That bad type

[Alva Ren]

Alva wasn't sitting there moping and feeling sorry for himself--only sorry for the situation that they were in. He stared at the taxi through the rain as his thoughts meandered and wandered away. What was he doing? He was being stupid. He was getting carried away because it had been so long since he'd even seen Rae, much less spoken to him or touched him. He missed Rae. There wasn't a day that passed by that Alva didn't think of him because--yes, okay, in all truth he wasn't over Rae.

How could he be? Things ended when Alva wasn't ready for them to end.

Then they found other people, and well-meaning friends kept telling him that they saw Rae and Josh around town, kept updating him on the whereabouts and goings on as though they expected him to even want to know. There was never any closure there, no way to move on despite the fact that he rebounded immediately with Susumu.

He was jolted out of his own thoughts by a hand on the chair, as it wheeled around suddenly. Alva started, put out a hand to guide the chair forward without Rae having to use so much energy to move it. "Sor--" he began, shut his mouth almost immediately. "Thank you. I'll... I got it." 

Under the awning, he felt more like himself and less like a husk. Just the act of moving and doing things brought him back, but Rae... Needed him. Said it out loud, in words, with his own two lips. Needed him. Alva came here to help Rae. Because he was so convinced that Rae needed him.

"...yes. I'm here." He put a hand only briefly onto Rae's forearm and gave it a squeeze. "I'll be here for as long as you need me." Yes. He was here to help Rae, not to indulge in wallowing in his own mistakes. Alva slicked back his hair--he didn't dare touch Rae's now--and looked beyond him into the hospital reception area.

"Come on Rae. Let's get you checked in. And... thank you." For being there for Alva in that moment, when he needed someone to guide him back.

[Reagan Ryang]

Alva felt so far away, like even though he was right there, he was somewhere else. Some place that Rae couldn't reach. He didn't know where Alva went, if he was thinking about them or if he was thinking about the witch. Did it matter, though? Rae couldn't read his mind and maybe he didn't really want to.

And there Alva went, saying things Rae didn't deserve. As long as he needed him. What if that was a lifetime? Could he be that greedy? To hold onto Alva forever, even when they were with different people? Would it help them move on or would it hinder them? Did they want to move on? Rae could only answer for himself; he didn't really know where Alva was. It sounded a lot like it mattered, though, what Rae thought. Felt. Alva stumbled over himself with apologies and pleas... Rae should have been happy. It should have given him a sense of power.

It didn't.

"For what?" Why was Alva always saying the shit that Rae should be saying? Apologizing and thanking, those were things Rae ought to have been doing. If anybody here should be, it wasn't Alva. Alva, who showed up to help Rae in a dark moment of his life. Now it felt like Alva was slipping away from him. Did he regret it? Coming here? Seeing him? All Rae wanted was that moment of comfort back again, when they were both smiling and they were talking about going out to the trail together. He wanted that back. Not this... this hell. Where they talked as if they barely knew one another, where everything was stiff, awkward.

"Alva," he started but somebody was coming out to greet them, clearly disturbed by the pair waiting outside the entrance and obviously in some need of aid. Questions were launched at them, who was the patient, what happened, blah, blah, blah. Rae was swept away into the normal hospital procedures. It turned out he really did need Alva because there was no way his useless hand was writing anything down on their paperwork.

After an exhausting whirlwind of tests and x-rays, Rae finally found himself alone with Alva again. And it was hard. Time had stretched into eternity and Rae kept thinking back to when they were really okay and then to when it felt like it wasn't anymore. Rae was silent, listening to the hospital sounds outside the room. And then:

"You never answered the question."

[Alva Ren]

"Just..." He couldn't say what he thanked Rae for. He was simply thankful that Rae was here and that he trusted Alva, listened to him, let him lead him out of the shelter and into a taxi. He was thankful that Rae let him in and didn't shut him out and let Alva comfort him instead of pushing him away. Alva was thankful for the fact that Rae seemed to have changed so much for the better. He was grateful that Rae listened to his true inner voice--the voice of reason--instead of giving in to anger.

