Tell me all the ways to love you

[Aldon Huang]

Despite his worries about Alva's situation, Aldon couldn't stop himself from feeling good. He felt guilty because he felt good, laying in Ryland's arms on the couch, but this was just... sigh... right. It was so right. He was finally home. This wasn't a second home, this was home home, his original home. When he was cast out, he found a second home in Gregg but nobody came close to making him feel the way that Ryland felt, and that was plain fact. Aldon didn't love Gregg any less but he loved Gregg differently, that was all.

He closed his eyes for a moment just to feel close to Ryland. Just to feel. Then he opened them again when Ryland spoke and nodded in agreement. It was time they learned to handle their own problems, yes. Before when they had Alva to run messages back and forth and to help them repair the damages, they couldn't learn how to do it themselves. They grew complacent and then they lacked the necessary tools to make their relationship work properly. This time, they learned. And they weren't going to make the same mistakes again.

"You and me, we can do anything." Aldon puffed out his chest as much as possible given their limited space options. When things were going right with Ryland, he felt like Superman! He was on top of the world, soaring over all the rest! Leaning in, he let the tip of his nose brush Ryland's gently. Then their lips brushed and Aldon's eyes fluttered closed again. To feel. To hope. To forgive and let go of the hurts that had doggedly hounded them for a lifetime.

"I love you." No post-its needed this time, Aldon had it all on his own. His hand drifted up the length of Ryland's arm, caressing a long line up to his cheek. He smiled, still with his eyes closed, serene and blissful if only for a moment. Alva was still waiting, Rae was still hospitalized and Josh was on a rampage but... this moment was his and Ryland's and they deserved a little oasis in the middle of all the chaos.

[Ryland Ren]

Ryland wanted to approach their relationship in a new way. In fact, he wanted to approach everything in a new, improved way. No more avoiding. It was time to face things that made him uncomfortable or afraid head on. Problems would crop up, that was how life went. But it was how they reacted and worked through them that made them who they were. Learning to stop avoiding and to hold hands and try to get help from the very person the problem was with... That was a big, huge leap for Ryland, who preferred to avoid the "problem" person and deal with the aftermath on his own.

But he could do this. Aldon... wasn't going to ever disappear on him again. He was here, solid, promising to try. Ryland would do it, too. Not disappear. Not let fear control where the relationship went. Even with the Gregg problem... Even that could be solved... somehow. (And not in some ominous assassin-style way... of course.)

"I think so, too," Ryland said with a lazy smile. His gaze remained on Aldon, even as he felt his hand moving up his arm, along his cheek. Aldon's eyes were closed so he didn't see him watching but he was. He was drinking in the sight of him as if he might never see him again, remembering every strand of hair, ever eyelash, every quirk of the brow, every twitch of a smile. Aldon was so bright. So happy. He made Ryland that way, too. A wolf pup and a sly fox. Who ever knew they could make such a peaceful pair?

His heart pounded faster and it soared with warmth, love, and affection for this man. "I love you, too."

For so long, it felt like he only spoke those words to Aldon in his dreams, waking with streaks of regret on his cheeks and the heavy weight of loneliness as he turned over in his bed to find nothing and nobody. Sometimes, in his dreams, they were spoken softly when he said it. But sometimes, he was shouting it, screaming it at Aldon as if he were deaf. Why can't you HEAR me?! And there was a specter of somebody else, like a strange shadow that followed Aldon around.

God, he didn't want to think of him. He closed his eyes and held Aldon tight, flush against him, as if the specter happened to be in the room with them now. Nuzzling Aldon, his lips drifted over his cheek and the corner of his mouth. He knew they had to go at some point, to pick up Rae, to get things done. Right now, though, they had this moment. This reprieve.

"I still have that earring, you know."

[Aldon Huang]

"Do you?" Aldon's eyes lazily opened finally, unable to bear not looking at Ryland. He was still a bit in disbelief that they had finally gotten to this point, when so much of their time together was spent drifting apart. Usually they were quick to break up and quick to make up, patching over the rough parts with physical intimacy as though merging their bodies could merge their incompatible viewpoints too.

