It's not that simple

[Gil Namgi]

"Yes."

Wasn't it obvious? If they did plan to eat together here then they would need clean dishes to eat from. Or they could go out. Namgi was a homebody, though, although he did go out from time to time in order to find somebody to go home with. Or take home. And Marcus found out--didn't like it. Namgi mocked him for his antiquated views but really, he understood them, to an extent. As a child, Namgi had no choice. If he did, would he feel the same way Marcus did. Ah, the luxury of choice.

And surprisingly, it was Namgi that Marcus chose, even after all that had happened and everything he had learned. How did he not hate him by now? How was he not thoroughly disgusted?

"I wouldn't say I'm a neat freak. It's not some... compulsion. I just like to keep things tidy. Would that drive you crazy... Marcus? If we lived together?"

[Marcus Knight]

Marc had paper plates in one of the cupboards, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to get judged for living like a frat boy--even though he lived like a frat boy. His array of cups and plates and bowls were all mismatched; he didn't pay attention when he bought things. As long as they served their purpose, that was good enough for him!

He grabbed a chipped blue mug--his favorite mug, as a matter of fact--and dried it carefully. While he did so, he thought hard about whether living with a neat freak--sorry, somebody who liked to tidy up--would make him want to climb up a wall. Not really. He'd lived with neat freaks--tidy uppers--before. His best friend was one of those types, actually, and they got along fine. Usually Marc didn't set out to turn the place into a pigsty. It happened when he was busy with work or when he was preoccupied with other areas of life.

"It wouldn't drive me crazy," he answered at last. "I'd just live in a neat house. Right?" Namgi would be the one living with a messy person, so if anyone minded, it might be him. Marc didn't even mind tidying up a bit once in a while, as long as he didn't need to account for every speck of dust that entered or left the premises.

"...and you can call me Marc." Marcus sounded so formal. He tried to think of how he could shorten Namgi's name but Nam... Gi... Neither of them sounded very good on their own. Nammy? That was too close to Nammer, though, which... yeah. It was pretty much a racial slur and Marc wasn't going there. Namgi it is...

Setting down his dried mug, he reached for a bowl next. Marc darted another look over at Namgi, wondering what he was thinking, why he really came out here. It didn't seem like Namgi was short on people to sleep with, if he just wanted to satisfy that itch. He said that Marc had no idea what it was like because he was a virgin, but... Marc didn't need to. He did know what it was like to want someone so badly that not being with them felt like a chunk of his heart was torn out. Sex was good, it was great, but it had nothing on the feeling of loving someone. Sex satisfied the body but love fed the soul.

Then again, Marc was still young; his views on love might have been naive. Namgi was young too, though. How could he talk like he was already so jaded, when there was only a few years' difference between them?

"I'll only live with you if we can get a dog though." He half-grinned, thinking of the big wooly golden retriever that he used to play with as a kid. Marc nudged Namgi playfully with his elbow. This didn't have to be awkward, did it? Nah. They were just doing chores together, no big deal. (Thank god for being tipsy though.) "Then I won't be the messiest one."

[Gil Namgi]

"What's wrong with Marcus?" he asked with a brow slightly raised. He liked Marcus. Well the name. And the person, once he got past the fact that he had been absolutely driven mad by him as a co-worker. How had he not connected the dots earlier? It seemed as if Marcus had caught on much earlier and it made Namgi feel like a fool. He should have been able to see what Marcus did. What did that say about the two of them?

That we've lived very different lives. Marcus was looking for something deeper, something like love. Namgi wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. Originally, when he and Marcus hit it off, he thought they would just be another hit and run situation. Namgi had grown used to one night excursions. His body was young, his mind was still on the lewd side. He needed--wanted--sex and he enjoyed it, especially in this newfound world where he could do it without threat of being beaten by a tire iron when he left a club.

And Marcus was so young and naive. He had stars in his eyes when he talked about that something special. It was attractive but it was also... Namgi didn't know. Part of him wanted it. Part of him thought they weren't seeing eye to eye just yet on where they stood. Plus, although Namgi felt as if he'd done nothing wrong by sleeping with other men, looking Marcus in the eye was difficult now. It felt like he'd betrayed his trust somehow.

"A dog!" He looked over at Marcus, trying to gauge whether he was joking or not. "It's going to take a lot more convincing for that to happen..."

[Marcus Knight]

"Nothing, it's just... My mom calls me that when I'm in trouble."

Marcus was sorta stuffy, too. It was an adult name for someone who wasn't quite an adult yet. Marc was on the verge of adulthood but there wasn't much of a difference between 19 and 20 years of age, really.

He knew that he was immature in a lot of ways; that was probably why he and Namgi didn't hit it off immediately. Namgi was a little old man. He had a way of speaking like a grandpa and sometimes his views seemed hopelessly old-fashioned compared to Marc's.

