Tell me all the ways to love you

[Aldon Huang]

It was just like it always was. Aldon never knew what to do. Everything he did seemed to be wrong and nobody ever told him what the right thing to do was. Was he not supposed to be upset? Was he supposed to laugh along when he didn't know what was funny?

Was Ryland the only one allowed to be offended or upset?

His reactions stemmed from honest feelings and it just... felt to him like when Ryland got mad at him for reacting, he was getting mad at Aldon for having feelings at all. Or for having the wrong feelings... But who determined which feelings were right and which were wrong?

See, Aldon, he was an open book. He didn't have that sly streak in him to be able to hide his thoughts or feelings, or to make people think that he felt one way when he really felt another. He wasn't the type to read a situation and just know what to do or how to react or what to say. He was pretty dumb. Really dumb. He needed a lot of things spelled out for him not because he wasn't trying to understand, but because he simply didn't. He didn't understand subtleties. And Ryland was a man of subtleties, a man of complex emotions and motivations.

Aldon had grown a little since they last met but he was so slow at it. It took someone with the literal patience of a saint to put up with him, to help guide him towards clarity. Now he thought that he had a better understanding of himself but he was far from being an expert. And he was scared, skittish, and with his worst fears materializing before his eyes, he felt that same fear creeping over him again. It made him want to close up. It made him want to run away again, hide, curl up and protect himself from a threat that he didn't know how to combat or even begin to identify.

As Ryland's phone went off, Aldon hugged himself. He was still soaked and shivering a bit despite the warmth of the cab, which was now deadly silent. The driver was steadfastly ignoring them, probably as weirded out as they were about the sudden shift in the atmosphere. Aldon nodded to the message that Alva wanted Ryland to relay, and then—

It was just like Ryland to do that. Ryland was always the one doing the breaking up, shutting everything down when things didn't go his way, turning his back and walking away without the option of talking things out or working through their misunderstandings. It had to be Ryland's way or no way at all.

Aldon looked at him for a long moment, and he was sure that the stark hurt he felt was more than reflected in his expression and in his eyes. If he looked as if someone had struck him full in the face, that was because it felt like it. It felt like he'd been slapped hard by Ryland's words. Ryland agreed to meet with Gregg. He agreed to meet with Aldon. He kissed Aldon like all was forgiven and he gave Aldon hope that he might be ready to work things out. Aldon didn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. And now, after he'd filled Aldon with all that happiness, he was yanking the rug out from under him and slamming the door shut in his face.

Slowly and wordlessly, Aldon curled up into himself and leaned into the door, resting his shoulder against the window. He looked away. Outside. Tried to make as tight of a ball as he could, as though he could curl up small enough to become invisible. As if he could contain the pain if he surrounded it with his body.

He felt so small in that moment. After everything Ryland said, after he admitted that he was in the wrong for things Aldon still didn't quite understand... it was still Aldon's fault. It was Aldon's fault all along. And Ryland, in walking away, was leaving him with the blame—with guilt: Look what you made me do. Things would be okay if not for your actions.

Ryland gave himself an out...

But what about Aldon?

[Ryland Ren]

What? What did he say? Aldon looked like he had been slapped as he stared back at Ryland like he couldn't believe he said what he said. What? Go back to work? Well, what else was he supposed to do? Sit here in silence? Alva said to do something else but Ryland didn't see what else he was supposed to do. The sheer happiness of seeing Aldon again had vanished as quickly as it appeared; the cracks in their old foundation were still there. Nothing had been fixed or resolved, and why should it be? They separated and lived different lives, they didn't work on anything together.

Ryland pressed his forehead against the window, acutely aware of the distance between them now, both on opposite ends of the backseat. The rain was still coming down hard as ever and the wind sounded like moaning old men as it roared past them, lightly shaking the relatively small vehicle.

Why was Aldon so... hurt? Were they supposed to just... hang out until Rae was awake? And do what? Ryland's skin prickled uncomfortably and it made him restless. Part of him wanted to just open the car door and roll out into the mud; that was how much more preferable it was to escape the situation than it was to try and face it head on.

And he couldn't even bear to look at Aldon now. There were no words, he had no idea what to say anymore. It was like trying to comfort a stranger. Worse still, it was like trying to comfort somebody with a long history with him and he still didn't know what he was meant to do. It was easier when they were a couple. Ryland could get away with belly rubs as apologies for stuffing his foot in his mouth or doing some incomprehensible thing. If Aldon didn't understand, Ryland didn't understand either. It definitely was a case of massive miscommunication.