Falling into bed together meant that they still wanted one another but that only brought more pain in the end. They both knew when the passion and the heat died down that the problems they ignored were still there. Those problems didn't go away just because they shallowly thought that they could kiss and make up and gloss over the real issues. If anything they compounded, problem after problem, until just like earlier they could barely stand to be in the same room together without someone setting the other one off.

In retrospect, though, it all seemed so childish. If only they'd talked sooner. If only they'd listened to each other—hell, to Alva if it came to that—instead of always trying to make themselves heard. Aldon felt silly now, and properly ashamed of himself. Hindsight was twenty-twenty though. It was easy to say, on this side of the epiphanies and revelations, that such-and-such was obvious, or that he ought to have done so-and-so. He didn't know if he could have made this breakthrough if not for all of his past breakdowns.

He touched Ryland's ear curiously. Obviously the earring wasn't in there now but he smiled because he liked the idea of Ryland keeping it despite their separation. That meant Ryland never got over him. Aldon never got over Ryland, either. "I have mine too. But..." He cupped Ryland's cheek to bring his lips closer, for another soft and slow kiss. "I was kinda thinking... of maybe getting something more um... meaningful? Like you know, something that makes us more... official."

[Ryland Ren]

Did he really have to repeat himself? Gently, he repeated it, his lips brushing Aldon's ear as he did so, whispering it like it was a secret meant for Aldon's ears only. Yes, he loved him. He never could stop loving him. Even if the relationship constantly kept hitting bumps and ended up on hold, didn't mean that the feelings weren't still there all along. Those kinds of feelings were hard to dissipate. Ryland tried; but he didn't think it was possible. Nobody in the world made him feel the way Aldon did and truthfully, when it came right down to it, he wasn't sure he wanted anybody else to.

Ryland let out a soft, shuddery breath as Aldon touched his ear. He had a fondness for ear touching, nibbling, lips, teeth, breath... His eyes half closed again and he shifted to hold Aldon a little tighter. Then they closed fully as Aldon kissed him and he felt like was floating, above the world, on top of the world. His lips curved into a smile and when their lips were no longer touching, he made sure their noses still brushed against one another.

Then his breath caught in the back of his throat and his gaze met Aldon's, completely taken aback, vulnerable in sudden hope and fear. Something more official? His heartbeat kicked up a notch and he had to remember to breathe again. Blinking, he shifted his head back so he could get a better look at Aldon and his whole expression. Was he saying what it sounded like he was saying? For some reason, it made Ryland's heart tremble, and in turn, his hands shook, too. Even his lips, his voice shook as he finally managed to speak, "What are you saying, Aldon?"

[Aldon Huang]

Well.

He sorta.

Was jumping the gun on this and nothing was set in stone, but Aldon had been mulling over the idea of 'something official' for a while—for himself and Gregg. He knew that he wanted Gregg in his life long-term and he knew that those feelings were reciprocated. Sure, they had their little tiffs sometimes and forever was never a guarantee but Aldon wanted to make a commitment and he wanted that to be reflected in a physical way, not merely in words.

He knew that he wanted Ryland in his life, too, the same way he wanted Gregg in it. Ryland had yet to meet Gregg, however, which potentially made everything uncertain but Aldon was nothing if not optimistic. There was room in his life for two life-long companions, wasn't there? And Ryland agreeing to Gregg did signal that he was somewhat interested in that other side of Aldon's life... Hopefully...

Aldon smiled at the unadulterated shock on Ryland's face. He grinned, feeling stupidly pleased with himself for putting that look there. He thought he even felt Ryland's tremors, saw the way his lips shook, and the grin grew. Evidently Ryland liked that idea! (Or else he would've slapped Aldon or shoved him off the couch.)

"Um just... I want to make a commitment. To you and... Gregg." There he stopped, looking guiltily at Ryland. That was going to either go over horribly or somewhat terribly, that his offer extended to two people. But Aldon couldn't see either of them missing from his life and he didn't think he could be just friends with one! "Ry... is that... okay?" He spoke haltingly, cupping Ryland's jaw in one hand, fearing the disappointment but also unable to look away.

"Just you and him though! Nobody else!" In case Ryland thought Aldon was going out and making offers to everybody he liked, which was NOT the case!

