Find me in the hands of fate

[Aaron Clayton]

No. Nononono.

His mind was screaming no but everything else only remembered how good it used to be when they were together. Neither of them went into the relationship half-assed so they were together in every sense of the word. Aaron worked hard at the relationship as he did in every other aspect of his life. He wanted it to last. He wanted it to last so bad...

But it didn't last, and he learned a hard lesson. Sometimes not even hard work and determination could overcome certain obstacles. Sometimes life didn't work out and he just had to deal with it. Not everything turned up roses... and that was okay.

This?

This wasn't okay.

He didn't want to--to make a cheater out of Judah. That wasn't who Judah was and it wasn't who Aaron was, either. With a gasp he pulled back, wrenching himself out of Judah's arms. "I'm--I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't--" He stepped away shaking his head, shaken to the core. No. This wasn't right. "I'm sorry," he kept repeating it but it didn't make that ache inside go away. Swiftly Aaron turned his back to Judah, almost wanting to hug himself as though that might help him keep all the pieces together.

"I--I'm. I. I'm going out. For a while." He needed some fresh air, needed some of that cold wind in his face.

[Judah Hyunh]

Fuck.

Everything felt so right. And then... it wasn't. Aaron was moving away, turning away from him. And even though he reached out for him, Judah felt like Aaron was... ashamed of him. Maybe himself. And Judah... He swallowed hard, licking lips that still tasted of Aaron. His heart wrenched in his chest and this time when he reached out, his fingertips brushed Aaron's back, then his shoulder, as if he could just make him turn around.

"Aaron," he said again, wishing he could explain it all away. He thinks I'm a scumbag. And his heart plummeted further because he knew that he was. What kind of person ignored their actual boyfriend to be with their ex-boyfriend?

"Don't go. I'm sorry."

[Aaron Clayton]

No, this--it was Aaron's fault. He pushed Judah to the wall and he kissed him because he wanted to. Because he loved him so much that it overrode all of his principles and morals and bypassed the part of his brain that said that Judah wasn't his anymore. There was a whole other life left behind in New York, that Judah had built for himself. It shouldn't take one kiss to ruin all of that, just because Aaron... loved him.

That was the other lesson he learned. Love wasn't always enough.

He felt the brush of Judah's hand on his shoulder but he was already moving further away, moving towards his coat and slipping it on. Aaron paused. Swallowed hard. "Don't be sorry," he said at last, glancing back at Judah only to see that he looked as pained as Aaron felt. "It's my fault. I just." His hands curled into fists in his pockets.

"I love you too, Judah. But we. Should focus on finding Danny." Aaron turned away, head low, lump in his throat. "I'll be back soon. Don't wait up for me. You... should rest. Tomorrow we'll go talk to folks, see about that library." What was he even saying now? He didn't know. Finally Aaron headed for the door, not wanting to look back just to see--what was still there, waiting for him. This love, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.