Maybe they just weren't... supposed to be a thing. Ryland breathed on the glass and drew a frowny face in the fog. On top of being wet, now he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Normally, that meant shifting, running off the weird energy. Now it just meant desperately trying not to squirm wildly in his seat.

This is so stupid. He didn't understand where it went wrong. They were so giddy before. Then... then Ryland made the mistake of laughing. That's where it led back to. How? He was just relieved. Maybe some of that giddiness from being outside in the cold and kissing contributed to it. And then... bam. Blow it back in his face. Ryland drew a big line through the face in the window before pressing his forehead against it again, closing his eyes as if he could will himself into an easier situation.

[Aldon Huang]

"I just wanted to see you again."

Aldon's breath fogged the window as he spoke to it, with his cheek pressed up against the cold glass. Not a good idea given that he was shivering already, but it was the furthest he could get from Ryland without opening the door and throwing himself out onto the cold, hard pavement. Going splat was an unattractive option, however, and Aldon had no desire to die despite having already died on the inside.

"I thought... we could talk. You said you wanted to see Gregg so I thought... maybe... you wanted to understand what I was feeling."

He shrugged listlessly and watched the raindrops sheeting against the window, battering it from the outside. Why was he even talking? He didn't know. Just talking to fill the silence. Talking because this was probably the last time Ryland and he would meet in person and he might as well unburden himself of his thoughts while he could. After they got out of the taxi, Ryland was under no obligation to ever listen to him again but while they were trapped here, he had no choice.

So what the hell. What did he have to lose?

"I thought you wanted to understand me better. I thought you were... giving me a chance to understand you better too. I don't understand you. I don't know why I always make you mad. I want to know. I feel like I could if I had some time but..."

[Ryland Ren]

Yeah. Well. Ryland didn't know what he wanted. He thought he wanted to talk to Aldon over the phone and they ended up in a weird argument. And he thought he wanted to see him, even if he was all nerves the whole time he waited for him. But then they ended up in another stupid argument. And Ryland withdrew when an argument ensued. He was the one that grew so frustrated with his inability to communicate his feelings that he left. He was the one who slammed the door and headed out just to get away. Ryland was an avoider. He had always been that way; he didn't like it when things were no longer easy. As soon as things got hard, he couldn't handle it.

Like right now. He felt hot from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He was too aware of his bodily self and he didn't want to be. He wanted to slough it off and just run it off. Run until all that was left was the burn of his lungs and the beat of his heart. Concentrate on the pounding of feet on ground.

And yes, they were supposed to talk. But about... what, exactly? Ryland frowned at his split-faced frowny face in the window. Ryland still had zero desire to meet Gregg. How could he tell Aldon that he only said it for Alva? Why did he even take that advice, anyway? Maybe it would work for Alva, but Alva and Ryland were two different people and Ryland wasn't ready for fucking Gregg. Even now, his eyebrows twitched slightly, irritated by the name and pulling back the desire to shout that he never made any decision about Gregg. That was all Alva. Ryland didn't even have a ready excuse for saying he wanted to meet him, so he remained silent and brooding, irritated with both himself and with his cousin.

Okay, so Rae the cheater was more easily forgiven? Maybe that was because Alva and Rae learned something. Maybe they were in a different place, emotionally, mentally. Maybe they were just different people. But Ryland wasn't Alva and Aldon certainly wasn't Rae. Shit that worked for Alva wouldn't necessarily work for them. Damn it! Why was he so irritated now?

Part of him just wanted Aldon to shut up. And part of him was still listening, listening, waiting for something to make sense, waiting for something he could actually say out loud without making things worse, waiting for something he actually had answers to. But he didn't, really.

"I did want to understand you better." Ryland drew vampire teeth on his window face. "Do want to. But I don't. I get you were worried about me but... what? Would it be better if I was actually crying? It's like... everything seemed fine... then I laugh and it offends you."

He fell silent a long moment, then dropped his hand into his lap.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I'm already full of nerves and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make you feel better about... about anything."

He finally turned away from the window to look at Aldon, all curled into himself like an orphaned puppy. It wasn't as if he didn't feel for Aldon. But he was frustrated. He didn't like what he saw and it made him want to withdraw in order to protect himself. It seemed Aldon was the same and they weren't helping each other.