Before either of them could say or do anything, they were shown in and nurses were crowding. Forms had to be filled out--Alva slightly blanked at the question of his relationship to 'the patient' and half-wildly scribbled down 'friend'--and then Rae was taken away to be looked over by the next available doctor. They saw the blood and gashes on him, especially the ones on his head, and were alarmed, as they should have been.

Alva dealt with the paperwork as best as he could, robotically listened to nurses who walked him through Procedures and then was shown into a room to wait for Rae to come out of Testing and Examination. He sat on the chair next to the empty bed to wait and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling haggard and... old. Sad. As if the confession of being in a relationship spelled the death of anything that might spark again between himself and Rae.

He gave thought again to Rae's response when he brought up Josh. Rae seemed defeated and didn't want to talk about it but Alva still didn't know what they were. To Rae it seemed that they were serious and that was in keeping with what Alva knew about him. Rae was the settling down type, surprising to everyone who didn't know him. That meant he was serious about Josh and Alva long suspected that there were unacknowledged feelings between them.

Now, though? What about now? Was Rae over Josh? Or was he still mired in hurt, which was a reflection of the feelings he still harbored for him?

Alva couldn't answer those questions alone, though. He had to wait for Rae, who was brought in some time later, looking slightly better but covered in bandages and with his arm in a cast. They went through another slew of Explanations before they were left alone and Rae brought up his question of... hours ago. Days ago maybe--it felt like days, anyway. Even after all this time, Alva still didn't really know.

"Just..." he began again, same as last time, looking at the plain white sheets stretched over the narrow hospital bed. "I guess... for... being here. For being you again. For... letting me be me."

[Reagan Ryang]

Huh?

Rae blinked, realizing that his question had been far too open for Alva to understand what he meant. There was a different question, one that Rae asked far earlier, one that Alva never properly answered. He already understood the why of Alva thanking him. It took some thought as he was run through tests and hooked up to saline drips and all that. But he thought he understood that part. Still, he remained silent as Alva explained himself. Then he struggled to sit up, crossing his legs in the hospital bed as he turned to face Alva.

A slight laugh. "That's not what I meant..."

Confusion made sense, though. Rae did kind of just launch into the question without context. It was a wonder Alva even remembered the last part of their conversation, after all the examinations and waiting around. They were both dog tired, he could tell. Emotionally drained, physically drained. Rae wanted nothing more than to lie down and just sleep away all the bad feelings, to wake up feeling the way Alva always did. Like everything was new and fresh with the latest sunrise.

"You never said you loved him."

[Alva Ren]

"Oh!" Alva sat up straighter, flushing slightly at his silly assumption. What question did Rae mean then? There were lots of questions that Alva failed to answer, because he didn't know himself or couldn't supply the answer to. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, embarrassed that he'd launched into a whole explanation of a question Rae didn't need the answer to!

But--oh. That.

That...

He meant Susumu, didn't he? Rae wasn't asking about Alva's dad or about Ryland. Alva's lips pressed together as though he needed to form a physical barrier to prevent the words from coming out. He wondered why Rae wanted to know but then he already knew the answer to that, didn't he? Because Alva wanted to know, too, about Rae and... Josh. How much did Rae love Josh? How deep did those feelings go? Same things Rae probably wanted to know about him and Susumu. Because he couldn't let go. Rae, Alva, they couldn't seem to let go.

"You never said you loved him either," he mumbled, stalling for time. Well, Rae outright said he didn't want to see Josh at the moment but that could be exhaustion or anger that Josh was nowhere to be found. Only Alva came to get him. Ryland looked out for him. Aldon agreed to take him in.

Where the heck was Josh? Where did he fit in in all of this?

"I'll... tell you if you tell me."