And yet, where it came to sex, it was Marc who stuck to old ways and Namgi who seemed open to exploration. Marc lowered his head slightly as he inspected his bowl. He'd been thinking about it a lot--the sleeping with other people business. And he thought that he got it now, as he stood with Namgi side-by-side, in the same room together.

Loving someone through a screen wasn't the same as loving them in person. The feelings that he felt were genuine but they were like an imitation of what he was beginning to feel now. Just standing beside Namgi, hearing his voice, it... did something to his insides. Marc was always attracted to him, no doubt about that, but now knowing that he was also his lover online awakened a new sense of excitement inside.

And, well, maybe Namgi felt that way too--about sleeping with other people. He could touch them. Feel them. See them, hear them, be excited to be with them, even physically. There was no way to replicate all of that through a text message.

Marc lowered the bowl and turned to Namgi. "You said we could get a puppy!" He stepped closer. "You said... we could... if we ever became a couple." Stupidly he latched onto Namgi's sleeve, like a dumb kid in front of his crush who didn't know what to do with his hands and feet. "Does this mean... you don't want to...?"

[Gil Namgi]

Marcus was a perfectly acceptable name in Namgi's eyes. Marcus, Marc. At least he wasn't insisting he be called Marcy. That... was just too awkward and cringey now that he thought more about it. Namgi had always been Namgi, and it was rather an old fashioned name to go with an "old soul" like himself. Maybe over time, he should have changed his name. He was so accustomed to his old name that he wasn't sure he'd even respond to anything else. Maybe. Over time.

Silence seemed to overtake them as they finished up the dishes. There weren't that many, actually. Despite the way Namgi reacted when he entered, the place was merely a bachelor pad, it wasn't a total pigsty. At least, it wasn't as far as dirty dishes went. Switching off the tap, he turned to look at Marcus, who was now pressing against him and looking at him with a beseeching expression on his face.

"I didn't say that. I just meant getting a pet together means we're committed." And was that what they wanted? Both of them? Namgi wouldn't mind; he had time enough to explore this relationship further with Marcus. He just... he just assumed that after the hurt Marcus displayed that he was going to write Namgi off as a disloyal pervert. But he seemed to have no issues with being close to him.

"Do you want to commit to somebody you haven't really kissed yet?" he asked, tone teasing, although their faces were certainly close enough to remedy that problem. "Somebody you haven't been to bed with yet?"

[Marcus Knight]

"...I committed to you when I didn't even know what you looked like."

Kissing Namgi and going to bed with him meant that they were committed to each other for real, though. It meant no more going out to pick up guys at bars and clubs for Namgi. Marc couldn't handle it when they were only online dating, and he certainly now saw where Ry was coming from, with his situation.

And for Marc? It meant putting aside his own hurt and letting those awful wounds (mostly self-inflicted, it must be said) heal. It meant not playing the blame game, as tempting as that was. Their wires had gotten crossed, that was all. No one brought up the topic of sex in definite terms--Marc took it for granted that Namgi would wait for him without confirming that it would be true.

Painfully aware of their closeness, he felt his heart thumping forcefully in his chest. He lifted his gaze to Namgi's, staring at him for long moments as longing crept over him. This could be a big mistake, he was aware of that. His virginity was special to him; was it special to Namgi? Namgi didn't see it the way that Marc saw it, but then again, Namgi had a tragic past. It wasn't his fault that he'd been forced to give it away before he realized the significance of it.

Marc leaned in. He didn't kiss Namgi but he did press their foreheads together, closing his eyes to block out the image of Namgi's face up close. Not because he was ugly--because he was here, at last, in the flesh and larger than life. Because looking at him too long made Marc feel nervous and young and all-too-inexperienced.

"Do you want... would you... sleep with me?"

[Gil Namgi]

This was true. Marcus had committed himself from the start. He didn't let the fact that they were supposedly in a long distance relationship stand in their way the way Namgi did. But then, Namgi had lived a lot longer than starry eyed Marcus. He had learned to build the wall around himself, to keep people from invading when he didn't want them to know anything about him. Rebuffing people was vastly easier than letting them in. Teaching them where his vital points and vulnerabilities were just seemed like a risk he was no longer so willing to take.

He couldn't tell Marcus that, though. Marcus didn't know how old he really was; he just assumed they were around the same age, that they had similar life experiences. Marcus didn't know that Namgi had been around the block several extra times in comparison to Marcus and it made him this way--jaded, unimpressed, a bit lacking in the hope department.

It was easy to forget all that when those starry eyes were on him, staring, searching, looking for... something. Namgi felt like he was doing the same: searching. He wondered if they were seeing the same things or what they saw reflected in one another's eyes. Namgi saw somebody willing to try. Somebody hopeful. Somebody naive, really. Namgi could have chewed him up and spat him out. It was hard to believe just how naive a person could really be but people managed to surprise him everyday.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked, taking Marcus' chin in his hand. "Honestly... I think part of my frustration with you before I knew who you really were..." He laughed. "Well..."

