That bad type

[Alva Ren]

Alva struggled to laugh at Rae's comment but all that came out was a soft exhale. He did smile, briefly, but it faded when Rae pulled away from him to sit fully in his own seat. With some reluctance, Alva tipped back into his wheelchair too, muddled and torn between the disappointment of being walked in on and the relief of the same. He had no right to want anything to happen. It was inappropriate and he knew that the twist in his gut was nothing but guilt.

Silent as Rae studied him, Alva searched his face again, wondering what he was looking for. Did he find the answer in Alva's face? He didn't even know what sort of expression he had on. Neutral, maybe. Tired. But fond, too. His hand crept forward and took Rae's, although this time he wasn't holding Rae in place. He was holding it because he wanted to, because Rae's hand was warm and familiar.

"I'm... glad you're glad I'm here." A weak little joke—ha-ha. His fingertips encountered calloused palms and bruised, split knuckles. They traced the one knuckle that never grew back right after a particularly rowdy night (Alva not in attendance at the time, naturally). Rae's hand was rough; he fought a lot and it showed. It was a wonder that he wasn't dead by now, with how recklessly he threw his body around.

"I wanted to be here." Nobody could make Alva do anything he didn't want to. The moment Ryland contacted him, he knew that he had to be here and he was so glad that he was. The doubt nagging at him when he'd entered the shelter was all but gone. Alva wasn't regretting his decision to come down and see Rae. He tried smiling again to bring up the mood in the room a little bit. Rae looked exhausted still but Alva sensed that he was better. The release of so many emotions was draining but at the same time, it could be freeing too.

"You can count on me, Rae. I'm here for you... You know that, right?"

[Reagan Ryang]

"Yeah," he said roughly. He knew. Deep down, he was pretty sure that he always knew, even when everything else around him and inside him said otherwise. Paranoia ran deep, there was a desperation that set in because of fear--the fear of losing what he had, what he cherished most, what he wanted to keep near. Like a mad dog, he growled and puffed up at any sign of losing that, at any threat that came into his space. Not really treating what he cherished as if he cherished it, but more and more as if it was his and his alone.

"I wish I could say the same."

That Alva could count on him. But when it came down to it, what did Rae ever really accomplish for Alva? All that paranoia and fear translated directly to anger, to irritation. He was snapping at everyone and everything, even the people he went crawling to for help. Alva... did he eventually get all the help that he needed? Rae glanced downward, at Alva's hand, the one that held his, then moved his gaze up a little higher, to his arm. Did the mark still exist? Did it stop? Did it expand? Rae didn't know. He was kicked out by then. He only heard snippets of information here and there.

"I... wanted him to look at me. I wanted him to turn around and see me. Look at me."

He hesitated, his gaze far away, seeing that moment all over again but in harsh, crystal cold reality, with an entire night of lying on the concrete to think about it, to view it over and over and over again, obsessed with getting it right. That was when he realized it. Laying there. Pitying himself. Wanting to die and doing nothing about it. That was when he realized--

"I'm weak, Alva." His gaze moved to meet his, hand tightening, like he thought the confession was enough to make Alva recoil. Because Rae worked pretty hard at being Strong. Cool. Tough. His brothers were effortless at it. His father was the living embodiment of it. But what... was Rae? What was Rae but a sniveling little weakling that blustered up all of his strength in chest puffs and sneers and snotty remarks? What was Rae but an inferior creature, vying for attention in a family that maintained that cool aloofness without ever trying? Rae fought where he should have turned a cool eye. He fought, all the time. Wasn't he so tough? That he could throw a punch, that he could kick somebody to the ground, spit in their face, and laugh. How strong he was. How cool. How tough.

"I've been weak... all along." And he leaned slightly forward as he said it, still half expecting disgust to cross Alva's face. Or that Alva would refute it, because Alva was too nice and he couldn't stand to see people expose the worst in themselves without countering it, without offering some argument for why they were better than they were. Alva just had that in him, that was what drew a wretch like Rae to him. Alva wasn't all tough and macho and Rae got laughed at for it. What a loser. And he got into fights to show he wasn't, to say he made a choice and he was... strangely proud of his choice. Alva turned the wretch's head and somehow kept it. Even the taunting and the shit talk and the words bandied about didn't stop him. Not because he wanted to be rebellious. Because Rae wasn't that. Not really. What he was doing, when he fought, was trying to fit in, to show he was still strong enough to have the friends he had, to keep the name Ryang, to be all those adjectives he thought so highly of. It would have made sense if he stayed with Alva just to rebel but Rae never really did things that made sense.