[Reagan Ryang]

Wince. Why didn't he see this backfiring on him? Of course Alva the fox was going to bandy the question right back at him... And he had every right to. There was a lot they didn't understand about what was going on when they weren't together. Rae swallowed hard and shifted his weight slightly, carefully moving his shitty arm into his lap, like that would stall for time, too. Like he didn't know that Alva was stalling. They were both doing it... Didn't that say everything?

"I was at that club to find out if he loved me."

Just saying it out loud made him want to squirm. Rae was growing, but it didn't mean he was suddenly sprung anew overnight. There were still things that made him was uncomfortable to talk about, especially chatting nonchalantly about how he felt about people. It was easy when it was just him and Alva. And it might have taken a little time for the words to form but once they were out there and they were received with a mutual feeling, it made it so much less daunting. After that, he could say it freely to Alva, not feeling a fool every time he did.

Josh, though, was another animal entirely. Rae didn't know if it was the feral side of him or what. But Rae was feral and he wasn't nearly as... wild. He was wild in his own way but he definitely didn't have the same cruel streak he saw in Josh sometimes. But he did sort of admire Josh for his strength, what felt to him like real, raw strength. His ability to let nothing get to him... Rae was envious sometimes. He wished he could be that cool about things, but he was the opposite of cool, wasn't he? Not as in lame, but Rae burned hot where Josh ran cold.

"I love him," he confessed, "but I hate him, too."

There was no point in pussyfooting around or lying. Truth was, if he didn't love Josh so much, he wouldn't have been able to break the way he did last night. He wouldn't be in this condition if he didn't give a shit or if his feelings weren't strong enough to be hit so hard once he realized things were upside down, lopsided. Not where he thought they were, not stable the way Rae needed it to be. He could only take so much of the head games and the casual crap. Rae was a lover with his whole heart and he expected the same in return. Stupidly, he mistook Josh's passion in the moment for something it wasn't.

"I hate him so much," he whispered fiercely, trying to bandage up that ugly throb in his chest. He studied Alva for a moment, then sighed, bone deep.

"The witch. If he cares... if he really..." He lowered his gaze. "Not gonna lie, it pisses me off. But I get it." He looked up again, feeling the weight of sadness falling over him again. "If you love him... you..."

[Alva Ren]

Hate, love, they were the same, really, rooted in strong emotions. Hate and love both moved people--moved them as people--to be the worst and the best that they could be. Loving someone took courage. Hating someone did too, if there was once love.

"I see," was all that Alva said, nodding with his gaze on the edge of the hospital cot. The strip club was a terrible place for a love confession.

Rae wasn't saying anything new to him that he didn't already suspect; he was confirming Alva's ideas, that was all. The facts were laid out plainly before him but he could still tell that it hurt. The wounds were raw, the way they were when they broke apart.

But when they parted, there wasn't hate. It was impossible for Alva to hate Rae, not when he once loved him. Alva didn't know how to reconcile the two and judging by the emotion in Rae's voice and the brief glimpse of his expression that Alva saw, he didn't either. Didn't know how he could feel strongly for someone and not have those feelings reciprocated. Didn't know why Josh was the way he was, how he could remain stoic and unmoved in the face of Rae's honesty.

And Rae spoke in present tense. Love. Not loved, but love. He was still in love with Josh.

Alva sighed and pulled his hands into his lap. It was a lot to take in and to try and wrap his mind around. If Rae still loved Josh, where did that leave him and Rae? What was Rae hoping to gain by knowing if Alva loved Susumu? If he wanted to be together again...

Alva couldn't see them as lovers now. Not at the moment, when Rae's heart was with someone else and when Alva's was uncertain and shaky and adrift. He took in a deep, long breath. Let it out.

"I don't know... I wanted to love someone else, anyone else, after we broke up. I wanted someone to fill the void that you left. We were together for so long that I'd... forgotten what it was like to not have anyone. Susu was... there. He was--is--kind and patient and sweet." Alva shrugged listlessly.