"Missing you..." he said reluctantly. "And loving you... doesn't mean..." He didn't want to say it aloud. So he just shook his head and looked down at the expanse of seat between them. "Maybe you should just stick with Gregg."

[Aldon Huang]

"I wasn't offended." Aldon tracked the progress of a single drop of water as it slanted across the window. It joined another droplet and became a bigger droplet, slid down faster, joined another, slid faster, careened out of control. That was just like them. One small thing happened that could have maybe been stopped or resolved, but then another small thing happened, and another, and everything snowballed.

"I thought you were crying and I was scared that I did something wrong. I don't want to make you cry. I want to... to... make you happy. I just... it's... it threw me off to think you were crying, that's all. I wasn't mad or anything."

They used to be able to tease each other mercilessly. Aldon would decry Ryland's 'meanness' and Ryland would be even more 'mean.' It would be a fun game. Like how Ryland used to pounce on him and scare the crap out of him—and back then Aldon called him mean too, and Ryland only laughed. Was smug. Owned his meanness and dared Aldon to get him back for the little prank. Things were fun, lighter back then. Being mean wasn't a bad thing—it was an invitation.

He breathed on the window again and doodled a little puppy. And beside that, something with a long bushy tail and a sharp muzzle.

"How come you always walk away?" No accusation in his tone—just... bewilderment, perhaps. Curiosity. They'd never really talked before without it escalating into an argument. Aldon was sad and tired, though. Too tired to argue. Not too tired to talk. Too tired to look inward at the hurt and to sustain himself—feed himself—on the sense of injury he perceived as being heaped onto him.

Not too tired to want to understand Ryland better, in some last-ditch effort to gain a little more closure on what appeared to be the finale of their ill-fated love story.

[Ryland Ren]

Now they were so hurt that even light comments were taken the wrong way. Laughter was taken the wrong way. It hurt to think that they used to be able to jest without worrying over causing damage. Ryland in laughing, caused concern. Aldon in trying to jest, caused withdrawal. Well meant words, crushed and twisted through the fractured lenses of a less than pleasant past. Ryland hated it. All it did was pressure him low to the ground, unable to breathe, unable to move freely, to be himself. He felt like Aldon was the same.

Ouch. Ryland physically winced at Aldon's pointblank question. Slowly, he breathed in, let it out on a sigh before reaching up the side of his pounding head. Why did he always walk away? Aldon was probably asking now because he sensed Ryland's withdrawal. If he weren't trapped in a car with him, they both knew how this would have ended. He supposed Aldon had nothing to lose in asking now.

"Because I have to get away." Ryland had already touched upon this in their texts together, when talking about why he always initiated stupid breakups, stupid excuses to extricate himself from situations that made him wholly uncomfortable. Ryland was an avoider. Strong emotions like falling in love so deeply with somebody scared him, too. Knowing he held a kind of power over somebody else scared him. It didn't give him any kind of satisfaction to know that with one misspoken sentence, he could crush Aldon, send him into a corner, scare him off. Sometimes, Ryland had to head him off at the pass. If he was going to hide, then Ryland was going to run first. He didn't want to see it, that look in Aldon's eyes every time he hurt him.

"It's better than hurting you." He shifted his weight slightly, uncomfortable. "Or me."

[Aldon Huang]

"From me?" Aldon began, but quieted to let Ryland talk. They didn't do enough of that, he thought—let each other talk. Listen. Not immediately leap to conclusions, not storm to their feet in indignation, not fully understanding the situation or even what the problem was. They both thought they knew. Oh, they were so clever, weren't they?

He stayed quiet until Ryland had stopped speaking, and then let out a sigh. A quiet sigh. Quiet, quiet, still and subdued, Aldon wasn't acting like Aldon but that probably wasn't a bad thing. Aldon was the one who leapt onto people and demanded hugs. Aldon was the one who sent confusing signals too, acting as if he was ready to tumble back in time while inside he was still shivering and scared and not prepared. How did he expect Ryland to act? Ryland even tried to restrain himself and Aldon harangued him. That was the old Aldon, the one who had to have things his way or he would pout and wheedle and whine until he got it. It wasn't a new Aldon, not an Aldon awakened to the truth of his own faults. He thought he was... he thought he'd made some small breakthroughs, but...