He stayed because he liked it. He liked being around this different sort of energy. Alva was mischievous. He was playful. He wasn't walking or running but he somehow maintained a kind of strength in him, that radiated from his core. Somebody broke his body forever and he was still resilient from the inside. All he ever saw in anybody were the good things. Rae didn't pretend to understand it, but he liked it. Negativity was all around him. And if it was negative, it was tense. There was always a kind of tension in the air with the wolves, because they were ready for a fight, not to show off, but to defend what was theirs. Their land. Their family.

Alva wasn't tense, though. Everything was just sort of... lighter with him. He made things light. His heart was light, Rae's. When he was with him. At the beginning, anyway. Before he started to feel like the world was closing in around them, like he had something to prove, to defend, to hold onto. Why he felt it was slipping from his hands, he didn't know. He just felt it and he reacted. He was always that way, reactionary. When did Rae ever do something first? He didn't. Everything was a reaction to the world around him.

And last night was no different. He reacted badly to their conversation, because in his head, he saw it going wildly differently. Tried to back out when it didn't. Got himself forced into a corner. Reaction. Reaction. Reaction. All leading up to the stupid strip club, where he kept picturing it over and over in his head. He didn't know, really, if Josh even saw him, if he even knew he was ever there. His phone, fucked up, didn't send shit. For all Josh knew, he never showed. And maybe that was how Josh wanted it. He seemed like he fit in there, in places like the club. Nothing ever seemed to faze him, like a bored prince waiting for something to happen.

"I could have just walked over," he said, gaze back at the scene again, far away, into the previous night. "Kissed him. Told him what to do. What was gonna happen next."

Josh might have looked at him then. That was what a strong individual would have done. Strode in, acting like he owned the place, walked through people like they weren't even there, found his target, and done what he wanted. Strength. A deep and real belief that what he was doing was exactly what he should be doing, that he really believed in it. But Rae was weak and he didn't back up his thoughts with the right actions. Instead, he started an unnecessary fight because he wanted him to turn his head. Look at how cool he was. He could best this asshole in a fight. Look at me.

But Josh wasn't looking at him. He was looking at some stripper. Not even like he wanted him. Just... looking. Passing the time. Until what, Rae didn't know. Maybe until Rae showed up to break up the boredom. Josh was always like that, though. Too cool for anybody else. Rae was always trying to impress him, always failing. When they were friends, it annoyed him. When they were lovers, it infuriated him. He just couldn't seem to make himself matter to Josh but maybe that was just how it was with him. Maybe nobody mattered. It never hurt so much to realize something in his life. Even when he fucked up with Alva, at least he knew that some part of Alva still cared, would probably always care. Rae knew that because Rae was the one who fucked up. But Josh... Josh was somewhere else. Beyond anywhere Rae could actually touch. With him in his life, without him, it never mattered. Josh could just keep going on and Rae was alone in that moment, like he had never been.

"But see, I was weak. I just wanted him to look at me. But not just look at me, like some stripper on some stage, you know, some passing fancy or whatever. He looks through people, Alva. Even me. It's like I could be anyone and it wouldn't matter... you know?" His attention was back on Alva, not the past, not the night before. Alva, who was still here, even when Rae was pitying himself, when he was the lowest, most wretched creature on the planet. Somehow, he never looked at Rae with disdain... disgust... Maybe pity but... Rae kind of made himself a target for that one.