[Ryland Ren]

Surely, he was letting hope take over where it shouldn't. It just... it sounded an awful lot like... Maybe he wasn't, though. He tried to steady the beat of his heart, tried to control the way he acted outwardly by taking in a deep breath and steadying himself. It should have been a beautiful moment between the two of them but--then Gregg's name came up and the hope in his chest fell. Ah. Yes. How could he forget Gregg?

Just as he was about to withdraw, to push himself away and off the couch, Aldon seemed to sense the change in atmosphere and took his face in his hands. Ryland didn't meet his gaze at first, looking everywhere else, at his shoulder, past it, around the room. Eventually, his gaze skirted past Aldon's gaze and then back again, trying to regain his footing.

"I..."

What was meant to be reassurance somehow made things worse. Just him... and Gregg. But... what would stop Aldon's polyamorous heart from falling for another person? And another? When would it end? Ryland swallowed hard, through the plummeted hope and the confusion and the sting of betrayal. Why did Gregg keep having to come up?

His phone buzzed underneath him and he wriggled out from under Aldon and sat up, fishing his phone from the couch cushion. God, he could use a good distraction right now--and here it was.

"We... should talk about this later," he said. "We've got to go. Alva doesn't want to leave Rae alone, so..."

[Aldon Huang]

It had to be Gregg—he couldn't leave out Gregg. And Aldon knew that that bit of information would be badly received but he was also too honest not to let Ryland know. It would be worse in the long run to withhold that information and let Ryland think that he was the only one in on the deal (so to speak). Even Aldon knew that much, and he didn't need a wise brain like Alva's to realize it.

He didn't think that he could love anyone else, though, besides Ryland and Gregg. Aldon didn't think he was polyamorous. Maybe just Ryland-and-Gregg-amorous, if there was such a thing. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a crush on someone; all of his feelings were divided between the two. Aldon barely noticed other people and if they checked him out or flirted with him, he was never the one to initiate that kind of attention anymore. It used to be what he did to avoid taking the plunge with Ryland, and maybe those past ghosts were coming back to haunt him, but he was satisfied with what he had now, if he could have only Ryland and Gregg. His feelings for both were serious enough to warrant a ring.

But he saw the way that Ryland's expression fell and the way he avoided looking at Aldon, which was what he had been dreading and fearing. The truth was unpleasant. Their current reality was unpleasant. These problems were hurtful and sometimes there didn't seem to be a way around them but... they promised. Us problems. They agreed to talk things out whenever things like this happened, didn't they?

Before Aldon could say anything more, Ryland's phone went off and he was reminded of Rae and Alva waiting for them at the hospital. "Oh... oh yeah, right. Rae's still there!" Aldon's eyes widened. "And Josh! Oh my god!" He sat up hastily. Even if Alva's new boyfriend was there, if he got into a fight with Josh, people could still get hurt! It was just... everything seemed to be happening at once and Aldon had trouble keeping up. He did better with one thing at a time, instead of everything at the same time!

"We'll still talk about it right? Later?" He asked anxiously while wrestling with his wet shoes, having a hard time shoving his feet into them. Aldon looked up at Ryland and tried not to use his kicked puppy face. It didn't feel like a kicked puppy face moment somehow. There was nothing playful about the sense of urgency he felt and he was sure that if he was overwhelmed by... everything, Ryland might too. So... later then.

[Ryland Ren]

"Yeah!" Rae was still there and they had to go bring him clothes and all that... Ryland brushed a hand over his own head, trying to steel himself for the moment that they would have to revisit this conversation. Part of him was so elated at the thought of finally being committed. Ryland had plans for marriage and family in the future. Not like the near future but... He would like to have a child of his own one day. He didn't really know where Aldon stood in the regard but it seemed really weird to raise a kid in an environment with three men.

"Yeah," said again, less enthusiastically but he made sure to squeeze Aldon's wrist and smile, meeting his gaze so he knew he meant it. "We'll talk about it later."

They had to; even if this reprieve was welcome, it was just pushing back an important discussion that had to be done. They couldn't ignore the subject. That was the problem Ryland struggled with for years. It was the reason they couldn't ever keep their footing in a solid relationship.

"Anyway, Rae! We need to grab him something to wear," Ryland said. "Do you have anything he might fit in? Or should we stop by his place..."