Who was really at fault?

"It hurts the most when you walk away."

He SQUEAKED and SQUEAKED against the cheap plastic seat of the taxi as he shifted back. Away from the window and its blurry wolf-and-fox doodle and back to Ryland. The sound was loud and obnoxious—everything that Aldon was. Even the driver looked back at him, glared at him like he thought Aldon was doing something unspeakable to the interior of his cab, but then turned around and muttered something to himself in a foreign language.

"Every time you walk away I... I get so scared." After a small moment's debate, he curled up against Ryland and laid his head against Ryland's shoulder. Now he was looking out of the front of the taxi, at the wipers working double-time to clear the water off of the glass. Comfort—he wanted to have it but also, for once not selfishly, to give it.

"How can I make you not walk away? Not want to walk away? How can I make you stay?"

[Ryland Ren]

"Oh."

Walking away hurt him the most. So trying to save him from hurt only made it worse. Honestly, it made it worse for Ryland, too. Running away without resolving anything resulted in more hurt. When they stopped communicating, the only thing they had left to do was wonder and agonize over what went wrong, how to fix it, if it could be fixed, and feel worse over all. All the questions they held inside were left there because the other person was missing. Who was left to ask when one of them kept walking away?

Ryland swallowed past a lump in his throat, then picked at a hole in the knee of his pants. Then looked up again as Aldon loudly squeaked his way over to him. Despite it being a laughable moment, Ryland was completely somber as he watched him this time. The nerves had been replaced with a heaviness that no longer leant itself to laughter of any kind, nervous or otherwise.

An argument welled up in his chest but Ryland bit his tongue, eyes still on Aldon. I get scared too. But it wasn't just about him. Aldon was scared and he was telling him why. He was scared of Ryland walking away. Even now, and... could Ryland say it wasn't a valid fear to have? Especially since he was pretty quick to leap to that choice? Why wouldn't that weird lump go away? He felt awful but he felt slightly better when Aldon curled up against him instead of the other end of the backseat. After a moment, Ryland gently brushed Aldon's damp hair from his eyes.

"Good question."

Ryland didn't even know the answer to that. Had Aldon ever succeeded in keeping Ryland from leaving? No. Aldon was kind of a... doormat. It was probably the fear letting it happen. Instead of continuing to argue and potentially saying horrible things they couldn't take back, Ryland chose to run off. He also did it to hide his real emotions. If he had to have a cry or needed to kick at the air or run and run and run until he was too tired to let that heavy feeling settle in, then he was gone. If he told Aldon to grab him and stop him, would it work? Or would it just incense Ryland further? Trap them both?

"I'm not sure it's a you problem, Aldon." He was almost afraid to make light of the situation but he half smiled and joked anyway, "Maybe you have to sit on me and force me to tell you what's wrong." He turned Aldon's face up so he could look him in the eyes. "That's a joke, by the way."

[Aldon Huang]

Ryland ran because he was scared and Aldon was scared because Ryland ran. It was a terrible cycle to be trapped in and neither of them knew what to do to break it. Maybe at one point they could have talked things out. Maybe in the early days of their relationship it could have been easier to put the brakes on and to not let everything escalate to the way it was now.

They were in love but sometimes love wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to rely on their passionate feelings for each other to carry them through the hard times. Aldon didn't do so well with strife either. He was too quick to be injured, too sensitive. He didn't have the words to express himself—and neither did Ryland. When they needed to communicate, they misunderstood and let those misunderstandings fester. Everything was worse in their respective minds. Things got blown out of proportion—things that were small and insignificant, that could be cleared up by talking it out, just like the moment earlier when Ryland laughed and Aldon thought he was crying.

Aldon snuggled against Ryland, glad that he wasn't being pushed away physically. He reached up to touch Ryland's hand when it came up to push his hair back, just to reassure himself that they were touching again and that this moment was real. It was. It was too real. Aldon wondered what it meant that after being together for all these years, this was the first real, genuine, heartfelt conversation that they'd had. What did it say about them that they knew each other so intimately when it came to the physical aspect of their relationship, but emotionally... they were strangers?