"You mattered... matter... to me. I see you." And you see me. That was a connection. A bond. Even if they weren't lovers, Rae no longer saw those five whole years as time wasted or time he couldn't get back. They saw each other, in all ways, every way. And somehow, Alva was still here. There was nothing pointless in that. There could never be anything pointless in that because Alva touched his life and Rae touched Alva's. He saw that--now. Because he was here. He had no obligations to him but he still came, to make sure he didn't do something stupid and Rae-like. He was still trying, for some reason, to protect Rae from himself. Like Rae tried to do for Alva, too. He failed at it, he saw that too clearly. But... at least he tried.

"Is it gone?" he finally asked, searching his gaze for an answer, even if Alva tried to hide it. "The thing. The magic thing. The curse. Is it gone?"

[Alva Ren]

They never did see things the same way, Rae and Alva. For Alva, the glass was half-full. When the sun rose, it wasn't annoying as the rays seeped in through the slats of the blinds, forcing them out of their dreams; it was the start of a new day, the turning of a new leaf, a chance to do something good, something right. He saw the world in colors, bright and joyous and uplifting, the glory of every shade of the rainbow. He found those silver linings in the darkest storm clouds.

It didn't come easy, though. He had to work hard at his positive attitude, to bring light to the darkness. So much of Alva's life had gone wrong even before he turned ten years old. Loss and grief marked every waking moment of his reality, stamped into his very soul. Some days it was harder than others to keep that smile on his face, to keep those positive words at the forefront of his thoughts. Some days Alva didn't know if the world was really as bright as he made it out to be, or if he was merely perpetuating some kind of delusional lie to himself to prop up his own belief that things would be okay if he just waited long enough, trusting that karma or whatever balancing forces existed in the universe would bring about the good to temper the bad.

Who was he otherwise? Who would he be, what would he believe in, if he didn't believe in hope?

But Rae, he was different and... he was also the same. Alva saw a darkness in him that he felt he could speak to, recognizing the pain of wanting so badly to belong. What child wanted to be crippled? What little kid didn't want to be able to run and jump and swim and play with complete abandon? Sidelined in his wheelchair, all Alva could do was watch and wish that he was just like everyone else. That he could effortlessly stand on his own two feet, that his life could be just the same as everyone else's. He wanted acceptance, the acknowledgment of his peers. He wanted to be looked at and recognized as himself, not merely as "the kid in the wheelchair."

Alva saw that almost immediately in Rae. The kind of pain that kept him angry, growling, barely restrained, a wolf in a civilized man's body clawing to get out and to let the world know that he was here. Look at me. See me. Accept me. Their lives ran along divergent paths but met there, at the intersection of their insecurities. Maybe that was why Alva felt so strongly for him. Maybe he saw his own pain in Rae and that brought them closer together, made it easier for Alva to find all of the good in Rae when others saw only the bad—same way that Rae seemed to find all of the ways that Alva was abled, when others only noticed his disabilities.

He let Rae speak uninterrupted, taking in his words, his tone, the obvious pain in every line of his face. At first Alva didn't know who 'he' was but that was made clear soon enough. Josh. He ought to have known that it would be Josh. Rae wasn't much for the strip clubs, or even clubbing in general. Rae was more in touch with nature; he liked swinging off of tree branches, diving into lakes, running barefoot through the woods just to feel the pine needles underneath his heels. He was invigorated by the scent of loam, of the rain, basked in sunshine that soaked right down to the bone. Artificial lights and synthetic surroundings weren't to his tastes.

They were to Josh's. Even from their always-tense, brief interactions, Alva had a good grasp of Josh's character. He was careful not to voice them often, careful not to step on toes, but he knew what Josh was. Selfish. Self-centered. The type of person who felt shallowly, whose being was consumed by an overwhelming sense of self. He was narcissistic, cruel and sadistic. His joy came not from within but from the pain that he could inflict on others, only to turn with an easy crooked smile to say that it was all a game. He didn't understand feelings because he couldn't feel organically and strongly the way that others were capable of.

But he was handsome. Beguiling. Strong. There was strength in madness, too. Strength in confidence. Strength in the belief of his own superiority that made others doubt their own, and therefore become easier to manipulate.