"I really just... was scared that I'd never be able to feel love again."

When Rae left, he took all the colors in Alva's world with him.

"If Josh had said that he loved you, would you..."

Would they be here now?

"...have moved on? With him?"

[Reagan Ryang]

Kind. Patient. Sweet. Everything that Rae was not. Funny, that they should choose new partners in people who were nothing at all like each other. Rae thought they must have done it on purpose. Well, on purpose without really meaning to. Rae could never fill that void Alva talked about with anybody but Alva. But there was space there, still, for somebody else. Not just because he was lonely but because time moved forward and Rae was so angry, angry all the time. Not that Josh helped, to be honest. He just directed that anger wherever he wanted to amuse himself and left Rae feeling even angrier, more frustrated because he was looking for something he wasn't going to find in Josh.

It didn't mean he didn't love him, though. It was weird kind of love but it was there. Passionate, violent, like nothing he'd had with anybody else. Josh just got the nature of the beast, of being feral. He brought it out further, made Rae wild. But he enjoyed it for a while. It was freeing, to just be what his nature wanted him to be. And Josh did understand him in ways Alva couldn't. But... Alva understood things Josh didn't even seem bothered to be aware of.

Rae nodded, a small sound rising up in the back of his throat. The feeling of not being able to love again, he could identify with that. Even the thought left a hollow spot in his heart. For a while, he didn't know how to live without Alva in his life. He wanted him back so desperately but his pride held him back. No begging, no pleading. He didn't even fucking apologize for what he did to Alva... until now. Which should have been too late. But it didn't feel that way.

There had been a trickle of hope. Dashed now, but it was there. Maybe it could come back someday. Maybe they weren't trapped the way Rae felt they were now.

With some effort, Rae unfolded his legs and swung them over the side of the hospital bed. He watched Alva, who looked so tiny in his misery, a little ball of hurt. It was true, what Alva said earlier. They were all hurting. Alva, too.

"I don't know."

The words felt so stark in the room, plaintive. Really, he didn't know. Josh? Saying those words? Yeah right. And even if he did say them, he would only say them to to with him or to get Rae into some corner he wanted him in. Rae was realizing a lot of things he would much rather have stayed blind to. Even if it was good for him to know, he didn't know if the hurt of it was worth all that.

"But even if I did... do you really think it would last very long? Before this happened?" He indicated his face, his arm. "Josh... he's been pushing me to the edge from the start. He thinks he's funny." Rae scuffed the floor with his bare heel, like a contrite child. "But I'd be dead if it weren't for you."

He looked up, put out his hand. "I need you. Even if we're not... together. And I was just hoping that, maybe, you might need me too. Even if we're not together."

[Alva Ren]

Who do you love more? Alva wanted childishly to ask Rae, but didn't. It wasn't really a matter of loving more, was it? It was... loving differently. Loving two people for different reasons because Alva and Josh were worlds apart. There were no words for just how different they were and Alva, personally, was surprised that they somehow managed to co-exist inside of Rae's heart for that long. Surely one had to win out over the other; either Alva's peaceful, loving approach would change Rae or Josh's violent, hateful ways would.

He felt disappointingly at several low moments in their relationship that he wasn't winning that fight. That whatever Rae saw in Josh was more of a moving force than the stability that Alva brought to his life. Rae loved Alva... but his heart was tugged in a different direction, too. It took five years for that to manifest itself into this giant mess—and Alva didn't mean the way that Rae looked right now, either. So who really won? Who was counting the falls?

Rae could be sweet, though. He could be kind sometimes, when the occasion called for it. He was the last person one connected with the idea of patience but Alva had enough of that for the two of them. Rae needed someone in his life to anchor him and so did Susumu. The point was, Rae wasn't Susumu's polar opposite so maybe Alva, while searching for someone to fill the void that Rae left behind, unconsciously sought out someone just like him. Someone who needed help. Someone who needed an 'Alva' in their life.