He looked up as Ryland tipped his face up and while there was no smile for Ryland's little joke on his lips, in his heart there was a kind of understanding. A nascent feeling of closeness welled up, strange and foreign and new. He had always been glued to Ryland—and even now was curled up beside him—but he had never known this kind of emotional connection before. It was a powerful sensation but also a little frightening, if he had to be honest. Aldon always thought that physical intimacy meant emotional intimacy too, that the two were linked, but this was different...

"What if... what if we made it an 'us' problem?" He reached up to cup Ryland's cheek, and then sat up a little bit to get even closer to him. To see him as he was, flaws and all, finally exposed for the very first time. And Aldon, he was vulnerable too, still scared but beginning to maybe see a little glimmer of light at the end of the long tunnel. "Do you think we can do that?"

[Ryland Ren]

If it was a "Ryland" problem, how did he deal with it? He was thinking it when Aldon drew closer, his hand cupping his cheek. Ryland closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, aware of how he missed Aldon's touch. They really were a strange pair. People said it all the time but he laughed it off. Ryland did a lot of that--laughing things off. It was easier than squinting too hard at everything and trying to disassemble it, strip it to the core. For somebody that did a lot of thinking, though, he was realizing he didn't do half as much of it in regards to Aldon as he needed to. Or not in a way that lent itself to solutions.

An "us" problem, though... Ryland opened his eyes.

"How?" he asked, genuinely curious. How did they make it an us problem? Ryland bit his lower lip in thought. Then his gaze met Aldon's and he worried that his innocent question was going to end up making Aldon feel bad or stupid for trying to come up with a solution. "Not that I--What I mean is..." How? "I'm not sure what I mean..."

[Aldon Huang]

To Aldon, an 'us' problem meant that it wasn't a Ryland problem or an Aldon problem. It wasn't a problem that had a person at fault and one who was victimized. It was a problem, plain and simple, that could be worked on—if not solved—together, with the common goal of finding a middle ground that both parties could agree on. An 'us' problem was a problem that only needed a solution, not finger-pointing or blame-casting or someone throwing up their hands and ending it all even before they explored their options.

Now... how did he explain that coherently and cohesively to Ryland?

For a moment Aldon allowed himself to think. He shut his mouth and let his brain do the leg work. Or... something like that. He thought and thought and thought, he studied Ryland's handsome, achingly familiar face. Then he smiled, just a little smile, but a proud one.

"We can... talk. Just like we're doing now. And-and make the problem about the problem, not... not just about one person. You know?" Was he making sense? Aldon worried his lower lip anxiously as he tried to think of a clearer explanation but he didn't know if there was one. "Um. We can... compromise!" Or try to, anyway. Their relationship dynamic was built around trying to get the other to give in and cave and while that was fine and good for some things, for the serious issues they were probably better off... not being willful in that manner.

[Ryland Ren]

Ryland waited, searching Aldon's gaze even as Aldon studied him. What was he thinking about? Was he thinking about the problem? The "us" problem? Could it be made into a problem for both of them if it was just Ryland doing the running? Could Aldon really fix it? Because Ryland thought it seemed like something he alone had to work on, now that it was brought to his attention. If he didn't, well, then. He wasn't trying very hard, was he? And Alva said something about fighting to the death for some things.

That made him feel ten times more guilty. He never really did fight for the two of them, did he? No, he just let Aldon slip from his fingers whenever things became mildly uncomfortable, thinking--believing--that when the weirdness blew over, there Aldon would be, back at his door. For a while, there was no reason to think otherwise because that was precisely how it worked. But he would have to be a real moron to think it would always work that way. They couldn't be fifty and still playing these games.

"Aldon..."

How did he go from smiling to worried like that? Ryland must have done a number on him. He brushed the hairs at Aldon's temple with his fingertips, almost absently.

"So if the problem is me taking off... we talk. About the problem. Which is me running off."

At first, it sounded ridiculous echoing in his ears but then he thought he sort of understood it better. When Aldon said to make it about the problem--that part was genius. In fact, it was so genius, it was hard to believe it came from Aldon... Not that he thought Aldon was so dumb and incapable but just that... it was really as simple as that. And jumping off that simple premise, talking about the problem--which in this case, could be Ryland running off--wasn't talking about the running part. It was talking about why he was feeling the need to run in the first place.

A slow smile spread across his face, like the sun had finally cleared away some of the emotions clouding his judgment. He leaned in and kissed Aldon, even if it was a weird sort of upside down kiss.

"You're a genius."

[Aldon Huang]

"Y...yeah."