It didn't seem all that ideal to stop by where Rae lived, in case Josh had gone back there. They lived together, right? Ryland didn't know. He had no idea what went on behind the scenes with those two; they weren't his friends. They were Aldon's friends.

"Or do you think I have something... Sweats maybe...?" He only had so many pairs of sweats but he had to have another pair. Aldon wasn't wearing the only pair he owned.

[Aldon Huang]

"Okay."

Aldon's smile was full of relief and a tenderness and gratefulness he had no words to express. Despite his obvious reluctance, Ryland wasn't shutting him out anymore! He was promising to talk about it later, at a more convenient time. Maybe when Rae wasn't knocked out and laying in a hospital bed, with Josh having been there and gone (supposedly). Aldon felt antsy whenever he thought about Rae and Josh these days. He was unsettled because he'd seen the way that Josh looked at Rae and he had seen that look before. That look spelled trouble.

But he also couldn't say anything to Rae because the first and last time he did—the only time he did—Rae got angry. Super defensive. Aldon didn't want to be throttled to death so he shut up pretty quickly but he had massive reservations regarding his two best friends. Lately, neither of them were themselves, which was a lonely and trying experience for Aldon since he was still wrestling with Ryland cutting him out of his life, and maybe needed his friends to rally around him.

The whole thing was a big tangled mess!

He brought his thoughts back to the present, onto clothes for Rae. "Rae's pretty tall, I don't know if your stuff will fit him. Um..." Aldon sighed and blew out a puff of air through pursed lips. "Maybe... we can go to Rae's house. His brother's built sorta like him. They know me, so I can get some stuff for Rae and get out, and then we can go to the hospital?"

[Ryland Ren]

"Oh... sure. Okay. That sounds fine."

Ryland didn't mean to sound reluctant or awkward but... The wolves weren't exactly that welcoming toward "lesser" creatures like fox shifters. Aldon would be there, though. They wouldn't do anything with him around and anyway, from what Ryland gathered, most of Rae's family weren't as hot-headed as he was.

Once they were ready to go, in whatever shoes and jackets they could find to fit Aldon, Ryland led the way out and down into the lobby again, looking markedly at the spot of water where the two of them had fallen. At least that brought some light back into the situation and he hid a smile as he lifted up his hand and pretended to scratch a light itch on the tip of his nose.

Grabbing clothes ended up being a pretty mundane affair and all that was left was to head out to the hospital, where they spent the night taking turns watching to see if Rae woke up.

[Good place to end or one more post?]

[Aldon Huang]

"Okay! Let's get going!"

Aldon was less apprehensive than Ryland was, for the obvious reason that he was a wolf and he was accepted amongst the werewolf community. In fact, he was quite popular! (But he wasn't telling anyone that sometimes people mistook him for Roe...) At any rate, he was in no danger and Rae's family already knew him well enough. Bundled into another taxi, Aldon spent the majority of the time resisting the urge to bring up Gregg and instead filled the silence again with unceasing chatter.

It turned out that Rae's family had no real feelings one way or another towards Ryland, and Aldon suspected that was because they were still in mourning. Losing a loved one was bad enough but Andrew Ryang had been the alpha. He ducked his head politely to Rae's mom and then tore around Rae's room grabbing anything he could lay hands on. Without much incident, they made it to the hospital where a nurse named Nancy was waiting for them, seated inside of Rae's hospital room with a book in her hands.

After she left, Aldon sank onto the couch placed conveniently nearby for visitors and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Finally!" He exclaimed, looking over Rae with an unpracticed eye. Looked bad to Aldon, but he had also seen Rae in various shades of bruised and beaten too many times to be genuinely concerned. They said Rae only had a broken arm and some bruises, plus a concussion but otherwise, he was okay. No major organ damage, at least! And he would recover quickly and be his old angry punch-prone self again!

For a long moment, Aldon eyed Ryland. He opened his mouth again, with Gregg on the tip of his tongue, then shut it. "I'll take first watch," he offered as he stood up to let Ryland have the couch. Not yet. This wasn't the time to bring up Gregg yet. Aldon got comfortable in a chair instead and spent most of the night looking at Ryland... because he knew what Rae looked like and it wasn't as if staring at Rae like a lovelorn puppy would make him heal up any faster!

[End it here and on to more DRAMA later!]