Alva did see something in Susumu, though. He saw a chance for them to work, even if his feelings right now were shallower compared to the feelings that developed with Rae. But he thought that he owed Susumu a chance, which was why he made no promises now for the future. He owed himself a chance to see if things could work out, or if Rae really was the best possible choice for him. Rae was Alva's first—for everything. He had nothing to compare those experiences to but he was beginning to. He was realizing things about himself that he never knew with Rae. Those were valuable lessons, too.

"You don't know?" He questioned, finally looking at Rae. Really looked at him with eyes cleared to the truth. He supposed that such an intense relationship took its toll eventually. Part of him envied Josh for that—for having that kind of connection with Rae but equal parts of him was glad that he wasn't like that. Fires like that burned brightly, intensely, but briefly. It was a whirlwind of emotions, sweeping one high into the air, and then when that wind was taken away, all that remained was a terrible fall.

Alva liked their relationship more. Steady, slow, easy. Low-burning embers, really, to the bonfire that was Rae and Josh's somewhat ill-fated romance. At least he could be assured that his contribution to Rae's life was a positive one. He didn't make Rae hate him the way that Rae seemed to hate Josh now, so that was... some consolation to his troubled soul.

When Rae held out a hand, Alva took it. He mulled over the words—need, together—and then nodded. Even if they weren't together, he could see them being together. As friends, perhaps. Or perhaps they could rebuild; it was far too early to tell. The hope was there at least, and that was all they needed to move on. Together.

"I'll be here. For as long as you need me. And you'll be here, for as long as I need you. I do need you, Rae."

[Reagan Ryang]

Shit... Alva didn't sound that impressed with him for not knowing. But he didn't! What if Josh did say I love you? The thought of him saying it was... laughable. Rae had a hard time even imagining it, let alone hearing it. If Josh admitted it in some other form, though? If Rae knew, without a doubt, that there were feelings for him there...? He probably would have stuck it out for a while longer but what he said to Alva was too true.

Josh would end up burning him out until there was nothing left. That or Rae would go mad with the red taking over. Angry, wild, feral. Josh would love that, he thought. Sometimes Rae thought that was where Josh was pushing him, trying to mold him into something he wanted. Surely there had to be somebody more appropriate for him, then. Rae couldn't be the only one who rose to the challenge of a battle, who did sort of like a little violence in the bedroom, whose blood pumped harder for the excitement of it.

There were things Josh provided that Alva never could. Not that he would ever tell Alva that. But he also wouldn't tell Josh that Alva gave a lot that Josh would never be able to. If he looked at the two of them, Alva seemed more like the type to settle in with, to marry, to have a family with. And Josh was the fling that everybody craved at least once in their lives (so he thought). The kind that allowed for wild abandon.

Rae was still fairly young. Alva was his first love, maybe his only true love. But maybe they needed the separation for a while to learn things about themselves they never would have otherwise. Like this... the hardest lesson Rae had ever learned. It certainly wasn't going to leave him any time soon.

Tentatively, a smile formed on his lips as Alva took his hand. Rae's heart skipped a little beat. They needed each other. They could be there for each other, regardless of the witch, regardless of what happened with Josh or anybody else that came into their lives. Rae's smile grew just a tiny bit more and he gave Alva's hand a meaningful squeeze.

"And we're still going on that hike, even if it's not a date." He let out a rough little laugh, gaze turning around the room in his embarrassment. "I thought it was a date."

[Alva Ren]

That was a relieved smile if ever there was one and Alva should know—he was smiling purely from relief, too. They probably looked like a pair of silly dumb kids holding hands for the first time, just realizing how miraculous relationships could be. Young love was a thing of the past for them but how old were they, really? Their experiences seemed like the end-all, be-all of relationships but there had to be others out there who experienced worse. They couldn't be the only ones who hurt, who loved, who learned.