Alva wasn't disgusted or offended by Rae's confession. He didn't pull away. He didn't even move, really; even his hand stilled, covering Rae's, holding it securely but not tightly. He was there, he listened, mulled over the heartfelt words, digested them and took them in. Everything that happened, happened the way he thought it would. The way he knew it would when Rae came to his house and tried to lie his way through the evening, hoping that Alva wouldn't smell Josh on him or know that he had been with another man. Alva saw his heartbreak then and he wished that he didn't have to sit here now to witness it in person.

He wished that Josh knew how to love, that he could have learned to love Rae the way that Rae loved him. He wished that Josh could have found it in him to care just a little for anyone other than himself. But that wasn't Josh. He didn't see people. He saw things. Toys. Not hearts that beat, minds filled with hopes and dreams, but good times and bodies to warm his bed for a night. It wouldn't have mattered if Rae started a fight or if he walked up and demanded to be noticed. Josh didn't notice anyone but his own reflection.

Alva didn't say anything. Rae already knew. He cried because he knew. His eyes were filled with sadness because he realized what he was to Josh, what he had lost. There was no need for Alva to repeat the obvious or to try and hammer home the point. He simply kept his hand in Rae's, sat with him, let him pour out his thoughts to crystallize them into fact. At least it wasn't too late. Rae was different now; he had matured, at least enough to put aside the rage that so often blinded him to the truth. Alva took heart in that. Rae was changing for the better, and that was a good thing even if the road taken was bumpy and filled with pitfalls.

"...it's all better now." Alva smiled, though his heart was filled with a sadness and a heaviness like never before. Sometimes, the cruelest lies had to be told in kindness.

"The mark is gone. Everything's okay. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

[Reagan Ryang]

It felt good to get it all off his chest for once. He didn't even know he was holding onto so much until last night. Rae wasn't exactly known for being smart and he didn't often take time to reflect on himself. There wasn't really so much of a "why" switch in his brain as there was that knee-jerk reaction to anger. Who knew that it took some shitty night at a club to finally break him of the habit? Part of him wished he could have fixed himself a long time ago. That he could have admitted to all this shit back when it still mattered, when Alva was still his... or, to put it better, beside him. Part of him.

No, no. He was still part of him. It was just... different now. Still, he couldn't help thinking that he really fucked it up big time. But Alva was still there, whether Rae deserved it or not. He wished... he wished he could have been there for Alva in the same way. Alva went through a lot, too. He knew that, now. But before, Rae was nursing his own hurts and couldn't see past all the red in his eyes. Now it seemed too clear, so clear that it hurt even more knowing that he was so blind to it before.

For a tense moment, he waited for Alva's response, afraid to hear it but knowing that he had to. He half expected Alva to show him that it was still there, without words. But he didn't. He said it was fixed. Rae let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, relief flooding every vein. Maybe, then, it was all worth it in the end. Rae wasn't the right fix but somebody else was. It hurt to know that--there was a slight jab in the heart at that knowledge--but at least somebody out there did right by Alva. For the first time since Alva arrived, Rae smiled.

"That's good!" He didn't know what else to say, so he repeated it, not fully understanding why Alva's smile didn't quite seem to reach his eyes. He assumed it had more to do with Rae's sadness rubbing off on him than any kind of secret. Alva wouldn't lie straight to his face. He wasn't Rae. (Thank the fucking gods for that.)

"But I'm still going to worry. Dumb ass." That last part just sorta... He was almost sheepish as he added, "Bad habit. But I guess that's the real curse, right?"

[Alva Ren]

Dumb ass. Alva cracked a smile and then a little laugh at that. Leave it to Rae to say something beautiful and then punctuate it with a curse. And Alva wouldn't have him any other way, not for all the money in the world.

"I'd be mad if you didn't worry at least a little bit," he teased, as some of the leaden weight eased off of his chest—and some of that mischievous, humorous fox-like nature returned. It was easier to smile when Rae smiled. Easier to swallow his own troubles at the sight of Rae unburdening himself of so much pain that had been bottled up and held inside. Without Alva, he probably didn't have anyone to talk to. Not really talk, not to bare his feelings and let himself be emotional and raw and in need.

