin got upset (because Jung Su acted like a dumbass) he felt bad. Funny because he could blackmail their neighbor without batting an eyelash but the second Devlin's lip so much as wibbled, he turned to mush. Was that normal? Having that big of a soft spot for somebody? Jung Su tried to be tough and acted like he didn't need anybody but secretly, he held on pretty tight. Sure he was guarded against Devlin when they first met but then he warmed to the idea of having someone in his life who would stick around.

"Dumb kid, you better not do anything dumb!"

He grabbed his phone. Nothing. Blowing up Devlin's phone wouldn't do him any good if he was just going to ignore it all!

Jung Su tried to wait it out. Play it cool. An hour passed. He prowled the apartment like a caged tiger, passing Devlin's room at least a billion times. Two hours passed. Where was mom? Oh yeah—she was out at the Hazletons' mansion, consulting with them about some potion or other. Three hours and it got dark suddenly. The wind picked up and Jung Su heard thunder rumbling off in the distance. Where the fuck was Devlin? He'd usually be home by now, or if he wasn't, Jung Su knew where he was. He checked. He checked in, checked up on Devlin in case he needed a ride home on Jung Su's bike. Even if he didn't, Jung Su showed up anyway and glared at people who looked close to Devlin.

Just being a good big brother though. Nothing... nothing wrong with that was there? Just making sure he wasn't hanging out with the wrong type of people. (Like people who might have a crush on him.) Nothing suspicious about that. Lots of big brothers acted like that. They weren't related, but people called them brothers so. Just big brother things.

Three hours. Now he wasn't even trying to deny that he was—annoyed. (Sorry.) Angry. (Sorry.) Guilty. (Sorry.) Freaking out. (Sorry.) What if Devlin got caught in the storm? Jung Su still didn't think what he said warranted Devlin actually running away because hey—brothers giving each other a hard time and all—but he didn't want Devlin getting soaked and getting sick or something. Then it'd be HIS fault that Devlin got sick because he made him stay out in a storm and if he thought this guilt was bad. Ooh boy. 

Jung Su cursed under his breath as he grabbed a jacket and hastily slid it on. He wrote their mom a note telling her where he'd gone—she worried too, because she was just as big of a softy at heart as Devlin was—and then he bolted out the door. Hopped on his bike, revved up the engine to cover up another slew of curses, then rode off. Devlin had a couple of places around town that he frequented; Jung Su could hit those up first. Shit, the town was only so big, where could a kid like that hide anyway? As he rode on, raindrops spattered heavily onto his dark helmet. Thunder and lightning, violent winds, the whole works, huh? It was like the heavens opened up and dumped a year's worth of rain onto sleepy little Hazleton. Jung Su took one hand off the handlebars to wipe at his helmet. Riding fast through the rain was rough but... also kind of a thrill, if he had to be honest. But he couldn't enjoy the sensation with anxiety pinching at the back of his mind.

And what about movie night? What about curling up on the couch to watch a cool action flick? What about Jung Su pretending he was tired from 'working' and leaning all up on Devlin, running a hand through his hair while teasing him about looking like a human mop? (What about him trying so hard not to make his actions look suspicious?)

Fuck! He skidded dangerously around a corner and narrowly missed getting side-swiped by a bus headed out of town. The bus driver honked long and hard at him as he suddenly braked and Jung Su yelled some pretty rude ass things back that were probably lost to the wind. Heart pounding in his throat, he screeched to a halt too. Goddamn, that was too fucking close for comfort!

Couldn't say sorry if he was dead right?

Well... he couldn't say sorry if Devlin wasn't here to hear it either!

Dumb kid.