Alva liked that smile on Rae though. He liked it a lot. He especially liked that it lifted him up, too, and for the first time since they broke up he felt as if he was truly... relieved. Even happy, dare he say it. Happy to have reconnected, happy that things were working out. Rae's change was miraculous, and all from one night of getting beaten so badly that he needed to go to a hospital...

Well, Alva wouldn't condone that as a means to bring about personal improvement any time soon.

He laughed outright at Rae's sheepish confession and leaned in teasingly to look at his embarrassed face. Of course they would go together—it was Alva's idea!

"You did?!" Alva pushed his chair closer so that it was easier to hold hands without Rae having to be perched on the side of the bed. He was hurt, he needed to rest! "I didn't mean it as a date," he began slowly, leaning against the bed a little himself, "but... it might be. Some day. When we're ready... I mean, if we're ever ready to try again... that sounds like a fun date. That or a cooking show marathon! Don't forget, you offered! You offered!"

[Reagan Ryang]

Hah! Alva laughed! Not... that Rae wanted him to laugh about that but... hey! He was laughing and that was what mattered. Laughing was a far cry from the absolute mess the two of them were earlier. Hells better than Alva begging with him to... forgive him or something because he dared move on without him.

It was okay, though. Rae wasn't okay for a minute but when he put it all into perspective, when he was too exhausted to even properly be mad, it was... surprisingly okay. As long as there was love there. As long as Alva didn't experience the horrendous rollercoaster of shit that Rae did, it was okay. And even if he did, Rae would be there, just like he said. Because... they needed each other.

As he lay back to rest, he smiled to himself. Yeah. It all turned out better than the Rae of last night ever could have imagined. Then, he thought the world might as well end with him. Now he was sleepy and back to that warm, fuzzy feeling of being with somebody that made him more comfortable than anybody else.

"It can still be a friend date," Rae said, knowing it sounded ridiculous. But he didn't want to be cut out of the trail just because it wasn't a date! "And I did say that but I thinnnnk I prefer the hike. Just saying."

[Alva Ren]

Seeing as how Rae had been put through the wringer, Alva relented. "Okay. It'll be a friend date." He finally gave in to the urge to reach over and stroke some of Rae's hair back, brushing his forehead gently just to feel his temperature. A little warm still, but that was to be expected. Some sleep, some medication, some much-needed peace and quiet and relaxation was what Rae needed now.

"Go to sleep," he murmured soothingly as he twined his fingers with Rae's again, to let him know that Alva wasn't going anywhere. No, he was staying right here where Rae needed him. Right by his side. "I'll be here when you wake up."

[Reagan Ryang]

"A friend date it is."

Didn't matter how dumb it sounded. It sounded like heaven to him. And he was dog tired. He hadn't slept at all overnight, just sat in his hollow darkness, waiting to die. After all the fighting and the admissions and... crying... he was beyond exhausted. His eyes burned for sleep and he could barely keep them open. And with the comfort overtaking the stress from earlier, it wasn't hard at all for his eyes to keep sliding closed. He kept opening them, kept looking to see if it was true that Alva was still there. Eventually, the exhaustion overtook him and his eyes stopped fluttering open.

He fell into a deep sleep, the kind born of deep emotional and physical exhaustion. The kind that the brain screamed to shut down, to rest, to repair all the damage and to help him wake up anew. It was a deep and dreamless sleep but... he smiled as he drifted off, still holding onto Alva's hand.

[Alva Ren]

Ryland was right: Alva couldn't stay at the hospital all night! The idea of staying faithfully by Rae's side and watching him sleep was appealing but it wasn't practical. Even if he could stay the night, he had nothing on him--no change of clothes, no toothbrush, nothing to make sleeping in the chair easier on his already tired body. He was more emotionally drained than physically exhausted but he still needed his proper rest, preferably in his own comfortable bed.

And what would Susu say if Alva didn't come home? He would ask why and Alva would be forced to explain everything through the phone. That was not ideal. It was an insult, frankly, to Susu and it was disrespectful to everything that they had built together: their partnership, their friendship, their relationship.