Aldon was a sympathetic ear but he lacked the words to soothe. He meant well, everyone knew that, but sometimes he said the wrong thing or inadvertently blurted out something hurtful. Josh? Alva didn't even have to think about why Josh wasn't a good person to confess to. It used to be Alva that Rae came to, laying together somewhere—bed, couch, at the shores of pebble lake, on top of that flat rock on Lookout Point—with their hands together, words flowing freely without fear of judgement. Somehow they bared themselves to each other and then let the channels of open communication close. After that, all hell broke loose.

At least they were getting back to some kind of normalcy now. Alva squeezed Rae's hand. There was no curse, not as far as he was concerned. "Everything happens for a reason," he said slowly, believing it to be true. Really, truly believing it. Even bad things brought with them a measure of good.

"I should check on that taxi... Aldon said you could stay at his place for a bit after you get out of the hospital." They still had to get Rae to a doctor, to see to the broken arm and other various injuries. Alva looked him over with a worried but practiced eye. "I... didn't tell your parents or brothers about this. I hope that's okay."

[Reagan Ryang]

He laughed, too. It felt good just to get it all off, the weight that had been compounding on his shoulders and chest for... who knew how long now. It was nice, too, to see Alva smiling and laughing. It lightened his heart that little bit more to know that everything was okay, that it would be okay. Maybe he felt stupid for feeling so low before but also maybe Alva had a point. Everything happened for a reason. Rae never believed that before but he could see it now, why Alva might believe it. Why it might be true.

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe so."

If the shitty shit didn't happen, then Rae would still be fighting, right? And he certainly didn't feel like fighting now. He was too exhausted in every form but he felt as if something had turned on a light bulb in his head. Like the anger wasn't blocking out every single other thing in his life anymore. He wasn't so blind anymore, hitting at every target that so much as looked at him wrong. Only time would tell if that would stick but deep inside, Rae felt fundamentally changed.

Rae made a face. "I'm glad you didn't tell them. They have enough shit to deal with right now." They didn't need a mopey Rae on top of it all. And fuck, if it weren't for whomever stopped the fight and arrested them all, it could have been even worse. Not death but the whole... wolf thing. He wondered now how much information got out about that fight. What they blamed it on in the local news, what the patrons at the club saw.

Eh. It didn't matter to him. Somebody fixed it, that was what mattered.

"And don't look at me like that. I've been in worse fights, right? But I think that fucking lynx dislocated my arm. It doesn't even wanna move."

[Alva Ren]

"I hope it's just dislocated and not broken..." Alva leaned forward again to inspect Rae's right arm, though he didn't touch it. No blood there; the arm was only limply hanging by Rae's side, in his too-small sweater. Hopefully a doctor could set him right, whether it was dislocated or broken. If it was broken, it looked like a clean break which would heal quickly—more so because of Rae's feral condition. Wolves like him just seemed to be so much... hardier, for lack of a better word.

"Hey... hey it's okay. I'm on your side. I'm... one of you."

Cautiously, Alva eased the chair forward. It slid over a dry branch and caused it to crack alarmingly, sending one or two birds from nearby treetops into the air in fright. Alva stopped, head on a swivel as he listened for footsteps or voices. Nothing. Yet.

The large wolf caught in the trap was snarling, growling, snapping at anything that came close to its mouth. Alva was half-afraid to get close to it but he sensed that this was another shifter and if he didn't get it out soon, the hunters might return. It was purely by chance that he even came out here in the first place, having heard that there was a warren of rabbits in need of help relocating to a safer area.

Instead of rabbits, he found a gray-black wolf, larger than any other wolf Alva had ever seen. Nervously he started forward again, not making sudden movements in order to seem unthreatening. "I'm here to help. It's okay. I promise... everything's going to be okay, but you have to work with me. The hunters might come back soon, so please. Let me help you."

"Do you need me to do anything? Get you some clothes or... anything?" Rae probably wanted his phone, wherever that was. Not on him, not if he came here as a wolf. Alva fussed a little bit around him, smoothing down the lumpy, bunched-up sweater to sit better on him so that it wouldn't be as uncomfortable. Didn't look like Rae dressed with any degree of care earlier—understandable given the circumstances.

"And... what about... him?" He avoided looking at Rae momentarily while still fussing with his sweater.