It sounded kinda dumb if Ryland put it that way but in Aldon's head it was clear and made sense. They needed to talk. They needed to look at the issue objectively, instead of subjectively. They had to realize that a problem wasn't exclusively one person's—that in a relationship, it took two to create a problem and two to resolve it. So far they had only been doing things alone, in a one-sided manner, and how could that ever be expected to work when it involved both of them?

One person couldn't reach a satisfactory compromise without consulting the other person!

But as it appeared that Ryland wasn't on board with his idea, Aldon began to doubt himself again. He nervously looked at the taxi driver, like he could contribute something. He didn't. Didn't even look at them, stared ahead at the road. No help there... When he looked back, Ryland was still thinking. But then he smiled! The light bulb flickered on and then Aldon knew that he understood at last.

Aldon's own smile grew again at the sight of Ryland smiling. Yes! He got the gist of what Aldon was saying, didn't he? It seemed that he did and he even praised Aldon for it, although the kiss was a far more preferable reward than the recognition of his genius. Aldon outright grinned and it felt rusty, like his face had forgotten how to move the muscles to express that much joy.

"I am!" He declared with a complete lack of humbleness, throwing his arms around Ryland and hugging him tight. "We'll get it right this time, Ry. I think... No, I know we can. Right?" Aldon pulled back to look at him, still a little giddy. He felt like they had just made a breakthrough. Somehow, all of the hurt feelings had gone away and instead, optimism moved in and took root. It would be a lot of work, but Aldon thought that he could handle it. This was worth working for.

[Ryland Ren]

"All right, Bighead, don't give yourself too much credit."

Ryland could have come to the same conclusion over time! Or Alva would have drummed it into his head. Or something. But Ryland was still smiling; he wasn't annoyed. More amused than anything. Relieved. Glad to be less stuck in his own world and nursing imagined wounds. Glad that Aldon wasn't hiding away from him like a puppy afraid he would be struck if he did the wrong thing one more time. Yikes.

"Oof!"

All right, so he missed this. The sudden bursts of affection, the tight hugs that made him squeeze out a laugh even though the air was being strangled out of him... Ryland felt more like himself when he was grinning from ear to ear with an Aldon squeezing him than he did imagining himself rolling out of a car door. He wrapped his arms around Aldon in response and squeezed him tight too, in response.

"Right!"

Did this mean they were on again? He didn't know. He still wasn't behind this whole Gregg thing but maybe he didn't even really have to acknowledge him. If it was Aldon's prerogative to have two lovers, Ryland didn't have to be with the other guy. He kept calling it a three-way but he was under no obligations to make that happen. Anyway, at the moment, there were more pressing matters. Like...

"I want to change out of these wet clothes and Rae's asleep so......"

[Aldon Huang]

"Oof!"

A hug for a hug, both tight and both expressing far more affection than had been shown in the past year. Aldon missed this so much. These gestures were a part of him--literally, a part of him. They formed his identity as an over-affectionate person and it was really killing him that he couldn't bound up and grab Ryland and swing him around, or even just... sidle up to him and hold his hand. It killed him that he was so afraid to be himself for fear of upsetting Ryland.

Now things seemed brighter for the future. There were no promises made but now they at least had a plan! And Ryland was happy, Aldon was happy, things worked out despite a rough start. He was glad for his big mouth now! if he hadn't just started talking out of nowhere, maybe they'd both be rolling out of the cab now, in a desperate bid to escape.

"Oh what? Rae's asleep?" Oh yeah--Rae. The reason he came down here in the first place. Riiight... Rae. Who had gotten beaten up, from what Josh tersely described before abruptly cutting off their conversation. Aldon didn't even know where Josh went or how long he would be gone. Things didn't seem to rosy with them but Aldon sorta didn't expect them to last. Josh was... Josh. There was no other word to describe him other than Josh. And Rae was clearly hurting in every way.

Aldon wished that he could have done more for his friends--both of them, really--but nobody came to him for help. He also wasn't amazing at giving advice. That was sorta Alva's thing. Aldon was used to being given advice and then completely ignoring it because in the moment he had no control over himself.Oh, well. It sounded like Rae was physically okay, at least.

"Um. Should we... go back to your place?" Aldon gazed owlishly at Ryland; he didn't dare to think what he just thought but he did. He did! He couldn't stop himself!

Belly rubs!