The thought of having to tell Susu everything that happened was a daunting one, though. Alva didn't want to do it but he couldn't lecture Ryland about acting like an adult and then turn around and run like a child! That wasn't right. It wasn't fair to Susu either.

Reluctantly, Alva eased his chair back. Rae was sleeping peacefully now, covered in the hospital blanket that Alva pulled over him after he drifted off. He looked so battered, though. So hurt. Broken. He had gone through so much to make strides in his own personal growth but that came at a large cost. Alva didn't know how he would recover from this ordeal; he worried about this new Rae as much as he worried about the old Rae.

But! He couldn't stay in here and worry, he needed to take those worries home with him and worry there. Besides, Alva would be back. Rae probably wouldn't wake up any time soon, just like Ryland said. He also did sleep pretty heavily, more so in his battered state, so Alva felt a little better leaving him there. He wrote a long note explaining his absence, telling Rae not to try and break out of the hospital. Alva would be back in the morning, bright and early--he made sure to underline that part, so Rae knew in no uncertain terms that he hadn't been abandoned. Alva just needed to get some things from home, grab a couple of hours' sleep and then he'd return!

As quietly as he could, he rolled his chair out of the room. He kept looking back over his shoulder, as if Rae would wake up suddenly, but he didn't. Alva still kept checking though--just in case--until he was out the door and even then he hovered, anxiously scanning the bed for signs of movement. Nothing. Good.

Alva closed the door quietly and turned his chair around, knowing that there was an elevator at the end of the hallway. But he let out a gasp of surprise and jerked back when he saw--

"Josh?"

There was a row of chairs opposite the door, reserved for visitors. Josh was sitting in one of them, one leg crossed over the other and staring at the door. He stared at Alva with those piercing dark eyes of his for a long moment and Alva swore he felt the hate.

"What are you do--"

"Is he okay?" Josh cut him off abruptly and sharply, still staring at him. Looking at Alva as if he was worthless, that was Josh's way of somehow claiming superiority but Alva wasn't intimidated. He glared back.

"What do you care? You're just here to make him feel bad about being beaten up, aren't you? You're here to laugh at him. Well you can leave, Rae doesn't need you." Alva sat up straighter in his chair and lifted his chin nobly. "He has me."

For a second, Alva thought that Josh was going to smack him. He saw Josh's hands curling into fists by his side; the venomous glare intensified. Josh's nostrils flared and he opened his mouth to speak, as finally that sneering facade fell away and revealed his true feelings--hatred. Josh's hatred was palpable, almost an entity of its own. It was living, breathing hatred.

"Is that what you think?" Josh drawled, leaning back in his seat--reclining like a king, really. "Is that what he thinks?"

"It's a fact! You were never there for him. You don't even deserve to be with Rae! He hates you! You're nothing to--"

SLAP!

Alva recoiled, the force of Josh's blow turning his head sharply to the right. Shocked, his hand flew up to his stinging cheek as all the blood rose to his face and a buzzing, whining ringing in his ears made his head spin.

"You don't know anything about what we have," Josh hissed, now on his feet, his chest rising and falling visibly in his anger. "You're the one who doesn't belong! A weakling like you? With Rae? Don't make me laugh, you pathetic cripple." He glared contempt and scorn at Alva, who was still reeling from the fact that he had just been assaulted. "Stay out of my way, fox," Josh ground out. "Or I won't be held responsible for what happens to you."

"You--you're crazy." Alva shook his head. He could feel the side of his face growing warmer and warmer and that buzzing ring still wouldn't go away. He trembled, he was so angry, so... so hateful. Alva didn't hate easily but he hated Josh.

He hated Josh!

The sneer was back again, on Josh's face. "Maybe I am. Maybe I am crazy." he laughed, a high, cruel, taunting laugh. "And there's nothing you can do about it."