[Reagan Ryang]

"Heh, yeah." Rae knew it was broken, though. The crack he heard audibly during the brawl told him that much. But he didn't need to freak Alva out. The doctors would know what to do with him when they saw him. And it was true; as a wolf, he healed rather quickly. So he wasn't too worried. Whatever damage had been done could still be fixed. It wasn't too late.

"Ye--no." Rae recalled that all of his clothing was with Josh and the last thing he wanted to do was send Alva into his snapping claws. Josh had never been a fan of Alva from day one. Didn't matter that without him, Rae probably would have been dead or tortured by hunters. He looked down at his hand-me-down clothes--shit he never normally would have been caught dead in.

"If you have a bigger sweater though..." This one was uncomfortable, too tight and probably not doing his arm any favors. Rae shifted in his seat slightly, trying to make himself more comfortable, then froze as Alva brought up him. Him. Rae's breath caught in his throat and although he tried valiantly to appear as if the question had no effect on him, he knew it crossed his expression. Rae watched Alva fuss with his sweater, the question still hanging in the air, Alva not looking at him, Rae's heart skipping a sickening beat.

Who? he wanted to ask but he was stupid... not that stupid. He knew who Alva meant. Who else could he mean? But what was he asking about him for? What about him? Was Alva asking if he should notify him? Let him know what was happening? Rae shrugged with his good side.

"What about him?" he asked in a tight tone. "I don't... He doesn't need to know."

[Alva Ren]

Asking about Josh made things awkward but not asking about him didn't feel right because... they were together. Rae and Josh, in some sense of the word, had a relationship together. If this were Susumu, Alva would want to know. He supposed that Josh was a different beast altogether but even so, he deserved to know what happened to Rae, that Rae was hurt and needed someone to be with him when Alva was gone.

Because Alva wasn't with Rae now. He couldn't hover by his side constantly, helping him with his clothes, worrying about his health, if he ate properly, that he was getting enough rest and not straining his arm too much. It wasn't his place; he might do all of those things from a distance but things were different now. His place was with Susumu, and helping him with the whole big ball of mess that involved things Alva would rather Rae not know about.

He saw how much it affected Rae, though. It was written on his face, in the sudden tightening of his jaw and the tension in his voice. Alva stopped messing with the sweater but his hand remained, lightly touching Rae's side. There was so much that he wanted to say and so much that he couldn't say. Now wasn't the time. Their relationship was still fragile and they were both still too broken to have that conversation. Rae looked like he could drop at any second; did he need added emotional trauma?

"Okay." He pulled back and away, completely this time. "I'll go with you to the hospital and check you in, and bring you some clothes... Then I... I guess I'll leave you with Aldon. He'll look after you. And you still have my number, so... if you need me..."

[Reagan Ryang]

Even if Alva tried to talk to Josh, it would probably end with Alva getting hurt (physically or emotional, either way, Rae still felt a sense of protection regarding Alva). There was no point, anyway. If Josh wanted to know what happened, he would have figured it out by now. Or maybe not. Rae hadn't seen him after the brawl started, didn't even know if Josh was aware that he had been at the club at all. Probably not. He was too absorbed in his stripper. It stung, thinking that while Rae was desperately attempting to get his attention, Josh blissfully fucked off with some stripper, unaware and probably not giving much of a fuck.

He wondered why he thought Josh somehow thought of him as any differently than anybody else in his life. Rae had seen the people that Josh tore through, as friends he saw things he didn't like but it was just in Josh's nature. Never in a thousand years did Rae think he'd end up in the same position. He could be dumb but even he wasn't that dumb... or so he thought.

"Yeah... okay." Somehow, he felt disappointed as Alva moved away and started talking business. Plans. Aldon. Leave him with Aldon and... then wash his hands of him. You know that's not what he means. He wondered if Josh was the reason Alva was pulling away now. Would it have made Alva feel any better if Rae begged him to call up Josh and tell him everything? No, that was absurd. The subject of Josh was still a sore one, for both of them right now and Rae didn't think he could handle thinking any more about Josh.