[Marcus Knight]

Damn.

Damn damn damn.

If only Marc hadn't insisted on having that special mind-blowing first meeting with Namgi, they could have gotten together a LONG time ago. And maybe none of that nonsense with the clubs and the other partners would have happened. Namgi might have stuck it out with him and Marc would've had a hell of a better time at work.

It was that naive, young, starry-eyed part of him that wanted their first time to be special, though. In his mind, he would have flown out to meet Namgi; they would've locked eyes from across a crowded... airport? Maybe? But they would've known each other on sight because he believed--he truly did then and he did now--that they were soul mates.

Instead, they locked horns. They clashed horribly at every possible opportunity and in the end, Namgi became the love of his young life and his worst enemy all rolled into one. Marc sighed, ruing his own silly fantasies. But when he looked at Namgi, into his dark eyes, it was hard to remember the bad times. It was difficult to think of him as that arrogant, condescending man from work who snubbed Marc's contributions to the team every chance he got. Marc made a thoughtful noise, chin held in Namgi's hand, eyes on him, enraptured and falling, falling, feeling the excitement and the giddy anticipation.

"Your frustration before..." he started hesitantly, trying to work out what Namgi meant. Namgi wanted to sleep with him. Did he want to sleep with Marc... before? Before he knew Marc was his online boyfriend? All this time, part of the frustration came from wanting him? But that Marc was this Marc! The person he wanted was the one he could have had--without feeling guilty, even!

"Oh." It dawned on him and he didn't know what to say to that. Marc had always thought that Namgi was intensely attractive. He was true to the man he loved online but he could admit that he found Namgi... sexy, actually. He grinned. "Oh my god." It was funny! It was also flattering! It really was and it made him feel like a big giant bubble, floating up, up and away. Before he knew what he was doing, his lips--still smiling--were on Namgi's. His arms were sliding around his waist and his body was pressing in eagerly close.

Damnit. If only he hadn't been such a fool.

[Gil Namgi]

Oh. Oh. Namgi watched the realization dawn on Marcus' face and he half smiled. Yeah. Frustrated, irritated, annoyed with the increasingly bratty kid who had first seemed cute and then started to really get to him. Meanwhile, he had such a close intimate relationship with the guy on the internet. Oh, they could tell one another anything. If only Namgi knew the two were one and the same. He had a feeling Marcus was kicking himself for it, too.

Not right this second, though. No, right this second, he was smiling like the sun shone just for him before leaping forward and throwing himself on Namgi and kissing him.

Well now. This was more like it. This was the kind of old fashioned romantic gesture that Namgi could definitely get behind. His smile grew before he kissed Marcus back, arms winding around him to keep him close. A couple of kisses later and a familiar pounding in the chest and a warmth flushed over his chest and up his neck. He couldn't stop smiling now, despite his usual "grumpy" demeanor. (So-called, thanks.)

"I think we were both... acting foolish," he admitted, his way of apologizing for how his actions had attributed to the misunderstandings between them.

[Marcus Knight]

Acting foolish.

Siiigh.

"I love it when you talk like a little old grandpa," Marc laughed as he nuzzled Namgi cheek to cheek. Being so close to him and not knowing it was unbearable. The thought of letting go of him now was unbearable. The way that Marc's heart pounded at the sound of his voice, at the sight of a smile on that usually frowny grumpy face (so-called by Marc, to his face as well as behind his back)--it was so unbearably charming and endearing.

But he got it. Namgi had regrets for 'acting foolish.' Marc was just downright humiliated at the thought of being so close to Namgi and never knowing it. Then, for assuming that Namgi knew what was up. THEN, for being mad at him for not knowing what the problem was, going on a bender, yelling and kicking things in the woods and... Acting foolish wasn't exactly the right term for it, really.

More like being really, really fucking dumb.

"Sooo..." Marc's lips grazed Namgi's jaw affectionately. He was so different from anyone that Marc had ever known. The maturity was part of his appeal, though. The fact that he wanted to be with someone who was still a long ways from being an adult was a little awe-inspiring and a bit intimidating, truth be told. Marc felt a little out of his depth.

"The booze is in the living room, there's lots of it to go around..."

Grinning, he pulled Namgi into the living room by the hand and sat himself down on the loveseat. Marc always grumbled that it was a little narrow but now, he couldn't even complain. Cozy—it was cozy. And squished in together with Namgi, he felt bubbly and happy and as the booze went down easier and easier, Marc felt bubblier and happier. And sleepier. And sleepier. Marc rested his head against Namgi's shoulder briefly, intending only to rest his eyes—and embarrassingly, fell completely asleep.