Truth be told, he was afraid of what would happen if somebody did reach out to Josh and Josh didn't answer. Just... ignored him. Rae already felt more fragile than he had ever felt in a lifetime. He didn't think he could handle Josh's outright refusal to see him, to ignore him, or even to have him show up, only to sneer at him. Inside, a cold little hole formed in the pit of his stomach. No, he would rather leave Josh out of this. It was... just nothing but a mess. A mistake to let him in.

"...thank you," he said. He sensed that he was losing Alva now and he didn't know how to get him back. Alva was all business now. Maybe he was remembering his own... boyfriend(?) since Josh had been brought up. Maybe his boyfriend wouldn't like this; Alva being with Rae right now.

"But you know you can call me, too, right? I... wouldn't mind hearing from you."

[Alva Ren]

Well... Alva wouldn't have called Josh personally. He was no masochist. Josh was Trouble with a capital T to anyone who came into contact with him and after the bloody battle between Susumu and Josh, it was to everyone's best interests to stay far, far, far away from one another. If none of them ever crossed paths again, it would be too soon!

Alva smiled despite the awkwardness that being thanked by Rae made him feel. He was so formal now, while Alva was all business, focusing on what he had come here to do—get Rae to go to a hospital and get him patched up. It was less of a fight than he'd anticipated... but much more emotional than he bargained for. Alva didn't come to cry but he also thought that Rae would want nothing to do with him. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Small victories... small victories.

"Of course. I'm going to be calling you every hour to make sure you're not out brawling!" He joked but already knew that his hand would be on his phone every hour, bringing up Rae's contact information... even if he didn't press dial. Alva even looked at his phone now, as though he might have deleted Rae's number somehow and needed to have it locked in. Not that he didn't already have the number memorized...

"Um. When you're all better, let's. Do something together. ...if you want to, I mean."

Alva missed their friendship, too. He missed having Rae to talk to because Rae brought in a new perspective. Rae was funny; he had a wicked sense of humor that Alva liked. They used to hike along the easier trails around town, go to the park and mess around, go down to the lake and skip pebbles. They used to spend so much time together that when Rae suddenly disappeared, he left a huge, gaping hole in Alva's life.

(Omg so awkward lmaooo)

[Reagan Ryang]

"Heh... I'm gonna hold you to--"

Rae went to rummage in his pockets for his phone, but found that he couldn't find it. Right. Wrong pants. These weren't his and he'd shifted... But before that... Rae went pale for a moment, recalling the heated moment in which he'd thrown his phone in anger and ended up fucking it up. And then he'd just tossed it away... Rae made a face and turned away from Alva. Yeah, he was embarrassed but he had confessed to far worse than fucking up his phone over a conversation not going his way.

"Ah, about that..."

He trailed off, realizing that while he was mini-panicking, Alva had said something. Oh. Oh, he said he wanted to do something when he was better. Rae blinked, a little surprised. Okay, he was shocked, actually. Was Alva... asking him out? Maybe he wasn't with the witch anymore. Did he want to give it another go? Hope sprung up in his chest and he smiled bigger than he had any right to.

Slipping his hand over Alva's, he spoke without even trying to rein in the eagerness in his tone, "O-of course! Anything. Anything you want. I'll even watch all the food shows you want."

[Alva Ren]

Alva was startled at the way that Rae reacted to his invitation but it didn't quite hit him how the words sounded. In his mind, he was asking Rae to do things together as friends. He thought maybe it wasn't too late to repair their fractured bond, and perhaps if they took it slow this time, they could forge an even stronger connection than before. Whatever happened after that... well, he would deal with it then.

Thinking that Rae was simply happy to reconnect, Alva turned his hand and held on to Rae's. For a long moment, he sat there and looked at Rae's spreading smile and his own lips curved in response. It was nice. To be together and not fight, not constantly have to wonder if he could trust Rae, if Rae was hiding something. It was a relief to have the Rae that he knew and loved back, even in this diminished capacity.

It was nice to know that Rae could still smile after everything that had happened.

"I... wouldn't do that to you," He laughed softly, recalling Rae's numerous... voluble... emphatic objections to all the shows that Alva liked. Rae thought that food was for eating, not watching. Alva thought that he could cook and wanted to learn how to cook better, except that his dishes didn't turn out the way they did on television. ...maybe that was why Rae kept telling him to watch something else—anything else.

"They opened up a new trail near Pebble Lake. I wondered if you wanted to check it out with me." Susumu wouldn't mind if they went as friends, would he? Alva had to take a pause there, imagining Susumu's response to that if he told him. Well, Alva wasn't anyone's trophy or pet—he could go explore a new trail if nothing untoward happened. Surely Susumu would understand how important it was for Alva to reconnect with Rae. Innocently. As friends. Rae helped to shape Alva into the person that he was today and Alva wanted him in his life, for better or for worse. He was sure that he could get Susumu to see things his way if he took the time to explain everything clearly.

[Reagan Ryang]

It was like the old days. Holding hands. Smiling. Rae felt young again, like he did when the butterflies exploded during their first kiss, when things were light and gold, when they joked about stupid things and reached for one another any chance they got. There was something to be said about loving somebody. Being loved. They were the best feelings in the world. And now Rae could not stop smiling--that empty grey area filling up with something like hope and wonder and yes, even happiness--despite everything else that led to the moment.

"So you say," he said, "but you have!" Although now he recalled the food shows in a different light. Something that Alva liked couldn't be so bad, even if Rae did still think that food was for eating. (And Rae maybe didn't appreciate that Alva tried some of those dishes to wildly different results than the ones on TV!)

Content enough to wait for the taxi now with Alva's hand in his, Rae relaxed and even yawned. He had a feeling when he got to the doctor's, he was going to end up sleeping through most of their procedures.

"There's a new trail?" he asked wistfully. He hadn't really been on the trails after the whole thing with Alva imploded in his face. But he liked the idea; the outdoors had always been something they both enjoyed. Hiking around, eating picnics midway through, warming their bodies in the sun, surrounded by trees and the trickle of streams, the chirps of birds. The crunch of pine needles, the scent of the earth... Rae could close his eyes and just be there.

"As soon as I'm out, let's go," he declared, then leaned forward as if he thought Alva would tell him no. "The doctor will say otherwise but shit, you know nothing is more healing than being out there! And it's just a broken arm. They'll stick it in a sling and I'll be good to go!"

[Alva Ren]

Hey, this wasn't a court to try Alva for crimes against the culinary world! He liked cooking shows and it wasn't a crime! (Yet...) Shaking his head in denial—he'd never tied Rae down and taped his eyes open for a ten-hour Spring Baking Championship marathon, had he?!—he remained committed to his passion for cooking shows. And in order to improve, he had to watch the masters. Even the kids who went on some of those shows to flex their culinary muscles. (But maybe that said something about Alva's skill level too......)

"Yup! New trail. Everybody says it's easy to walk on, too, so I think I'll be able to keep up." Wheelchairs didn't do so well on rough, bumpy trails and Rae was naturally quite athletic, so the easier walking ones didn't offer much stimulation. But they compromised, as they did in so many other areas of life. They accommodated Alva's disability and the upside was that if Rae wanted to streak through the woods as a wild wolf, well... Alva could hold his clothes!

Being surrounded by nature was a way to bring together the two warring identities of human and fox for Alva. It melded the human with the animal. It healed the fracture between them, putting one in touch with the other. Not being feral himself, Alva didn't know what it was like to be ferocious and to lose control of his human emotions but sometimes that fox consciousness did demand the lion's share of the decision-making.

But. He did open his mouth to say no, when Rae seemed to already read his mind. Wasn't it funny how they could still do that, even after all that fighting? Alva shook his head again and put out a hand, placing it over Rae's mouth to stop him from talking. "No," he said anyway, even if Rae expected it. "We're going after you get well. I don't mean the arm, but you can't go with all those horrible injuries. No arguing." No way Rae was going out there to hurt himself again! Alva was adamant about that!

"We'll definitely go together, though. I promise. So you'd better focus real hard on getting better, so we can get out there faster, okay?" Alva's phone buzzed and he glanced down to see that the taxi was nearly there. Good. The sooner Rae got to a doctor, the better—and the faster they could get him all patched up and on the road to true recovery again.